100 books like Polyamory

I have found this book to be essential reading for my own life as well as in providing culturally-competent and effective counseling for clients in my private practice. 

Rowman and Littlefield has been a pioneer in publishing books with accurate and up-to-date information about consensual non-monogamy, LGBTQ issues, and kink and BDSM relationships. This is especially important as they make these books available to universities and other institutions that are training therapists and psychologists so that these clinicians will be qualified to work with these specialized populations that are so often misunderstood and cannot find appropriate mental health services. In addition, these books are written so that the layperson can understand and benefit from them. As a result, individuals who are seeking guidance and information about alternative sexualities and non-traditional relationships can easily utilize these books in their own lives.

Dr. Deborah Anapol wrote what is recognized as the first… show more.

By the time Dr. Anapol wrote this book, a mainstream publisher like Rowman and Littlefield was willing to publish on this controversial subject. The book explains why some people choose relationships where they and their partners have the freedom to have multiple sexual and/or love relationships, as well as providing a primer on how to conduct such relationships ethically and honestly. While Anapol’s first book provided guidance and tools for successful polyamorous relationships, this book benefits from being written 20 years later, when a lot more people were openly practicing polyamory. As a result, she was able to interview many people who had created happy and healthy open relationships and could offer their hard-earned lessons and advice. Many of her interview subjects tackle the tough subject of jealousy, which is the key obstacle for most people in making polyamory work. They offer some fresh perspectives and approaches to managing and… show more.

Another book full of great information and fascinating people is Elisabeth Sheff’s The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multi-Partner Relationships and Families. Sheff has been engaged in a nearly 30-year longitudinal study of polyamorous families with children, studying how children fare in these very non-traditional families. Her conclusion? Kids do as well being raised by poly parents as they do in any other type of family: they thrive as long as the parents are providing a safe and nurturing environment for them and giving them adequate love and attention. I recommend this book highly, as it has such in-depth interviews with both the parents and children in these unusual families, and you really get to know these families!

Her findings are very similar to those done by scholars studying children raised in LGBT families, demonstrating the truth of that bumper sticker that says, “Love Makes a Family.” Sheff has continued… show more.

This is a brand-new Rowman and Littlefield book by Glen Olson and Terry Lee Brussel-Rogers, fresh off the presses in December 2022: Fifty Years of Polyamory in America: A Guided Tour of a Growing Movement. Both Olson and Brussel-Rogers have been involved in the polyamory movement for nearly half a century, and have been founding members of some of the pivotal polyamory organizations throughout the decades. They know this history both personally and politically, and know most of the key players and have interviewed them extensively for the book. 

Even though I have been involved in the polyamory community and movement for decades, I learned so much from this book! This is not a dry history book; it’s a very fascinating and lively read! The book chronicles the evolution of polyamorous philosophy and ideas, as well as the organizational development involved in taking this lifestyle from a very discreet experience… show more.

People who are non-monogamous often feel pressure to portray their relationships in the most positive light possible in the face of daily stigma, judgment, and pushback. Not so with Rachel Krantz’s Open. Krantz’s memoir takes the reader through the trials and tribulations of her first polyamorous relationship, refusing to leave out the gritty, sexy, and sometimes uncomfortable details. In addition to sharing her story, Krantz also includes relationship wisdom from a wide variety of perspectives—therapists, sex workers, and even a Buddhist monk. This book offers a refreshingly real take on polyamory, including the dark pitfalls as well as moments of unadulterated ecstasy and joy. 

Next Year, For Sure is the story of a long-time couple, Kathryn and Chris, and how they navigate a new challenge when Chris develops an attraction to a woman named Emily.

Much discussed and celebrated when it was published in 2017 as a “polyamory book,” Peterson explores that topic with great nuance, humour, and love, but there’s a lot more going on here.

Every character in the novel is searching for connection and a way not to be lonely—far beyond one romantic partner or more than one, they are looking for meaningful relationships of many sorts with other human beings and I found that their journeys went to some unexpected and fascinating places.

Dr. Faith G. Harper does not hold back in this short and sweet guide to boundaries.

What I love about this is how straightforward she is: If you’re mad about someone crossing your boundaries, she is too. If it’s an upsetting subject, then her writing style reflects that.

It’s validating as well as educational!

This book can help many communication-challenged couples. It offers specific guidance on how to talk about topics for partners to address to foster long-term happiness. Couples who are dating and not yet committed will learn if deal-breakers exist by having conversations about whether they want children, what fidelity means to them, whether they're likely to support each other's goals and dreams, and more.

I strongly agree with the authors' ideas about addressing conflict with the goal of understanding rather than winning, making your relationship your top priority to succeed in marriage, and having fun together.

Many happily married people implement the ideas naturally without following the Eight Dates formula. However, as a couples therapist, I know that many will benefit from having the kinds of conversations the authors prescribe. I'm recommending this book to couples in my practice.

Attachment theory – the theory that humans need to form a close emotional bond with a caregiver early in life to survive and thrive – is near and dear to my heart as a therapist and coach for expectant and new parents. Tatkin is a master of human attachment in adult relationships, having created the PACT (psychobiological approach to couple therapy) training for therapists. The book, written with Hoppe, uses the science behind attachment theory to help couples strengthen their relationship and meet each other’s needs as a couple in order to be the best parents they can be. It offers tried and true ways to nurture your couple bond so you can not only be present for your baby, but also for each other.

This one should be required reading for anyone with even a passing interest in non-traditional relationships. Therapist Jessica Fern clearly and thoroughly explains attachment theory—the idea that the way in which we form attachments to our parents in early life fundamentally influences our adult relationships. Whatever your relationship practice, even this part of the book alone can help clarify so much about what makes you feel secure or insecure in your romantic relationships. Fern goes on to explain how these foundation principles of attachment intersect with non-monogamy, jealousy, and trauma, as well as offering her unique HEARTS model for building secure attachment. I absolutely loved the practical and actionable HEARTS model—it’s worth the price of the book alone!