The Self-Driven Child

This thought-provoking book by Bill Stixrud (a clinical neuropsychologist) and Ned Johnson (an SAT tutor) pops up on other “best books” lists on parenting. It deserves to be there. But it’s not, as the title might suggest, a prescription for “hands-off” parenting. On the contrary, it shows us how to actively help our kids become better decision-makers by giving them lots of guided practice in making decisions they’re capable of handling, such as: “Should I take on the challenge of moving to the next grade in school, or spend another year learning the important skills I didn’t learn very well… show more.

As a scientist, I’m a believer in good research and data. This book draws from the literature on how kids develop that elusive “internal motivation” (hint: by having some feeling of autonomy) and how parents with the best of intentions can inhibit this by over-managing kids’ academic pursuits. Of the myriad power struggles parents tend to get entangled in with their kids, the battle over homework and grades is one of the most common. This book specifically addresses this issue and helps parents scope out and see the wisdom in helping kids from an early age to own this process… show more.

If you choose just one parenting book to read all year, make it this one! Just as The Gardener and The Carpenter recommends a more relaxed approach to raising young children (see above), The Self-Driven Child explores in great detail how letting go a little (or a lot) can benefit your older child.

Stixrud, a clinical neuropsychologist, and Johnson, an SAT tutor to teens in high-pressure environments, have decades of experience working with stressed out, underperforming, or highly driven teens and tweens. They sagely remind us that in order to develop properly, children need a sense of autonomy and control… show more.