The most recommended books about choosing a mate

Who picked these books? Meet our 23 experts.

23 authors created a book list connected to choosing a mate, and here are their favorite choosing a mate books.
Shepherd is reader supported. When you buy books, we may earn an affiliate commission.

What type of choosing a mate book?

Loading...
Loading...

Book cover of American Royals

Stacy Juba Author Of Fooling Around With Cinderella

From my list on chick lit to bring a smile to your face.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’m the author of the Storybook Valley chick-lit series, which includes Fooling Around With Cinderella and Prancing Around With Sleeping Beauty. I love reading and writing lighthearted novels about young women finding their Prince Charming—and also themselves. Setting is also important to me as a writer. To create my Storybook Valley novels I spied on Cinderellas at amusement parks and discreetly watched employees head off into off-limits areas. I watched hours of YouTube interviews with former Disney World princesses, behind-the-scenes videos with other amusement park employees, and listened to podcast interviews with managers of theme parks. All the novels I chose had well-developed settings that were an integral part of the book.  

Stacy's book list on chick lit to bring a smile to your face

Stacy Juba Why did Stacy love this book?

I stumbled onto this book on Amazon and the hook intrigued me: What if America had a royal family instead of a president? This alternate reality story set in the present day follows Princess Beatrice and her two siblings. As Beatrice gets closer to becoming queen, she feels the intense pressure and it affects her friendships, family relationships, and her love life. I’ve also read the second book in the series, which had some surprising plot twists. While this is actually a young adult novel, adults will enjoy it also. It’s a bit soapier than the other novels on my list, but a tantalizing read.

By Katharine McGee,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked American Royals as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it. This book is for kids age 14, 15, 16, and 17.

What is this book about?

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING SERIES * What if America had a royal family? If you can't get enough of Harry and Meghan or Kate and William, meet American princesses Beatrice and Samantha. Crazy Rich Asians meets The Crown. Perfect for fans of Red, White, and Royal Blue and The Royal We!

Two princesses vying for the ultimate crown.
Two girls vying for the prince's heart.
This is the story of the American royals.

When America won the Revolutionary War, its people offered General George Washington a crown. Two and a half centuries later, the House of Washington still sits on…


Book cover of Intellectual Foreplay: Questions for Lovers and Lovers-to-be

Alyssa Gonzalez Author Of Nonmonogamy and Neurodiversity: A More Than Two Essentials Guide

From my list on neurodiversity and relationships.

Why am I passionate about this?

Relationships are treacherous terrain for people outside the mainstream. Whether we’re tangling with the unwelcome biases of those who do not understand us or trying to navigate situations designed without us in mind, trying to find “our people” is tricky and often exhausting. I am an autistic polyamorous sapphic trans woman and each of those adjectives adds a layer of challenge to the life I have to lead. I am also the holder of a doctorate and like to think I’m pretty clever. Between these realities, I’ve found books about relationships, neurodivergence, and what it’s like to be someone like me that I think do a pretty good job. I hope you enjoy them.

Alyssa's book list on neurodiversity and relationships

Alyssa Gonzalez Why did Alyssa love this book?

Neurodivergent people are notoriously averse to small talk, but where to go from there?

Intellectual Foreplay provides an extensive collection of conversation topics and questions one can use to get to know someone better, whether you’re already close or just getting started.

In between, this book provides a treatment of how this sort of conversation works and, crucially, actions that can be taken in response to the answers one receives.

It’s an interesting book, even if it’s not particularly interesting to read straight through. Reference volumes often aren’t, so this is not a point against it.

By Eve Eschner Hogan, Steve Hogan,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Intellectual Foreplay as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This solutions-oriented guide offers problem solving and behavior changing strategies for people working on their most intimate relationships. The book provides readers with: enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners' beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making healthy decisions about lifestyles and boundaries; an in-depth understanding of the role of self-esteem in relationships; increased ability to let go of the past and embrace the present; and the knowledge that it is important not only to choose the right partner, but also to be the right partner. What…


Book cover of Emma

Charisse Cooke Author Of The Attachment Solution: How to develop secure, strong and lasting relationships

From my list on how to create a great relationship.

Why am I passionate about this?

I was fortunate enough to meet my husband over 17 years ago, and we have packed a lot of life in since then. Along with two kids and a dog, we’ve had our fair share of tough moments: financial challenges, bereavement, family issues, marital disagreement, and traumatic life events that taught me just as much as my two decades-long career as a relationship psychotherapist has. This, combined with working with individuals, couples, and partners in search of what love means and how to practically go about achieving it, has clarified for me just how much we all need tools and teachings when it comes to matters of the heart.

Charisse's book list on how to create a great relationship

Charisse Cooke Why did Charisse love this book?

Jane Austen would have made such a great therapist! Her razor-sharp observations, combined with profound insights into people and relationships, make this book an all-time favorite of mine. I love her descriptions of falling in (and out of) love and how fallible each of her characters is, reminding us of our humanity–especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

What also strikes me is how true it is that pride, image, and status can still play out in our more modern relationships today. This book feels very old-fashioned in places, but it warns us how easily we can hurt other people and damage relationships, sometimes irrevocably. There’s a lot to learn from Emma, and I enjoy seeing relationships depicted in fiction, where so much can be explored through a fascinating and absorbing story, too.

By Jane Austen,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked Emma as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

'Her masterpiece, mixing the sparkle of her early books with a deep sensibility' Robert McCrum, Observer

Although described by Jane Austen as a character 'whom no one but myself will much like', the irrepressible Emma Woodhouse is one of her most beloved heroines. Clever, rich and beautiful, she sees no need for marriage, but loves interfering in the romantic lives of others, until her matchmaking plans unravel, with consequences that she never expected. Jane Austen's novel of youthful exuberance and gradual self-knowledge is a brilliant, sparkling comic masterpiece.

Edited with an Introduction by FIONA STAFFORD


Book cover of Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type

Jennifer J. Lacelle Author Of Calling Down the Goddess

From Jennifer's 3 favorite reads in 2023.

Why am I passionate about this?

Author Witty Writer Wordsmith Playful Reader

Jennifer's 3 favorite reads in 2023

Jennifer J. Lacelle Why did Jennifer love this book?

This is a non-fiction read and is written by one of the leading “love experts” in North America. Helen Fisher helped create the tests that numerous dating websites have used to pair people up.

It might not be fiction, but it’s a powerfully deep dive into who you are as a person and why you choose the person you choose as a partner. 

By Helen Fisher,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Why Him? Why Her? as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Are you looking for The One? Well, according to Dr Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and relationship expert, you don't have to look any further for the way to find that special someone than your very own brain chemistry.
Based on Dr Fisher's groundbreaking personality type study, in which she analyzed the personalities of more than 28,000 people, Why Him? Why Her? provides a formula for long-term love that is based on cutting-edge discoveries in evolutionary neurology. Once you've identified yourself as one of the personality types (explorer, builder, negotiator, or director) Dr Fisher provides a detailed plan of how to…


Book cover of The Return of the Native

J.E. Tolbert Author Of Arsalan the Magnificent

From my list on descriptions of the real world make it seem unreal.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am an author, poet, and visual artist. These interests converge in my approach to literature. I think that visual and psychological descriptions of environments and circumstances are essential to enlivening the narrative and setting its tone. Often in modern literature this is diluted in favor of straightforward accounts. I believe that a story is never told with any complete objectivity but has a psychological context that must be highlighted. In addition, vivid visual descriptions greatly assist the reader in inhabiting the world of the story as seen from the characters’ points of view.

J.E.'s book list on descriptions of the real world make it seem unreal

J.E. Tolbert Why did J.E. love this book?

Of all the elements of this story, I feel the love triangle between Eustacia, Wildeve, and Clym is of secondary interest to the environment in which it takes place, which is the weird and lugubrious heathlands.

Perhaps I am unfamiliar with heaths; as far as I know, we don’t have any in the U.S. Hardy describes the British heathlands like the landscape of another planet. Largely flat with shallow hills and vales, it sometimes bursts with floral color, and depending on the weather, it can be beset with raking orange sunlight or gloomy palls of mist.

The locals are fond of lighting evening bonfires, and Hardy’s descriptions of the firelight dancing on their faces are mesmerizing and compellingly suggests an unbroken cultural link with Britain’s pagan past.    

By Thomas Hardy, Tony Slade (editor),

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Return of the Native as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Thomas Hardy's tragic vision of a love struggling to overcome prejudice and rejection, The Return of the Native is edited in Penguin Classics with an introduction by Penny Bouhmelha.

Against the lowering background of Egdon Heath, fiery Eustacia Vye passes her days, wishing only for passionate love. She believes that her escape from Egdon lies in marriage to Clym Yeobright, home from Paris and discontented with his work there. But Clym wishes to return to the Egdon community; a desire which sets him in opposition to his wife and brings them both to despair.

Based on the first edition of…


Book cover of The Vow

Darby Baham Author Of The Shoe Diaries

From my list on celebrating strong friendships.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’m a writer, editor, and self-proclaimed shoe fanatic who loves finding opportunities to traipse through the streets of New York like Carrie in Sex and the City. With an undergrad degree in journalism from Howard University and a graduate degree from Georgetown University, I started a blog in 2007 about shoes, politics, and relationships that centered on my personal experiences with all three. Since then, I’ve contributed opinion articles to The Washington Post, Blavity, and more. My debut novel, The Shoe Diaries, was released in January 2022 by Harlequin Special Edition. The sequel, Bloom Where You’re Planted, will be released on May 24, 2022. 

Darby's book list on celebrating strong friendships

Darby Baham Why did Darby love this book?

After attending a New Year’s Eve wedding, three friends decide that they are going to either become engaged or get married by the same time next year. With a premise like that, you know it’s destined to include a plethora of dating and relationship shenanigans. Plus, with three main characters, it gives the reader a great and complex look into the lives of Black professional women. Throughout, the friendships kept me enthralled, and I found it to be a wonderful look into Black sisterhood. 

By Denene Millner, Angela Burt-Murray, Mitzi Miller

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Vow as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

In this runaway hit novel, three best friends come together for their sorority sister's glitzy wedding in Atlanta and make a vow to get married within one year. As they embark on their search to find their soul mates, they navigate the full-contact sport known as being a SSBFLA (successful, single, black, female in L.A.) and negotiate the shark-infested waters of making a name for themselves professionally in Hollywood.

Can Trista, the hyper-driven celebrity agent, find the time to schedule a meaningful romance? Will Amaya, the sexy starlet, convince the married hip hop-label exec she has been seeing to leave…


Book cover of Secondhand Bride

Lauri Robinson Author Of An Unlikely Match for the Governess

From my list on that create great discussions for book club.

Why am I passionate about this?

As a kid, I read by flashlight under the covers and loved family vacations because long car rides meant hours of reading time (they still do!). I love belonging to book clubs because of the variety. Stories I might not have chosen, but end up loving. For years I devoured romance novels, especially historical and westerns. When my husband said, “You should write a book, you’ve read so many.” I decided to try and now have over 70 published romance novels, 50+ with Harlequin, Mills & Boon, and one young adult book that I co-wrote with two of my granddaughters. I hope my recommendations provides your book club with lively discussions!     


Lauri's book list on that create great discussions for book club

Lauri Robinson Why did Lauri love this book?

This book has so much to discuss, the old west, history, fun characters, family dynamics, and romance.

The opening scene puts the reader in the midst of cowboy country with laugh out loud action. The action and adventures that continue all the way to the end makes the reader ready to relive it by talking about it to others! 

The author does a fabulous job providing well-rounded characters with goals, ambitions, and faults, prompting discussions about who might be the favorite. Jeb, who can’t stay out of trouble, or Chloe who is not afraid to stand up to the wild cowboy.  

I’ve read this entire series, but each book, including this one, can be read as a stand-alone without having read any of the others. 

By Linda Lael Miller,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Secondhand Bride as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The third installment in the New York Times bestselling McKettrick Cowboys series follows the youngest McKettrick brother as he and his estranged love cross paths after discovering he must marry in order to inherit the family ranch.

Jeb is the wild McKettrick, the one who never could stay out of trouble. And trouble is what he gets when he proposes to Chloe Wakefield. No sooner had he and the pretty schoolteacher tied the knot than Jeb discovers she’s already married. After a major dustup with Chloe in a Tombstone barroom, an irate Jeb hightails it back to the Triple M…


Book cover of Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want

Sara Nasserzadeh Author Of Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love

From my list on how to move from surviving to thriving in your relationships.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am an author, speaker, researcher, and thinking partner with a PhD in Social Psychology and specialization in the fields of human sexuality, intercultural fluency, and relationships. I have over two decades of experience working with individuals, couples, companies, and governments across 40 countries. I truly believe that we can create world peace one relationship at a time, and embrace it as my mission. My third book in English, Love By Design, is the result of two-decade-long research on the status of thriving relationships and its key ingredients. These could be applied to relationships in all spaces, from bedrooms (most intimate) to the boardrooms (most public).

Sara's book list on how to move from surviving to thriving in your relationships

Sara Nasserzadeh Why did Sara love this book?

Dr. Alexandra Solomon's compassionate and insightful exploration of love and attachment offers a roadmap for individuals seeking to deepen their connections.

What sets this book apart is Solomon's emphasis on relational self-awareness and personal growth as foundational elements of healthy relationships. Through relatable anecdotes, personal stories, and practical exercises, she guides readers on a journey of self-discovery, empowering them to break free from old patterns and embrace vulnerability in love.

Loving Bravely is a valuable resource for anyone committed to building lasting, meaningful connections in their romantic relationships.

By Alexandra H. Solomon,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Loving Bravely as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Many of us enter into romantic relationships full of expectation and hope, only to be sorely disappointed by the realization that the partner we've selected is a flawed human being with their own neuroses, history, and desires. Most relationships end because one or both people haven't done the internal work necessary to develop self-awareness and take responsibility for their own experiences. We've all heard "You can't love anyone unless you love yourself," but amid life's distractions and the myth of perfect, romantic love, how exactly do you do that?

In Brave, Deep, Intimate, psychologist and relationship expert Alexandra H. Solomon…


Book cover of The North Wind

Avalon Griffin Author Of Unbound by Shadows

From my list on romance for empowering escapism.

Why am I passionate about this?

I started reading romance because I wanted to drown myself in stories of women stepping into their power and getting everything they wanted. Romance is a genre often looked down upon because of the happy-ever-afters, but I think that’s part of why it can be so deliciously subversive. Most (but not all) romance novels are centered on women, their voices, their sexuality, their desires, and their victories. In a world that’s often cruel, escaping into a world where dreams and fantasies are possible can be liberating. I started writing romance because I wanted to be a part of these stories and craft a world for others to escape into.

Avalon's book list on romance for empowering escapism

Avalon Griffin Why did Avalon love this book?

For fans of slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers fantasy, this book is gold.

With Beauty and the Beast and Hades and Persephone vibes, this book tells the story of a human woman who is kidnapped and wed to the Frost King, a brooding immortal.

The writing is beautiful, and I appreciated how it took a long time for the heroine and hero to trust each other and break down their walls. Both characters are deeply flawed, yet you still root for their happiness.

The world-building is lovely and folkloric. Getting into the steamy parts takes a while, but it’s worth the wait!

By Alexandria Warwick,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The North Wind as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Lush. Dark. Romantic. Introducing a newly reimagined tale written in the vein of Beauty and the Beast and Hades and Persephone.

Long before civilization, there were the gods. And before the gods, there was the earth, the celestial bodies, and air given flesh. They are the Anemoi-the Four Winds-and they have been banished to the four corners of the world.

Wren of Edgewood is no stranger to suffering. Her parents are gone. Survival is all she knows. For three hundred years, the land known as the Gray has been encased in ice, surrounded by a great barrier called the Shade,…


Book cover of One True Loves

JJ Elliott Author Of There Are No Rules for This

From JJ's 3 favorite reads in 2023.

Why am I passionate about this?

Author Oenophile Tennis and Pickleball player Avid reader Mom to teens and bulldogs Cheese fan

JJ's 3 favorite reads in 2023

JJ Elliott Why did JJ love this book?

I love a book that puts a regular person in an impossible situation, and boy, does this one deliver.

It follows a woman who has found love again after losing her “one true love” in an accident at sea, only for him to show up again right as she is putting her life back together.

I loved these characters deeply and ached for them all as they muddled through an extraordinary set of circumstances. It’s an excellent study of love and how it can change as we grow older. 

By Taylor Jenkins Reid,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked One True Loves as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

From the New York Times bestselling author of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

Named a Best Book of Summer by Cosmopolitan * InStyle *PopSugar * Buzzfeed * Bustle * Brit+Co * Parade

"No one does life and love better." InStyle
"Earth-shaking...you will flip for this epic love story." Cosmopolitan

From the author of Maybe in Another Life comes a breathtaking new love story about a woman unexpectedly forced to choose between the husband she has long thought dead and the fiance who has finally brought her back to life.

In her twenties, Emma Blair marries her high school sweetheart,…