The best eclectic and surprising books to help you have better relationships

By Andrew S. Trees

Who am I?

I lived in New York City for a number of years, and my female friends would constantly buy dating advice books and then complain about how bad these books were. One night at dinner, I suggested that there must be some legitimate scientifically-based advice that would actually be helpful, and I was laughed out of the room. Decoding Love was born in that moment. What I found overturned almost all of my preconceptions about dating and relationships. I hope it will overturn some of your preconceptions as well.

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The books I picked & why

Stumbling on Happiness

By Daniel Gilbert,

Why did I love this book?

Perhaps unsurprisingly, a great deal of our happiness in relationships depends on our own ability to be happy as individuals. Almost invariably, our instincts about what will make us happy are not particularly accurate. Gilbert's book is a great introduction to the mistakes we make about happiness and how to do it better. He does an excellent job of bringing to life the latest scientific research in psychology, cognitive neuroscience, philosophy, and behavioral economics, and in exploring our foibles as we engage in that all-American pursuit, the pursuit of happiness.

Stumbling on Happiness

By Daniel Gilbert,

Why should I read it?

9 authors picked Stumbling on Happiness as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Bringing to life scientific research in psychology, cognitive neuroscience, philosophy, and behavioral economics, this bestselling book reveals what scientists have discovered about the uniquely human ability to imagine the future, and about our capacity to predict how much we will like it when we get there.

• Why are lovers quicker to forgive their partners for infidelity than for leaving dirty dishes in the sink?

• Why will sighted people pay more to avoid going blind than blind people will pay to regain their sight?

• Why do dining companions insist on ordering different meals instead of getting what they…

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Self-improvement

The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

By David M. Buss,

Why did I love this book?

Although we like to think that we are idiosyncratic individuals pursuing our perfect match, the truth is that evolution has hardwired into us many preferences and dislikes. This book is a really good introduction to the often surprising role evolution plays in shaping desire. Buss has undertaken a massive study of thousands of people and dozens of cultures to present a unified theory of human mating behavior. While I don't think we need to simply give in to evolution, it is an enormous help to have a sense of what role evolution plays.

The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating

By David M. Buss,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Evolution of Desire as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

If we all want love, why is there so much conflict in our most cherished relationships? To answer this question we must look into our evolutionary past, argues prominent psychologist David M. Buss. Based one of the largest studies of human mating ever undertaken, encompassing more than 10,000 people of all ages from thirty-seven cultures worldwide, The Evolution of Desire is the first work to present a unified theory of human mating behaviour. Drawing on a wide range of examples of mating behaviour,from lovebugs to elephant seals, from the Yanomamoe tribe of Venezuela to online dating apps,Buss reveals what women…

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Evolutionary psychology

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Coming soon!

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

By John Gottman, Nan Silver,

Why did I love this book?

I am a huge fan of Gottman's work, and I would be happy to recommend any of his books. At his “love lab,” he has done a tremendous amount of rigorous scientific research over the past several decades about what makes relationships work and what makes them fail, and he has boiled all of that down into some very helpful lessons about what successful couples do and what they avoid. There is no better place to start if you are looking to improve your relationship.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert

By John Gottman, Nan Silver,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The revolutionary guide to show couples how to create an emotionally intelligent relationship - and keep it on track

Straightforward in its approach, yet profound in its effect, the principles outlined in this book teach partners new and startling strategies for making their marriage work.

Gottman has scientifically analysed the habits of married couples and established a method of correcting the behaviour that puts thousands of marriages on the rocks. He helps couples focus on each other, on paying attention to the small day-to-day moments that, strung together, make up the heart and soul of any relationship. Packed with questionnaires…

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Romance
Love

The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less

By Barry Schwartz,

Why did I love this book?

Dating apps have now made partner selection into an unending series of choices. Although on the face of it this seems like a great development, in fact, research shows that adding more choice almost always ends up making us less happy. Along with virtually every other decision we make today, dating has become increasingly complex due to the overwhelming abundance of choices we are presented with. Schwartz explains why too many choices are undermining our psychological and emotional well-being. And he has a few tricks up his sleeve on how to escape the tyranny of too much choice.

The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less

By Barry Schwartz,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked The Paradox of Choice as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Whether we're buying a pair of jeans, ordering a cup of coffee, selecting a long-distance carrier, applying to college, choosing a doctor, or setting up a 401(k), everyday decisions-both big and small-have become increasingly complex due to the overwhelming abundance of choice with which we are presented. As Americans, we assume that more choice means better options and greater satisfaction. But beware of excessive choice: choice overload can make you question the decisions you make before you even make them, it can set you up for unrealistically high expectations, and it can make you blame yourself for any and all…

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Genres

Self-improvement

Pride and Prejudice

By Jane Austen,

Why did I love this book?

After a number of serious books based on scientific research, it’s important to remember that relationships are supposed to be fun! There is no wittier guide to the foibles of the mating dance than Jane Austen. Austen called this novel "her own darling child," and Elizabeth Bennet remains perhaps the world’s favorite romantic heroine. The sparkling repartee of her sparring and flirting with Mr. Darcy is a model for anyone who hopes to make an impression on a potential partner. Although set in Regency England, the book remains as relevant as ever.

Pride and Prejudice

By Jane Austen,

Why should I read it?

24 authors picked Pride and Prejudice as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

One of BBC's 100 Novels That Shaped Our World.

Jane Austen's best-loved novel is an unforgettable story about the inaccuracy of first impressions, the power of reason, and above all the strange dynamics of human relationships and emotions.

Part of the Macmillan Collector's Library; a series of stunning, clothbound, pocket sized classics with gold foiled edges and ribbon markers. These beautiful books make perfect gifts or a treat for any book lover. This edition is illustrated by Hugh Thomson and features an afterword by author and critic, Henry Hitchings.

A tour de force of wit and sparkling dialogue, Pride and…

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5 book lists we think you will like!

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The best books by Jane Austen

The best parenting books to grow great kids and maintain a great marriage

The best love/hate romance books with a happy ending

Interested in romantic love, decision making, and social class?

9,000+ authors have recommended their favorite books and what they love about them. Browse their picks for the best books about romantic love, decision making, and social class.

Romantic Love Explore 654 books about romantic love

Decision Making Explore 71 books about decision making

Social Class Explore 71 books about social class

And, 3 books we think you will enjoy!

We think you will like A Journal of the Plague Year, Adulting, and Into the Wild if you like this list.

A Journal of the Plague Year

By Daniel Defoe,

From the list on where a catastrophe makes society fall apart.

By Alexander Fisher Author

Why did Alexander love this book?

I enjoyed reading this book both as a historical artefact of the 17th century but also because Defoe’s plain, matter-of-fact style makes all the chaos, the shrieking, the death carts, families locked in their houses, health certificates, the delirium, the fear of coming too close, the paranoia, the panic and the madness that surrounds the narrator all the more disturbing.

He is a witness whose curiosity far outweighs his fear. But there’s also the Defoe-like sense of adventure when for instance a group of three escape London and shift for themselves in a countryside whose towns and villages are hostile to strangers. Instructive, disquieting, gripping, indelible.

This retained its curiosity value even on a second reading. A great little book.

A Journal of the Plague Year

By Daniel Defoe,

Why should I read it?

7 authors picked A Journal of the Plague Year as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

The haunting cry of "Bring out your dead!" by a bell-ringing collector of 17th-century plague victims has filled readers across the centuries with cold terror. The chilling cry survives in historical consciousness largely as a result of this classic 1722 account of the epidemic of bubonic plague — known as the Black Death — that ravaged England in 1664–1665.
Actually written nearly 60 years later by Daniel Defoe, the Journal is narrated by a Londoner named "H. F.," who allegedly lived through the devastating effects of the pestilence and produced this eye witness account. Drawing on his considerable talents as…

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Adulting

By Kelly Williams Brown,

From the list on building adulthood in your twenties.

By Randy J. Paterson Author

Why did Randy love this book?

Adulthood seems like a necessary and possibly desirable life stage, but HOW exactly does one do it? What are the essentials? Brown steps away from cheerleading and the examination of deep psychological concepts, and instead focusses on the actual skills you need in order to be a tolerably functional, reasonably independent adult. From how to roast a chicken, to coping with upsells at the lube shop, to responding to dinner invitations, she inventories the things every grownup should (and often doesn’t) know.

Adulting

By Kelly Williams Brown,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked Adulting as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

From breaking up with frenemies to fixing your toilet, this way fun comprehensive handbook is the answer for aspiring grown-ups of all ages.

If you graduated from college but still feel like a student . . . if you wear a business suit to job interviews but pajamas to the grocery store . . . if you have your own apartment but no idea how to cook or clean . . . it's OK. But it doesn't have to be this way.

Just because you don't feel like an adult doesn't mean you can't act like one. And it all…

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Into the Wild

By Jon Krakauer,

From the list on doing what is right when others are against you.

By M. R. Reed Author

Why did M. R. love this book?

Here’s my confession: I hated Chris McCandless by the time I finished this book. I hated his cockiness and lack of respect for the power of the wilderness.

But you know what I give him credit for? His ability to leave his life of privilege and the courage to go out into the world and forge his own destiny. He did what he thought was best for him despite the pushback he received from his friends and family.

I think I hated him so much because I wanted him to succeed, and he doomed himself through his own hubris.

Into the Wild

By Jon Krakauer,

Why should I read it?

18 authors picked Into the Wild as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Krakauer’s page-turning bestseller explores a famed missing person mystery while unraveling the larger riddles it holds: the profound pull of the American wilderness on our imagination; the allure of high-risk activities to young men of a certain cast of mind; the complex, charged bond between fathers and sons.

"Terrifying... Eloquent... A heart-rending drama of human yearning." —New York Times

In April 1992 a young man from a well-to-do family hitchhiked to Alaska and walked alone into the wilderness north of Mt. McKinley. He had given $25,000 in savings to charity, abandoned his car and most of his possessions, burned all…

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The best eclectic and surprising books to help you have better relationships

Who am I?

I wrote...

Decoding Love: Why It Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations from the Science of Attraction

What is my book about?

The books I picked & why

Why did I love this book?

Why did I love this book?

Why did I love this book?

Why did I love this book?

Why did I love this book?

5 book lists we think you will like!

Interested in romantic love, decision making, and social class?

And, 3 books we think you will enjoy!

Who am I?

Alexander's book list on where a catastrophe makes society fall apart

Why did Alexander love this book?

Who am I?

Randy's book list on building adulthood in your twenties

Why did Randy love this book?

Who am I?

M. R.'s book list on doing what is right when others are against you

Why did M. R. love this book?