The best eclectic and surprising books to help you have better relationships

Perhaps unsurprisingly, a great deal of our happiness in relationships depends on our own ability to be happy as individuals. Almost invariably, our instincts about what will make us happy are not particularly accurate. Gilbert's book is a great introduction to the mistakes we make about happiness and how to do it better. He does an excellent job of bringing to life the latest scientific research in psychology, cognitive neuroscience, philosophy, and behavioral economics, and in exploring our foibles as we engage in that all-American pursuit, the pursuit of happiness. 

Although we like to think that we are idiosyncratic individuals pursuing our perfect match, the truth is that evolution has hardwired into us many preferences and dislikes. This book is a really good introduction to the often surprising role evolution plays in shaping desire. Buss has undertaken a massive study of thousands of people and dozens of cultures to present a unified theory of human mating behavior. While I don't think we need to simply give in to evolution, it is an enormous help to have a sense of what role evolution plays.

I am a huge fan of Gottman's work, and I would be happy to recommend any of his books. At his “love lab,” he has done a tremendous amount of rigorous scientific research over the past several decades about what makes relationships work and what makes them fail, and he has boiled all of that down into some very helpful lessons about what successful couples do and what they avoid.  There is no better place to start if you are looking to improve your relationship.

Dating apps have now made partner selection into an unending series of choices. Although on the face of it this seems like a great development, in fact, research shows that adding more choice almost always ends up making us less happy. Along with virtually every other decision we make today, dating has become increasingly complex due to the overwhelming abundance of choices we are presented with. Schwartz explains why too many choices are undermining our psychological and emotional well-being. And he has a few tricks up his sleeve on how to escape the tyranny of too much choice.

After a number of serious books based on scientific research, it’s important to remember that relationships are supposed to be fun! There is no wittier guide to the foibles of the mating dance than Jane Austen. Austen called this novel "her own darling child," and Elizabeth Bennet remains perhaps the world’s favorite romantic heroine. The sparkling repartee of her sparring and flirting with Mr. Darcy is a model for anyone who hopes to make an impression on a potential partner. Although set in Regency England, the book remains as relevant as ever.