100 books like Wide Open

This one should be required reading for anyone with even a passing interest in non-traditional relationships. Therapist Jessica Fern clearly and thoroughly explains attachment theory—the idea that the way in which we form attachments to our parents in early life fundamentally influences our adult relationships. Whatever your relationship practice, even this part of the book alone can help clarify so much about what makes you feel secure or insecure in your romantic relationships. Fern goes on to explain how these foundation principles of attachment intersect with non-monogamy, jealousy, and trauma, as well as offering her unique HEARTS model for building secure attachment. I absolutely loved the practical and actionable HEARTS model—it’s worth the price of the book alone! 

People who are non-monogamous often feel pressure to portray their relationships in the most positive light possible in the face of daily stigma, judgment, and pushback. Not so with Rachel Krantz’s Open. Krantz’s memoir takes the reader through the trials and tribulations of her first polyamorous relationship, refusing to leave out the gritty, sexy, and sometimes uncomfortable details. In addition to sharing her story, Krantz also includes relationship wisdom from a wide variety of perspectives—therapists, sex workers, and even a Buddhist monk. This book offers a refreshingly real take on polyamory, including the dark pitfalls as well as moments of unadulterated ecstasy and joy. 

Our society gives us a surprisingly narrow view of what “real” love is. It must be between two people (often heterosexual). It must be long-term and headed toward marriage. It must include sex, co-parenting, and cohabitation. Philosopher Carrie Jenkins cuts through this limited perspective by examining the social, cultural, and even scientific history of how we have chosen to define love. Jenkins highlights the many different forms that socially acceptable love has taken throughout time, and also theorizes about the future of relationships. This is a great read for anyone who loves lofty, philosophical conversations with a partner, looking at the convergence of the abstract and the finite, the ideal and the real. 

Whenever I’m working with clients who are trying to figure out if polyamory is for them, I always recommend finding a way to connect to real-life polyamorous folks. It’s so important to hear genuine stories from a wide variety of perspectives—the good, the bad, and the ugly. Going to a local meetup group is the best way to do this, but reading this book comes in at a close second. Dr. Eli Sheff, a researcher who has conducted several longitudinal studies on polyamorous families, presents this compilation of personal stories from many different folks in non-monogamous families and networks. These stories span the range from hilarious to heartbreaking. 

Maggie and Ira Moran's daylong trip to a funeral becomes a journey into and through their lives, family, marriage, and, yes, love. 

The story is so deceptively simple that you think nothing is going on, but by the end, it left me floored with its humanity. The characters are supremely relatable, so much so that you're in the car with Maggie and Ira for every mile of the trip. When it won the Pulitzer Prize, I applauded.

It is a novel about an elderly man reading a romantic story to a woman in a nursing home. 

Actually, the man is reading to his wife, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease and does no longer know who he is. He is also seriously ill, battling cancer, suffering from heart disease and kidney failure. He knows he is dying, but his wife, not even recognising him, is unaware of it. Yet he carries on reading the book to entertain her.

A heartbreaking story of true love.

Although in my case it was totally different from Alzheimer’s, I had experienced the never-ending, painful difficulties, with a disturbed loved one.

The story of a marriage told as though Greek mythology, Fates and Furies is a masterful look at what it takes to make some of the most sacred relationships work, and what we are willing to do to save them, even at the cost of our own pride.

Charting the marriage between Mathilde and Lotto (Lancelot), we see at first the Lotto’s perspective, which paints for us a picture of a happy marriage, plagued with life’s traditional issues, but still a good marriage. Then in the second half of the book we see Mathilde’s perspective, what happened in the moments Lotto was consumed with himself and which of them really worked hardest to keep their marriage together until the very end.

I was utterly gripped by this book, which felt like a refreshing and brutally honest take on keeping a marriage alive.

I first fell in love with Emily Ruskovich’s short fiction, and this novel, which takes place near a fictionalized version of Mt. Hoodoo, captures the same uncanniness of the ordinary that first drew me to her work.

She captures the landscape’s strange darkness and stark beauty in such detail that I actually dreamt about it. And if you’re obsessed with memory like I am, you’ll be drawn to the way she exposes the shakiness of what we remember as “truth.” 

Not only is Jancee Dunn wickedly funny, but her real world, practical advice, collected by experts (including my tips in a chapter about organizing your home), will resonate with new and not-so-new mothers everywhere. 

Although my children are now young adults, I remember the white-hot fury Jancee describes about why and how I became an expert on everything, from changing diapers, to scheduling carpools, to filling out the 42 pages of forms required for a teen trip to Australia, even though I worked more hours than my husband. I particularly enjoyed the chapter with advice from an FBI hostage negotiator. Who knew that simply paraphrasing your spouse’s words could work such wonders in diffusing a marital spat?

I love writing and reading twists that keep the reader guessing along with the characters.

The main character in Take Your Breath Away is accused of killing his wife years before. Once he has moved away from the town of innuendos and restarted his life, what appears to be his long-lost wife reappears, leaving him and the reader asking, “what the heck?”

It takes a lot to keep me guessing until the end of the book and this one did just that. More emotional than romantic, it’s a love story gone wrong, thrilling suspense that will keep you turning the pages long into the night.