I have always cringed to hear my book described as “self-help” because it sounds dry and instructive. I prefer to describe it as a series of therapy stories. Help comes from surprising sources and I love that we can find support in our own imaginative ways. A wonderful book will always be helpful emotionally, and great writers investigate our inner lives and motivations. It’s up to each of us to insist on living exciting lives and books remind us that it’s always possible to have a fresh experience. Self-help often means embracing the complexities. There is no magical solution for figuring out life but great books make living so much better.
I wrote...
Tell Me What You Want: A Therapist and Her Clients Explore Our 12 Deepest Desires
Each of us, at certain moments in our lives, can feel lost or confused. We often don’t know how to get what we want, but we share some universal desires: to love and be loved; understanding, power, attention, freedom; to create, to belong, to win, to connect, to control; and we want what we shouldn’t. In each of these twelve chapters, focused on one of these desires, psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber takes you behind closed doors of her therapy sessions as she guides clients towards startling insights and profound change.
With a warm and compassionate voice, Weber blends dramatic and moving personal stories with careful research in this “brilliant and wise” (The Times, London) guide to living well that will stay with you long after you turn the final page.
DeSanctis is a witty and lyrical writer, and she observes the world with astonishing acuity and insight.
I read this at a moment of feeling unbearably stuck emotionally and I was transported to a worldly sense of fresh possibilities and rich adventures. Restlessness can be a superpower and finally I got validation for being a restless psychotherapist (a profession that prides itself on patience).
This book made me come alive and it bolstered me psychologically in a way that felt incidental and not forced the way self-help books might. It sparked my appreciation for oddities and eccentricities and I urge anyone looking for mischief to start reading this immediately.
"Intrepid and empathetic, gifted with the dispassionate gaze of a born observer...a harmonious collage of worldview and character, a wunderkammer of experiences in a life fully lived." -Melissa Febos, The New York Times
"DeSanctis encounters spies and love interests, but it's her
lushly polished writing that makes this book a joy to read." -The Washington
Post
Vogue's Best Books of 2022
The Washington Post's Best Travel Books of 2022
Restless to leave, eager to return: this memoir in essays captures the unrelenting pull between the past and the present, between traveling the world and staying home.
Oh the joys of Saul Steinberg’s drawings! More psychologically attuned than most therapy books or self-help, Steinberg’s illustrations are brilliant illuminations of what goes on in the inner lives of human beings.
I want to play and celebrate and express and engage with nature when I look at this book, and seeing my internal angst depicted visually consoles me. As a psychotherapist, I cherish words but I also see the limitations of language. It’s liberating to see what can’t always be described.
As for the labyrinth theme, it’s universal and shockingly apt as a metaphor for what goes on in our emotional lives – we are so often seduced by labyrinths – we get drawn into situations and patterns that feel impossible to resolve and yet somehow too hard to leave.
Our inner conflicts are full of mazes we feel we can’t exit but also can’t sort out – should we leave a relationship? Is this friend a good friend or a bad friend? We lament about small details and agonize over steps and missteps and Steinberg’s book reminds us that we put ourselves into labyrinths and demand solutions. Steinberg’s illustrations are the closest thing I’ve found to a solution – radical acceptance and psychological freedom.
This book will make you playful – essential at every age and stage throughout life. Playing and creating can be tragically unprioritised in adulthood. I’m not very good at drawing but looking through these pages inspires me to pick up a pen and draw in a hugely satisfying, even if unskilled, way.
There’s such joy in Steinberg’s wisdom but also his perpetual beginner’s mindset.
A seminal work by an artist whose drawings in The New Yorker, LIFE, Harper's Bazaar, and many other publications influenced an entire generation of American artists and writers.
Saul Steinberg’s The Labyrinth, first published in 1960 and long out of print, is more than a simple catalog or collection of drawings. These carefully arranged pages record a brilliant, constantly evolving imagination confronting modern life. Here is Steinberg, as he put it at the time, discovering and inventing a great variety of events: "Illusion, talks, music, women, cats, dogs, birds, the cube, the crocodile, the museum, Moscow and Samarkand (winter, 1956),…
Soaring and powerful, this is the story of my beloved friend and his disability. He’s also gay. He’s spent his life feeling trapped by reductive definitions along with his physical challenges.
His writing is joyous and giddy with freedom. He sees everything and feels life’s social nuances with piercing insights. Everyone should read this book not just because it’s poignant and profoundly edifying but also because it’s written so darn well. Words jump and dance and reading this feels like flying.
There’s a pace and excitement even at haunting moments and joy and beauty sit with sorrow and pain in such a real, relatable way, it’s much more about lived experience than any psychological study I’ve come across on this subject.
There’s depth and air throughout. I don’t always like the writing of people I know, and I don’t always like the people whose writing I admire. What a wonderful rarity it is when the personality and prose are equally enchanting.
When Emmett de Monterey is eighteen months old, a doctor diagnoses him with cerebral palsy. Words too heavy for his 25-year-old artist parents and their happy, smiling baby.
Growing up in South East London in the 1980s, Emmett is spat at on the street and prayed over at church. At his mainstream school, teachers refuse to schedule his classes on the ground floor, and he loses a stone from the effort of getting up the stairs. At his Sixth Form College for disabled students, he's told he will be expelled if the rumours are true, if he's gay.
The story of Holly Golightly is really about freedom and attachment.
Holly doesn’t even name her cat anything but Cat. Charming and delightful and utterly terrified of intimacy in some ways, she’s the most loveable flawed character in history. The narrator is understandably enamoured and bothered by her elusive and mercurial nature, and their rapport and connection are heartwarming.
It’s deeply consoling to return to Capote’s familiar passages and what’s gripping for me is how Holly Golightly is always the same character but my feelings about her continue to change. When I was fourteen I admired her and saw her as a stylish icon. At twenty-two I found her distressing and traumatic. In my thirties I ignored her and tried to outgrow her and I’ve returned to her again and feel fondness for her. Our relationship with characters can be in motion.
Breakfast at Tiffany’s is charming and chic but it’s also profoundly tender. Holly Golightly is all alone when she is vulnerable and the story is a reminder of the trappings of charisma, the danger of having to be on form.
A beautifully designed edition of Truman Capote's dazzling New York novel Breakfast at Tiffany's, which inspired the classic 1961 film starring Audrey Hepburn
'What I've found does the most good is just to get into a taxi and go to Tiffany's. It calms me down right away, the quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there, not with those kind men in their nice suits...'
Meet Holly Golightly - a free spirited, lop-sided romantic girl about town. With her tousled blond hair and upturned nose, dark glasses and chic black dresses, Holly is…
Roth’s intolerance of closure is brilliant. Even if it’s a character who loathes the concept of closure, and not Roth himself, this book is incredibly helpful for thinking about cancel culture, the reductive judgments about sex, the cultural purity binges that shame and destroy thinking.
Roth is bold and brave in his writing and the exquisite candor about sex is sometimes upsetting but also enlivening. Roth is not always nice in his writing but the cruelty he describes is an act of service to humanity and he stretches the psyche,
The Human Stain will expand your attitudes towards race and sexual judgment. Helpful in myriad ways.
The American psyche is channelled into the gripping story of one man. This is the Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Philip Roth at his very best.
It is 1998, the year America is plunged into a frenzy of prurience by the impeachment of a president. In a small New England town a distinguished professor, Coleman Silk, is forced to retire when his colleagues allege that he is a racist. The charge is unfounded, the persecution needless, but the truth about Silk would astonish even his most virulent accuser. Coleman Silk has a secret that he has kept for fifty years. This is…
I’m an old guy. I say this with a bit of cheek and a certain amount of incongruity. All the books on my list are old. That’s one area of continuity. Another, and I’ll probably stop at two, is that they all deal with ordinary people caught in extraordinary circumstances—those curveballs of life we flail at with an unfamiliar bat; the getting stuck on the Interstate behind a semi and some geezer in a golf cap hogging the passing lane in a Buick Le Sabre. No one makes it through this life unscathed. How we cope does more to define us than a thousand smiles when things are rosy. Thus endeth the lesson.
Nine Stories Told Completely in Dialogue is a unique collection of narratives, each unfolding entirely through conversations between its characters. The book opens with "God on a Budget," a tale of a man's surreal nighttime visitation that offers a blend of the mundane and the mystical. In "Doctor in the House," readers are plunged into the emotionally charged moment when an oncologist delivers a life-altering diagnosis to a patient. The collection then shifts to "Prisoner 8086," a story about the unlikely friendship that blossoms between a prison volunteer and a habitual offender, exploring themes of redemption and human connection.
The heart of the book continues with "The Reunion," a touching narrative about high school sweethearts reuniting, stirring up poignant memories and unspoken feelings. "The Therapy Session" adds a lighter touch, presenting a serio-comic exchange between a therapist and a challenging patient. In "The Fishing Trip," a father imparts crucial life lessons to his daughter during an eventful outing, leading to unexpected consequences. "Mortality" offers a deeply personal moment as a mother shares a cherished, secret story from her past with her son.
The collection then takes a romantic turn in "The Singles Cruise," where two individuals find connection amidst shared stories on a cruise for singles. Finally, "Jesus and Buddha in the Garden of Eden" provides a satirical, thought-provoking encounter in the afterlife between two spiritual figures. The book concludes with "The Breakup," a nuanced portrayal of a young couple's separation, told from both perspectives, encapsulating the complexities of relationships and the human experience.
Nine Stories Told Completely in Dialogue is a unique collection of narratives, each unfolding entirely through conversations between its characters. The book opens with "God on a Budget," a tale of a man's surreal nighttime visitation that offers a blend of the mundane and the mystical. In "Doctor in the House," readers are plunged into the emotionally charged moment when an oncologist delivers a life-altering diagnosis to a patient. The collection then shifts to "Prisoner 8086," a story about the unlikely friendship that blossoms between a prison volunteer and a habitual offender, exploring themes of redemption and human connection.
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