87 books like You Just Don't Understand

This book has to be first on my list. With his teacher Mykonos, David Deida explores the realm where sex meets spirituality in the Crazy Wisdom tradition. I’ve been following this path myself for decades as I find it the fastest way for cultivating a free mind and spiritual growth. Crazy Wisdom is a Buddhist concept that involves practices so unconventional, outrageous, and unexpected, that they shock you out of your normal ego behavior patterns. The sex you can experience from this deconditioned space is mind-blowing. Through a fascinating and entertaining story, Wild Nights inspires us to get out of our boring shells, take a leap of faith and explore our deeper longings and fantasies.

Esther Perel's exploration of the intricate dance between intimacy and desire resonates with many couples who are in long-term relationships, want it to work so desperately, and yet find themselves stuck. This book builds on the concepts of differentiation and attachment styles while inviting readers to embrace a new paradigm of eroticism within committed relationships.

What resonates deeply is Perel's grounded yet unflinching approach to addressing taboo topics and dismantling societal norms. Through her eloquent prose and compelling case studies, she illuminates the path to unlocking erotic intelligence and reigniting passion in long-term partnerships.

I deeply appreciate Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy's book for its courage in challenging societal norms around relationships.

The book's exploration of ethical non-monogamy pushes me to examine my personal boundaries and expectations. I value its discussion not just on sexuality but on all relationship dynamics.

The book resonates with me intensely, serving as a catalyst for self-discovery and understanding, which is why I hold it in such high regard.

Professor Paglia’s books are a tad academic for most people’s taste, but I find it important to feature her here. In this book, she stirs up important questions around gender and sex. It seems that we are steadily moving towards a growing acceptance of diversity to the point in which androgyny is even becoming a desirable trait. Being genderfluid myself, I’ve sometimes asked myself these questions daily. In order to have more spiritual sex, it’s important that we accept and acknowledge our desires, and I’m all for supporting the full expression of feminine and masculine in both women and men. On top of this, Paglia is a real provocateur, which I like and can relate to. Truly one of the bright minds of our time.

We hear so much about flexibility at work, but most of the academic research is directed at senior managers (as in: “managers need to offer employees more flexibility”).

Professors Kossek and Lautsch deliberately flip that thinking. Their book is designed to help any employee become more mindful about how they can achieve better work-life balance – and to identify the changes that they can make to get there (even without their boss’s support).

This book inspired me to think about the very small changes that any of us can make in a workplace; it helped me to recognize that it’s not all up to the boss!

This book moved me at a very deep level, because Professor Frost makes the content very personal.

He wrote it when he was suffering (physically and emotionally), and his own pain made him acutely aware of ways that other people can alleviate pain (or conversely, make emotional pain become toxic). Many day-to-day workplace activities create emotional pain (e.g., a negative performance review, a downsizing decision) but people’s responses make all the difference.

Professor Frost’s focus is on managers who operate as “toxin handlers” in their workplaces, but any of us can be toxin handlers for our coworkers. The book helped me to be more mindful of workplace pain points and be more proactive in supporting my colleagues. 

When I read this book for the first time, my reaction was “wow.”

Professor Rousseau helped me to appreciate that everything (really, everything!) related to work was malleable and negotiable. We can all be more proactive in co-designing our own work arrangements, so that we can be happier people and deliver better value to our families, employers, and communities.

I say “negotiable” but the book is not motivated by self-interest. The book focuses on idiosyncratic deals that help employees to leverage their unique strengths, so that everyone (including managers and coworkers) benefit from employee i-deals.

Professor Rousseau’s recommendations are firmly anchored in empirical evidence, so her advice to employees is spot-on.  

This book explains how any employee – not matter their role – can take action to make their workplaces better (without burning career bridges behind them).

I am inspired by Professor Meyerson’s insistence that any employee (not just managers, not just the CEO) can be an agent for positive change. What I particularly love about this book is her focus on small wins. Positive change in work environments is about accumulating small changes, not about huge transformational restructures.

I also love the fact that the book’s recommendations can be applied to any social issue. You can follow your passion to make your workplace more inclusive, more environmentally sustainable, or more socially responsible.

I have read this book so many times! It changed how I communicate with people operating from the Traditional Male Model or the Traditional Female Model.

She explains that someone’s Operating Metaphor can be “Life is a game” or “Life is like a traditional classroom”. Game players want to win, and students want to get a great evaluation or pass an exam, so I need to shift my communication style for each. 

And who knew that women and men have different definitions of common terms? A lie is either: “Saying something that is not true” or “Something that is not true and harmful!” This book showed me how specifically to develop my flexibility and stop being so judgy!

This is a short, readable book that makes a compelling case about feminism and how it has a positive impact on society. It is easy to take in and very accessible. It encourages us all to talk about issues of equality and disparity and understand how we can all move forward together.