93 books like When You Know What I Know

This pick has the distinguished honor of convincing me to try cricket flour. It also manages to present a layered storyline, one that combines an almost classic mystery plot with a traumatized character’s journey of self-healing. This book serves as a powerful reminder that we are more than the incidents that victimized us. And yes, even an insect hater like me enjoyed learning so much about the many uses of crickets! 

This heartbreaking and powerful novel tells the story of fifth-grader Rowan, who isn’t a girl even though everyone thinks he is, but also isn’t the “right kind” of boy. At night, his dad comes into his room and does things Rowan can’t talk about with anyone. Silenced or ignored by everyone around him, Rowan writes letters expressing his thoughts, feelings, and dreams; he attaches them to balloons and sends them out into the universe. When he befriends a classmate who is as much of an outsider as he is, Rowan slowly begins to open his heart, and to speak up. I loved this novel both because of Rowan’s determination to be who he knows he is and because of the unexpected support he finds on his journey.

When Tai’s useless, always-high dad touches her best friend, Mila, where he shouldn’t, the girls’ friendship is challenged and changed. Tai, already ashamed of her father, wants to pretend the moment never happened. But, Mila can’t pretend because she lives every day with the fear and shame of that moment. After a summer apart, the two friends struggle to reconnect while also competing for acceptance into the same gifted-and-talented arts program. As both work to be seen for who they want to be, they must also learn to look back together at what really happened. I loved the portrayal of the girls’ friendship and the honesty of a story in which the “happy ending” doesn’t mean a return to the way things were.

Lydia knows her mom’s boyfriend, Jeremy, makes her mom happy. But sometimes Jeremy makes Lydia really uncomfortable, especially when his hugs go on too long. She already dresses in baggy clothing so the boys in her school will stop saying things about her body. What more can Lyddie do? When her mom buys a run-down house, and Lyddie finds a book of magic spells inside, she thinks she has a solution: the right combination of magic spells will keep her safe. But when Lyddie’s spells don’t work against the boys, or Jeremy, she has to use her voice and her courage instead. I loved the way this wonderful coming-of-age novel confronts and challenges the culture of toxic masculinity that too often is used as a cover for bullying.

The Courage to Heal was another of the first books I turned to when I began reading about childhood sexual abuse.

I felt confused back then and ambivalent about believing that I had been abused that I didn’t borrow the book from a library or buy it. Instead I went to the local bookstore and read it crouched in an aisle. It’s a great survey of the world of people who were sexually abused as children, with many case studies, background research, and resources for community support. 

I had not witnessed a healthy grownup relationship when I was younger. My introduction to intimacy was horrid at best, not to mention the lack of role models available to me for feminine sexual guidance. 

I spent years looking for love from other people and by means of sexual behavior that left me feeling ashamed. I lived my life based on many harmful beliefs that were self-destructive; I didn't feel I deserved to have a fully healthy relationship. 

My therapist suggested this book, and it took me on a journey of returning to where and how I learned my habitual behavior, removing the adverse judgment and allowing me to start again, especially with my current husband. Our marriage is in a lovely place, partly due to this book. 

I Hadn't Meant to Tell You This is one of my favorite novels for its subtlety. It's almost like sleight of hand because you aren't sure where to look. The story kind of unfolds all around you. One of the hardest things after a sexual assault is opening up to someone about it, so I am a fan of books that give people a blueprint of how to go about it. There is no single right way to tell someone about abuse and assault, but it helps to have examples. 

This is a book about many things—guilt, artmaking, and love among them—but when I think of it, I think of a novel that depicts the complexities of making and sustaining a life more deftly than anything else I’ve read. How things like cruelty and beauty, innocence and evil, truth and lies all coexist. How we move forward despite this uneasy balance.

The novel follows Fee, a boy who grows up in Maine and sings in an all-boys choir. The choir director turns out to be an abuser, and his actions haunt Fee and the other boys in the choir into adulthood.

On a prose level alone, Chee’s writing is unparalleled, his sentences sharp enough to cut glass. I don’t see how anyone could read this book and come away unchanged. 

Although this is a book written for practitioners rather than patients of psychotherapy, I found it extremely valuable in understanding what I was doing in therapy, how it worked, what to expect, and how to explain many of my reactions to it.

Dealing with sexual abuse in therapy is a tumultuous experience and has been described as “an intimidating challenge for clinicians.” It’s also an enormous challenge for patients. I liked reading about how the process felt for therapists and could recognize in many of the case studies, my own.

This novel-in-verse tugs at the heart and soul of any individual who has suffered at the hands of abuse.

Written from the perspective of a teenage girl searching for her identity, she and her siblings come to know abuse in this relatable story.

A coming-of-age story trapped in the grasp of an abusive and alcoholic father whose selfish tendencies are haunting, this story and its tropes of love and acceptance will stick with you well after the last page.