The best books that will stimulate your sexual brain

Why am I passionate about this?

Growing up I never thought I would become a sex therapist. But I suffered terribly from sexual dysfunction as a young adult and I had no one to talk to. I felt alone and isolated, and disconnected from a vital part of being alive. I wrote about my personal experiences in She Comes First and how I eventually found my way out of the fog of sexual anxiety and despair. But that meant going against the grain of how I thought sex was supposed to go. Today I’m dedicated to having those real conversations with real people and helping people give their “sexual selves” a voice so they can connect with others.


I wrote...

Book cover of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

What is my book about?

As women everywhere will attest, men are "ill-cliterate." Most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. But in the world of She Comes First, the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to sex therapist (and evangelist of the female orgasm) Ian Kerner, oral sex isn't just foreplay, it's coreplay: simply the best way to lead a woman through the entire process of arousal time and time again. Can you say "viva la vulva"?

Fun and informative, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and ensuring that sexual fulfillment is mutual.

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The books I picked & why

Book cover of The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Sexual Passion and Fulfillment

Ian Kerner Why did I love this book?

When it comes to sex, too often people focus on physical stimulation and not enough on psychological arousal.

Studies have shown that women can fantasize their way to orgasm without ever touching themselves, and fantasy is a powerful source of arousal regardless of sex. But putting fantasy into action, or just into words, can be daunting in our sex-avoidant culture. Discussing topics such as Core Erotic Themes, Jack Morin’s book is hands down the best book in my opinion for engaging the power of our sexual minds.

By Jack Morin,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked The Erotic Mind as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Challenging accepted theories about what makes for terrific sex, The Erotic Mind is a breakthrough exploration of the least understood dimensions of human sexuality—the psychology of desire, arousal, and fulfillment. Nationally known sex therapist Dr. Jack Morin offers a bold new perspective that celebrates the joys of Eros without denying its risks.

Based on an in-depth analysis of over 1,000 provocative stories of peak sexual experiences, The Erotic Mind offers clear, accessible guidance on how anyone can utilize his or her own peak encounters and fantasies as powerful tools of self-discovery.

The Erotic Mind explains the many paradoxes of erotic…


Book cover of Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Ian Kerner Why did I love this book?

Low desire and mismatched libidos are the #1 problem a sex therapist deals with and too often one partner is labeled high desire and the other partner is labeled as low. But very often the real problem is that partners operate in different desire frameworks and need to create a shared desire framework.

This is especially true of heterosexual couples, and Nagoski’s book is important reading for men and women alike who want to find common sexual ground.

By Emily Nagoski,

Why should I read it?

3 authors picked Come as You Are as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER.

An essential exploration of women's sexuality that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.

After all the books that have been written about sex, all the blogs and TV shows and radio Q&As, how can it be that we all still have so many questions? The frustrating reality is that we've been lied to - not deliberately, it's no one's fault, but still. We were told the wrong story.

Come as You Are reveals the true story behind female sexuality, uncovering the little-known science of what makes us tick…


Book cover of Best Women's Erotica Of The Year, Volume 8

Ian Kerner Why did I love this book?

As I discussed, fantasy is a powerful engine of sexual arousal. And these days most men (and increasingly women) are stimulating their sexual imaginations with porn.

There’s nothing wrong with “ethical” porn in my book (think of it as the erotic equivalent of fair-trade coffee), but sometimes it’s nice to go old-school and just read something erotic. There is no better editor than Rachel Kramer Bussell who has consistently bringing the best literary erotica to our attention for nearly 20 years. This is just one of many volumes of erotica appealing to all tastes and temperaments. 

By Rachel Kramer Bussel (editor),

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Best Women's Erotica Of The Year, Volume 8 as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

It's Playtime!

Best Women's Erotica of the Year, Volume 8 is ready to play! The characters who frolic in these 21 tales play at just about everything: music, sex games, LARPing and more! Edited by the award-winning Rachel Kramer Bussel, these sexy stories feature everything from a daring historical tale of two lovers getting intimate in a crowded theater to forbidden love and lust to alien passion, all while exploring the realms of fetishes, BDSM, and the paranormal. So step right up and take your pick, because everyone's a winner when these characters play out their deepest sexual fantasies!

With…


Book cover of Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love

Ian Kerner Why did I love this book?

Attraction. Chemistry. Infatuation. Whatever the word, falling in love is a roller-coaster of emotions and Helen explains why.

As a neuroscientist she has scanned the brains of thousands of people in a state of being in love and expertly describes the dynamics of love. Too often we say that love and attraction fade with time, but by understanding what drives these processes we can better nurture them for the long term.

By Helen Fisher,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Why We Love as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

A groundbreaking exploration of our most complex and mysterious emotion

Elation, mood swings, sleeplessness, and obsession—these are the tell-tale signs of someone in the throes of romantic passion. In this revealing new book, renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher explains why this experience—which cuts across time, geography, and gender—is a force as powerful as the need for food or sleep.

Why We Love begins by presenting the results of a scientific study in which Fisher scanned the brains of people who had just fallen madly in love. She proves, at last, what researchers had only suspected: when you fall in love, primordial…


Book cover of The Case of the Female Orgasm: Bias in the Science of Evolution

Ian Kerner Why did I love this book?

In her compelling book, Elisabeth Lloyd examines whether or not the female orgasm is an evolutionary adaptation resulting from the process of natural selection, or rather an evolutional by-product – like male nipples.

Ms. Lloyd examines twenty-one theories that seek to promote the female orgasm as an adaptation  from the role of orgasm in helping to facilitate the pair-bonding process to upsucking and sperm-competition  and finds each and every one of them lacking.

As a sex therapist I receive emails daily from women who are unable to achieve orgasm via intercourse and wonder, "What can I do to change this? What's wrong with me?" Well if we stop thinking of female and male orgasms as something that "naturally" should result from intercourse, we can liberate both men and women from the oppressive intercourse-discourse (a belief that there's a right way to have orgasms, and simultaneous ones at that).

By Elisabeth A. Lloyd,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Case of the Female Orgasm as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Why women evolved to have orgasms--when most of their primate relatives don't--is a persistent mystery among evolutionary biologists. In pursuing this mystery, Elisabeth Lloyd arrives at another: How could anything as inadequate as the evolutionary explanations of the female orgasm have passed muster as science? A judicious and revealing look at all twenty evolutionary accounts of the trait of human female orgasm, Lloyd's book is at the same time a case study of how certain biases steer science astray.

Over the past fifteen years, the effect of sexist or male-centered approaches to science has been hotly debated. Drawing especially on…


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By Amy T. Waldman, Peter Jest,

Book cover of We Had Fun and Nobody Died: Adventures of a Milwaukee Music Promoter

Amy T. Waldman

New book alert!

What is my book about?

This irreverent biography provides a rare window into the music industry from a promoter’s perspective. From a young age, Peter Jest was determined to make a career in live music, and despite naysayers and obstacles, he did just that, bringing national acts to his college campus atUW-Milwaukee, booking thousands of concerts across Wisconsin and the Midwest, and opening Shank Hall, the beloved Milwaukee venue named after a club in the cult film This Is Spinal Tap.

Jest established lasting friendships with John Prine, Arlo Guthrie, and others, but ultimately, this book tells a universal story of love and hope…

We Had Fun and Nobody Died: Adventures of a Milwaukee Music Promoter

By Amy T. Waldman, Peter Jest,

What is this book about?

The entertaining and inspiring story of a stubbornly independent promoter and club owner 

This irreverent biography provides a rare window into the music industry from a promoter’s perspective. From a young age, Peter Jest was determined to make a career in live music, and despite naysayers and obstacles, he did just that, bringing national acts to his college campus at UW–Milwaukee, booking thousands of concerts across Wisconsin and the Midwest, and opening Shank Hall, the beloved Milwaukee venue named after a club in the cult film This Is Spinal Tap.

This funny, nostalgia-inducing book details the lasting friendships Jest established…


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