100 books like Punished By Rewards

By Alfie Kohn,

Here are 100 books that Punished By Rewards fans have personally recommended if you like Punished By Rewards. Shepherd is a community of 11,000+ authors and super readers sharing their favorite books with the world.

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Book cover of Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child

Justin Coulson Author Of Miss-connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter 'Hates' You, Expects the World and Needs to Talk

From my list on parenting like a pro.

Why am I passionate about this?

In the early 2000s I was a dad of 2 daughters with no idea what I was doing. After some major parenting blunders I quit a successful radio career and returned to university to learn how to become a better dad. And 8 ½ years later I graduated with an honours degree in psychology and a PhD! A short time later my wife and I had our 6th daughter. The books on this list have paved the way for us to flourish as a family. Today I have Australia’s no. 1 podcast for parenting, my own TV show (Parental Guidance), and a family I love like crazy. 

Justin's book list on parenting like a pro

Justin Coulson Why did Justin love this book?

Gottman is widely considered the ultimate relationships guru, worldwide. When he turned his attention to parenting to write this book, he provided parents with a blueprint for understanding and dealing with children's emotions that is unsurpassed. I have used this book as a reference for nearly 20 years and still find gems that inspire better interactions between my kids and I. One of the best parenting books on the planet.

By John Gottman, Joan Declaire,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is John Gottman’s groundbreaking guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world.

Intelligence That Comes from the Heart

Every parent knows the importance of equipping children with the intellectual skills they need to succeed in school and life. But children also need to master their emotions. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child is a guide to teaching children to understand and regulate their emotional world. And as acclaimed psychologist and researcher John Gottman shows, once they master this important life skill, emotionally intelligent children will enjoy increased self-confidence, greater physical health, better performance…


Book cover of The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child Psychiatrist's Notebook: What Traumatized Children Can Teach Us About Loss, Love, and Healing

Alison Prowle Author Of Strength-based Practice with Children and Families

From my list on finding hope following childhood adversity.

Why am I passionate about this?

Growing up in the South Wales Valleys during the 1970s and 80s, I witnessed firsthand the effects of multiple adversities on the lives of those around me. Life was difficult for many families in the area as they battled with poverty, ill health, and lack of opportunity. I watched many amazing, creative, and talented young people fail to realise their potential. This sparked a passion and a career for supportive intervention with families and young children. It is my aim to help equip the workforce to better understand and respond to childhood adversity, be trauma aware, advocate for children’s rights, and make a positive difference in the lives of children and young people.

Alison's book list on finding hope following childhood adversity

Alison Prowle Why did Alison love this book?

I had been wanting to read this book for a long while but knew that it deserved setting aside a good chunk of time to really appreciate it! I finally picked it up during the first COVID lockdown and was fully engaged from the very first page.

This is the very best book that I have ever read on childhood trauma. For me, this book was like doing a specialist course in neuroscience. I learned so much about how adversity and extreme stress affect a child’s brain. However,  despite dealing with harrowing material, the authors never lose their focus on hope for a positive outcome. They consider how even children who have lived through unspeakable suffering can experience healing and wholeness.

The importance of compassionate and nurturing relationships is paramount within this exceptional book, based on real-life case files.

By Bruce D. Perry, Maia Szalavitz,

Why should I read it?

4 authors picked The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

What happens when a young child is traumatized? How does terror affect a child's mind-and how can that mind recover? Child psychiatrist Bruce Perry has treated children faced with unimaginable horror: homicide survivors, witnesses to their own parents' murders, children raised in closets and cages, the Branch Davidian children, and victims of extreme neglect and family violence. In The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Dr. Perry tells their stories of trauma and transformation. He explains what happens to the brain when children are exposed to extreme stress and trauma and reveals his innovative (non-medicinal) methods for helping to…


Book cover of Between Parent and Child

Lawrence J. Cohen Author Of Unplug and Play: The Ultimate Illustrated Guide to Roughhousing with Your Kids

From my list on to help you remember what it was like to be a child.

Why am I passionate about this?

One of the main things I do for work is encourage parents to awaken their playful and empathic hearts and play with their kids—roughhousing play, dramatic play, games—and really listen to their kids. The connection this brings is unmistakable, and irreplaceable. Because so many adults, myself included, seem to have forgotten what it was like to be a child, I am always amazed when someone gets it. These are five books that brought me back there, from writers who somehow remembered, and share that understanding with compassion. (I was limited to books, but if I could have included a movie I would recommend C’mon C’mon.)

Lawrence's book list on to help you remember what it was like to be a child

Lawrence J. Cohen Why did Lawrence love this book?

If you have read a parenting book or taken a parenting course in the last sixty years, chances are you have been influenced by the wisdom of Haim Ginott, even if you didn’t realize it.

He and his students, including the authors of How to Talk So Children Will Listen, set the groundwork for what is known today as connection parenting, conscious parenting, gentle parenting, playful parenting, and authoritative (but not authoritarian) parenting.

When my mom passed away and I looked through her books, I saw she had a first edition of Between Parent and Child, first published when I was a young boy.

When I read it, I felt a strong flash of recognition about the way she raised me. Ginott gets children, and he gets parents.

By Haim G. Ginott,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked Between Parent and Child as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Strengthen your relationship with your children with this revised edition of the book by renowned psychologist Dr. Haim Ginott that has helped millions of parents around the world.

In this revised edition, Dr. Alice Ginott, clinical psychologist and wife of the late Haim Ginott, and family relationship specialist Dr. H. Wallace Goddard usher this bestselling classic into the new century while retaining the book’s positive message and Haim Ginott’s warm, accessible voice. Based on the theory that parenting is a skill that can be learned, this indispensable handbook will show you how to:
• Discipline without threats, bribes, sarcasm, and…


Book cover of Mindset: Changing The Way You think To Fulfil Your Potential

Matt Jardine Author Of How to be a Buddhist Millionaire: 9 practical steps to being happy in a materialist world

From my list on making an abundant living doing work you love.

Why am I passionate about this?

I have been fascinated by human potential for as long as I can remember. As a youth, my passion manifested in physical skills, pursuing a career in professional tennis, then in martial arts, for example. In my twenties, my interest included the mental and ‘spiritual’ side of life, too. Later, a young family needing to be fed forced me to consider yet another area of life to ‘master’: work and business. With so much of our lives spent in the workplace (a third), it seemed the perfect environment to test all that I had learnt about pushing the boundaries of human potential; mind, body, emotions, and spirit.

Matt's book list on making an abundant living doing work you love

Matt Jardine Why did Matt love this book?

When pursuing any goal, an inspiring work life, loving relationships, radiant health, abundant free-flowing wealth, whatever it may be, at some stage you may face a hard truth: that much (if not all) of your success and failure is determined by what goes on between your ears.

Honestly, I wish I had picked up Dr. Dweck’s book twenty years earlier. I’m convinced, had I done so, I would have given Roger Federer a run for his money on centre court at Wimbledon some time.

Mindset is a book that my wife (a school headteacher) and I both agree should be mandatory reading for every parent, teenager, or person wanting to release themselves from the tyranny of self-doubt. 

And, of course, well written, researched and tried and tested.

By Carol S. Dweck,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked Mindset as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

World-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, in decades of research on achievement and success, has discovered a truly groundbreaking idea-the power of our mindset.

Dweck explains why it's not just our abilities and talent that bring us success-but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. She makes clear why praising intelligence and ability doesn't foster self-esteem and lead to accomplishment, but may actually jeopardize success. With the right mindset, we can motivate our kids and help them to raise their grades, as well as reach our own goals-personal and professional. Dweck reveals what all great parents, teachers,…


Book cover of Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity

Joanna Faber and Julie King Author Of How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen: Whining, Fighting, Meltdowns, Defiance, and Other Challenges of Childhood

From my list on to create strong connections in their families.

Why are we passionate about this?

Joanna Faber is the daughter of Adele Faber, a pioneer of the internationally acclaimed best-selling How To Talk series that has helped millions of parents worldwide. Joanna joined forces with her childhood friend Julie King to provide support for parents and educators of the 21st century. Each draws on her own experiences – Joanna as a bilingual teacher in West Harlem, Julie as a specialist in helping parents of children on the autism spectrum – to lead workshops and speak to parent groups, teachers, doctors, and librarians worldwide, including online sessions to support parents during Covid lockdowns and afterwards. Together, Joanna and Julie have written two best-selling How To Talk books

Joanna and Julie's book list on to create strong connections in their families

Joanna Faber and Julie King Why did Joanna and Julie love this book?

Instead of starting with the question, "How can I change my child's behavior?" Andrew Solomon starts by asking, "How does my child experience the world?"

He tells the stories of parents who have struggled to accept that their children are profoundly different from them and offers a deeply optimistic view of relationships and family. This book takes a fascinating dive into different ways of being human – among them, deafness, dwarfism, transgenderism, autism – and inspires us to look at our children through new eyes.

By Andrew Solomon,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked Far from the Tree as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Winner of the National Book Critics Circle Award, a Books for a Better Life Award, and one of The New York Times Book Review’s Ten Best Books of 2012, this masterpiece by the National Book Award–winning author of The Noonday Demon features stories of parents who not only learn to deal with their exceptional children, but also find profound meaning in doing so—“a brave, beautiful book that will expand your humanity” (People).

Solomon’s startling proposition in Far from the Tree is that being exceptional is at the core of the human condition—that difference is what unites us. He writes about…


Book cover of Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too

Joanna Faber and Julie King Author Of How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen: Whining, Fighting, Meltdowns, Defiance, and Other Challenges of Childhood

From my list on to create strong connections in their families.

Why are we passionate about this?

Joanna Faber is the daughter of Adele Faber, a pioneer of the internationally acclaimed best-selling How To Talk series that has helped millions of parents worldwide. Joanna joined forces with her childhood friend Julie King to provide support for parents and educators of the 21st century. Each draws on her own experiences – Joanna as a bilingual teacher in West Harlem, Julie as a specialist in helping parents of children on the autism spectrum – to lead workshops and speak to parent groups, teachers, doctors, and librarians worldwide, including online sessions to support parents during Covid lockdowns and afterwards. Together, Joanna and Julie have written two best-selling How To Talk books

Joanna and Julie's book list on to create strong connections in their families

Joanna Faber and Julie King Why did Joanna and Julie love this book?

The most frustrating and sometimes enraging moments for me as a parent have been when one of my kids hurts the feelings (or the body) of another. Why can’t they just get along??

This book will tell you why! And also, what you can do about it. It’s chock full of humorous and relatable true stories that will give you insights and solutions for your own family. 

By Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Siblings Without Rivalry as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Already best-selling authors with How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish turned their minds to the battle of the siblings. Parents themselves, they were determined to figure out how to help their children get along. The result was Siblings Without Rivalry. This wise, groundbreaking book gives parents the practical tools they need to cope with conflict, encourage cooperation, reduce competition, and make it possible for children to experience the joys of their special relationship. With humor and understanding-much gained from raising their own children-Faber and Mazlish explain how and…


Book cover of Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism

Suzanne Goh, MD Author Of Magnificent Minds: The New Whole-Child Approach to Autism

From my list on autism: strengths-based, neurodivergent.

Why am I passionate about this?

My journey began as a high school camp counselor at the Ability Center of Greater Toledo in Ohio. As I worked with children who had neurodevelopmental differences and collaborated with a co-counselor who had cerebral palsy, I saw how people with differences were marginalized and devalued despite being insightful, empathetic, passionate, funny, and talented. My appreciation for their strengths and perspectives shaped my approach as a pediatric neurologist, BCBA, neuroscientist, researcher, and founder of Cortica, which is focused on a whole-child, neurodivergent-affirming approach to care for autism and other neurodevelopmental differences. Reading is an important way for me to stay connected to the strengths-based lens I began cultivating in my teens.

Suzanne's book list on autism: strengths-based, neurodivergent

Suzanne Goh, MD Why did Suzanne love this book?

We live in a world that all too often pathologizes autism and sees autistic people as broken and in need of fixing. In this book, Dr. Barry Prizant sees neurodivergent people through a strengths-based lens.

I appreciate the importance he places on listening to and understanding the experiences of autistic people and how he uses those experiences to illustrate the unique gifts that autistic people bring to the world. Dr. Prizant has helped to inspire the continued evolution of our Cortica clinical care model, and his book highlights the importance of amplifying neurodiverse voices.

By Barry M Prizant, Tom Fields-Meyer,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked Uniquely Human as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Winner of the Autism Society of America’s Dr. Temple Grandin Award for the Outstanding Literary Work in Autism

A groundbreaking book on autism, by one of the world’s leading experts, who portrays autism as a unique way of being human—this is “required reading...Breathtakingly simple and profoundly positive” (Chicago Tribune).

Autism therapy typically focuses on ridding individuals of “autistic” symptoms such as difficulties interacting socially, communication problems, sensory challenges, and repetitive behavior patterns. Now, this updated and expanded edition of Dr. Barry M. Prizant’s Uniquely Human tackles new language such as shifting from “person-first language” to “identity-first language,” diversity of identity…


Book cover of Stop the Fight!: An Illustrated Guide for Couples: How to Break Free from the 12 Most Common Arguments and Build a Relationship That Lasts

Joanna Faber and Julie King Author Of How to Talk When Kids Won't Listen: Whining, Fighting, Meltdowns, Defiance, and Other Challenges of Childhood

From my list on to create strong connections in their families.

Why are we passionate about this?

Joanna Faber is the daughter of Adele Faber, a pioneer of the internationally acclaimed best-selling How To Talk series that has helped millions of parents worldwide. Joanna joined forces with her childhood friend Julie King to provide support for parents and educators of the 21st century. Each draws on her own experiences – Joanna as a bilingual teacher in West Harlem, Julie as a specialist in helping parents of children on the autism spectrum – to lead workshops and speak to parent groups, teachers, doctors, and librarians worldwide, including online sessions to support parents during Covid lockdowns and afterwards. Together, Joanna and Julie have written two best-selling How To Talk books

Joanna and Julie's book list on to create strong connections in their families

Joanna Faber and Julie King Why did Joanna and Julie love this book?

Having children can put stress on a relationship. You COULD make an appointment to see a couples' therapist. Or, you could read Michelle Brody's insightful book.

Her explanations and whimsical diagrams, illustrating how conflicts between couples can escalate, will leave you chuckling with recognition and give you the tools to resolve your differences peacefully.

By Michelle Brody,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Stop the Fight! as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This Illustrated Guide for Couples Ends 12 Hurtful Arguments Once and for All!

Conflict within relationships is complex and challenging to overcome. In her 20 years of working with couples, clinical psychologist Michelle Brody found a way to make change simpler. Her secret: clear and lighthearted illustrations that help couples literally see what’s driving their battles and blocking their bond, so they can chart a course together to stop the fights.

The Money Fight
“You’re such a cheapskate!”
“You spend way too much!” The Sex Fight
“Not tonight. I’m not in the mood.”
“You haven’t been in the mood since…


Book cover of Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes

Mona Brookes Author Of Drawing with Children: A Creative Method for Adult Beginners, Too

From my list on on effective strategies with drawing and learning.

Why am I passionate about this?

As a lifelong artist and drawing enthusiast, I am passionate about the world of drawing and its potential to inspire creativity and self-expression. I never planned to be an art teacher. Surprisingly, a part-time job as a school bus driver led me to develop Monart®, which has become highly successful in schools around the world. My experience enabled me to present at state art educator conferences without having any formal training. I have had the privilege of inspiring and empowering students of all ages and backgrounds. At 85, nothing makes me happier than when a former student tells me their passion for drawing has led to a successful career.

Mona's book list on on effective strategies with drawing and learning

Mona Brookes Why did Mona love this book?

As a new art teacher, I started to doubt the usefulness of the endless praise given by other art teachers.

The repetitive use of "good job" lost its meaning and encouraged students to crave more praise. I believed that art had no right or wrong way of execution, and that even professional critics had varying opinions on what constituted good or bad art.

As a result, I avoided praising work based solely on my personal preferences.

Alfie Kohn's book on praise was a great relief for me as it solved my concerns about endless praise in the classroom. Now, I explain to students that advice does not require praise.

This approach fosters creativity and experimentation, without the unrealistic expectation of having students feel the need to like everything they draw.

By Alfie Kohn,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Punished by Rewards as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The basic strategy we use for raising children, teaching students, and managing workers can be summarized in six words: Do this and you'll get that. We dangle goodies (from candy bars to sales commissions) in front of people in much the same way we train the family pet. Drawing on a wealth of psychological research, Alfie Kohn points the way to a more successful strategy based on working with people instead of doing things to them. "Do rewards motivate people?" asks Kohn. "Yes. They motivate people to get rewards." Seasoned with humor and familiar examples, Punished By Rewards presents an…


Book cover of French Children Don’t Throw Food

Nigel Reed Author Of The Dog Guardian: Your Guide to a Happy, Well-Behaved Dog

From my list on parenting from a dog behaviourist.

Why am I passionate about this?

As a dog behaviourist and parent, I realised there’s a huge crossover between raising dogs and children. We must alike create an environment they thrive and can learn in. We must fulfill their needs by nurturing, feeding & protecting them. We must listen to their concerns and build their confidence whilst simultaneously being an authority figure that sets boundaries. To do this I don’t believe there is one correct way for every dog or child. For that reason, I am very open-minded to each individual’s perspective as I believe you can learn something from everyone. From the research, I have done I present my 5 best books on parenting.

Nigel's book list on parenting from a dog behaviourist

Nigel Reed Why did Nigel love this book?

I found French Children Don’t Throw Food funny and inspiring in equal measures. The author humorously describes the differences in French and Anglophone parenting styles in a self-deprecating style. It’s not an overly prescriptive book, rather it is mainly the author detailing her own personal experiences, as an American mother living in Paris. The author highlights her pain and struggles of getting her child to eat, relax, and be on its own, compared to French children who seem to, in general, do it all with minimum effort from their parents. It’s a fun, easy to read book, which has many interesting observations and research. I found the style of French parenting and general attitude mirrored some of my approaches with dogs.

By Pamela Druckerman,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked French Children Don’t Throw Food as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

'Fascinating...gripping...extremely funny...I loved it. It made me want to move to Paris' - India Knight, Sunday Times
_______

Do you want to learn the secrets of the parents of France's well-behaved children?

How come French babies sleep through the night?
Why do French children happily eat what is put in front of them?
How can French mothers chat to their friends while their children play quietly?
_______

Parents are saying MERCI to Pamela Druckerman!

***** 'Our parenting bible'
***** 'You are not alone! ... Brilliantly funny and really helpful.'
***** 'Eye opening ... it has changed the way I view…


5 book lists we think you will like!

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