The best books on narcissism

Love is a word that not many of us understand, but Buscaglia explains it so well. When people use the word "love," they express their understanding of love at that moment. There is no universal definition of love. Sometimes teens don’t know if they love themselves because it is not tangible. This book helps them know that they are worthy of that love. Love changed my life when I was in high school. It helped me understand myself and influenced my life purpose: to be kind and in solidarity with people. When I work with teens, they often feel untethered by not having, and not knowing, their purpose. In my book, I teach how important a goal is to feel good about yourself, and setting one is much simpler than you think it is! It helps motivate them to get over their anxiety.

I must start off by saying that I don’t recommend this book to most people. Why put it on a recommendation list, you wonder? Because it was a stunning, hard-to-read, sickening, shocking, brutal, dull, fascinating, darkly humorous, well-written novel that is on most people’s disturbing or DNF (did not finish) lists for a reason. I feel I would be remiss not to have it on this list. I don’t know if I can say I loved a book like this, but Bret Easton Ellis wrote a novel that will always stick to my ribs for its casual violence, its blasts of extreme sexuality, and most of all, Patrick Bateman himself. He will certainly be one of the most memorable serial killers of all time.

How do we decipher mundane truth from sophisticated deception? Who holds the gaze and who is the protagonist if they’re not readily revealed? Vulpius, a popular actor in a dubious era, develops an obsession with an unknown spectator, who he believes comes only to see him. The reader watches his life slowly unravel because Vulpius can never seem to capture the woman watching. Capriolo draws the reader into the insanity and narcissism of obsession, revealing how it can make perfect sense to the afflicted. I loved this book because of the strangeness of the extreme passive voice, probably because it's translated from Italian to English. Also, there is a complete lack of dialogue. I loved Capriolo’s masterful teasing of the reader, revealing just enough to keep you coming back, wondering just what’s going to happen to Vulpius. Will he survive, or will he destroy himself in the end? 

Dr, Malkin’s work has been an inspiration for both books I have written. I use his definition of narcissism, Triple E (lack of empathy, entitlement, exploitation) whenever I explain it to others. He also does a great job of emphasizing that narcissism exists on a spectrum, and why it is good to have moderate narcissism- meaning, it is not dangerous, pathological, and causing harm to others. I think this is a groundbreaking read on narcissism and a must for anyone interested in the topic.

I like to read books that I can relate to and I was a foster child; sexually, spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally abused and as a result was the victim of many narcissists. It was my desire to overcome those patterns that drove me to read books like Delicate Scars and because I feel I have been the person who was delicate and gained scars to become stronger – this is why I chose to read and fell in love with this book.

Ruckley manages to strike a rare balance between high fantasy prose and Grimdark’s dirt-under-the-nails realism, and combines it all with thoughtful character development and an oftentimes sombre tone. On the one hand it’s about a boy’s coming of age journey and the tragedy of loss, and on the other a bitter and ultimately futile conflict of a people riven by the dogma of an emergent religion. There are visceral and superbly paced clashes between these opposing sides, which are both blinded by the all-encompassing madness of a magic user who is rapidly losing control of his own power. The fact that all of the suffering and slaughter in this story could easily be avoided is what makes it hit deepest. If everyone had just been nice to the poor boy, maybe he wouldn’t have turned into a narcissistic half-corpse hell-bent on psychic slavery and death. But hey, then there would… show more.

Robert Putnam and Shaylyn Romney Garrett provide an analysis of the past 125 years of American history that makes a significant contribution to the growing movement to reform American Society. They carefully analyze trends in American life in a way that delineates the tangle of problems we are currently experiencing while at the same time offering hope that we can overcome them. The essence of their analysis is that across a wide variety of societal indicators, the past century and a quarter has involved an upswing in prosocial or communitarian norms and practices, beginning in the progressive era of the early twentieth century. That was followed by a reversal toward less communitarian and more individualistic and self-centered norms and practices.

This fascinating book combines in-depth present-day interviews with historical accounts to illuminate the similarities and differences in how current and previous generations view technology. The juxtaposition generates significant insights. The meaning of vanity, boredom, loneliness, and anger have all changed under the influence of smartphones and social media. Fernandez and Matt reveal how these innovations are not just changing our habits, but the very content of our emotional lives.

There are so many things I loved about Motherland, it’s hard to know where to begin. For starters, Elissa Altman is a brilliant writer and a great storyteller. Her portrayal of her dramatic, narcissistic mother created a flawed, human, larger-than-life character I will never forget. Elissa moves us through time effortlessly, at one moment vividly portraying herself as a child and in the next, seamlessly bringing in the voice of wisdom—her adult voice now—as we watch her struggle to make peace with the past. I deeply resonated with the love and hate, attachment and resentment that ricocheted between this unforgettable mother-daughter pair. I love books that grab me and don’t let me go. Motherland definitely had me hooked all the way from beginning to end. I hated leaving Altman’s world behind. I didn’t want the book to end.

I found this short, emotional story impossible to put down. I read it in one sitting, spent the next few days thinking about it, then read it again. Astrid talks about her childhood, including the events that led to her being taken into foster care, and her fear and confusion when this happened. Astrid talks about her experiences of sibling contact in foster care and after adoption, which I found really interesting. Adoptive parents should read this, to help understand how their children may feel if they have siblings placed elsewhere.

This is one of the first books I ever read on narcissism, and the most eye-opening. This book is written by Sam Vaknin, a recovering narcissist who takes you deep into the mind and motivations of the narcissist. It is comprehensive, in-depth, and helps one understand how destructive and dangerous narcissists can be. It helped me identify and move on from a horrible relationship I was in with a narcissist.

Getting the Love You Want is an insightful and comprehensive guide to understanding and improving relationships. The book is based on Hendrix’s Imago Relationship Therapy, which he developed with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt and has been an invaluable resource for me in understanding the psychology of attraction and the often unconscious forces that shape our relationships. 

In this book, Hendrix provides readers with a step-by-step approach to understanding their own needs and those of their partner. He explains how to identify and address the underlying issues that can cause conflict in relationships, such as unmet childhood needs, power struggles, and communication problems. He also offers practical advice on how to create a safe environment for couples to express their feelings and work through conflicts. I particularly love the conscious partnership manifesto outlined towards the end of the book as it became inspiration for my own marriage vows.

This is one of the most popular books on narcissism and really sheds light on the narcissism epidemic that continues to grow to this day. Twenge and Campbell have a gift of incorporating their important research on narcissism with entertaining and relevant anecdotes. This is a compelling, thought-provoking, and important book for understanding how deep-rooted narcissism has become in society.

The story of a flamingly narcissistic man plotting to betray his wife shouldn’t be funny at all, but Kaira Rouda definitely pulls it off with impressive skill and verve. Husband Paul is so insanely self-centered that I couldn’t stop laughing at the stream of inanities flying around in his egotistical brain as he drives his wife Mia to their lake house for what’s supposed to be the most memorable day of their lives. And is it ever, thanks to Mia’s moxie. You go, girl!

Melissa Febos’ book Body Work provides encouragement to writers who are considering the memoir genre by highlighting the importance of storytelling as central to human experience. 

Memoir writing is like magic; unique in its ability to shine a light on stories of survival, perseverance, and resilience. Febos’ book beautifully portrays the power of memoir as a tool to prompt growth, pulling back façades in ways that are both personally empowering and enriching for readers and writers alike.

“We are telling the stories that no one else can tell, and we are giving this proof of our survival to each other.” (p. 27)

The future Dr. Lawrence sustains two traumatic brain injuries right before starting medical school. After inexplicably not taking any time off to recover, he trundles ahead despite short-term memory loss. What follows is an entertaining and chaotic four years of surmounting formidable obstacles while suffering an imposter syndrome that lingers throughout his training.

I think every medical student aside from the most incurable narcissist feels they are playing doctor much of the time. This memoir is highly relatable.

This magisterial book punctures the grandiosity and narcissism of our times when we succumb to the illusions that image, hype, and empty talk create value, when everyone must claim to be cutting edge and a world leader. Alvesson demonstrates that behind such grandiosity lurks an emptiness of meaning, of value, and of imagination. His powerful critical discussions of modern consumption, higher education, professionalism, and leadership insinuate that our current malaise goes far deeper than the economic crisis in which we find ourselves. This is a book that shows how we can recover meaning in the work we do as social scientists.

If you feel like the world has become more narcissistic and entitled, then this book is for you. It examines the root of narcissism and how we can and should remove toxic narcissists from our lives. If you have ever witnessed egregious, inappropriate, and downright nasty behavior from others, you will get a deeper understanding of it and how to disengage from it in your own life.

This book might be my definition of ‘fact more entertaining than fiction’. It is a relatively light read that was easy to get through, without feeling under-researched in the least. I bought it as an introduction to the life, reign, and personality of Richard II, who incidentally is one of England’s most fascinating kings in my view. Warner’s analysis of his character and relationships was what truly got me flipping the pages, anxious to read more about potential romances and debated narcissism.

Octavia is a self-centered, narcissistic young heiress who thinks she deserves the best of everything. When she meets her friend’s fiancé, Jeremy, she has no compunctions about trying to seduce him. But Jeremy’s best friend, Gareth, has other plans. Brought up in the bad side of town and now a self-made millionaire, he decides to teach Octavia that she can’t play with other people’s lives without suffering the consequences.

This engaging story, full of wit and humor, shows us Octavia’s transformation when she drops from riches to rags, falls in love for the first time in her life, and starts to care about other people than herself. Although the heroine might seem unlikeable at first, the author does a fantastic job in penning her journey, and by the end, most women will identify with Octavia.