100 books like Friend

It came as no surprise to me, having spent so much time in the country, that Korea has long been and still is a sexist society, and this book illustrates that sexism brutally. When I lived there, my good friend, a woman, was a professor of biochemistry, and she struggled in her career the way men didn’t have to. Also, while people thought nothing of my going out to a pub with my male friends, it was somewhat scandalous when I did the same with this woman. In this novel, set in more recent times, a young woman has similar troubles trying to find her way. For many readers, it has served as a wake-up call for Korean society.

I first became aware of Han Kang through her terrific novel The Vegetarian, so when this novel came out, I was keen to read it. I was especially drawn to it because it involves Korean characters looking back at the Gwangju massacre, a horrific event that took place in 1980, just two years after I left Korea following my Peace Corps service there. When I taught at a university, anti-government demonstrations by students were already being tightly watched, and one of my students vanished in a crackdown. I never learned what happened to him, but he didn’t return to school. It was therefore fascinating to me to read these fictionalized accounts of both the incident in Gwangju and the long-term effects on survivors.

This novel is a murder mystery, of sorts, that also has a lot to say about socio-economic divides in contemporary Korea. This was particularly interesting to me because when I lived there in the 1970s, everyone was poor. No one owned a motorbike, much less a car, and they were all barely scraping by. Now, though, great wealth and privilege have emerged alongside persistent poverty, and that class divide looks too familiar to Americans. The rich are privileged and have access to things the poor do not, including justice.

This is a surreal novel that suggests a complexity to modern Korean life that I can’t say that I’ve witnessed. It’s a novel of patterns—repeated images and passages that may be indicative of what it’s like to live in Seoul at this point in time. The main character has lost her job—and an odd job it was—but she is now even more immersed in the world of artists and writers, which is another reason the book spoke to me. The book was something of a challenge, given its shifts and ghost-like characters, but that too made it more exciting.

I love books set on Cape Cod, especially ones that describe the unique towns that make up one of my favorite vacation spots.

Kristan Higgins does a great job in this book of addressing a character dealing with midlife divorce while injecting tons of humor and hope, as well as some unexpected moments and relationships.

In my practice with couples, this is my go-to recommendation for clients seeking to strengthen their relationship. In my original training as a couples counselor, I was trained with the Gottman method, and I still believe that the Gottman's insights resonate deeply with the challenges couples face, providing practical strategies rooted in empirical research.

This book isn't just theory; it's a roadmap for fostering communication and intimacy. What sets it apart is its emphasis on actionable steps that couples can take to nurture their bond.

I've witnessed firsthand the transformative impact of implementing Gottman's principles in sessions. Also, it is based on observing real couples in various phases of their lives. 

Terrence Real tells it like it is, and his frank and forthright manner is something I truly admire. I got so much from this book because it is practical and motivating. I felt challenged and empowered to be more loving in my relationships, to recognize my own unhelpful behavior, to understand that certain habits can destroy a loving partnership and that great relationships take time to build—and that’s okay.

It's full of bullet points and tools, which I appreciate and can apply more easily, and he also has a strong message for men in his book, something that is lacking in relationship well-being literature generally. 

This is a solid book that will help you in your relationships.

A terrific, candid book for both partners in a marriage rocked by an affair. They walk the reader through each phase of his infidelity and its impact on their marriage: the rationalizations, trauma, the fall-out, divorce, and eventual restoration of their marriage. Terrific insights, especially for the unfaithful. While Dr. Jay ascribes the key to their recovery as his wife’s constant love, I believe he overlooked another important factor: his wife stopping her tendency to over-accommodate, learning to set boundaries, and treating herself with more self-respect. It’s in the book but not credited as a significant factor in him wanting her again and motivating him to take a hard look at himself. Especially helpful for unfaithful men who are executives and travel a lot for work.

What happens when a client turns on a therapist? I hope I never find out.

I picked up Helene Flood's novel out of curiosity. As a writer, I wanted to know how Flood turns two people sitting in a room quietly talking into a plot that will hold readers' attention. I don’t want to give anything away, except to say her book deftly and accurately shows a clinician using her training to solve a terrible crime and save herself.

It was easy for me to identify with both the protagonist and the author. Flood and I are both practicing psychologists specializing in trauma. I’m grateful for a good read and a reminder to screen potential clients carefully.

This book is the perfect blend of real-life, emotional situations, and twisty suspense. I love stories about the choices people have to make, and the fallout from those decisions (both bad and good). The author does an amazing job at putting the reader in the character’s shoes: I found myself asking what I would do in the situation. And even if you would do the opposite, you still get why the characters do what they do to achieve the one thing they want more than anything—to be a parent. Who can’t relate to that??