The best war books (that are not actually about war)

As a military spouse who has lived abroad and is always a bit wary about my surroundings, so much about this uncomfortable novel resonated with me. Two American women become unlikely friends while waiting for an inevitable military coup in an unnamed Central American country. The older woman narrator, Grace, who has married into the ruling family, takes naïve Charlotte under her wing. Both women seem to connect over their background, dislocation, and fractured family life, but nothing is as it seems. The unreliable narrator, the political ugliness, and the encroaching war all make this a thrilling read. The reader never knows what poses the biggest threat to the female protagonists: ex-husbands, runaway children, or firing squads. 

Shara Lessley and I met in Amman, Jordan, during the Arab Spring—both of us American writers whose husbands worked at the embassy. Poetry is not a staple of my reading diet, but Lessley’s poems are small, crystalline stories that perfectly encapsulate what it is like to be an American woman living in the Middle East during a time of potential instability. This volume is slim, but the Jordan that emerges is vast and unforgettable.

There is a refreshing versatility to the stories in this collection, which touch upon everything from soldiers on the front lines in Iraq, readjustment to the American home front, and a civilian foreign service officer getting stymied at every attempt at humanitarian aid. There is humor, irony, and gutting realism on every page, and the many perspectives offer the insights you hope for in a National Book Award-winning piece of fiction. 

I know I’m going old school here with this memoir by the widow of General George Armstrong Custer. The Little Bighorn tragedy looms large throughout, but it happens completely off the page. Elizabeth “Libbie” Custer makes a conscious effort to show her husband in life rather than death, and in this way she illuminates the equally dramatic life experiences of so many military families on the American frontier.

I couldn’t believe how many similarities there are between being a military spouse in the 1870s and being one today. There is the unique drama of living in a sort of satellite USA, either on a military base or in the American Embassy community abroad. Army spouses form fast friendships and are forced to rely on each other when there are so few cultural touchstones or friends and family nearby. These relationships become even more vital when their spouses are unreachable for long periods of time and facing unknown dangers. I can attest to the fact that military spouses end up on adventures of their own they never would have found at home.

This is one of my favorite books of all time. The End of the Affair has every I want in a novel: suspense, romance, an examination of life, death, and faith, and brilliant writing throughout. There are bombs dropping on London and yet this somehow remains in the background while the biggest battles are fought by the human spirit. Even in the midst of war, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty, humans take care of their families, feed themselves, work, and make love. When looking back on a life, sometimes it's those small moments that emerge as our most cherished and miraculous.