My favorite books to understand human behavior

Redirect describes the research on how self-stories drive our behavior. “Self-stories” are the small stories we tell ourselves and others about why we do what we do. There are two reasons why this book is so amazing: First, it makes you see that these largely unconscious self-stories are really controlling our whole lives, and secondly, Dr. Wilson shares his research on how very easy it actually is to change the stories and therefore change our lives. I’ve used his techniques many times to make it through my own life challenges and it works. Changing your self-story is the only way to get your life to change. Luckily, if you follow Dr. Wilson’s research and techniques you will discover it is much easier than you think to change the stories.

I used to spend a lot of time and energy trying to figure out why I wasn’t happier in my life and how I could change my life so I could be happier. Then I read this book and realized that in many ways happiness is an illusion, and that chasing after happiness was actually making me less happy, not more happy. It’s not that everyone around me had figured it out and I hadn’t. Instead what I learned from the research that Gilbert covers in the book, is that, like everyone else, I’m really bad at predicting what will actually make me happy. It’s a fun and enlightening book and it freed me from the fruitless pursuit of “happiness” so I could spend my time living my life instead.

OK, I’ll admit that this is not necessarily a short or easy read. But if you really want to understand people, how they think, what makes them tick, then you have to read it. Kahneman describes a lot of research, but he is good at explaining it, so don’t let the research put you off. Whether you want to understand yourself better, or whether you want to be better at selling yourself or your products and services this is a must-read. I keep this on my bookshelf and I refer to it all the time when I am thinking, consulting, or putting together my workshops. It will take you a while to read, but it is definitely worth it. It’s the definitive source of how people think.

A lot of our behavior is behavior we have learned to do without even realizing we are doing it. A lot of our behavior is actually a series of habits. We think that habits are hard to change, but actually, they aren’t. Think about it. You have dozens of things you do every day that are habitual (the route you use to drive to work or school, where you put your keys when you leave your home…). Do you even remember creating that habit? Probably not. So it couldn’t be that hard to create a habit. Duhigg explains the science of habits. I’ve personally used this to improve my self-care and my own health and wellness habits all for the better.

It’s the 2nd book on my list that’s about happiness, but it’s more philosophical and personal than Dan Gilbert’s book. This book changed my life. It made me realize that I had an expectation that my life should be easy and comfortable. Before I read this book whenever something happened in my life that was not easy and comfortable – my plane was delayed, I got sick, a client was late paying an invoice – I would spin into unhappiness. Why was this happening to me? Everything was personal. Stuff happens all the time. What makes us miserable is how we react to it. I remember reading a passage from the book and feeling my frame of reference change. It permanently changed my view of myself and how I deal with life.