The best books for mourning

Jaye Robin Brown writes complex characters with a deft hand and everyone in this book felt deeply real to me. I didn’t just read about Jess and Vivi’s relationship. I joined Jess on her tumultuous emotional journey. As a mental health counselor, I often encourage people to seek out coping mechanisms to manage adversity, but it’s important to realize that sometimes the thing that made a person whole is inaccessible after trauma or loss, and that healing means forging new paths. This story captures that idea beautifully. Heart-wrenching, but ultimately a story of hope and renewal.

As I entered the strange new territory of grief and a solitary life after 37 years of an unconventional marriage, I found myself looking for solace from authors who could show me the way forward. Martha Cooley’s retreat to a small, medieval Italian village brought the first tentative smiles to my early months of grieving. My husband and I shared a love of Europe and stayed in our own medieval village in Tuscany just a few years before he died. Cooley used her retreat to deal consciously but gently with the many deaths she’d faced over a traumatic ten years, as well as the impending death of her mother. Her reflections related to mortality and carrying on after the loss of loved ones were a comfort as I began to confront the uncomfortable challenge of stepping into a new life without my husband and best friend. 

In the delightful book, a granddaughter enjoys many fun activities with her grandmother, especially dancing like a leaf. Grandmother begins to change in many ways, especially physically and with her memory. And then “Grandmother’s bed is empty.” The child grieves but slowly feels comfort and even joy as she celebrates the many activities she had shared with her grandmother.

I found this book through TikTok after a surge of booktokers started to recommend it.

I was instantly intrigued by the premise: presumed dead at Waterloo, a soldier decides to live as herself—trans woman Viola loses her wealth, her title, and her childhood friend Gracewood. But years later, fate draws them together again, and they must contend with their desires and their past together.

This book! I cried, I laughed, I had so many emotions reading this tale. Against all odds, they find each other, they communicate through the unique challenge of attraction after years and Viola’s new womanhood.

There are some incredibly hot scenes which feel all the more tantalizing for the novel’s historical setting. I’ve lent this book to several friends just hoping they experience the same joy I did. 

This memoir spoke to my heart. When Gary Ferguson’s wife dies in a canoeing accident in northern Ontario, he turns to the wilderness they both loved for comfort. As he journeys to the remote places where he and his wife had shared many adventures, he leans into the natural world to learn from its cycles how to move through the landscape of loss. There are many paths through grief, but like Ferguson, I turned to the wilderness to find my way again.

Darcie Wilder’s Literally Show Me a Healthy Person is a novel in short fragments perfect for the social media era, narrated by a woman unflinching and at times brutal—and brutally hilarious—in her honesty, reflecting on the death of her mother and chronicling sexual escapades, deep in her sadness yet lively within the freedom and energy of her early 20s. This novel is slim but packs a ferocious punch; it will make you laugh—out of surprise, relief, identification—and it will make you cry for the very same reasons.

The book explains that death is a natural element of life and explains it in a comprehensible and easy way. It will be a good read for those who believe only in that which they see. The book also explains the importance of having someone to talk to after someone dies and dealing with the emotions.

I would suggest this book to young readers and families who do not believe in a Higher Power or do not know whether they believe it or not.

A book for children and adults translated from Swedish. A poignant story of four children who try to trick death into not taking their ill grandmother. The children think that Death only takes people at night, and that by refilling his coffee, Death will leave in the morning. By the fourth attempt at a refill, Death puts his hand over the cup. The children go upstairs and see that their grandmother has died, and Death, standing by the window says to them, “Cry, heart, but never break.” 

The book inspired some of the material for chapter five that a heart can break metaphorically, and in rare instances, physically. “Broken Heart Syndrome” can happen when extreme distress is experienced by the bereaved after a loved one dies. Also called “Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy,” this is a medical condition that is rare and usually resolves within a matter of weeks without any long-term damage.

What about inner city kids, can they enjoy a special bond with a horse? In Philadelphia, a very special, real stable offers disadvantaged kids the chance to hang with horses. This book is the fictional story of one such kid. Troy loses his way in the tough streets after his mom dies. When he is forced to work at the stables, he has the opportunity to save himself, through the fast and skillful sport of polo. I like that urban horses rock too! 

This book explores what to expect during your mourning, what pitfalls to avoid, and how to work through feelings of loss. A well-written guide to ease suffering while moving through the many facets of grief.

Lisa’s husband dies as he is being treated for cancer. She writes about the first year after in which grief, madness, confusion, isolation, and fury coincide with Britain’s beginning Brexit madness. Nothing can be made sense of and yet we need words to express what’s happening. And then words provide for consoling and managing.

Two boys find a gun in the woods. Over the next few hours, which are rendered in a series of unforgettable scenes that travel forward and back in time, the gun will resonate through the lives of the boys, their teachers, their parents, and others.

I could not put it down, and when I finished I began reading it again. The prose is the loveliest you’ll find, and the story takes gentle and surprising turns that will stop your heart and make you feel deeply human. I loved this short, gorgeous novel and learned something about the lives of men. 

This book presents mythology from my own Chinese culture—specifically, a legend from Hong Kong, where I lived from the age of seven to sixteen. We used to go on drives into the countryside on the weekends—Hong Kong still had some semblance of countryside then—and we’d often see the Amah Rock looming above us in the distance. This book tells the sad and poignant legend behind that rock. I love how it takes a tale specific to one geographical spot—one small pile of stones—and turns it into a universal story about love and loyalty. What also makes it special is that the author used to be beside me in the backseat of the car. Natasha Yim, a very well-respected children’s author, is my sister.

When I began my grief journey after thirty years, I googled Sibling Loss and came across Brenda’s dissertation. For the first time I did not feel alone in my grief. I reached out to Brenda and she told me about her writing, Adult Sibling Loss. Brenda’s sensitivity in sharing the emotions of the loss of her brother, and three adult women who lost their sibling validated feelings I kept dormant. Layered into the stories is extensive research done by Brenda.

Brenda termed her experience “invisible griever” following the unexpected death of her brother. Siblings are often the forgotten mourners. The bookshelves have few in this category, and I am grateful to be on the road to discovering the few written are heartfelt, enlightening, and aided me in my grief.

This book is the first one I read after losing my husband. I was 31-years old, with a toddler and a newborn, and I had no idea how I was going to survive the rest of my life, better yet make it a life worth living. In The Sun Still Rises: Surviving and Thriving After Grief and Loss, author Shawn Doyle shares his story of loss, but more than that he shares hope with his reader. Hope that there is still light in the darkness of grief. At that point in my loss, hope was what I needed most. However, he didn't stop there, he also provided practical tips and suggestions about dealing with both the logistical matters that come with loss, as well as providing emotional support. This book helped me live my best life, in spite of my loss.

Poems for Life is one of my all-time favourite poetry collections because it offers something for every mood and occasion. At those times I’ve found myself planning a celebration, trying to write a love poem for dear hubby’s birthday, or struggling to find words for a funeral, and stuck for ideas, this book has provided the perfect sentiment and inspiration. It takes us from birth and beginnings, through childhood and childish things, into growing up and first impressions, to making a living and making love, as well as family life, growing older, and all the way through to death and mourning. This delightful book of poems offers comfort and words to treasure for a lifetime.

Thomas Lynch does a masterful job in The Undertaking offering a behind-the-scenes look at the funeral profession. Using beautiful, lyrical prose to present a topic (i.e., death) that is often ugly and hard to stomach, and rears its head at the most inopportune times, Lynch offers an unflinching look at what he calls the dismal trade. His deep connection with death and dying translates to the reader not only feeling connected with the subject matter, but empowering the reader to connect with the next death event in their life. Take it from me, someone in the profession, this book is as authentic as they come. A must-read. 

Like Three Junes, this richly peopled and plotted novel takes place over ten years and in far-flung locales (Poland, California's Central Valley, and upstate New York among them), told through the eyes of two very different men involved in a terrible accident. Richard, a journalist visiting Poland, survives a car crash in which his wife and daughter die; Bogdan, a small-time thief responsible for the collision, flees the scene. As Richard, haunted by the face of the man who fled, tries to find solace in his work, and as Bogdan's life and marriage collapse, we travel with them through numerous twists of fate on both sides of the Atlantic, including a murder-suicide case that Richard must help solve.

What astonished me most was how deeply I grew to care for both the "good guy" and the "bad guy"--and how much suspense I felt as I followed them over so… show more.

Nancy Reisman brings her characters to life in this portrait of a family that begins after the tragic death of one of their children. Four-year-old Molly is killed by a truck while dashing across a street in Rome during a family vacation. In an instant, their lives change. 

We follow the family in the aftermath of the accident and over two decades. Reisman chronicles the birth of two more children and the slow dissolution of the Murphy’s marriage. The loss of Molly reverberates throughout the novel. Through varying points of view, we observe the guilt, regret, longing, and despair that affect each member of the family.

When I became a widow, I wanted to find books that would help me work through my grief, but it was so hard for me to find the energy to pick up even a small book. The physical and emotional effort required to read sometimes seemed like too much. I was in a bookstore when a stranger saw me looking at the depressingly small shelf dedicated to grief and grieving, and recommended Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief. When she handed me this book and I saw that it had short daily meditations, I knew it was exactly what I was looking for. While a full-sized book was too much, this book filled with quotes and short daily meditations was exactly what I was looking for. The author's insight, provided daily in a few small paragraphs, gave me the support I needed without overwhelming me.