Fans pick 100 books like Getting the Love You Want

By Harville Hendrix, Helen Lakelly Hunt,

Here are 100 books that Getting the Love You Want fans have personally recommended if you like Getting the Love You Want. Shepherd is a community of 12,000+ authors and super readers sharing their favorite books with the world.

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Book cover of The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a private practice therapist who has treated adolescents for over 15 years. Since 2016, I’ve helped teens and young adults struggling with gender identity. I discovered, through working with hundreds of families and dozens of adolescents, that many teens develop gender dysphoria only after intellectually questioning their “gender identity.” I found this fascinating and have spent the last 10 years trying to understand this phenomenon. Through my work with parents and adolescents and as a podcast co-host on Gender: A Wider Lens, I’m exploring the following questions: How do individuals make meaning of their distress? What happens when we turn to culturally salient narratives about illness, diagnoses, and treatment pathways? 

Sasha's book list on exploring the fascinating relationship between culture, the individual, and psychological diagnoses

Sasha Ayad Why did Sasha love this book?

It’s hard for me to overstate the importance this book played in my understanding of college-aged American adolescents. I loved the clarity, organization, and simplicity of the writing here. Bringing in time-tested wisdom from philosophers, ancient faith systems, and cross-cultural perspectives gave me the sense that I was reading about principles and values that will endure far beyond our fleeting cultural moments.

I loved the contrast of wise maxims against trendy and misleading slogans that create a more brittle and distressed generation of young adults. I loved the mix of psychological research, historical anecdotes, and individual college students’ stories, all profiled seamlessly in the book. The sections that look back at historical forces that led to the helicopter and then bulldozer parenting were particularly fascinating.

I love that this book takes a compassionate look at the difficulty of Gen Z without being too harsh or alienating the young adults who…

By Greg Lukianoff, Jonathan Haidt,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked The Coddling of the American Mind as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

New York Times Bestseller * Finalist for the 2018 National Book Critics Circle Award in Nonfiction * A New York Times Notable Book * Bloomberg Best Book of 2018

"Their distinctive contribution to the higher-education debate is to meet safetyism on its own, psychological turf . . . Lukianoff and Haidt tell us that safetyism undermines the freedom of inquiry and speech that are indispensable to universities." -Jonathan Marks, Commentary

"The remedies the book outlines should be considered on college campuses, among parents of current and future students, and by anyone longing for a more sane society." -Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

Something…


Book cover of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work

Charisse Cooke Author Of The Attachment Solution: How to develop secure, strong and lasting relationships

From my list on how to create a great relationship.

Why am I passionate about this?

I was fortunate enough to meet my husband over 17 years ago, and we have packed a lot of life in since then. Along with two kids and a dog, we’ve had our fair share of tough moments: financial challenges, bereavement, family issues, marital disagreement, and traumatic life events that taught me just as much as my two decades-long career as a relationship psychotherapist has. This, combined with working with individuals, couples, and partners in search of what love means and how to practically go about achieving it, has clarified for me just how much we all need tools and teachings when it comes to matters of the heart.

Charisse's book list on how to create a great relationship

Charisse Cooke Why did Charisse love this book?

Terrence Real tells it like it is, and his frank and forthright manner is something I truly admire. I got so much from this book because it is practical and motivating. I felt challenged and empowered to be more loving in my relationships, to recognize my own unhelpful behavior, to understand that certain habits can destroy a loving partnership and that great relationships take time to build—and that’s okay.

It's full of bullet points and tools, which I appreciate and can apply more easily, and he also has a strong message for men in his book, something that is lacking in relationship well-being literature generally. 

This is a solid book that will help you in your relationships.

By Terrence Real,

Why should I read it?

4 authors picked The New Rules of Marriage as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

In his extraordinary new book, Terrence Real, distinguished therapist and bestselling author, presents a long overdue message that women need to hear: You aren’t crazy–you’re right!

Women have changed in the last twenty-five years–they have become powerful, independent, self-confident, and happy. Yet many men remain irresponsible and emotionally detached. They don’t know how to respond to frustrated partners who just want their mates to show up and grow up.

Enter the good news: In this revolutionary book, Real shows women how to master the new rules of twenty-first-century marriage by offering them a set of effective tools with which they…


Book cover of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Jennifer Garvey Berger Author Of Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps: How to Thrive in Complexity

From my list on helping you love understand human beings.

Why am I passionate about this?

I love humans. My clients and colleagues tell me that my profound love for humans is my superpower—that I make people feel safe and seen. I also understand that loving humans isn’t effortless. I wasn’t always in the loving-humans camp. While I was doing a doctorate at Harvard, I studied with the marvelous Robert Kegan, whose theory and methodology helped me see the fullness of the diverse people I got to interview. Ever since, I have been totally enthralled by what makes us unique—and also connected. If you are a human or have to deal with humans, your life will be much improved if you love them more!

Jennifer's book list on helping you love understand human beings

Jennifer Garvey Berger Why did Jennifer love this book?

I love a good memoir, and this one was a perfect example of the form. Thoughtful, funny, incredibly well-written, and structured, I cared deeply about Lori and her patients. As she weaves together stories from her training as a therapist, her patients, and her work with her own therapist, we see how incredibly damaging life and love are for us—and how those scars themselves make us more beautiful, more worthy of love, more capable of opening our hearts to others.

This does not make the human experience look easy or painless, but it does help me remember what the work is for and how beautiful the pathway can be when we have good company on the way. This book was excellent company for me.

By Lori Gottlieb,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked Maybe You Should Talk to Someone as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

A TIME magazine Must-Read Book of the Year

Ever wonder what your therapist is thinking? Now you can find out, as therapist and New York Times bestselling author Lori Gottlieb takes us behind the scenes of her practice - where her patients are looking for answers (and so is she).

When a personal crisis causes her world to come crashing down, Lori Gottlieb - an experienced therapist with a thriving practice in Los Angeles - is suddenly adrift. Enter Wendell, himself a veteran therapist with an unconventional style, whose sessions with Gottlieb will prove transformative for her.

As Gottlieb explores…


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Book cover of All They Need to Know

All They Need to Know By Eileen Goudge,

On the run from her abusive husband, Kyra Smith hits the road. Destination unknown. With a dog she rescued in tow, she lands in the peaceful California mountain town of Gold Creek and is immediately befriended by an openhearted group of women who call themselves the Tattooed Ladies. They’re there…

Book cover of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

Meg Arroll Author Of Tiny Traumas: When You Don't Know What's Wrong, but Nothing Feels Quite Right

From my list on helping you understand why you feel the way you fee.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a psychologist, yet I am also a human being with real, complex, and, at times, disturbing thoughts and feelings. I would say I’ve learnt more from my own experiences and those shared by others than any training or qualifications. I never tire of listening to these real-life narratives, which are full of more color and depth than our rudimentary single-word emotion labels describe. I gather these stories up to feed my emotobiome (our microscopic inner world of feelings) along with the books and learnings from my list. I hope you’ll join me on this rollercoaster ride through human feelings–I wouldn’t miss it for the world. 

Meg's book list on helping you understand why you feel the way you fee

Meg Arroll Why did Meg love this book?

I’ve found so much value in this book; it’s one of my most recommended titles to both friends and clients.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people feel “not good enough” and the impact this has on our lives. Some of the most challenging feelings, such as guilt and shame, frequently emerge out of complex early life family dynamics, and more subtle forms of emotional neglect associated with narcissistic personality disorder can be incredibly difficult to disentangle.

The ”a-ha” moments in this book, especially emerging from the case studies, shone a light on feelings of insignificance and how to heal the inner child.

By Karyl McBride,

Why should I read it?

4 authors picked Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

From experienced family therapist Dr. Karyl McBride, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? is an essential guide to recovery for women with selfish, emotionally abusive, and toxic mothers—designed to help daughters reclaim their lives.

The first book for daughters who have suffered the abuse of narcissistic, self-involved mothers, Will I Ever Be Good Enough? provides the expert assistance you need in order to overcome this debilitating history and reclaim your life. Drawing on more than two decades of experience as a therapist specializing in women’s health and hundreds of interviews with suffering daughters, Dr. Karyl McBride helps you recognize the…


Book cover of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk

Jessica L. Borelli Author Of Nature Meets Nurture: Science-Based Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids

From my list on people who want to connect with their child.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve been fascinated by relationships since I was a kid. I grew up a keen observer of the relationships in my own family, mostly focused on the way in which the dynamics were difficult for me. This led me to develop a strong interest in psychology, a passion I pursued in my undergraduate education. I became acutely intrigued by an idea a professor exposed me to early on – that experiences of safety and security within attachment relationships are essential in order for children to thrive, and that without safety/security, they can experience chronic struggles. This early interest paved the way for what developed into my career as a psychology professor and therapist.

Jessica's book list on people who want to connect with their child

Jessica L. Borelli Why did Jessica love this book?

This book is the best, hands-on guide for how to talk to children that I have ever seen. It’s kind of like a how-to-talk to children for dummies.

It’s as though the authors spent years dissecting every aspect of what makes conversations between adults and kids go well and what makes them flop and then put that down in a book. And then the authors convey this information so clearly and concretely, including through the use of cartoons and worksheets.

The book also clearly exposes (in a humorous, light-hearted way) why certain ways of talking to kids fail. This is an old book but one I wish I had discovered before I had my own kids. I now intend to give it to all of my clients and friends when they become new parents. 

By Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish,

Why should I read it?

6 authors picked How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

30th Anniversary Edition updated with new insights from the next generation. You can stop fighting with your children! Here is the bestselling book that will give you the know-how you need to be more effective with your children--and more supportive of yourself. Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, the down-to-earth, respectful approach of Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding. Now, in this thirtieth-anniversary edition, these award-winning experts share their latest insights and suggestions based on feedback they've received over the years. Their methods of communication--illustrated with…


Book cover of Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—And Keep—Love

Jacqueline Kademian Author Of Soul Therapy: A 365 day journal for self exploration, healing and reflection

From my list on start on a path of self-discovery and build a new you.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am Jacqueline Kademian, a licensed marriage & family therapist and author. With over 10 years of experience providing therapy, I am passionate about helping others. I am also passionate about making therapeutic concepts accessible and ready to utilize at home. I have taken my own teachings and created self-discovery journals for others to enjoy. Journaling is such an amazing skill and way to get to know yourself.

Jacqueline's book list on start on a path of self-discovery and build a new you

Jacqueline Kademian Why did Jacqueline love this book?

This is an excellent book about relationships and attachment theory, which describes our attachment styles in relationships. I loved reading this book because it taught me about my own attachment style and how I am in relationships.

This is a must-read for anyone who wants to learn about themselves in relationships. I enjoyed the concepts in the book and how relatable it was. I recommend this to every human being who would like a relationship. It is a great way to learn about yourself.

By Amir Levine, Rachel Heller,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked Attached as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

“Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.”
—The New York Times

We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle.

Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John…


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Book cover of Kanazawa

Kanazawa By David Joiner,

Emmitt’s plans collapse when his wife, Mirai, suddenly backs out of purchasing their dream home. Disappointed, he’s surprised to discover her subtle pursuit of a life and career in Tokyo.

In his search for a meaningful life in Japan, and after quitting his job, he finds himself helping his mother-in-law…

Book cover of The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence

Anna E. Hampton Author Of Facing Danger: A Guide Through Risk

From my list on navigate danger in humanitarian work.

Why am I passionate about this?

I went to Afghanistan under the first Taliban government as a humanitarian aid worker. During the following decade, I experienced inadequate emotional, mental, and theological support from those who had sent me out. I began to research the field of risk and found a wealth of literature on how humans make decisions, how we see (or don’t see) danger, how to manage risk and fear, and more. We ignore the best practices and common sense of these fields to our peril. I am passionate about helping people not feel isolated and alone when they choose to serve in dangerous situations.

Anna's book list on navigate danger in humanitarian work

Anna E. Hampton Why did Anna love this book?

Reading this book a second time, I felt my anger growing from a lifetime of hearing the Church’s teaching on fear: “Ignore it.” This is at least negligence and, at worst, abuse. De Becker makes it abundantly clear that we should listen to our fear (he differentiates it from anxiety) and learn to trust the inner voice (intuition).

We are “experts” in our situation, and he skillfully showed me how to listen to myself and see the signs of danger. I realize I need to re-read the final chapter to integrate the common wisdom of knowing myself, seeing danger, and understanding how fear works. It is possible to have faith in God, manage my fear, and more likely avoid violence without resorting to trite spiritual naivete or blind faith in God.

By Gavin de Becker,

Why should I read it?

4 authors picked The Gift of Fear as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

In this empowering book, Gavin de Becker, the man Oprah Winfrey calls the US' leading expert on violent behaviour, shows you how to spot even subtle signs of danger - before it's too late. Shattering the myth that most violent acts are unpredictable, de Becker, whose clients include top Hollywood stars and government agencies, offers specific ways to protect yourself and those you love, including: how to act when approached by a stranger; when you should fear someone close to you; what to do if you are being stalked; how to uncover the source of anonymous threats or phone calls;…


Book cover of The Art of Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer

Madhur-Nain Webster Author Of The Stressless Brain

From my list on creating inner and outer change in your life area.

Why am I passionate about this?

I have been practicing psychotherapy since 1999. I started reading self-help books when I was 19 years old in college because I wanted to know more about myself, why I felt the way I did at times, why I felt stuck at times and how I could feel empowered to make changes. Sadly many books don’t tell you what you can do to change and that is why I wrote my book. The books I am sharing with you have had big effects on my thinking and therefore my behavior. For it is in how we think, we act in our lives and with others. These books help you look at you.

Madhur-Nain's book list on creating inner and outer change in your life area

Madhur-Nain Webster Why did Madhur-Nain love this book?

I am recommending this book, The Art of Impossible, because it creates a deep thinking of “what do I stand for? Where am I going? And How do I get there?” It has science, spirituality, and self-awareness in one place. 

I loved this book so much I went to the store and bought every copy and gave it out to friends and family. When I would read it I felt empowered to think deeply and look at my life with new insight. I was reading this book during the start of covid. It helped me stay focused. Stay engaged in my life path and learn tools on how to stay focused.

By Steven Kotler,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Art of Impossible as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

New York Times Bestseller

Bestselling author and peak performance expert Steven Kotler decodes the secrets of those elite performers-athletes, artists, scientists, CEOs and more-who have changed our definition of the possible, teaching us how we too can stretch far beyond our capabilities, making impossible dreams much more attainable for all of us.


What does it take to accomplish the impossible? What does it take to shatter our limitations, exceed our expectations, and turn our biggest dreams into our most recent achievements?

We are capable of so much more than we know-that's the message at the core of The Art of…


Book cover of The Mood Cure: The 4-Step Program to Take Charge of Your Emotions--Today

Madhur-Nain Webster Author Of The Stressless Brain

From my list on creating inner and outer change in your life area.

Why am I passionate about this?

I have been practicing psychotherapy since 1999. I started reading self-help books when I was 19 years old in college because I wanted to know more about myself, why I felt the way I did at times, why I felt stuck at times and how I could feel empowered to make changes. Sadly many books don’t tell you what you can do to change and that is why I wrote my book. The books I am sharing with you have had big effects on my thinking and therefore my behavior. For it is in how we think, we act in our lives and with others. These books help you look at you.

Madhur-Nain's book list on creating inner and outer change in your life area

Madhur-Nain Webster Why did Madhur-Nain love this book?

I read this book about 12 years ago. My son was having a hard time. I had tried therapy for him, for me. It wasn’t enough. In no way was I going to put him on medication as I had seen what this had done to some of my young adult clients. They were struggling and also self-medicating with recreational drugs. I wanted something more, something natural. A friend recommended this book and the author Julia Ross happened to live only 45 min away. I read this book and it was a game-changer for me and my family. The amino therapy was so helpful and created such an internal change for my son that life was more manageable. Now 10 years later I am training in this work and have seen amazing changes in some of my clients for anxiety, depression, energy, sugar cravings, and more. 

By Julia Ross,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Mood Cure as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This is the food and nutritional answer to mood disorders - Patrick Holford, the founder of the Institute of Optimum Nutrition, praised it as 'working better than any anti-depressant'. Written by one of the most successful names in nutrient therapy, The Mood Cure shows you how you can permanently lift dark moods and emotions in less than 24 hours.

Most mood problems are caused by biochemical imbalances, many of which don't need Prozac or other drugs to cure them. Such drugs are often liberally prescribed despite the risk of side effects.

Julia Ross has been working with natural nutritional solutions…


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Book cover of Henderson House

Henderson House By Caren Simpson McVicker,

In May 1941, Bartlesville, Oklahoma, hums with talk of spring flowers, fishing derbies, and the growing war in Europe. And for the residents of a quiet neighborhood boarding house, the winds of change are blowing.

Self-proclaimed spinster, Bessie Blackwell, is the reluctant owner of a new pair of glasses. The…

Book cover of Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships

Jessica Graham Author Of Good Sex: Getting Off Without Checking Out

From my list on great sex, deep connection, and rainy day romance.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve always been interested in sex and relationships. When I was a teenager I was the go-to person for questions ranging from How do I give a good blowjob? to Where do I go for an abortion? to Should I say I love you before she does? I was sort of like the kid in Sex Education on Netflix. Perhaps, given the fact that I come from a long line of troubled marriages I tended to find great satisfaction in supporting others in working out their relationship woes. These days I do that as a job, along with trauma resolution, acting, writing, and nude modeling. 

Jessica's book list on great sex, deep connection, and rainy day romance

Jessica Graham Why did Jessica love this book?

I was a few years sober from alcohol, and in my first heterosexual relationship in quite a while when I read this book. Just being sober during sex, and having a penis involved, kept things interesting for about a year or so. But after a while, I wanted a deeper connection with my partner during sex, and more frequency. This proved to be challenging. One day I was crying on the phone about the state of my carnal life to a mentor and she recommended Passionate Marriage. So, I dug into the 408 pages of this relationship masterpiece. Spoiler alert, it didn’t save that relationship, but it did change my life.

It taught me about the erotic charge that can come from differentiation and how to navigate “relationship crucibles.”  I also first learned about open-eyed orgasms from Schnarch. I had been squeezing my eyes shut since I started having…

By David Schnarch,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Passionate Marriage as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Passionate Marriage has long been recognized as the pioneering book on intimate human relationships. Now with a new preface by the author, this updated edition explores the ways we can keep passion alive and even reach the height of sexual and emotional fulfillment later in life. Acclaimed psychologist David Schnarch guides couples toward greater intimacy with proven techniques developed in his clinical practice and worldwide workshops. Chapters-covering everything from understanding love relationships to helpful "tools for connections" to keeping the sparks alive years down the road-provide the scaffolding for overcoming sexual and emotional problems. This inspirational book is sure to…


Book cover of The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure
Book cover of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work
Book cover of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

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