I have been on this journey for decades. I have just celebrated my 81st birthday and I am still learning. What I have seen is that most problems are people problems. That’s hard for me as a technical person with a Ph.D. in computer science. I have learned a lot the hard way and books like these have helped me. The books that helped the most were Fearless Change and More Fearless Change, written with my good friend and writing partner, Mary Lynn Manns. They changed my life. I hope these books will change yours.
I wrote
More Fearless Change: Strategies for Making Your Ideas Happen
He’s smart, funny, and provides well-written insights into how our brains work, a topic I passionately care about. I recommend all of his books, but his latest targets the topic of this collection – having a good conversation with someone who disagrees with us.
You will learn from David’s experience and research why simply laying out the facts doesn’t work and how *not* working hard to convince someone turns out to be the most convincing thing we can do!
Genes create brains, brains create beliefs, beliefs create attitudes, attitudes create group-identities, group identities create norms, norms create values, and values create cultures. The most effective persuasion techniques work backwards.
Ideas sweep across cultures in waves, beginning with early adopters who reduce uncertainty for the rest of the population. It's rarely because the innovation is amazing in and of itself, but because early adopters signal to the group that it's safe to think again.
This book explains how minds change - and how to change them - not over hundreds of years, but in less than a generation, in less…
Amanda Ripley is a personable and compelling author and speaker.
She’s also a great storyteller. Her book is full of research, yes, experience, yes, but she wraps up that package with a bow of great stories. You will find yourself reading past your bedtime (guilty)!
She emphasizes what I think is the key to good communication – listening – really, really, really listening.
When we are baffled by the insanity of the "other side"-in our politics, at work, or at home-it's because we aren't seeing how the conflict itself has taken over.
That's what "high conflict" does. It's the invisible hand of our time. And it's different from the useful friction of healthy conflict. That's good conflict, and it's a necessary force that pushes us to be better people.
High conflict, by contrast, is what happens when discord distills into a good-versus-evil kind of feud, the kind with an us and a them. In this state, the normal rules of engagement no longer…
Mónica Guzmán is not just another author and storyteller.
She’s also a supporter of an organization that is doing amazing things to bring our divided nation together – Braver Angels (check out BraverAngels.org).
I thought I knew a lot about facilitation and listening but the folks at Braver Angels have opened doors for me that I didn’t know were there.
Please, please, please check them out and read Monica’s book!
"I can see this book helping estranged parties who are equally invested in bridging a gap-it could be assigned reading for fractured families aspiring to a harmonious Thanksgiving dinner." -New York Times
"Like all skills, these techniques take practice. But anyone who sincerely wants to bridge the gaps in understanding will appreciate this book. Guzman is emphatic about making an effort to work on difficult conversations." -Manhattan Book Review
We think we have the answers, but we need to be asking a lot more questions.
Journalist Monica Guzman is the loving liberal daughter of…
This is a challenging book to decide to read, then keep on reading.
We tend to divide the world up into the good guys and the bad guys and whatever your stance on this contentious issue, you will struggle to be open and stay with it. I think it’s important for us to have these struggles and learn from them.
Eli Saslow is a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter. He is also a good storyteller (notice a pattern in my recommendations?). More than all of that, this book is inspirational and gives us hope at a time when we need it.
From a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter, the powerful story of how a prominent white supremacist changed his heart and mind. This is a book to help us understand the American moment and to help us better understand one another.
“Rising Out of Hatred proclaims if the successor to the white nationalist movement can forsake his ideological upbringing, can rebirth himself in antiracism, then we can too no matter the personal cost. This book is an inspiration.” —Ibram X. Kendi, bestselling author of How to Be An Antiracist
Derek Black grew up at the epicenter of white nationalism. His father founded Stormfront,…
This wonderful book is the perfect ending to this list.
It is hopeful (as the title suggests) but it is also a good story about who we are as humans and what we believe about ourselves.
The big message is – we are basically good and care about others. I love that. It’s not just a feel-good text, it’s based on research, scientific evidence and a look at our history.
What we need right now to move forward in talking to our family, friends, colleagues, and fellow citizens – is hope. Enjoy!
THE INTERNATIONAL BESTSELLER A Guardian, Daily Telegraph, New Statesman and Daily Express Book of the Year
'Hugely, highly and happily recommended' Stephen Fry 'You should read Humankind. You'll learn a lot (I did) and you'll have good reason to feel better about the human race' Tim Harford 'Made me see humanity from a fresh perspective' Yuval Noah Harari
It's a belief that unites the left and right, psychologists and philosophers, writers and historians. It drives the headlines that surround us and the laws that touch our lives. From Machiavelli to Hobbes, Freud to Dawkins, the roots of this belief have…
More Fearless Change is a book of patterns – strategies for changing organizations. These patterns or strategies can also be used in interpersonal communication (and for changing yourself). Writing these patterns led me to see patterns everywhere. Now I think in patterns.
The name of a pattern is a substitute for the strategy and rationale behind the pattern, for example, my favorite pattern is called “Do Food.” People have been sharing food forever – it’s a way of establishing trust. Research shows that we are more open to listening to others when we are sharing food and we feel better about the communication. I hope you will read the book and start using these patterns in your life.
I’ve always been fascinated by group dynamics, large and small. Why things functioned well, why they didn’t. It’s possible my ability to empathize and use humor as a consensus-builder is the reason I was elected president of a homeowners association, a music production association, and even an agricultural group. Books were not particularly involved in this fascination! But in recent years, experiencing the breakdown of civility and trust in our political and cultural discourse, I’ve taken a more analytical view of the dynamics. These books, in their very different ways, have taught me lessons about life, understanding those with different beliefs, and finding ways to connect and move forward.
We’ve all experienced the overwhelming level of political and social divisiveness in our country. This invisible “virus” of negativity is, in part, the result of the name-calling and heated rhetoric that has become commonplace among commentators and elected leaders alike.
My book provides a clear perspective on the historical and modern-day causes of our nation's divisive state. It then proposes easy-to-understand solutions—an action plan for our elected leaders and citizens as well. Rather than a scholarly treatment of a complex topic, the book challenges us to take the obvious steps required of those living in a free democracy. And it…
Uniting the States of America: A Self-Care Plan for a Wounded Nation
Lyle Greenfield's "Uniting the States of America―A Self-Care Plan for a Wounded Nation" is a work of nonfiction and opinion. Incorporating the lessons of history and the ideas and wisdom of many, it is intended as both an educational resource and a call-to-action for citizens concerned about the politically and culturally divided state of our Union. A situation that has raised alarm for the very future of our democracy.
First, the book clearly identifies the causes of what has become a national crisis of belief in and love for our country. How the divisiveness and hostility rampant in our political…
