Here are 100 books that Intellectual Foreplay fans have personally recommended if you like
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I am an unusual scientist in the sense that I have doctorates in both biology and anthropology, so I am very interested in the dichotomy between what our bodies truly want (biology) and how we are supposed to behave, or tell others to behave, in our cultural settings (cultural anthropology). Amazingly, studies show that we spend more time and attention in our lives living for others for what they think of us, than doing what we truly want, and that we often regret that, when we are close to dying. These books make us reconsider that way of living, so we can change this before it is too late.
The book is a nice combination between being a popular book and still including a lot of interesting, valid scientific data, which make us reconsider what we think we knew about the evolution of human sexuality, and our own daily lives.
Some reviews have suggested it is mostly a popular, superficial book, but actually, it does include very detailed studies, both ethnographic - about humans living in various types of societies - and anthropological - including about the lifestyle of chimpanzees and bonobos. As a first read on the evolution of human sexuality, I do think it is a good start.
In this controversial, thought-provoking, and brilliant book, renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha debunk almost everything we know about sex, weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality to show how far from human nature monogamy really is. In "Sex at Dawn", the authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.
Relationships are treacherous terrain for people outside the mainstream. Whether we’re tangling with the unwelcome biases of those who do not understand us or trying to navigate situations designed without us in mind, trying to find “our people” is tricky and often exhausting. I am an autistic polyamorous sapphic trans woman and each of those adjectives adds a layer of challenge to the life I have to lead. I am also the holder of a doctorate and like to think I’m pretty clever. Between these realities, I’ve found books about relationships, neurodivergence, and what it’s like to be someone like me that I think do a pretty good job. I hope you enjoy them.
The Ethical Slutis an evocatively titled primer on polyamory as a relationship model.
It is intentionally written as an introductory resource that is very enthusiastic about the possibilities it presents, which is useful in a space that often feels it must make constant apologies for existing or is full of higher-level works about niche sub-topics.
It addresses key topics such as consent, communication, concerns about raising a family, and more. Older editions suffer from ill-considered language around transgender people that feels dated at best, but more recent editions have been updated to reflect changing demographics and be more considerate to this and other minorities.
At last a comprehensive, no-holds-barred guide for anyone who dreams of having all the sex and love and friendship they want. Here are the skills you need for successful - and ethical - sluthood, from scheduling dates to handling jealousy, finding partners to resolving conflict, raising children to caring for your health. If you've ever envisioned a universe beyond traditional lifetime monogamy, this is the book for you.
Relationships are treacherous terrain for people outside the mainstream. Whether we’re tangling with the unwelcome biases of those who do not understand us or trying to navigate situations designed without us in mind, trying to find “our people” is tricky and often exhausting. I am an autistic polyamorous sapphic trans woman and each of those adjectives adds a layer of challenge to the life I have to lead. I am also the holder of a doctorate and like to think I’m pretty clever. Between these realities, I’ve found books about relationships, neurodivergence, and what it’s like to be someone like me that I think do a pretty good job. I hope you enjoy them.
TheSpoon Knife anthology series is the seminal place to find short neuroqueer fiction: fiction that explores what neurodivergent minds have to offer, how we see the world, and what our lives can be like, usually via speculative or sci-fi elements.
Spoon Knife 2: Test Chamberis loosely themed on the idea of the “test chamber,” a space in which one’s every move, choice, and outcome is scrutinized, and its 36 essays, poems, and short stories all approach this idea from different directions.
Several of its essays deal directly with neurodivergent and queer experience without the interpretive lens of science fiction and can help readers understand people like us and people like us to feel seen and comprehended.
The Spoon Knife Anthology is NeuroQueer Books' annual open-call collection to find new talent and to bring together our favorite regular contributors in a celebration of literature that pushes boundaries and defines the interiors of neurodivergent, Queer, and Mad experiences.
In Spoon Knife 2: Test Chamber, editors Dani Alexis Ryskamp and Sam Harvey give you a series of examinations of what it means to live in an environment where one feels that existence itself is a series of tests that must be successfully navigated. From the back cover:
"The writers (and editors and publishers) of the book you now hold…
Relationships are treacherous terrain for people outside the mainstream. Whether we’re tangling with the unwelcome biases of those who do not understand us or trying to navigate situations designed without us in mind, trying to find “our people” is tricky and often exhausting. I am an autistic polyamorous sapphic trans woman and each of those adjectives adds a layer of challenge to the life I have to lead. I am also the holder of a doctorate and like to think I’m pretty clever. Between these realities, I’ve found books about relationships, neurodivergence, and what it’s like to be someone like me that I think do a pretty good job. I hope you enjoy them.
Neurodivergence, queerness, and the power of spreading love far and wide will find few more apt combinations than in Kai Cheng Thom’s magical-realist faux-memoir, Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars.
This surreal, poignant piece of fiction hits so many notes that resonate for people like us that it is difficult to list them all.
In its violent and sometimes confusing splendor, one finds a story of someone finding the people who will love her through the pain of a world that neither understands nor respects our difference, and in the end, what more could we want than that?
Fiction. LGBTQIA Studies. Asian and Asian American Studies. Young Adult. FIERCE FEMMES AND NOTORIOUS LIARS: A DANGEROUS TRANS GIRL'S CONFABULOUS MEMOIR is the highly sensational, ultra-exciting, sort-of true coming-of-age story of a young Asian trans girl, pathological liar, and kung-fu expert who runs away from her parents' abusive home in a rainy city called Gloom. Striking off on her own, she finds her true family in a group of larger-than-life trans femmes who live in a mysterious pleasure district known only as the Street of Miracles. Under the wings of this fierce and fabulous flock, the protagonist blossoms into the…
As a kid, I read by flashlight under the covers and loved family vacations because long car rides meant hours of reading time (they still do!). I love belonging to book clubs because of the variety. Stories I might not have chosen, but end up loving. For years I devoured romance novels, especially historical and westerns. When my husband said, “You should write a book, you’ve read so many.” I decided to try and now have over 70 published romance novels, 50+ with Harlequin, Mills & Boon, and one young adult book that I co-wrote with two of my granddaughters. I hope my recommendations provides your book club with lively discussions!
This book has so much to discuss, the old west, history, fun characters, family dynamics, and romance.
The opening scene puts the reader in the midst of cowboy country with laugh out loud action. The action and adventures that continue all the way to the end makes the reader ready to relive it by talking about it to others!
The author does a fabulous job providing well-rounded characters with goals, ambitions, and faults, prompting discussions about who might be the favorite. Jeb, who can’t stay out of trouble, or Chloe who is not afraid to stand up to the wild cowboy.
I’ve read this entire series, but each book, including this one, can be read as a stand-alone without having read any of the others.
The third installment in the New York Times bestselling McKettrick Cowboys series follows the youngest McKettrick brother as he and his estranged love cross paths after discovering he must marry in order to inherit the family ranch.
Jeb is the wild McKettrick, the one who never could stay out of trouble. And trouble is what he gets when he proposes to Chloe Wakefield. No sooner had he and the pretty schoolteacher tied the knot than Jeb discovers she’s already married. After a major dustup with Chloe in a Tombstone barroom, an irate Jeb hightails it back to the Triple M…
I was fortunate enough to meet my husband over 17 years ago, and we have packed a lot of life in since then. Along with two kids and a dog, we’ve had our fair share of tough moments: financial challenges, bereavement, family issues, marital disagreement, and traumatic life events that taught me just as much as my two decades-long career as a relationship psychotherapist has. This, combined with working with individuals, couples, and partners in search of what love means and how to practically go about achieving it, has clarified for me just how much we all need tools and teachings when it comes to matters of the heart.
Jane Austen would have made such a great therapist! Her razor-sharp observations, combined with profound insights into people and relationships, make this book an all-time favorite of mine. I love her descriptions of falling in (and out of) love and how fallible each of her characters is, reminding us of our humanity–especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
What also strikes me is how true it is that pride, image, and status can still play out in our more modern relationships today. This book feels very old-fashioned in places, but it warns us how easily we can hurt other people and damage relationships, sometimes irrevocably. There’s a lot to learn from Emma, and I enjoy seeing relationships depicted in fiction, where so much can be explored through a fascinating and absorbing story, too.
'Her masterpiece, mixing the sparkle of her early books with a deep sensibility' Robert McCrum, Observer
Although described by Jane Austen as a character 'whom no one but myself will much like', the irrepressible Emma Woodhouse is one of her most beloved heroines. Clever, rich and beautiful, she sees no need for marriage, but loves interfering in the romantic lives of others, until her matchmaking plans unravel, with consequences that she never expected. Jane Austen's novel of youthful exuberance and gradual self-knowledge is a brilliant, sparkling comic masterpiece.
Marcia Naomi Berger's passion is to help people create lasting, fulfilling marriages. An experienced clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and medical school clinical faculty member, Berger has held senior-level positions in child welfare, alcoholism treatment, and psychiatry. She says, "I stayed single for a long time because of my parent's divorce. Now happily married for over thirty-four years, I fill my books with the hard-earned wisdom I've gained professionally and personally."
I like how author Susan Page gets to the heart of why terrific women who say they want marriage continue to stay single and what they can do about it. Hidden ambivalence is a powerful internal conflict. The author explains how unconscious marriage fears can prevent us from moving forward.
For a long time, I acted out my unconscious ambivalence by finding "warts" or shortcomings in men who wanted a serious relationship. So I can relate to hidden ambivalence as a reason many marriage-minded women stay single.
Susan Page gives many examples of ways people express their ambivalence. I agree with her that living together with no plan to marry is one example, and I admire this author for stating this now that this lifestyle has become so common. Awareness is the first step toward change. This book fosters self-awareness and empowers us to move past what's getting in our…
If I'm so wonderful, why am I still single? Relationship expert Susan Page asks - and answers - this puzzling question in her classic book. She helps singles sweep aside popular excuses for not finding a mate and helps identify the real reasons love may seem so hard to find. Using revealing anecdotes, case studies and quizzes, Susan reveals ten essential steps to help you define your own plan of action and change your approach to dating and love forever. Are you stuck with a dead-end lover? Learn how to say no to B.T.N (Better Than Nothing) relationships. Are you…
I am an evolutionary ecologist with a lifelong fascination with mating behavior in animals, particularly fishes. The core of my doctoral thesis was trying to understand why some males mate with females of a different species, a behavior that I thought could not be adaptive. This was the starting point of my work on male mate choice, but also mate choice more generally. Originally from Germany, I have lived and worked in the US for a long time. Most of my work is on neotropical fishes so moving to America made sense.
I loved reading this book and I have used it in teaching. This is the most comprehensive book on mate choice. It will be defining the field for a long time. Rosenthal looks at everything that has to do with mate choice and provides an authoritative view of mate choice. He looks at the complexity of mate choice in its full range. If you look for the most complete book on mate choice, this is it.
A major new look at the evolution of mating decisions in organisms from protozoans to humans The popular consensus on mate choice has long been that females select mates likely to pass good genes to offspring. In Mate Choice, Gil Rosenthal overturns much of this conventional wisdom. Providing the first synthesis of the topic in more than three decades, and drawing from a wide range of fields, including animal behavior, evolutionary biology, social psychology, neuroscience, and economics, Rosenthal argues that "good genes" play a relatively minor role in shaping mate choice decisions and demonstrates how mate choice is influenced by…
I’m a writer, editor, and self-proclaimed shoe fanatic who loves finding opportunities to traipse through the streets of New York like Carrie in Sex and the City. With an undergrad degree in journalism from Howard University and a graduate degree from Georgetown University, I started a blog in 2007 about shoes, politics, and relationships that centered on my personal experiences with all three. Since then, I’ve contributed opinion articles to The Washington Post, Blavity, and more. My debut novel, The Shoe Diaries, was released in January 2022 by Harlequin Special Edition. The sequel, Bloom Where You’re Planted, will be released on May 24, 2022.
After attending a New Year’s Eve wedding, three friends decide that they are going to either become engaged or get married by the same time next year. With a premise like that, you know it’s destined to include a plethora of dating and relationship shenanigans. Plus, with three main characters, it gives the reader a great and complex look into the lives of Black professional women. Throughout, the friendships kept me enthralled, and I found it to be a wonderful look into Black sisterhood.
In this runaway hit novel, three best friends come together for their sorority sister's glitzy wedding in Atlanta and make a vow to get married within one year. As they embark on their search to find their soul mates, they navigate the full-contact sport known as being a SSBFLA (successful, single, black, female in L.A.) and negotiate the shark-infested waters of making a name for themselves professionally in Hollywood.
Can Trista, the hyper-driven celebrity agent, find the time to schedule a meaningful romance? Will Amaya, the sexy starlet, convince the married hip hop-label exec she has been seeing to leave…
I recently spent seven years studying the theme of mothers and daughters in dystopian fiction with young adult heroines for my PhD, for which I received a Vice Chancellor’s commendation. I am passionate about interrogating the subthemes and silences in fiction, particularly in women’s writing and stories about female identity and experience. I am also the author of eight published works of fiction, mostly psychological thrillers (often female-driven). My most recent publication is the near-future dystopiaThe Hush.
In Only Ever Yours, baby girls can no longer be born naturally, and instead they are made in laboratories, and then raised communally in schools.
They are trained in the arts of pleasing men, and some will be selected by eligible bachelors, leaving the rest to become concubines (sex slaves) or chastities (teachers). We follow the story of frieda and her best friend isabel as they go through the final preparations of school and prepare to be chosen. However, when isabel disappears, all of frieda’s loyalties and perceptions of their world will be put to the test.
I have so much admiration for Louise O'Neill's unflinching depiction of the pressures on the young women in this fictional society – the constant obsessions with looks and weight, the way they are taught to be competitive with each other, the slow degradation of frieda’s sense of self.
