100 books like Collaborative Divorce

By Pauline H. Tesler, Peggy Thompson,

Here are 100 books that Collaborative Divorce fans have personally recommended if you like Collaborative Divorce. Shepherd is a community of 11,000+ authors and super readers sharing their favorite books with the world.

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Book cover of BIFF for Coparent Communication: Your Guide to Difficult Texts, Emails, and Social Media Posts

Ann Gold Buscho Author Of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce

From my list on healthy divorce and co-parenting.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a child of a high-conflict divorce, so when I became a clinical psychologist my mission was to prevent the kind of suffering that is common in divorce, especially for children. I have worked with thousands of children and families going through divorces, some amicably and some with extreme difficulty. Divorce can be damaging but there are ways to prevent that damage, and these books including mine, as well as my blog are all tools with the same goal: help families avoid the pain, upheaval, loss, and destruction of a litigated divorce. In my work now I focus on working with people who commit to work through their divorce without threats of litigation. I work primarily in the area of Collaborative Divorce.

Ann's book list on healthy divorce and co-parenting

Ann Gold Buscho Why did Ann love this book?

Bill Eddy is the expert on reducing conflict in high-conflict divorce (all of his books are well worth reading). Conflict in divorce can be traumatic, and especially hurts the children. Bill has useful acronyms and tools to help manage the intensity of communication between divorcing parents. His style is conversational and informal, but his content is rich. I like the way he illustrates his points with stories of people he’s worked with. I recommend BIFF and other tools to my patients going through divorce.

By Bill Eddy, Annette Burns, Kevin Chafin

Why should I read it?

1 author picked BIFF for Coparent Communication as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

"Coparenting is hard in any circumstance and when doing it with someone that has a high conflict personality, can seem impossible. The first step is to admit that you are outmatched in every way except for the ability to learn new skills related to the high conflict personality. My life did not change until I began to read and understand and start using tools like BIFF. I couldn’t help my children because I couldn’t help myself and until I learned new tools, felt hopeless. Using BIFF will give you hope that change is possible.” A.C., parent

Use BIFF to Communicate…


Book cover of Mom's House, Dad's House

Ann Gold Buscho Author Of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce

From my list on healthy divorce and co-parenting.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a child of a high-conflict divorce, so when I became a clinical psychologist my mission was to prevent the kind of suffering that is common in divorce, especially for children. I have worked with thousands of children and families going through divorces, some amicably and some with extreme difficulty. Divorce can be damaging but there are ways to prevent that damage, and these books including mine, as well as my blog are all tools with the same goal: help families avoid the pain, upheaval, loss, and destruction of a litigated divorce. In my work now I focus on working with people who commit to work through their divorce without threats of litigation. I work primarily in the area of Collaborative Divorce.

Ann's book list on healthy divorce and co-parenting

Ann Gold Buscho Why did Ann love this book?

Ricci has been writing books for divorcing families for more than 20 years. This book is a classic that helps parents transition to shared parenting time, and parenting children in two homes. She writes supportively about the transition and adjustment to solo-parenting, with helpful suggestions and good illustrations. She followed up with two other books that I always recommend: Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids, and The Co-Parenting Toolkit. If I could only recommend one book for divorcing families, it would be one of Isolina Ricci’s.

By Isolina Ricci,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Mom's House, Dad's House as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Internationally renowned therapist, family expert and mediator Isolina Ricci, Ph.D. presents this definitive and newly updated guide to divorce and making shared custody work for parents and children.

The ground-breaking classic, Mom’s House, Dad’s House, has become the standard for two generations of divorcing parents, and includes examples, self-tests, checklists, tools, and guidelines to help separated moms and dads with the legal, emotional, and financial issues they will encounter as they work to create happy and stable homes.

This comprehensive guide looks anew at the needs of all family members with creative options and common-sense advice, including:

* The map…


Book cover of Home Will Never Be the Same Again: A Guide for Adult Children of Gray Divorce

Ann Gold Buscho Author Of The Parent's Guide to Birdnesting: A Child-Centered Solution to Co-Parenting During Separation and Divorce

From my list on healthy divorce and co-parenting.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a child of a high-conflict divorce, so when I became a clinical psychologist my mission was to prevent the kind of suffering that is common in divorce, especially for children. I have worked with thousands of children and families going through divorces, some amicably and some with extreme difficulty. Divorce can be damaging but there are ways to prevent that damage, and these books including mine, as well as my blog are all tools with the same goal: help families avoid the pain, upheaval, loss, and destruction of a litigated divorce. In my work now I focus on working with people who commit to work through their divorce without threats of litigation. I work primarily in the area of Collaborative Divorce.

Ann's book list on healthy divorce and co-parenting

Ann Gold Buscho Why did Ann love this book?

With the rise in so-called “gray divorces,” adult children of divorce find that they are just as wounded, betrayed, devastated and grief-stricken as young children. The myth that it is better to “wait to divorce till after the kids are grown” turns out to be just that, a myth. Adult children of divorce have been neglected in divorce books until recently, and this book is a resource geared toward their unique circumstances, helping them process and adjust to their parent's divorce. Divorcing parents would also benefit from reading it if they have adult children.

By Carol R. Hughes, Bruce R. Fredenburg,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Home Will Never Be the Same Again as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Adult children are often overlooked and forgotten when their parents divorce later in life, but in these pages they will find comfort and understanding for the many feelings, frustrations, and challenges they face.

For more than two decades, a silent revolution has been occurring and creating a seismic shift in the American family and families in other countries. It has been unfolding without much comment, and its effects are being felt across three to four generations: more couples are divorcing later in life. Called the “gray divorce revolution,” the cultural phenomenon describes couples who divorce after the age of 50.…


Book cover of Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After

Margaret Paul Author Of The Inner Bonding Workbook: Six Steps to Healing Yourself and Connecting with Your Divine Guidance

From my list on healing and connecting with your Divine guidance.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’ve known since I was 5 years old that my passion in life was helping people be all they came to this planet to be. I have been working with individuals, couples, businesses, and groups, and teaching courses for 54 years. Having had many years of my own psychotherapy, and 17 years into practicing traditional psychotherapy, I was not happy with the results, so I prayed for a teacher or a process that would really work. 38 years ago, I met Dr. Erika Chopich and we co-created the powerful Inner Bonding process, brought to us by our higher guidance, that rapidly heals on a very deep level, far beyond traditional psychotherapy. 

Margaret's book list on healing and connecting with your Divine guidance

Margaret Paul Why did Margaret love this book?

My friend Katherine is a master at helping couples uncouple in kind and caring ways, filled with integrity. I recommend this book to all my clients who are ending their relationships, and many of my clients tell me how very helpful this book was to them. Breakups and divorces don’t have to be contentious, and even if just one of you reads this book, it will be incredibly helpful to you.

By Katherine Woodward Thomas,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked Conscious Uncoupling as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

In 2014 a media storm erupted when Gwyneth Paltrow announced her separation from Chris Martin, describing it as a harmonious and mutual 'conscious uncoupling', and the term entered the world's vocabulary overnight. 

Coined and created by relationship expert Katherine Woodward Thomas, Conscious Uncoupling is a paradigm-shifting guide for anyone suffering from heartache, whether you are in the midst of a breakup right now, still struggling with unresolved pain from a past breakup, or anticipating a possible breakup and wish to ensure it goes well.

Conscious Uncoupling’s transformational five step process provides an alternative path to the end of a relationship--one…


Book cover of The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution

Pavini Moray Author Of How to Hold Power: A Somatic Approach to Becoming a Leader People Love and Respect

From my list on creating business relationships that feel alive.

Why am I passionate about this?

As a human, I struggle with staying connected during conflict. Because conflict naturally shows up in all relationships, I had to figure out how to do it better, or die alone! My path has woven through studying conflict resolution, becoming a relationship therapist, doing deep learning within my own life partnership, and exploring the realm of somatic psychology in my doctoral work. I long for a world where we have the skills we need to work through conflict without resorting to violence. In my dreams, the world is able to coexist with love and conflict. Our relationships thrive when we speak our full truth, and embody our values in action.

Pavini's book list on creating business relationships that feel alive

Pavini Moray Why did Pavini love this book?

I grew up in the midwest, where conflict is to be avoided at all costs.

Reading this book helped me understand that conflict is really about our deepest longings, and our fears that they will not be met. Through developing tolerance for being in direct conflict and skills to work through it, conflict becomes a friend instead of an enemy.

By Kenneth Cloke,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Crossroads of Conflict as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution (Second Edition) describes all conflicts as “crossroads” and catalysts for learning, evolution, growth, and wisdom. It shows how to locate the root sources of conflict and remove the barriers to forgiveness and reconciliation, collaboration, and community.

Ken Cloke’s analysis of the inner sources of chronic conflict and ideas for a unified theory for resolving conflict is groundbreaking and destined to become a cornerstone of the future of dispute resolution.


Book cover of Civic Fusion: Mediating Polarized Public Disputes

Lawrence E. Susskind Author Of Good for You, Great for Me: Finding the Trading Zone and Winning at Win-Win Negotiation

From my list on negotiating for mutual advantage.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am a Professor at MIT and co-founder of both the inter-university Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School and the not-for-profit Consensus Building Institute that provides help in resolving some of the most complex resource management disputes around the world. I have been teaching negotiation and dispute resolution, doing research about the circumstances under which various negotiation strategies do and don’t work, and offering online training for more than four decades. Given the many negotiations I've observed, I’m convinced that negotiating for mutual advantage is the way to go -- avoid unnecessary conflict, get what you want in all kinds of negotiating situations, and walk away with good working relationships and a solid reputation.

Lawrence's book list on negotiating for mutual advantage

Lawrence E. Susskind Why did Lawrence love this book?

Susan has helped a lot of people come together to work out their differences and achieve a common goal, even in the face of deeply-held conflicting values. She calls the kinds of processes she helps to design: civic fusion. Because she is a skilled mediator who has worked in all kinds of situations in many places, she is able to explain and illustrate how adding a “neutral” facilitator can overcome fundamental obstacles to agreement. The cases that she talks about, like a city that has gone bankrupt, thrown out its elected leaders and had to write a new charter to redefine the kind of democracy it wanted to be, actually pulled that off. 

She played a role in bringing together pro-life and pro-choice leaders for a private dialogue in which they were able to find common ground. Passion, power and conflict generate energy; Susan describes ways of channeling that energy…

By Susan L. Podziba,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Civic Fusion as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Civic fusion occurs when people bond to achieve a common public goal, even as they sustain deep value differences. This book offers proven strategies for moving polarized parties to consensus solutions based on the author's 25 years of mediation and negotiation experience, including working with pro-life and pro-choice leaders after fatal shootings at women's health clinics, crane industry and union representatives to develop federal worker safety regulations, and citizens of a failed city that reclaimed their democracy by writing a consensus charter.

Using these and other real-world examples, Civic Fusion guides readers through a provocative discussion about what mediators aspire…


Book cover of Lawyers as Peacemakers: Practicing Holistic, Problem-Solving Law

Kate Vitasek Author Of Contracting in the New Economy: Using Relational Contracts to Boost Trust and Collaboration in Strategic Business Relationships

From my list on developing strategic business contracts.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am an international authority for my award-winning research on the Vested® business model for highly collaborative relationships. I began my research in 2003 by studying what makes the difference in successful strategic business deals. My day job is the lead faculty and researcher for the University of Tennessee’s Certified Deal Architect program; my passion is helping organizations and individuals learn the art, science, and practice of crafting highly collaborative win-win strategic business relationships. My work has led to seven books and three Harvard Business Review articles and I’ve shared my advice on CNN International, Bloomberg, NPR, and Fox Business News.

Kate's book list on developing strategic business contracts

Kate Vitasek Why did Kate love this book?

In contracting, lawyers are often the heavies that swoop in at the end of the negotiation with risk-averse and protective conditions that can delay or derail a strategic business relationship. This book is the top pick on my list because Kim Wright advocates for organizations (and lawyers themselves!) to make the shift to a holistic, problem-solving approach. I am a strong believer in a kinder, gentler legal involvement at the beginning of the negotiation designed to help contracting parties solve problems and issues jointly. Wright eloquently makes her case on why the shift is needed. After you read this book you too will see the need for the shift of focus away from traditional contracting paradigms.

By J. Kim Wright,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Lawyers as Peacemakers as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Teaches lawyers new ways of finding satisfaction in thier practice and providing comprehensive, solution-focused services to clients; sometimes it's not about winning, it's about finding the best possible answer for everyone involved.


Book cover of Beyond Winning: Negotiating to Create Value in Deals and Disputes

Kate Vitasek Author Of Getting to We: Negotiating Agreements for Highly Collaborative Relationships

From my list on negotiating great strategic business relationships.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am an international authority for my award-winning research on the Vested® business model for highly collaborative relationships. I began my research in 2003 researching what makes the difference in successful strategic business deals. My day job is being the lead faculty and researcher for the University of Tennessee’s Certified Deal Architect program and my passion is in helping organizations and individuals learn the art, science, and practice of crafting highly collaborative win-win strategic business relationships. My work has led to seven books and three Harvard Business Review articles and I’ve shared my advice on CNN International, Bloomberg, NPR, and Fox Business News.

Kate's book list on negotiating great strategic business relationships

Kate Vitasek Why did Kate love this book?

While this book is written for lawyers, it is a must-read for anyone who is a professional negotiator. I love how this book stresses that traditional hard-bargaining negotiation tactics can lead to run. The book artfully makes the case that a lawyer should serve the client's interests rather than merely papering the deal or making sure the contract will win in court. I especially like the emphasis on the need to shift from conflict to collaboration and how Mnookin and his co-authors focus on not just negotiating the deal – but how to make a deal sustainable so it avoids a Pyrrhic victory. I was also glad to see the chapter on professional ethics – something many negotiators often overlook in their quest to get the best deal. 

By Robert H. Mnookin, Scott R Peppet, Andrew S Tulumello

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Beyond Winning as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Conflict is inevitable, in both deals and disputes. Yet when clients call in the lawyers to haggle over who gets how much of the pie, traditional hard-bargaining tactics can lead to ruin. Too often, deals blow up, cases don't settle, relationships fall apart, justice is delayed. Beyond Winning charts a way out of our current crisis of confidence in the legal system. It offers a fresh look at negotiation, aimed at helping lawyers turn disputes into deals, and deals into better deals, through practical, tough-minded problem-solving techniques.

In this step-by-step guide to conflict resolution, the authors describe the many obstacles…


Book cover of Negotiation Essentials for Lawyers

Carrie J. Menkel-Meadow Author Of What's Fair: Ethics for Negotiators

From my list on ethical negotiators.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am one of the founders of the American dispute resolution field and have taught negotiation, legal ethics, mediation, alternative dispute resolution and international dispute resolution for 40 years in over 25 countries on every continent. I have mediated, negotiated or arbitrated hundreds of cases. I am a law professor who has taught legal ethics since it was required post-Watergate for all law students. As a negotiation teacher and practitioner, I have seen the effects of deceit and dishonorable negotiations in law and diplomacy and peace seeking and I have also seen what can happen when people treat each other fairly to reach better outcomes for problems than they could achieve on their own.

Carrie's book list on ethical negotiators

Carrie J. Menkel-Meadow Why did Carrie love this book?

This book provides good crisp and short distillations of what the field of negotiation theory and practice offers for practical advice in legal negotiation settings. It covers deception and candor, information sharing issues, cultural and communication issues in negotiation, dealing with clients and others, the new media of online and email negotiations, and particular issues relating to different kinds of negotiating relationships and contexts. Lots of useful advice for the practical negotiator, as well as for high-level diplomatic and even hostage negotiations. Very useful for its specificity on a range of issues. Useful even for non-lawyers!

By Andrea Kupfer Schneider (editor), Chris Honeyman (editor),

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Negotiation Essentials for Lawyers as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This practical, easy-to-use guide is designed to help you figure out quickly what went wrong in yesterday's meetings, and how to fix it in tomorrow's follow-up. Each chapter starts with a brief introduction, followed by a standard section, Why This Concept Might Change Your Thinking. There, the author explains succinctly why their body of work might be useful specifically for lawyers. After that, each chapter has a section called Action Plan―What You Can Do Differently Tomorrow in which each author outlines specific steps you can take in your next negotiation. No other book comes close to this level of help…


Book cover of Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving in

Danny Ertel Author Of The Point of the Deal: How to Negotiate When 'Yes' Is Not Enough

From my list on for negotiations that really matter.

Why am I passionate about this?

I did all the right things to become a corporate lawyer or an academic, but learned those were not for me.  What I love is solving problems, with other people. And that is what negotiation is all about. Whether it’s work on a big transaction or trying to stop a civil war, putting a deal together up front, or trying much later to pick up the pieces of a relationship gone wrong, what I most enjoy doing is figuring out what we need to solve for, who has to be involved, and how we are going to get there. These books have helped me get better at doing that.

Danny's book list on for negotiations that really matter

Danny Ertel Why did Danny love this book?

It’s not either/or: You can get a good deal and improve your relationship with the other side, at the same time. I loved Getting to Yes when I first read it in Roger Fisher’s law school class, and I still love it today, because it taught me I could solve difficult problems or deal with difficult people, and do it in a principled way. Whether it is a transaction for a Fortune 500 company, negotiating for a raise, or working on an international boundary dispute, the concepts and tools are the same, and they don’t start by requiring the other side to lose. Whether you are a negotiation expert, or just starting out, start here.

By Roger Fisher, William Ury, Bruce Patton

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked Getting to Yes as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

__________________________
THE WORLD'S BESTSELLING GUIDE TO NEGOTIATION

Getting to Yes has been in print for over thirty years. This timeless classic has helped millions of people secure win-win agreements both at work and in their private lives. Founded on principles like:

* Don't bargain over positions

* Separate the people from the problem and

* Insist on objective criteria

Getting to Yes simplifies the whole negotiation process, offering a highly effective framework that will ensure success.


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