Why am I passionate about this?

As a human, I struggle with staying connected during conflict. Because conflict naturally shows up in all relationships, I had to figure out how to do it better, or die alone! My path has woven through studying conflict resolution, becoming a relationship therapist, doing deep learning within my own life partnership, and exploring the realm of somatic psychology in my doctoral work. I long for a world where we have the skills we need to work through conflict without resorting to violence. In my dreams, the world is able to coexist with love and conflict. Our relationships thrive when we speak our full truth, and embody our values in action.


I wrote

How to Hold Power: A Somatic Approach to Becoming a Leader People Love and Respect

By Pavini Moray,

Book cover of How to Hold Power: A Somatic Approach to Becoming a Leader People Love and Respect

What is my book about?

Work landscapes are changing. Concepts of authority and hierarchy in the workplace are being questioned, values of equity and social…

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The books I picked & why

Book cover of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

Pavini Moray Why did I love this book?

My mantra used to be, "Being in relationship is hard!" I thought that having a healthy relationship meant non-stop effort. What I didn't realize is that relationships become easier when you have the right skills. 

David Richo breaks down the necessary skills for effective relating in a way that honors your past, your humanity, and your compassion. Finding this book was like finding a key that unlocked happiness in my personal and business relationships. With thoughtful explanations and practical skill building, this is a must-read for those who are done suffering with painful relationship patterns.

By David Richo,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked How to Be an Adult in Relationships as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This beloved book has touched hundreds of thousands of lives with its profound and actionable advice. Retaining the core message of becoming more mindful in our relationships, this edition includes new and revised material that addresses how we live and love today. A new preface touches on David Richo’s experience with the book over time and outlines the key updates, including attention to online dating and modern communication styles as well as new perspectives on anger and ending relationships.

  “Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way…


Book cover of Monsters in Love: Why Your Partner Sometimes Drives You Crazy-and What You Can Do About It

Pavini Moray Why did I love this book?

The theme of this book is growing up and relating in a way that honors your own integrity.

Menakem is a relationship therapist and a long-time married person who promotes the idea of clean pain vs. dirty pain. Clean pain is doing the hard work of speaking what is true for you in your relationship. Dirty pain is blaming or manipulating your partner.

With a rare and rigorous honesty, I learned from this book that conflict is actually necessary for healthy relationships. 

By Resmaa Menakem,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Monsters in Love as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Conflict is a natural part of any intimate relationship. Yet most couples either avoid it or try to smooth over their differences. This results in at least one partner compromising their integrity-and stunting their own growth.

Monsters in Love challenges the idea that conflict between partners is unhealthy or something to avoid. Instead, it encourages both people to stand by what they need and who they are-but to do so with compassion rather than competitiveness or vengefulness. This is the purpose of an intimate relationship: to create an atmosphere where both people learn to grow up and mature in their…


Book cover of The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution

Pavini Moray Why did I love this book?

I grew up in the midwest, where conflict is to be avoided at all costs.

Reading this book helped me understand that conflict is really about our deepest longings, and our fears that they will not be met. Through developing tolerance for being in direct conflict and skills to work through it, conflict becomes a friend instead of an enemy.

By Kenneth Cloke,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Crossroads of Conflict as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution (Second Edition) describes all conflicts as “crossroads” and catalysts for learning, evolution, growth, and wisdom. It shows how to locate the root sources of conflict and remove the barriers to forgiveness and reconciliation, collaboration, and community.

Ken Cloke’s analysis of the inner sources of chronic conflict and ideas for a unified theory for resolving conflict is groundbreaking and destined to become a cornerstone of the future of dispute resolution.


Book cover of Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships

Pavini Moray Why did I love this book?

The teachings of NVC are essential for those wishing to deepen their compassionate hearts.

NVC has helped my partner and me navigate many difficult conversations while remaining connected, present, and caring. Instead of communication breakdown, NVC teaches a focus on identifying needs and expressing emotions before making a doable request. The skills of this practice are essential building blocks for kind and honest communication. 

By Marshall B. Rosenberg,

Why should I read it?

4 authors picked Nonviolent Communication as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?


5,000,000 COPIES SOLD WORLDWIDE • TRANSLATED IN MORE THAN 35 LANGUAGES

What is Violent Communication?
 
If “violent” means acting in ways that result in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate—judging others, bullying, having racial bias, blaming, finger pointing, discriminating, speaking without listening, criticizing others or ourselves, name-calling, reacting when angry, using political rhetoric, being defensive or judging who’s “good/bad” or what’s “right/wrong” with people—could indeed be called “violent communication.”
 
What is Nonviolent Communication?
 
Nonviolent Communication is the integration of four things:
 
• Consciousness: a set of principles that support living a life of compassion, collaboration, courage, and…


Book cover of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Pavini Moray Why did I love this book?

Emergent research from the Harvard Negotiation Project helps readers identify different parts of conflictual conversations.

The idea of Intention vs. Impact came from this book. Personally, understanding that hard conversations are built on the ground of deep meaning, and actually build deeper connection has been a throughline in my work. Leaning into the tough stuff, as opposed to trying to escape discomfort is a radical practice and a necessary skill. 

By Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Douglas Stone

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked Difficult Conversations as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The 10th-anniversary edition of the New York Times business bestseller-now updated with "Answers to Ten Questions People Ask"

We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day-whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. From the Harvard Negotiation Project, the organization that brought you Getting to Yes, Difficult Conversations provides a step-by-step approach to having those tough conversations with less stress and more success. you'll learn how to:

· Decipher the underlying structure of every difficult conversation 
· Start a conversation without defensiveness 
· Listen for the meaning of what is not said 
·…


Explore my book 😀

How to Hold Power: A Somatic Approach to Becoming a Leader People Love and Respect

By Pavini Moray,

Book cover of How to Hold Power: A Somatic Approach to Becoming a Leader People Love and Respect

What is my book about?

Work landscapes are changing. Concepts of authority and hierarchy in the workplace are being questioned, values of equity and social justice are becoming priorities. Conventional rules and expectations for work have shifted. Many leaders wonder how to navigate a new reality. Most leadership books tell you what to do once you become a boss, but very few help you feel your power. In other words, how do you develop the body of a leader? Somatic educator and coach Pavini Moray proposes that being an ethical, inspirational boss is rooted in our bodies.

Moray offers trauma-informed embodiment practices—breathing, grounding, observing, centering, and moving. The second part of the book addresses “soft skills”—consent, listening, feedback, and repair after conflict—help you become a leader people love. 

Book cover of How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving
Book cover of Monsters in Love: Why Your Partner Sometimes Drives You Crazy-and What You Can Do About It
Book cover of The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution

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Book cover of Being Your Cat: What's really going on in your feline's mind

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Celia Haddon Author Of Being Your Cat: What's really going on in your feline's mind

New book alert!

Why am I passionate about this?

Author Mad cat lady Love study Kitten rehabber

Celia's 3 favorite reads in 2024

What is my book about?

Being Your Cat takes you inside the mind and body of your feline. See what your cat sees. Feel how your cat runs or leaps high to get into the armchair. Discover how your cat feels and thinks.

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Prepare to enter the mind of your cat and revolutionise the way you see the world and your enigmatic pet.

Bestselling cat author Celia Haddon and veterinary expert Dr Daniel Mills take you into the mind of your feline and, drawing on the latest scientific research, describe how your cat experiences the world. This is a unique book drawing on a wealth of veterinary science and studies,…


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Interested in interpersonal communication, conflict management, and clinical psychology?