10 books like Social Intelligence

My students have often thanked me for assigning this book.

After reading the chapter on “Commitment,” one remarked excitedly: “I finally understand my mother!” Bob Cialdini is a social psychologist whose principles of social influence have helped generations of readers learn how to move people in their direction. 

The task of leadership is to create a better future; it is a social influence process that engages hearts and minds. 

Having read so very many books on body language (and having written a couple myself), I love finding a book that provides much broader cross-cultural research and deeper insights on a specialized, important aspect like facial expressions!

How shocking to learn that there are more than 500 micro-facial expressions, telling people exactly what we feel about any given situation! To be able to read such facial expressions would give leaders an incredible advantage as they communicate—negotiating around the conference table, . . . conducting a job interview, . . . or strategizing with a potential partner, . . . or choosing a spouse!

In Maxwell’s book, the essence of leadership communication is reduced to one concept: integrity of the leader within. That is, leaders can’t communicate values, visions, and ethics that they don’t internalize. His message to readers: Don’t try to preach what you don’t practice because it won’t sell and it won’t jell with those you lead!

Basically, the heart of his message comes from the Biblical verse, “Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.” Leaders know that they can NEVER depend on logic alone to build a compelling case. As a leader, their communication must appeal to emotions as well. And being a likeable, approachable, humble leader makes the all-important connection.

What’s more, “the leader within,” unfortunately, can cause the disconnection!

This book is considered by many to be the gold standard; it is used by many many professors of organizational behavior to form the basis of the leadership classes they teach.

I found it somewhat long and a little theoretical, but I would still recommend it to anybody who really wants to study leadership. It covers almost every topic and its insights and recommendations are “on the money.”

I am a great admirer of Dr. Siegel who is a clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine. This is a terrific book in which Siegel explores the role of interpersonal relationships in forging key connections in the brain. As he says, “Human connections shape neural connections, and each contributes to mind. Relationships and your personal linkages together shape the mind. It is more than the sum of its parts; this is the essence of emergence.” His description of brain architecture is excellent

Siegel’s emphasis on relationships is important and I fully agree with it. His take on the mind is interesting. He says, “The mind is a process that emerges from the distributed nervous system extended throughout the entire body and also from the communication patterns that occur within relationships.” I echo those sentiments in The Embodied Mind when I say that the mind is more… show more.

In 10 short stories set in a single neighborhood in the city, Jason Reynolds skillfully paints a layered picture of adolescence. Each story features a different block in the neighborhood, and a different group of kids confronting bullies, trying to tell their crushes how they feel, and generally inelegantly negotiating the wilds of growing up. The characters are as funny as they are believable, and their approaches to the issues they face will elicit compassion from any reader. 

This disturbing and sensual tale of a teenage girl kidnapped and held by an obsessive young man was something I had to read in a day. The writing has a kind of D.H. Lawrence quality in that every part of the Outback landscape, every object and garment and exchange seems to vibrate with physicality and sexuality. The story is also gripping, a page-turner, and such a wonderful examination of where love and obsession meet, of Stockholm Syndrome and survival, and the jumble of feelings from the most animal to the most selfless that we all have to pick our way through.

Few people feel comfortable having a difficult conversation.

Even the most seasoned executives would prefer to avoid, rather than confront, the problem. Unfortunately, as we often remind our executive coaching clients, ignoring it doesn’t work and, in fact, can come at great cost to individual employees, the team, the organization – and the leader themselves. 

Those impending conversations also create “weight” for the person as they carry the dread for days, weeks, even months at times. If that’s you – you are not alone. I want to help you lighten that load. I want you to become more comfortable and competent having them and Crucial Conversations is the book I recommend to help you get there.

It’s a great resource. It will help you gain comfort and confidence in having those difficult conversations with greater finesse and impact. I suggest you buy it, read it, dog-ear it, and highlight the… show more.

In her stunning poetry collection, Brute, Emily Skaja navigates the dark corridors of trauma at the end of an abusive relationship. Exploring the intersections of both love and violence, these poems have a mythic quality to them, with the narrator seemingly struggling to survive the brutality of a fairy tale world longing to gobble her up. At the same time, the fantastical elements of these poems are balanced by the present moment, with cell phones, social media, and other current technologies evoking a kind of modern magic that holds sway over our lives. The poems in this collection take the reader on a journey from sorrow to rage, guilt, hope, self-discovery, and reinvention.

Wendy Plump’s VOW is the only memoir I have ever read that reveals what it is like to be the “cheating” partner (there are many books that address being cheated on). This is NOT a book touting infidelity or polyamory. It is simply an extremely honest accounting of a marriage riddled by affairs (both partners), how the author coped with the fallout, and grew into a more mature and insight-driven version of herself. This very topic activates so much judgment by so many people (just read some of the seething, scathing reviews on Amazon), but the truth is, human beings DO cheat, they DO commit infidelity, and Wendy Plump, who is a terrific, elegant writer and storyteller, has addressed this topic with great candor. It takes an extremely brave person to tell this type of story; hence, this book is brave and beautiful.