Fans pick 92 books like That's Not What I Meant!

By Deborah Tannen,

Here are 92 books that That's Not What I Meant! fans have personally recommended if you like That's Not What I Meant!. Shepherd is a community of 12,000+ authors and super readers sharing their favorite books with the world.

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Book cover of How Language Works: How Babies Babble, Words Change Meaning, and Languages Live or Die

Kieran File Author Of How Language Shapes Relationships in Professional Sports Teams: Power and Solidarity Dynamics in a New Zealand Rugby Team

From my list on expanding your knowledge of how language works.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve been fascinated by the power of language for as long as I can remember. As a sociolinguist, I study how language shapes our relationships, identities, and the societies we live in. I’ve spent years analyzing how people communicate in high-pressure environments like professional sports, but my passion for this topic goes far beyond my research. Language is everywhere—it’s how we connect, influence, and make sense of the world. The books on this list have deepened my understanding of the profound ways language impacts our lives. I’m excited to share them with you and hope they inspire you to see language in a whole new light!

Kieran's book list on expanding your knowledge of how language works

Kieran File Why did Kieran love this book?

This book takes you on a fascinating journey through the many levels of language—from the sounds we make to the way we use words to connect with others. David Crystal is not just an authority on language; he’s also an incredibly engaging writer who makes complex ideas feel accessible and exciting.

What I love about this book is how it balances insight and readability. Crystal’s enthusiasm for language shines through every page, reminding me of why I find language so endlessly fascinating. Whether he’s explaining how babies acquire speech or unpacking the nuances of social communication, Crystal has a way of making you see language in a new light. It’s a must-read for anyone curious about the mechanics and magic of how we communicate.

By David Crystal,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked How Language Works as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Steven Pinker meets Bill Bryson in this landmark exploration of language.

In the author's own words, "How Language Works is not about music, cookery, or sex. But it is about how we talk about music, cookery, and sex-or, indeed, anything at all." Language is so fundamental to everyday life that we take it for granted. But as David Crystal makes clear in this work of unprecedented scope, language is an extremely powerful tool that defines the human species.

Crystal offers general readers a personal tour of the intricate workings of language. He moves effortlessly from big subjects like the origins…


Book cover of The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do men and women really speak different languages?

Scott F. Kiesling Author Of Language, Gender, and Sexuality: An Introduction

From my list on challenge myths about about gender and sex.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve been studying language and gender since I started graduate school in 1990. I’m an odd gender scholar in some ways in that I am a white cisgendered heterosexual masculine person. I think I’m interested in the topic because conversation and ‘being a man’ has always seemed hard and like a lot of work to me. So, I started studying these things in the 1990s with a project on language use in a college fraternity in the US. Since then I've published many articles on language and masculinities, including a 2004 article on the word dude, which is still popular in introductory linguistics courses today.

Scott's book list on challenge myths about about gender and sex

Scott F. Kiesling Why did Scott love this book?

This book thoroughly debunks one of the biggest gender myths that have emerged over the last 50 years. It takes as its jumping-off point the media empire that started from John Gray’s books (based on an idea first argued for, less essentially, by linguist Deborah Tannen), books which have been one of the main forces in perpetuating the myth that men and women are categorically different from one another in terms of interactional behavior and temperament.

The reality is that there is more difference between women and other women and between men and other men than there is between women and men.  It is, in fact, the myth that creates the differences by pointing us to see gender differences while ignoring other reasons for difference. Cameron is forceful and witty, and the book is an enjoyable read even as it does its work of revealing the powerful effects of gender…

By Deborah Cameron,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked The Myth of Mars and Venus as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Popular assumptions about gender and communication - famously summed up in the title of the massively influential 1992 bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus - can have unforeseen but far-reaching consequences in many spheres of life, from attitudes to the phenomenon of 'date-rape' to expectations of achievement at school, and potential discrimination in the work-place.

In this wide-ranging and thoroughly readable book, Deborah Cameron, Rupert Murdoch Professor of Language and Communication at Oxford University and author of a number of leading texts in the field of language and gender studies, draws on over 30 years of scientific…


Book cover of Language Myths

Kieran File Author Of How Language Shapes Relationships in Professional Sports Teams: Power and Solidarity Dynamics in a New Zealand Rugby Team

From my list on expanding your knowledge of how language works.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve been fascinated by the power of language for as long as I can remember. As a sociolinguist, I study how language shapes our relationships, identities, and the societies we live in. I’ve spent years analyzing how people communicate in high-pressure environments like professional sports, but my passion for this topic goes far beyond my research. Language is everywhere—it’s how we connect, influence, and make sense of the world. The books on this list have deepened my understanding of the profound ways language impacts our lives. I’m excited to share them with you and hope they inspire you to see language in a whole new light!

Kieran's book list on expanding your knowledge of how language works

Kieran File Why did Kieran love this book?

The words "language" and "myth" have graced the covers of many books, but this one is my favorite. This collection, edited by Laurie Bauer and Peter Trudgill, brings together world-renowned linguists to tackle a spectrum of unhelpful and incorrect assumptions about language. What sets this book apart is its sharp focus on how people’s attitudes toward language often recreate damaging stereotypes.

Bauer, Trudgill, and their contributors, several of whom I was taught by, arrest these misconceptions with insights grounded in linguistic research. Each myth is debunked in short, punchy chapters that are as engaging as they are informative. I love how this book leaves you feeling smarter and better equipped to think critically about the language myths we encounter every day. 

By Laurie Bauer (editor), Peter Trudgill (editor),

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Language Myths as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

A unique collection of original essays by 21 of the world's leading linguists. The topics discussed focus on some of the most popular myths about language: The Media Are Ruining English; Children Can't Speak or Write Properly Anymore; America is Ruining the English Language. The tone is lively and entertaining throughout and there are cartoons from Doonesbury andThe Wizard of Id to illustrate some of the points. The book should have a wide readership not only amongst students who want to read leading linguists writing about popular misconceptions but also amongst the large number of people who enjoy reading about…


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Book cover of Who Is a Worthy Mother?: An Intimate History of Adoption

Who Is a Worthy Mother? By Rebecca Wellington,

I grew up thinking that being adopted didn’t matter. I was wrong. This book is my journey uncovering the significance and true history of adoption practices in America. Now, in the wake of the U.S. Supreme Court’s overturning of Roe v. Wade, the renewed debate over women’s reproductive rights places…

Book cover of Language and Power

Kieran File Author Of How Language Shapes Relationships in Professional Sports Teams: Power and Solidarity Dynamics in a New Zealand Rugby Team

From my list on expanding your knowledge of how language works.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve been fascinated by the power of language for as long as I can remember. As a sociolinguist, I study how language shapes our relationships, identities, and the societies we live in. I’ve spent years analyzing how people communicate in high-pressure environments like professional sports, but my passion for this topic goes far beyond my research. Language is everywhere—it’s how we connect, influence, and make sense of the world. The books on this list have deepened my understanding of the profound ways language impacts our lives. I’m excited to share them with you and hope they inspire you to see language in a whole new light!

Kieran's book list on expanding your knowledge of how language works

Kieran File Why did Kieran love this book?

This book dives into the ways language is intertwined with power in society. Fairclough’s analysis opened my eyes to how even the simplest phrases can reinforce hierarchies and ideologies.

It’s not an easy read, and it has been written more for an academic audience, but it’s so rewarding–every chapter feels like peeling back another layer of how communication works beneath the surface. If you’re interested in the hidden ways language shapes society, this is a must. 

By Norman Fairclough,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Language and Power as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Language and Power is widely recognised both as a classic and an essential introductory textbook to the field of Critical Discourse Analysis. It focusses on how language functions in maintaining and changing power relations in modern society, the ways of analysing language which can reveal these processes and how people can become more conscious of them, as well as, more able to resist and change them.

In this twenty-fifth anniversary edition, Norman Fairclough includes a substantial new introduction and brings the discussion up-to-date. He shows both the importance of the book in the development of critical discourse analysis over the…


Book cover of How to Have Impossible Conversations: A Very Practical Guide

Melinda Lewis Author Of Social Policy for Effective Practice: A Strengths Approach

From my list on igniting students’ passions about policy change.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a policy advocate, grassroots activist, university professor, and author committed to social change—at scale—to advance social work values of racial, economic, environmental, and social justice. Recognizing that most social workers are drawn to our profession because they want to make a difference in the lives of their clients, one by one, I invest my energies and skills to making policy study and practice accessible, relevant, and urgent. My students quickly get used to noting the book recommendations I sprinkle throughout class discussions and in assignment feedback, because when you see the world through a social policy frame, everything has a policy implication! 

Melinda's book list on igniting students’ passions about policy change

Melinda Lewis Why did Melinda love this book?

There are many examples in this book that make my students angry—which is one of the reasons I want them to read it.

As people committed to engaging with others to pursue justice, we have to become proficient—if never comfortable—in having conversations with people who do not share our worldview, and in using our active listening skills and deep regard for human relationships to find common ground.

The skills and practices in this book equip us for effective engagement beyond the silos we frequent, help us see our own arguments as others may encounter them, and catalyze the kind of thoughtful interactions social change demands. 

By Peter Boghossian, James Lindsay,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked How to Have Impossible Conversations as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

In our current political climate, it seems impossible to have a civil conversation with someone who has a different opinion. Dialogue is shut down when perspectives clash. Heated debates on Facebook and Twitter often lead to shaming, hindering any possibility of productive discourse. How to Have Impossible Conversations guides readers through the process of having effective, civil discussions about any divisive issues--not just religious faith but climate change, race, gender, poverty, immigration, and gun control.

Coauthors Peter Boghossian and James Lindsay distinguish between two types of conversations: those that are oriented toward arriving at truth, and those that may require…


Book cover of I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships

Lida Citroën Author Of Success After Service: How to Take Control of Your Job Search and Career After Military Duty

From my list on success in a civilian life after the military.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’m an executive coach, personal branding consultant, and reputation management expert helping global executives, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders manage how they’re perceived and drive towards ideal opportunities. A long-time passionate supporter of the military, I volunteer to help veterans transitioning to civilian careers. My work with veterans comes from gratitude for their sacrifice. I regularly speak at military installations, podcasts, and events on veteran transition and hiring, teach in the TAP program at the US Air Force Academy, and serve on the Board of Directors at Project Sanctuary, which focuses on healing military families. Since 2012, I’ve also been a writer for Military.com.

Lida's book list on success in a civilian life after the military

Lida Citroën Why did Lida love this book?

There are so many books written about active listening and communications, but not many that focus on what the other person really needs: Validation.

As veterans re-integrate into the civilian workforce and lifestyle, the way they communicate is different from when they were serving in the military, and becoming mindful of how they communicate with others is important. This book will guide them through a key skill (validation) that will help them not only in their career, but also in their personal life. 

By Michael S. Sorensen,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked I Hear You as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

What if making one tweak to your day-to-day conversations could immediately improve every relationship in your life?

In this 3-hour, conversational read, you’ll discover the whats, whys, and hows of one of the most valuable (yet surprisingly little-known) communication skills available—validation. 

Whether you’re looking to improve your relationship with your spouse, navigate difficult conversations at work, or connect on a deeper level with friends and family, this book delivers simple, practical, proven techniques for improving any relationship in your life.

Mastery of this simple skill will enable you to:

Calm (and sometimes even eliminate) the concerns, fears, and uncertainties of…


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Book cover of All They Need to Know

All They Need to Know By Eileen Goudge,

On the run from her abusive husband, Kyra Smith hits the road. Destination unknown. With a dog she rescued in tow, she lands in the peaceful California mountain town of Gold Creek and is immediately befriended by an openhearted group of women who call themselves the Tattooed Ladies. They’re there…

Book cover of You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation

Carol T. Kulik Author Of Human Resources for the Non-HR Manager

From my list on making work a better place to be.

Why am I passionate about this?

The average person spends over 90,000 hours at work over a lifetime – that’s roughly one quarter to one third of a person’s life. I’m an academic researcher who studies work. I know how to design workplaces that are good for organizations (high productivity) and the people who work in them (high employee well-being). But if we leave it all up to senior management, we won’t generate positive changes fast enough. There’s a robust body of evidence that we can all use to make our local workplaces more supportive, inclusive, and fulfilling. I’m on a mission to make the world a better place, one workplace at a time. 

Carol's book list on making work a better place to be

Carol T. Kulik Why did Carol love this book?

Deborah Tannen has a unique ear for the different ways that men and women communicate.

The book resonated with my personal experiences, and helped me to understand why I was having different kinds of conversations with men than with women – particularly around work issues. Professor Tannen emphasizes that these communication styles are taught to us when we are very young (and they are reflected in the different games men and women play as children).

But that means we can change our communication styles too – we can communicate more clearly about our work-related needs, and adapt our communication patterns to better align with the listener. Professor Tannen inspired me to bring research evidence to the attention of people who can use it in their daily lives.  

By Deborah Tannen,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked You Just Don't Understand as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This guide highlights problems of communication between men and women, who can interpret the same conversation completely differently, even when there is no apparent misunderstanding. It examines how the sexes can work through communication barriers and get to the heart of the matter.


Book cover of How to Use Power Phrases to Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, & Get What You Want

Aryanne Oade Author Of Bullying in Teams: How to Survive It and Thrive

From my list on workplace bullying.

Why am I passionate about this?

Aryanne Oade works as a chartered psychologist, executive coach, and author of eight books. She has over thirty years’ experience in guiding clients through the challenge of complex workplace dynamics, and specialises in enabling detoxification and recovery from workplace bullying. Author of the best-selling award-winner Free Yourself from Workplace Bullying: Become Bully-Proof and Regain Control of Your Life, Aryanne’s work and books have been featured in The Independent, Sunday Independent (Ireland), Psychologies, Marie Claire, Good Housekeeping, The Belfast Telegraph, HR Magazine, Safety & Health Practitioner, SHP Online, Nursing Times, and Midwives.

Aryanne's book list on workplace bullying

Aryanne Oade Why did Aryanne love this book?

I love the simplicity of this book. I recommend it to clients who have a hard time being assertive. The book gives straightfoward, no nonsense input on how to handle a variety of challenging situations in a way which is both self-protective and likely to enable the reader to get a favourable outcome. Situations include how to say no without alienating the other person; asking in a way which makes it likely you’ll get what you want; and dealing with putdowns or unjust criticism.

By Meryl Runion,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked How to Use Power Phrases to Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say, & Get What You Want as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Get to the point! Learn how to use Power Phrases to say what you mean...and get what you want. If you have ever walked away from a situation because you didn't know what to say, or you didn't know what to say but you spoke anyway, you know about all the stress, confusion, wasted time, missed opportunities, and hurt feelings you could have avoided if only you'd said the right thing at the right time. Now internationally acclaimed executive coach and communication guru Meryl Runion introduces you to a powerful, easy-to-master communication technology that lets you say what you mean,…


Book cover of Honest Dialogue: Presence, Common Sense, and Boundaries When You Want to Help Someone

Ilse Sand Author Of Confronting Shame: How to Understand Your Shame and Gain Inner Freedom

From my list on helping you to be authentic and true to yourself.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a psychotherapist and pastor. Since my first book Highly Sensitive People in an Insensitive World, which became an international bestseller, I have received letters from all over the world, from people, telling me about their lives. I discovered there is a need for books on how to live your life in an authentic way. I have studied Psychiatrist C.G. Jung and Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard at the university. The books, I recommend are easier to read than these two. In my books, I use many examples. It is important to me that the wisdom of great writers becomes accessible to all people regardless of their level of education.

Ilse's book list on helping you to be authentic and true to yourself

Ilse Sand Why did Ilse love this book?

Bent Falk writes so clearly and touches people. My students are always grateful to me for making them aware of his book. I still read in it now and then. It helps me accept things as they are and my feelings as they are. And it helps me be authentic and true to myself in my relations.

By Bent Falk,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Honest Dialogue as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Focusing on how someone in need can best be helped, the author identifies the skills and honesty of the person who wants to help as key to how effective this can be. Looking in detail at the nature of boundaries, willingness to speak from a place of authenticity and to be honestly present to the experience of the individual person, and the sensitive and economical use of language, the author shows how people in a state of deep personal crisis can be richly helped. Taking the view that no set response is always right or always wrong, he argues strongly…


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Book cover of At What Cost, Silence?

At What Cost, Silence? By Karen Lynne Klink,

Secrets, misunderstandings, and a plethora of family conflicts abound in this historical novel set along the Brazos River in antebellum Washington County, East Texas.

It is a compelling story of two neighboring plantation families and a few of the enslaved people who serve them. These two plantations are a microcosm…

Book cover of Do Story

Beverley Glick Author Of In Your Own Words: Unlock the power of your life stories to influence, inspire and build trust

From my list on the power of telling your own story.

Why am I passionate about this?

Ever since my primary school teacher read out my essay about a friendly octopus to the whole class, I’ve known I was a storyteller. I went on to enjoy a long career as a journalist–first, writing stories about rock and pop groups for the music paper Sounds (where I coined the term ‘The New Romantics’), then as editor of the pop magazine Record Mirror, and subsequently as a writer/editor for national newspapers including The Observer and The Sunday Telegraph. After that, I became a coach, a public speaking trainer, and a book editor. However, my most enduring passion is helping people find and tell their most meaningful stories.

Beverley's book list on the power of telling your own story

Beverley Glick Why did Beverley love this book?

I’m blowing a big chef’s kiss to this delicious little book.

Like gourmet cuisine, every ingredient is top quality and carefully chosen. The resulting dish is beautifully presented and full of flavour. You’ll find everything you need to know about how to tell a story well–from the 10 principles of storytelling to the gleaming detail and evoking the senses, delivered with verve and clarity by a seasoned scriptwriter and professor of storytelling. 

By Bobette Buster,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked Do Story as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The universe is made of stories, not atoms.' - Muriel Rukeyser. Today s world wants to know you and the real story behind why you do what you do. Whether you have a product to sell, a company mission to share or an audience to entertain, people are far more likely to engage and connect if you deliver a well-crafted story with an emotional core. Bobette Buster is a story consultant to major studios including Pixar, Disney and Sony Animation. In Do Story she teaches the art of telling powerful and engaging stories. With profiles of activists, leaders and visionaries,…


Book cover of How Language Works: How Babies Babble, Words Change Meaning, and Languages Live or Die
Book cover of The Myth of Mars and Venus: Do men and women really speak different languages?
Book cover of Language Myths

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Interested in interpersonal communication, conversation, and linguistics?

Conversation 12 books
Linguistics 43 books