The best books every parent of an autistic child should read

I was so deeply moved and inspired by reading this book that, even as a young student in college, I almost hoped I would have a child with autism so that I could have the experience of running a Son-Rise Program. I loved how Bears and Samahria charted their own course when there were no mapped parenting paths that appealed to them. I loved their optimism, love, joy, and determination.

They decided not to stop Raun’s repetitive behaviors but used those behaviors as the bridge to connection, whereas the professionals seeing Raun at the time wanted to stop the behaviors so that they could force Raun to connect. The forcing didn’t work, but joining the behaviors brought miraculous changes.

What moved me the most was how much Raun changed and grew in response to the internal work Bears and Samahria did to be clear and present. They invited Raun to connect through language and eye contact, but they never forced it. They simply celebrated every tiny flicker of Raun noticing their presence–a presence that was free from fear or pressure. I wanted to grow in those ways myself so that I could facilitate miracles in response to any challenge I might face.

I don’t know what could be more inspiring than hearing from someone who experienced the Son-Rise Program as the recipient of the program. I knew that Raun had changed immensely thanks to the program his parents ran for him, but I loved reading Raun’s perspective on his own journey as the original Son-Rise son.

I loved the straightforward way he explains the Son-Rise Program because I can always use reminders for how to best meet my daughter where she is. Reading this book felt like a refresher course from my training at the Autism Treatment Center of America and helped me be more of the mom I want to be. 

I love how Kate makes working on any skill or situation seem doable. Kate was one of my teachers when I was training to run a Son-Rise Program, and it is so helpful to have her words on my bookshelf for when I get frustrated or forget my best intentions.

This book came out after my daughter was potty trained and after she was sleeping through the night in her own room, so those sections of the book were enjoyable to read as a reminder of where we had been. The sections on what to do what your child is upset have been particularly helpful as my daughter and I sometimes have big emotional clashes, especially now that we are in sync with our periods.

I appreciate having Kate’s suggestions so that I don’t feel trapped or alone in any difficult situation. 

I read this in the early days following Sarah’s medical diagnosis when she was one year old. It felt like finding water in a desert. It was the first time I came across any acknowledgment that parents of kids with special needs go through the grieving process.

I liked the explanation of why I was probably having a hard time: not only was I grieving, but I was, of course, also still navigating how to care for my child, who needed even more care than the typical child. Suddenly, I didn’t feel like a terrible person for having the feelings I was having.

When I let myself grieve without judgment, then, I moved through those difficult feelings more easily and could find some breathing room, which helped me be more available to take care of my daughter.

I always find it helpful to express my feelings, and I love that this book addresses the need for children to do so, too. Whenever I feel tight and anxious in my parenting and realize I’m trying to control my children's emotional experiences, this is a helpful reminder to be with them and listen.

That always makes a difference. I remember that I don’t have to solve my kids’ problems; I can just show up and listen. I can trust that when they get sad and mad, they will be sparkly again, just as I am when I move through my feelings.

The most helpful section of the book for me was about when kids show anger. My daughter often has angry outbursts, and I liked that this book reminded me that she might be having underlying feelings of fear and anxiety. It helped me get to the root of the anger more effectively and helped me find more compassion within myself for my daughter.