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Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality Hardcover – Illustrated, June 29, 2010

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Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science--as well as religious and cultural institutions--has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are getting married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages.
How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá. While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book.
Ryan and Jethá's central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.
With intelligence, humor, and wonder, Ryan and Jethá show how our promiscuous past haunts our struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation, and family dynamics. They explore why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many; why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens; why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women; why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality.
In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing,
Sex at Dawn unapologetically upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

Sex At Dawn has helped me understand myself and the world so much more clearly.” — Ilana Glazer, co-creator of Broad City

“Sex At Dawn is the single most important book about human sexuality since Alfred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948.” — Dan Savage

“Funny, witty, and light ... Sex at Dawn is a scandal in the best sense, one that will have you reading the best parts aloud and reassessing your ideas about humanity’s basic urges well after the book is done.” — Newsweek

“Sex At Dawn challenges conventional wisdom about sex in a big way... This is a provocative, entertaining, and pioneering book. I learned a lot from it and recommend it highly.” — Andrew Weil, M.D., author of Healthy Aging

“Sex At Dawn is a provocative and engaging synthesis... that has the added benefit of being a joy to read.... A book sure to generate discussion, and one likely to produce more than a few difficult conversations with family marriage counselors.” — Eric Michael Johnson, Seed Magazine

“You clearly have an exciting book on your hands, whether people agree with it or not: these are issues that will need debating over and over before we will arrive at a resolution.” — Frans de Waal, author of The Age of Empathy

“A wonderfully provocative and well-written book which completely re-evaluates human sexual behaviour and gets to the root of many of our social and psychological ills.” — Steve Taylor, author of The Fall and Waking From Sleep

“One of the most original books I’ve read in years, Sex at Dawn manages to be both enormously erudite and wildly entertaining―even, frequently, hilarious. . . . A must-read for anyone interested in where our sexual impulses come from.” — Tony Perrottet, author of Napoleon's Privates

“This paradigm-shifting book is a thoroughly original discussion of the origins and nature of human sexuality... These authors have a gift for making complex material reader-friendly, filling each chapter with humor and passion as well as dozens of revolutionary insights.” — Stanley Krippner, Ph.D.

“Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha have written the essential corrective to the evolutionary psychology literature...” — Stanton Peele, Ph.D.

From the Back Cover

Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science—as well as religious and cultural institutions—has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are getting married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages.

How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethå. While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book.

Ryan and Jethå's central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.

With intelligence, humor, and wonder, Ryan and Jethå show how our promiscuous past haunts our struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation, and family dynamics. They explore why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many; why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens; why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women; why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality.

In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, Sex at Dawn unapologetically upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper; Edition Unstated (June 29, 2010)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 416 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0061707805
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0061707803
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.3 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1.29 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 4,850 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4,850 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book engaging and informative. They appreciate the clear explanations of complex subjects and the logical structure of the book. The book provides an interesting perspective on human sexuality and monogamy. Readers describe the writing style as amusing, witty, and fun. Overall, customers find the book thoughtful and reassuring.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

502 customers mention "Readability"474 positive28 negative

Customers find the book engaging and thought-provoking. They describe it as a clever, important read that sheds light on the complexities of where we come from.

"...The whole thing is amazing and forces one to reexamine the merit and utility of monogamy, among various other cultural beliefs...." Read more

"...It is a fascinating read, which covers a lot of ground and makes some very compelling arguments...." Read more

"...incredible book… until part 4, where we watch the author completely destroy all credibility by repeating the same logical fallacies and research..." Read more

"...humanity to embrace and much of the science is valid and sheds light on the complexities of where we come from biologically, which is not strict..." Read more

426 customers mention "Information quality"377 positive49 negative

Customers find the book informative and well-researched. They appreciate the analysis of complex subjects and clear explanations. The book offers scientifically substantiated theories that resolve cultural and traditional constructs. Readers also mention the anecdotal evidence and alternative views that are eye-opening. Overall, it's considered an important and solid experience for novices.

"...First, the book is extremely well written. Complex subjects are analyzed and explained clearly and concisely, and wonderful examples and metaphors..." Read more

"...In addition, the very biology of humans, from the way sperm behaves to the shape of the penis, to the anatomy of the clitoris to the noises women..." Read more

"What had the opportunity to be the most impactful, non-biased, society-changing book of a generation was squandered by the author’s blatant and..." Read more

"...with every argument in this book, but it's certainly liberating and refreshing to encounter an honest discussion of our favorite subject: Sex...." Read more

226 customers mention "Writing quality"186 positive40 negative

Customers find the writing clear and easy to follow. They appreciate the fair description of the opposing viewpoints, the logical structure, and the attention to details. The book provides interesting alternative takes and honest discussion on a favorite subject. Readers describe the authors as good storytellers and say the explanations make sense.

"...Complex subjects are analyzed and explained clearly and concisely, and wonderful examples and metaphors are frequently offered to emphasize..." Read more

"...but it's certainly liberating and refreshing to encounter an honest discussion of our favorite subject: Sex...." Read more

"...The authors simply, concisely, and with humor, lay out why monogamy is such a struggle for so many people...." Read more

"...On the one hand, the authors present a lot of interesting and eye-opening alternative takes (many of which I confirmed through my own research) that..." Read more

183 customers mention "Sexuality"165 positive18 negative

Customers find the book provides an interesting perspective on human sexuality. They appreciate the fair discussion of female sexuality and the explanation of why people have affairs and marriages can end in ruins. The book explains why people have affairs, why marriages can be left in ruins, and how it justifies polygamy and polyamory in humans. It also gives an alternative view of relationships that may be the more correct one.

"...thing is amazing and forces one to reexamine the merit and utility of monogamy, among various other cultural beliefs...." Read more

"...their reviews, or slams, as the case may be.. There was a lot to digest in Sex at Dawn, information from a variety of fields...." Read more

"...system, our uniquely elevated social intelligence, institutionalized sharing of food, casually promiscuous sexuality leading to generalized child..." Read more

"...I also feel like there is a place for romance in ethical non-monogamy..." Read more

124 customers mention "Humor"113 positive11 negative

Customers appreciate the book's humor. They find it amusing, witty, and playful. The writing style is described as clever and easy to read. Overall, readers describe the book as provocative and well-written.

"...The authors also display a delightful sense of humor at various points during exploration of topics most people don't feel comfortable discussing..." Read more

"...It's also quite funny in places, which was quite welcome...." Read more

"...The authors simply, concisely, and with humor, lay out why monogamy is such a struggle for so many people...." Read more

"...Frankly, I’m not sure. I love their playful writing style and applaud their disruptive arguments. But did they convince me? No. They didn’t...." Read more

34 customers mention "Look"31 positive3 negative

Customers find the book engaging and thought-provoking. They appreciate its thoughtful and humorous presentation of sexuality from a scientific perspective. The book provides a convincing and unique look at polygamy.

"...been a social psychology hobbyist for a few decades, it was both pleasing and reassuring to see many of my favorite experts on the topic cited in..." Read more

"...All of this was wrapped in sexy lipstick, admittedly very well written and often funny, which makes the implicit arguments all the more dangerous..." Read more

"...Sex at Dawn puts together a convincing picture, but what about it?..." Read more

"...It's an interesting look at the other side of evolutionary psychology, if you enjoy that sort of thing, but I wouldn't recommend it widely or whole-..." Read more

14 customers mention "Strength"14 positive0 negative

Customers find the book convincing and well-supported. They say it sets a solid foundation for why such arrangements are beneficial, with little murder, robust health, and security. The book is described as liberating, revealing, and relieves years of guilt.

"...have to agree with every argument in this book, but it's certainly liberating and refreshing to encounter an honest discussion of our favorite..." Read more

"...intimate, interdependent, generous, peaceful, with little murder, robust health, and security...." Read more

"...of polyamory and open marriage, but this book really sets a solid foundation for exactly why such arrangements shouldn't be set apart as merely "..." Read more

"...it could be VERY instructive to those working w/ couples, Quite relieving for men w/E.D.,..." Read more

58 customers mention "Content"17 positive41 negative

Customers find the book's content repetitive and lacking a strong thesis. They feel it gets too academic and generalizes too much. The evidence set is not comprehensive, and the book leaves many unanswered questions.

"...The authors argue that this narrative cannot be explained by evolutionary biology but rather is a cultural phenomenon shaped by the agricultural..." Read more

"...case studies, the subsequent material seems sort of of dull and repetitive...." Read more

"...shift that will allow the readers to see sex, human relations, cultural traditions, and even politics with their eyes wide open...." Read more

"...Another problem, is they ignore basic truths of evolution. Evolution is not a nice, neat "Do what is advantageous." There can be conflicts...." Read more

Fantastic book, really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
5 out of 5 stars
Fantastic book, really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking.
Fantastic book, really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. Really covers a lot of material and while the book can be somewhat slow/dense in parts, I was still able to finish it over a few days. The book covers a wide range of preexisting beliefs we’ve been led to think are “normal” in this day and age and offers an alternative view of sexuality in our modern day and age.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on May 25, 2022
    Wish I'd read this book 30 years ago.

    **SPOILER ALERT** Discussion of the main themes and revelatory points follows.

    First, the book is extremely well written. Complex subjects are analyzed and explained clearly and concisely, and wonderful examples and metaphors are frequently offered to emphasize points.

    The authors also display a delightful sense of humor at various points during exploration of topics most people don't feel comfortable discussing openly.

    The thing that blew me away the most was his discussion of how agriculture changed the world more than any other single event or series of events. With the advent of farming, human societies invented concepts of land ownership and private property. This led to the formation of hierarchical societies, which was necessary to wage war for land and other limited resources--a circumstance that did not exist among hunter-gatherer societies, they say, because no one claimed to own the land or anything else. There simply were no wars for land or resources among prehistoric people; they lived in a world of abundance and would have had no reason to organize to control territory; nor did they store food; they were "immediate return" hunter-gatherers, meaning they consumed what they found or acquired daily.

    I can't find any flaws with the theories or logic.

    Another reader did, however, writing: “ ‘If human sexuality developed primarily as
    a bonding mechanism in interdependent bands where paternity certainty was a
    nonissue, then the standard narrative of human evolution is toast.’ If the standard
    narrative of human evolution is, in fact, ‘toast,’ how does their competing worldview
    better help explain contemporary human sexual relations?” The book answers this
    question with the detailed discussion of agriculture referenced above, noting the
    many social, cultural and legal consequences that resulted from land ownership,
    hoarding of food, farming, and the need to preserve and pass on private property to
    heirs.

    The authors further argue that monogamy is simply a cultural construct that arose with agriculture as the logical consequence of abandoning communal living. Once everyone stopped cooperating mutually for each other's survival and farming began, a psychological shift from abundance to scarcity occurred, as resources suddenly became limited, had to be cultivated, hoarded, and sold, rather than gathered communally and distributed equally.

    Sexuality followed the same path. By imposing monogamy, men could have some reassurance of their paternity, which became increasingly important, because fathers passed property to their children (unlike in communal times), so paternity certainty became vital to ensure that property was passed to true heirs, not another man's children.

    The whole thing is amazing and forces one to reexamine the merit and utility of monogamy, among various other cultural beliefs.

    Fun and fantastic read.
    21 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 1, 2011
    (Hey! Hey, baby, baby, waitwaitwaitwait. Wait. Wait! Baby, don't... don't freak out

    Okay, okay, I know what this looks like, but I can explain! Quiet, Chad, let me handle this. I can explain! I'm just - please, stop crying and listen - I'm just fulfilling my evolutionary heritage and helping to cement social bonds with... um... the pizza boy, but that'snotthepoint!! That's not the point! Look, before you do anything, y'know, drastic, you just need to read this book....)

    Humans are really good at figuring things out. As far as we go, we have a real knack for taking things apart and figuring out how they work. Though determined curiosity and perseverance, we know what's happening at the center of the sun, we know how the continents slide across the surface of the earth, how plants turn sunlight into potatoes. We can smash atoms and cure disease and peer back to the moment of creation itself. There is almost nothing that humans cannot comprehend if we put our minds to it.

    Except ourselves.

    Don't get me wrong - we have made great strides in philosophy and psychology, and come very far in understanding human origins and our spread across the planet. But there is a fundamental problem that we have when we study ourselves, and that is that we cannot do so objectively. Try as we might, it is impossible to completely put aside our own biases, judgments and backgrounds when we study how humans behave and try to understand why they do what they do. They are still there, if you look for them, and nowhere are they more evident than in the search for the origins of foundations of human sexuality.

    The standard model, as it's often called, goes something like this: ancient men and women established a pattern of monogamy based on mutual self-interest. The man would keep to one mate in order to be absolutely sure that he was dedicating his efforts towards raising his own kids and not someone else's. If a man had multiple partners, he wouldn't be able to provide for them all, and his genetic investment would die out. So, in terms of efficiency, it is much better for the man to keep himself to one woman, focusing all his attention on the children he knows he has fathered and making sure they live to have children of their own.

    As far as women are concerned, they require the resources that the men bring. When pregnant, a woman's physical capacities are reduced and she is in a vulnerable state, so by staying monogamous, she is essentially purchasing security and resources that would otherwise be unavailable to her in a world that brought quick and merciless death to the weak. If she slept around, the man wouldn't be sure that the child she bore was his, and would therefore have less interest in taking care of the both of them. Thus, monogamy is the best bet to assure the survival of herself and her child.

    This is the story that's been told for a long time, and it's considered by most to be the truth. Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, however, disagree. Not only do they think the standard model is wrong, but they think it is nothing more than a relic of our own modern biases and hang-ups. The process, they say, can be referred to as "Flintstonization."

    As you know, the characters in "The Flintstones" were more or less just like us. They went to work, they had houses and appliances and domestic disputes. They had the same issues and amusements as we did, because we overlaid our own society onto a prehistoric setting. Now in cartoons, that's good entertainment, and in the right hands it can be used as powerful satire and commentary. In science, though, it's just no good.

    Starting with Darwin, people have imagined prehistoric humans to have the same sexual values that we have: a demure, reluctant female who is very choosy in deciding which male she will mate with. A bond forms, and they are faithful to each other until the end of their days. Later researchers, looking at our ape cousins, have plenty of observational research to support the idea that very early humans were monogamous. They look at chimps and gorillas and baboons and confirm what they had always suspected - that our natural sexual state is one of monogamy.

    The logical conclusion, then, is that our modern attitude towards sexuality, with the rising rates of divorce and teen sexuality, represents a deviation from the way things "should" be, and must therefore be fixed. A loveless marriage, a man's roving eye, a woman who cuckolds her husband, serial monogamists, all of these, according to the standard model, result from our attempts to go against our nature.

    Or is it the other way around?

    Ryan and Jetha have put together a very compelling argument that the standard model of pre-agricultural human sexuality is not only wrong, but dangerously so. By looking at modern foraging tribes and the way they live, as well as doing a comparative analysis of humans against our nearest ape cousins, they have come to this conclusion: our "natural" sexual state is one of promiscuity. Back in the day, communities were small and tightly bonded, and sex was one of the things that held those bonds tight. Rather than one man and one woman struggling to protect their own genetic line, their entire community made sure that children were cared for and raised well. Everyone was everyone else's responsibility, and in a world of plenty there was no reason to try and enforce any kind of sexual exclusivity.

    It was only with the rise of agriculture that it became important to know what was yours, as opposed to someone else's, and that quickly extended from fields and livestock to wives and children. Now that people were keeping their own food and making sure to divide their lands from their neighbor's lands, sharing went out of style. With so much work put into growing crops, that's where the standard model of economic monogamy settled in, and it's been with us ever since. The advent of agriculture changed everything, and not everything for the better.

    In addition, the very biology of humans, from the way sperm behaves to the shape of the penis, to the anatomy of the clitoris to the noises women make in the throes of orgasm - all of these point to an evolutionary history of sexual promiscuity. The evidence of our bodies tell us that being locked into a lifetime monogamous pair-bond is not what we evolved to do.

    Ryan and Jetha know that their view of the fundamental nature of human sexuality will not be popular, mainly because it completely undermines our vision of who we are. So much law, tradition, education, entertainment and just plain common sense relies on humans being naturally monogamous. It's something that seems so obvious to us that we cannot imagine a society built any other way. Unfortunately, if Ryan and Jetha are right, society is the problem. We have established a cultural norm that goes completely against our biological and evolutionary nature, and which makes people miserable on a daily basis.

    I bought this book mainly to stop Dan Savage from nagging me about it. If you listen to Savage's podcast - and you should - you will soon realize that monogamy is something that a lot of people aren't good at. We look at other people with lust in our hearts, we cheat, we stay in relationships where we're sexually miserable just because that's what we "should" do. For most people, our sexual urges are to be fought against, with everything from self-restraint to social shame to law itself. It seems like staying monogamous is one of the hardest things for many people to do.

    This, of course, raises the question: if it were natural, would it really be so hard?

    It is a fascinating read, which covers a lot of ground and makes some very compelling arguments. It's also quite funny in places, which was quite welcome. In discussing the standard model the authors note that this is, fundamentally, prostitution, wherein the woman uses sex for material resources. This sexual barter system has been assumed to be true for years, leading the authors to write, "Darwin says your mother's a whore. Simple as that." They also put in some special notes for adventurous grad students in the field of sexual research (especially genital to genital rubbing, something popular in bonobo apes, but which is rarely studied in humans) and re-titling the extremely popular song "When A Man Loves a Woman" as "When a Man Becomes Pathologically Obsessed and Sacrifices All Self-Respect and Dignity by Making a Complete Ass of Himself (and Losing the Woman Anyway Because Really, Who Wants a Boyfriend Who Sleeps Out in the Rain Because Someone Told Him To?)"

    I don't really know what can be made of the serious information proposed in this book. No matter how it may seem, the authors are not proposing a dissolution of marriage or compulsory orgies or anything like that, nor is this book a "Get Out of Cheating Free" card. We've spent thousands of years putting these restraints on human sexuality, and they're not going to come off anytime soon. The best we can do right now is to be aware of where our ideas about relationships come from, and stop to think about the difference between what is true and what we wish were true. This understanding might help to save relationships that would otherwise work. People cheat not because they're scum or whores, but because they're human. Being monogamous is really hard not because we're weak or flawed, but because it's not what our bodies want for us.

    The search for a better understanding of human nature should lead us to being better humans, and nothing should be left out. Not even our most sacred beliefs. Not even sex.

    ------------------------------------------------
    "Asking whether our species is naturally peaceful or warlike, generous or possessive, free-loving or jealous, is like asking whether H2O is naturally a solid, liquid or gas. The only meaningful answer to such a question is: It depends."
    - Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha, Sex at Dawn
    ------------------------------------------------

    (Okay? Okay, baby? So you see, I wasn't really cheating - okay, I was, but you can see why, right? I was just acting in accordance with my fundamental humanity, following the biological impulses as determined by millions of years of evolution when we... Hey, where are you going? Where are you? Oh, hell, he's going for the shotgun. Run, Chad, leave your pants, you don't have time, run!)
    132 people found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • PAULINA LÓPEZ SIGUENZA
    5.0 out of 5 stars Excelente
    Reviewed in Mexico on January 15, 2024
    Me encantó, de los obligados para leer jeje
  • Rehan Barbhuiya
    5.0 out of 5 stars Every couple must read it.....if anyone just going to marry must read it .....💕
    Reviewed in India on August 4, 2024
    Every couples must read books ....to enjoy our love life ......to know our body functions while love making....... everything written very elaborately .......another book also u can try after finishing it is (art of seduction by Seema Anand)
  • GERARD
    5.0 out of 5 stars A revelation: The missing link between man and women
    Reviewed in France on July 28, 2024
    If you struggle to find your place,set a name to your feeling, understand your wife or simply understand your sexuality, this book is for you.
    I don’t have many book that saved my life, this one did.
  • isabella velez
    5.0 out of 5 stars Este libro ha sido súper interesante
    Reviewed in Spain on February 9, 2024
    Aprendí mucho de antropología, psicología, sexología con este libro y la verdad es que no es difícil de comprender. Recomendado a todos los que estén interesados en el origen de la evolución sexual de los humanos.
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    isabella velez
    5.0 out of 5 stars Este libro ha sido súper interesante
    Reviewed in Spain on February 9, 2024
    Aprendí mucho de antropología, psicología, sexología con este libro y la verdad es que no es difícil de comprender. Recomendado a todos los que estén interesados en el origen de la evolución sexual de los humanos.
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  • Dubwicht
    5.0 out of 5 stars Fabulous and Enghlitening Book
    Reviewed in Canada on March 26, 2020
    This is one of the best books I have read in a long time. Answers many questions I have asked my self about human sexuality over the years. Why do I react to women the way I do? Porn, looking at attractive women - human nature and nothing to be ashamed of. Highly recommended.