The best books to make you proud of your neurodivergent identity

Right after I was diagnosed Autistic, this book opened my eyes to what being Autistic really meant. It started to make sense to me: how I’d been suppressing my true needs, how I’d fallen into people-pleasing habits, how much social situations can wear me out, and how I’d had episodes of Autistic burnout across my life but never known why.

As I read, I began to recognize my true self and understand what I needed to feel comfortable and content. This was a pivotal book for me and launched me into my new neurodivergent identity.

This tiny book taught me how to be more self-compassionate in some very practical ways. On the surface, this book is about housekeeping and chores, but it’s much more than that. When I read this book, I was in burnout, and “doom piles” of unfinished tasks were building up in my home.

KC reminded me that I could unhook from the unrealistic expectations I had of myself, see this mess as “morally neutral,” and understand that my home being messy did not mean I was a failure. She gave me practical strategies to show “kindness to future me,” and I still love how the book has a shortcut way of reading it, with all the key points highlighted, so I can jump back in at any time and find something useful.

I find Chloé Hayden inspirational, and when I read this book, it felt like she was talking to me. Chloé was diagnosed Autistic in her childhood and an ADHDer in adulthood. At the time, there wasn’t anything available for neurodivergent women that helped us discover and embrace who we are.

Chloé jumped online and started a YouTube channel, and she still creates videos that are just so incredibly authentic and joyful to watch. In her book I enjoy her practical, no-nonsense writing style, and how she wove good quality information with personal stories in a way that made this book a pleasure to read.

This beautiful book makes offering yourself compassion simple and achievable. I have been recommending this book for a long time because I love how Laura captures all the key skills of self-compassion and explains them in a way that is practical and easy to follow.

So many books about self-compassion are very long, theoretical, and unnecessarily complex, and I find them hard to read. This book is grounded in what researchers have shown can help (it’s evidence-based), but it doesn’t get bogged down in theory.

Instead, Laura’s simple worksheets, written exercises, mindfulness, and visualization scripts gave me new skills to tackle self-criticism and put self-compassion into action. I have even used exercises in the book with my clients and they’ve loved them too.

Like many late-diagnosed Autistic women, I don’t see myself reflected in diagnostic criteria that view Autism through a medical pathology lens and focus on identifying “deficits” and “abnormalities”. I find this way of talking about Autism deeply uncomfortable and othering.

By contrast, this book provides a practical and detailed guide to what Autism actually looks like, focusing on our valid differences and difficulties, using neutral, not stigmatizing, language. As a clinical psychologist working with Autistic adults, I appreciate how this book offers examples from people who mask (hide) their more obvious Autistic differences and uses personal stories to illustrate this.

I’m a passionate member of the neurodiversity-affirming movement, and this book makes an important contribution to destigmatizing Autism and improving the care Autistic people experience from health professionals.