35 books like How To Be Married

Since I was old enough to say “cake,” I’ve been plagued by weight issues. Enter Cannie Shapiro, the protagonist, a Jewish, overweight journalist with low self-esteem and daddy issues, who has been publicly humiliated by her ex.

Though more about coming into one’s own and learning self-love and acceptance than an actual romantic relationship, I had to include this book because the impetus for Cannie’s growth is ultimately the result of her ex’s betrayal.

Though Cannie cuts loose differently than I chose to when my first marriage ended, I could still understand her desire to go bold. At the center of heartache, there’s always a wish for the resolution that can only come from the strength we find within—the old live-and-learn theory at work. I was moved to tears when Cannie eventually emerges more comfortable in her skin and ready to be happy.

Flavor Pick: Butter Pecan

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Motherland because it resonates with my own theme of writing about the difficulties of being a wife and a mother.

Here, the heroine, Fran Clarke, a 37-year-old stay-at-home mum, is completely flawed. She is overwhelmed by motherhood, marriage, and has given up keeping up with the Joneses. Her former career as a talented voice artist has been replaced by a new task, i.e., drinking, and she repeatedly misses every tiny break life may throw her way.

She is also convinced that her husband Richard is having an affair but does nothing to confront him. And yet there is something so endearing about her that you can’t help but root for her to get her act together.

Her husband is doing all he can to keep the marriage and the family going, but he, too, is overwhelmed by her decline. I also felt for her when she… show more.

Much like my own themes, Pastures Nouveaux is not only about starting over in the country, but having the courage to look at your relationship in the eye.

Rosie is engaged to a horrible columnist, Mark. And she keeps making excuses for him; he’s stressed, he’s unhappy, he’s on a deadline, etc. But he never shows her any great amount of genuine affection. It’s like he’s given up on them. And, perhaps, so has Rosie, who has chosen to ‘live with it’.

And when they move to the country village, Eight Mile Bottom, things take a turn for the worst, as nothing could be further from what they had expected from this move. Or is this the best thing that’s ever happened to Rosie?

His ‘n’ Hers is about a love story gone awry. No one to blame. That’s just how the cookie crumbled. But now something has happened.

Allison and Jim’s cat Disco, the one they shared while they lived together, has just died, bringing back all the memories of when they shared that flat. Trouble is they both have new partners. After grilling themselves about what went wrong, who did what, and are they better off, Alison and Jim give each other a good hard look to understand what happened to them.

And is there still hope for them, despite their current partners? Were they meant to be?

This extraordinary book combines a lived experience with the powerful writing of an accomplished author.  Unexpectedly, in her mid-thirties, she finds a man to love and a baby is on the way. But then, the agony:  the baby dies in utero in the ninth month. She tackles head-on the deepest feelings and questions this brings. I like the way she unsparingly describes her experience and her grief, and then how she processes this and finds a way to move on. 

This is a book written by a psychologist who herself experienced a miscarriage that traumatized her. The author is frank and open about her own feelings and those of her husband. I like how beneficial this is: it brings a sense of normality to feelings women have that may seem frightening to them. There are also suggestions of what can help, as well as supplemental recommended readings. The book is a combination of memoir, reading companion, and advice-provider. 

Children who have known their mother was pregnant with their sibling and then had a miscarriage have psychological needs that must be met. They notice an emotional change in their parents, but don’t understand why that is. And their own hopes, or fears, about a sibling -  companion or rival - are likely still there, unanswered. The best course is to give the child the opportunity to address these feelings and fears. As a psychiatrist, I am keenly aware of the child's need for this - as well as the difficulty it may pose for the grieving parents. A sensitive and informed picture book like this one is a good tool for parents to use with young children.  

False Pregnancy, a mysterious and fascinating condition, is a topic of The End of Miracles, written by a psychiatrist who has witnessed the condition up close.

The novel examines how unfulfilled desire can meet with mental illness (or perhaps lead to mental illness) and alter our perceptions in ways that can have outsized effects on our behavior. The tale is told with great sympathy and respect for its protagonist and has no shortage of surprising twists.

Several women share how they continued trusting Jesus during trials with infertility and pregnancy loss.

This book matches scriptures to their hardships and has questions at the end of each chapter, allowing you to reflect on your own story. Recalling traumatic memories and sharing those thoughts with others can help us heal and process the horror and grief in this world.

While writing my memoir, I noticed these journaling opportunities were useful for many kinds of suffering. It would be a great book for a small group to go through together.

I loved this novel for its savage intelligence and frank exploration of the problems of inhabiting a body while trying to live a “life of the mind.”

Protagonist Dorothy is an adjunct English professor whose ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage are not so much the subject of this book as a metaphor for Dorothy’s life in general: her hopes have not materialized, and her nonstop thoughts rarely lead to action. Readers who have struggled to claw their way up the academic ladder (particularly those who’ve spent a lot of time at the bottom of that ladder) will especially enjoy this book.

Be prepared for visceral descriptions of Dorothy’s body—of all that it produces, and all that it fails to produce.