I grew up in a home with severe emotional abuse and neglect. Scoring 6 on the ACEs (adverse childhood events) test became a wake-up call; according to the test, my life span had been shortened by 20 years and I was determined to get them back. I stopped protecting my abusive family and got honest about what I had been through. This drew an audience who said I helped them feel seen and heard (and they did the same for me). I’ve spent the last decade on a healing journey from addiction and self-sabotage, the culmination of which is my new book and trauma-informed coaching practice that transforms lives.
I wrote...
It's Not Your Fault: The Subconscious Reasons We Self-Sabotage and How to Stop
It’s Not Your Fault helps readers uncover the subconscious reasons they hold themselves back. These blind spots were often created in childhood as coping mechanisms in response to trauma. Rather than teaching tactics that ignore or give surface attention to adverse childhood events, the book lovingly guides readers to explore the ways these events have impacted their lives and how this knowledge will help them access true transformation.
This book helped me understand why I could never talk myself out of my self-sabotage, especially the inability to stand up for myself and set boundaries.
I learned that my trauma responses are stored in my body (the nervous system) and that’s why logic and reason don’t heal them. Positive self-talk and behavior modification are nothing in the face of an unhealed nervous system.
"Essential reading for anyone interested in understanding and treating traumatic stress and the scope of its impact on society." -Alexander McFarlane, Director of the Centre for Traumatic Stress Studies
A pioneering researcher transforms our understanding of trauma and offers a bold new paradigm for healing in this New York Times bestseller
Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der…
In this book, a medical doctor makes the connection between suppressed emotions, especially anger and rage, and disease in the body.
When we live inauthentic lives, our bodies manifest this self-abandonment through auto-immune issues (literally the body turning against itself). He notes that women especially have the tendency to abandon themselves to serve others which creates repressed resentments that come out as disease in the body. It helped explain my painful bout with shingles which became a turning point for me in committing to living for myself instead of others.
Can a person literally die of loneliness? Is there a connection between the ability to express emotions and Alzheimer's disease? Is there such a thing as a 'cancer personality'?
Drawing on deep scientific research and Dr Gabor Mate's acclaimed clinical work, When the Body Says No provides the answers to critical questions about the mind-body link - and the role that stress and our emotional makeup play in an array of common diseases.
When the Body Says No:
- Explores the role of the mind-body link in conditions and diseases such as arthritis, cancer, diabetes, heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome…
This book is essential reading for anyone recovering from complex trauma. C-PTSD is the outcome of growing up in a toxic home with years of physical or emotional abuse and neglect.
I felt less alone reading a book by a survivor instead of someone who only treats survivors. He makes you feel understood as he describes his own experiences as a child and how they impacted his self-worth. When your parents ignore you or only notice you to criticize, you develop a negative self-regard.
He shows you how to break free from the cycle of self-loathing brought on by unloving parents and to know you are not what they or anyone else says about you.
Having grown up with a mentally ill and emotionally abusive mother, I had never considered emotional abuse a form of emotional neglect.
My mother used silent treatment and contempt to control me and forced me to tend to her emotional needs while ignoring mine. She shared inappropriate personal information and used me as her confidante while offering me no support or guidance. This book helps explain the deep hole left from the mother wound and how to heal from the lack of emotional support.
This speaks directly to adults who wish to overcome their 'mother gap' through reflections, exercises, and explanations. Many people feel something was missing from their childhood and wonder why their mother didn't seem there for them. Though she may have physically cared, for many, there remains a sense of having been a 'motherless child.' It is then difficult to maintain a relationship with her as an adult.The Emotionally Absent Mother helps readers understand why their mother was so unable to provide what many others were able to.This expanded edition will describe how to:*Identify the impacts of emotional neglect and abuse…
This book helped me realize how emotional neglect in my childhood had contributed to my innate sense that something is wrong with me.
Since emotional neglect is more what your parents did not do than what they did, it’s hard to put into words why you feel the way you do. I blamed myself for my struggles and felt completely disconnected from others and the world. I had difficulty understanding and regulating my emotions, and often felt shut down and flat.
The only way to feel good and escape the pain was to drink too much, eat too much sugar, and take unhealthy risks, all of which negatively impacted my life outcomes. This book will help you know you’re not alone and that emotional neglect is a form of abuse.
This informative guide helps you identify and heal from childhood emotional neglect so you can be more connected and emotionally present in your life.
Do you sometimes feel like you're just going through the motions in life? Do you often act like you're fine when you secretly feel lonely and disconnected? Perhaps you have a good life and yet somehow it's not enough to make you happy. Or perhaps you drink too much, eat too much, or risk too much in an attempt to feel something good. If so, you are not alone-and you may be suffering from emotional neglect.…
Coming from the perspective of a neurosurgeon, I have witnessed many successes and failures over more than four decades. I recognized decades ago that communication with patients at a level that involves emotions is a necessary part of being a complete physician. This involves being empathetic and, henceforth, digging deep to find the strength to be transparent, vulnerable, compassionate, understanding, and, when needed, forceful (some would call this paternalism). Although the five books I have chosen to highlight vary widely in content, they have one common theme – finding within us the will and wherewithal to succeed.
My book is a collection of monthly Editor-in-Chief letters to the readership of World Neurosurgery, a journal that I edit. Each essay is short and sweet. The letters were written for neurosurgeons but have been re-edited so that they apply to all human beings. They cover topics such as leadership, empathy, vulnerability, stress, burnout, and on and on…. These essays are relevant for all who strive to craft a better version of themselves.
Life lessons learned by the author during his 40+ year neurosurgery career are shared and translated into real-life scenarios. Between the covers are many lessons that are derived from the experiences of the author and then applied to all humans. The mastering of these lessons should translate into a sense of pride and satisfaction. In keeping with the theme of the book, this process should culminate in the feeling at the end of the day that ‘Today was, indeed, a good day.’
Today Was A Good Day: A Collection of Essays From The Heart Of A Neurosurgeon
About the Book Today Was A Good Day: A Collection of Essays From The Heart Of A Neurosurgeon features many topics that pertain to how neurosurgeons interact with others and how each of us can use introspection to modify how we are using tools and strategies such as empathy, respect, stress management, and much more. This book provides some insights into leadership, effective communication, and fulfillment from the perspective of a neurosurgeon, and it causes the reader to think about and consider many, many attributes of a leader. We all want to have a good day. This book provides strategies…
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