100 books like Where I Belong

Legions of regular folks have grown up with parents or caretakers who were emotionally immature or unskilled. These family-of-origin deficits may or may not have met the criteria for outright abuse but caused lasting emotional harm to the kids. I love that this book uses clear language and validates the reality of countless readers.

A guide like this book explains unhelpful familial behavior patterns and explores ways to liberate the reader from automatically repeating dysfunctional history. Book clubs are springing up worldwide about this book. It’s also valuable to me in defining emotionally immature parents not as bad people but as people who lack the insight and skills to provide an emotionally supportive and healthy home.

Changing maladaptive family-of-origin patterns is incredibly hard work, and this gentle guide is a great intro to understanding the past to evolve an emotionally healthier present and future.

I think it’s powerful and rare for a man to share his vulnerabilities so openly: childhood trauma, insecurities, substance abuse, breakdowns, setbacks. He isn’t sentimental or maudlin about it. Thompson writes clearly and matter-of-factly, allowing readers to witness the messy journey to post-traumatic growth.

This memoir is by a psychologist who shares his own history of traumatic abuse and his hospitalization in San Francisco following years of depression and a serious suicide attempt. His path to wellness is a bit extreme- ultramarathons in mountains for literally hundreds of miles- but I completely relate to how our bodies are key to holistic healing.

I love the descriptions of exercise and the outdoors as I also use outdoor time as a mental grounding (but for about 5 miles, not 200!) Spoiler alert: he is now married with children and working as a psychologist while continuing to practice running, meditation, and yoga regularly.… show more.

My biggest problem with old-school PTSD books is that they are uni-dimensional and focus on a single big trauma. However, both as a therapist and just as a human, I understand that trauma is a multi-dimensional experience. There are different sizes and impacts, and it lasts from inter-generational trauma to systemic, ongoing trauma to inter-group and familial, as well as personal and current trauma. I’m on a big reading kick for Complex PTSD resources.

There’s also a dearth of culturally integrated and informed mental health books. Natalie’s book is fantastic because she has the knowledge and experience as a licensed mental health professional and the roots and wisdom of how to use reflection, narratives, and ceremony to de-program shame, imposter phenomenon, and all the baggage that weighs down historically marginalized readers. There’s a damn good reason Natalie has thousands of Instagram followers- she is relatable, bold, wise, and a kind… show more.

The joke (but truth) is that people go to therapy because of the people in their lives who refuse to go to therapy. “It’s Not You” is an ideal guide for people who are emotionally beaten down, self-questioning, and depleted from narcissistic abuse. Dr. Ramani provides knowledge so that one can identify the patterns and tactics of narcissistic abuse. This is super important to heal from self-blame and also to prevent falling for future manipulations.

Like my other recommendations- this book is fabulous because it comes from an expert who can channel research and knowledge into understandable terms and blend in relatable narratives from other people. It’s also a book that makes space for grieving dreams and hopes of even toxic relationships. I especially love the advice on how to work on becoming more “narcissist resistant” so that the next time a charming manipulator shows up, you’ll see the red… show more.

This book reveals a fascinating picture of mothers from China traveling to the US to give birth on American soil.

Factory worker Scarlett is one such mother, and her journey to safety, friendship, motherhood, and love, told with Hua’s impeccable gift for storytelling, is an adventure you will cheer for. 

Dr. Eger is an Auschwitz survivor and therapist who, at 96 years old, is also a social media influencer; she has a great Instagram account!

Her wisdom lies in her honesty; having helped 100s of people with their own issues, she admits she continues to work on herself and her ability to live with grief and trauma. She demonstrates a life-long commitment to not only helping others but also sharing what has helped her to live well alongside her sadness. She lives a happy life, which includes profound trauma from the past.

I love books that are written from the heart but with a professional slant, and this is the ultimate example! 

Jennifer Potter’s The Jamestown Brides: The Story of England’s Maids for Virginia is a fascinating account of 56 young English women who left their homes to join the struggling Jamestown Colony in 1621. Though Jamestown is one of the most well-researched historical settlements in the New World, this book offers important new insights into the first permanent English settlement in the Americas and into daily life for women in 17th-century England.

A twenty year old American woman goes to Paris to paint, meets a French artist, marries, has a child, and together buy a farmhouse and make a summer home and art studios in rural Brittany: that story. A memoir. 

The book was published in 2008, but the story takes place in the early 1960s when rural Brittany was closer to the 19th century than the 21st. I was in Paris in 1967, and it was still possible to rent a hotel room for under five dollars a night, to travel in Europe for ten dollars a day. In 1967, you could not safely drink the water in France, including in Paris, and you had to have proof of a typhus vaccine to return to the U.S. It was still more Henry Miller’s Paris than Macron’s.

This was the time of the last of every day berets, blue… show more.

When one of her family members goes to school to learn English, Luli passes the time in the classroom next door with other children her age. She can’t speak English, and neither can they.

“All around the room, children played alone.” Luli notices that although the kids don’t share the same language, many do speak the language of tea. And that’s when she decides to plan a tea party for her friends. “Hands curled around warm cups. Mouths curved into shy smiles.” The mood shifts. The playroom is no longer quiet. Luli’s teapot is empty, “but her heart was full.”

Beautifully written, with charming illustrations, Luli and the Language of Tea is about community, shared traditions, and the language of small thoughtful acts that bring people together. 

This is one of three historical novels by Alan Brennert set in Hawaii. I like this one best because it is set in 1914, not long before my own novel opens in Honolulu. It portrays a very different side of the city, however. Brennert’s novel features a Korean picture bride who is married off to a poor laborer who mistreats her. She and her fellow picture brides come together to improve their lives, resulting in a unique portrayal of Waikiki before the highrises, of the tenements in Chinatown, and the plantations before powerful unions.