The Gardener and the Carpenter

Alison Gopnik is a towering figure in the field of developmental psychology, and interviewing her at her Berkeley lab was one of the highlights of my reporting for my own book. She tackles parenting from a particularly erudite and academic angle, pulling on psychology, evolutionary biology, and more to persuade parents that parenting is, in fact—and in her words—“a mug’s game.” We may think we are carpenters, building a perfect specimen of child, but in fact the best way to raise resilient, successful kids is to act like a gardener, providing the right environment in which they can thrive.… show more.

Alison Gopnik, author, mother, and child psychologist believes in creating an environment where children are left to play and figure things out for themselves to mentally develop, opposed to starting school from an early age, enrolling them in many activities, and giving them homework. Gopnik goes along with the Finnish style of parenting. She claims through metaphor that modern parents are akin to carpenters, trying to shape their children. Whereas if we act more like gardeners, we can nurture and allow out children to flourish. It’s an interesting perspective, and a good reminder not to overload our children and let… show more.

Alison Gopnik is one of the most inspiring researchers on how young minds think, grow and learn. Her books show us that learning looks and feels different in babies and in young children. Her book, The Gardener and The Carpenter, reminds parents that everything can’t be found in a parenting book. Children thrive with parents and loving adults who create environments for learning…a garden to grow in! 

Potty training begins and succeeds with a “positive potty environment”. If parents overdo, over-manage, like the Carpenter, children often resist or regress. Children need time and practice to master their bodies and… show more.

As parents, we all want to shape our children and give them the best lives we can. But sometimes our natural concern for our child’s future can get out of hand and turn into helicoptering and overparenting. Renowned child psychologist Alison Gopnik has an important message for parents: stop worrying! “Our job as parents is not to make a particular kind of child,” Gopnik tells us. “Instead, our job is to provide a protected space of love, safety, and stability in which children of many unpredictable kinds can flourish.”

Gopnik is at the forefront of research showing that many well-intentioned… show more.