The most recommended books about choosing a mate

Who picked these books? Meet our 23 experts.

23 authors created a book list connected to choosing a mate, and here are their favorite choosing a mate books.
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Book cover of Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type

Jennifer J. Lacelle Author Of Calling Down the Goddess

From Jennifer's 3 favorite reads in 2023.

Why am I passionate about this?

Author Witty Writer Wordsmith Playful Reader

Jennifer's 3 favorite reads in 2023

Jennifer J. Lacelle Why did Jennifer love this book?

This is a non-fiction read and is written by one of the leading “love experts” in North America. Helen Fisher helped create the tests that numerous dating websites have used to pair people up.

It might not be fiction, but it’s a powerfully deep dive into who you are as a person and why you choose the person you choose as a partner. 

By Helen Fisher,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Why Him? Why Her? as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Are you looking for The One? Well, according to Dr Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and relationship expert, you don't have to look any further for the way to find that special someone than your very own brain chemistry.
Based on Dr Fisher's groundbreaking personality type study, in which she analyzed the personalities of more than 28,000 people, Why Him? Why Her? provides a formula for long-term love that is based on cutting-edge discoveries in evolutionary neurology. Once you've identified yourself as one of the personality types (explorer, builder, negotiator, or director) Dr Fisher provides a detailed plan of how to…


Book cover of The Vow

Darby Baham Author Of The Shoe Diaries

From my list on celebrating strong friendships.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’m a writer, editor, and self-proclaimed shoe fanatic who loves finding opportunities to traipse through the streets of New York like Carrie in Sex and the City. With an undergrad degree in journalism from Howard University and a graduate degree from Georgetown University, I started a blog in 2007 about shoes, politics, and relationships that centered on my personal experiences with all three. Since then, I’ve contributed opinion articles to The Washington Post, Blavity, and more. My debut novel, The Shoe Diaries, was released in January 2022 by Harlequin Special Edition. The sequel, Bloom Where You’re Planted, will be released on May 24, 2022. 

Darby's book list on celebrating strong friendships

Darby Baham Why did Darby love this book?

After attending a New Year’s Eve wedding, three friends decide that they are going to either become engaged or get married by the same time next year. With a premise like that, you know it’s destined to include a plethora of dating and relationship shenanigans. Plus, with three main characters, it gives the reader a great and complex look into the lives of Black professional women. Throughout, the friendships kept me enthralled, and I found it to be a wonderful look into Black sisterhood. 

By Denene Millner, Angela Burt-Murray, Mitzi Miller

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Vow as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

In this runaway hit novel, three best friends come together for their sorority sister's glitzy wedding in Atlanta and make a vow to get married within one year. As they embark on their search to find their soul mates, they navigate the full-contact sport known as being a SSBFLA (successful, single, black, female in L.A.) and negotiate the shark-infested waters of making a name for themselves professionally in Hollywood.

Can Trista, the hyper-driven celebrity agent, find the time to schedule a meaningful romance? Will Amaya, the sexy starlet, convince the married hip hop-label exec she has been seeing to leave…


Book cover of One True Loves

JJ Elliott Author Of There Are No Rules for This

From JJ's 3 favorite reads in 2023.

Why am I passionate about this?

Author Oenophile Tennis and Pickleball player Avid reader Mom to teens and bulldogs Cheese fan

JJ's 3 favorite reads in 2023

JJ Elliott Why did JJ love this book?

I love a book that puts a regular person in an impossible situation, and boy, does this one deliver.

It follows a woman who has found love again after losing her “one true love” in an accident at sea, only for him to show up again right as she is putting her life back together.

I loved these characters deeply and ached for them all as they muddled through an extraordinary set of circumstances. It’s an excellent study of love and how it can change as we grow older. 

By Taylor Jenkins Reid,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked One True Loves as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

From the New York Times bestselling author of The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo

Named a Best Book of Summer by Cosmopolitan * InStyle *PopSugar * Buzzfeed * Bustle * Brit+Co * Parade

"No one does life and love better." InStyle
"Earth-shaking...you will flip for this epic love story." Cosmopolitan

From the author of Maybe in Another Life comes a breathtaking new love story about a woman unexpectedly forced to choose between the husband she has long thought dead and the fiance who has finally brought her back to life.

In her twenties, Emma Blair marries her high school sweetheart,…


Book cover of The North Wind

Avalon Griffin Author Of Unbound by Shadows

From my list on romance for empowering escapism.

Why am I passionate about this?

I started reading romance because I wanted to drown myself in stories of women stepping into their power and getting everything they wanted. Romance is a genre often looked down upon because of the happy-ever-afters, but I think that’s part of why it can be so deliciously subversive. Most (but not all) romance novels are centered on women, their voices, their sexuality, their desires, and their victories. In a world that’s often cruel, escaping into a world where dreams and fantasies are possible can be liberating. I started writing romance because I wanted to be a part of these stories and craft a world for others to escape into.

Avalon's book list on romance for empowering escapism

Avalon Griffin Why did Avalon love this book?

For fans of slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers fantasy, this book is gold.

With Beauty and the Beast and Hades and Persephone vibes, this book tells the story of a human woman who is kidnapped and wed to the Frost King, a brooding immortal.

The writing is beautiful, and I appreciated how it took a long time for the heroine and hero to trust each other and break down their walls. Both characters are deeply flawed, yet you still root for their happiness.

The world-building is lovely and folkloric. Getting into the steamy parts takes a while, but it’s worth the wait!

By Alexandria Warwick,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The North Wind as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Lush. Dark. Romantic. Introducing a newly reimagined tale written in the vein of Beauty and the Beast and Hades and Persephone.

Long before civilization, there were the gods. And before the gods, there was the earth, the celestial bodies, and air given flesh. They are the Anemoi-the Four Winds-and they have been banished to the four corners of the world.

Wren of Edgewood is no stranger to suffering. Her parents are gone. Survival is all she knows. For three hundred years, the land known as the Gray has been encased in ice, surrounded by a great barrier called the Shade,…


Book cover of The Return of the Native

J.E. Tolbert Author Of Arsalan the Magnificent

From my list on descriptions of the real world make it seem unreal.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am an author, poet, and visual artist. These interests converge in my approach to literature. I think that visual and psychological descriptions of environments and circumstances are essential to enlivening the narrative and setting its tone. Often in modern literature this is diluted in favor of straightforward accounts. I believe that a story is never told with any complete objectivity but has a psychological context that must be highlighted. In addition, vivid visual descriptions greatly assist the reader in inhabiting the world of the story as seen from the characters’ points of view.

J.E.'s book list on descriptions of the real world make it seem unreal

J.E. Tolbert Why did J.E. love this book?

Of all the elements of this story, I feel the love triangle between Eustacia, Wildeve, and Clym is of secondary interest to the environment in which it takes place, which is the weird and lugubrious heathlands.

Perhaps I am unfamiliar with heaths; as far as I know, we don’t have any in the U.S. Hardy describes the British heathlands like the landscape of another planet. Largely flat with shallow hills and vales, it sometimes bursts with floral color, and depending on the weather, it can be beset with raking orange sunlight or gloomy palls of mist.

The locals are fond of lighting evening bonfires, and Hardy’s descriptions of the firelight dancing on their faces are mesmerizing and compellingly suggests an unbroken cultural link with Britain’s pagan past.    

By Thomas Hardy, Tony Slade (editor),

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Return of the Native as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

Thomas Hardy's tragic vision of a love struggling to overcome prejudice and rejection, The Return of the Native is edited in Penguin Classics with an introduction by Penny Bouhmelha.

Against the lowering background of Egdon Heath, fiery Eustacia Vye passes her days, wishing only for passionate love. She believes that her escape from Egdon lies in marriage to Clym Yeobright, home from Paris and discontented with his work there. But Clym wishes to return to the Egdon community; a desire which sets him in opposition to his wife and brings them both to despair.

Based on the first edition of…


Book cover of Shades of Milk and Honey

A.J. Maguire Author Of Usurper

From my list on how relationships can shape who we want to be.

Why am I passionate about this?

I grew up in an era when princesses were big and the idea that a woman needs a man to be saved was just beginning to be questioned. I also lived in a single-parent household when that was still something society shamed. Watching my mother, I got a front-row seat to just how loving, vulnerable, and tough-as-nails women can be, and this instilled a desire to tell stories that highlight these sorts of women. My novels have survivors who discover that relationships do not need to be the only thing that defines them, but instead that relationship shapes both parties in ways neither can expect. 

A.J.'s book list on how relationships can shape who we want to be

A.J. Maguire Why did A.J. love this book?

Being a Jane Austin fan myself, it’s hard for me not to love the Glamorist series by Kowal. I deeply enjoyed the magic system she built in the series, and the characters were like… well, like old friends. Vincent provides enough of a Mr. Darcy feel for me that I was pleased by the romance written in here and I quite liked the fact that Jane was “plain” as opposed to the stunning beauties often written in the romance genre. 

By Mary Robinette Kowal,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Shades of Milk and Honey as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

This is a fantasy novel you wish Jane Austen had written. "Shades of Milk and Honey" is an intimate portrait of Jane Ellsworth of Dorchester, a woman ahead of her time in a version of Regency England where the manipulation of glamour is considered an essential skill for a lady of quality. Despite the prevalence of magic in everyday life, other aspects of Dorchester's society are not that different: Jane and her sister Melody's lives still revolve around vying for the attentions of eligible men. While Jane's skill with glamour is remarkable, it is her sister who is fair of…


Book cover of The Tactical Guide to Women: How Men Can Manage Risk in Dating and Marriage

Tony Endelman Author Of The Big Stick: Collected and Applied Wisdom from the Teachings of Dr. Robert Glover

From my list on men’s self-development books that don’t totally suck.

Why am I passionate about this?

In 2013, my father–an amazing man who was the picture of health–died suddenly and unexpectedly while at the gym. At the time, I was miserable and unfulfilled. My father’s passing sent me down a path of deep self-exploration, where I realized that life is simply too short and unpredictable to settle for less than what you truly want. As I endeavored to change my life, I became a certified life coach, relationship coach, and happiness trainer, initially to help myself, but soon discovered a passion for helping others. I've been lucky to have incredible mentors like Dr. Robert Glover. My unconventional brand of self-help has been featured in numerous publications.

Tony's book list on men’s self-development books that don’t totally suck

Tony Endelman Why did Tony love this book?

While No More Mr. Nice Guy may have saved my life, this book has repeatedly saved my ass.

In the book, Dr. Smith uses his years of clinical experience (and his distinct sense of humor) to offer men a plan to attract the right women and confidently move on from the wrong women. This was a plan that I desperately needed. 

This book forced me to examine my unhealthy relationship patterns. It showed me how to meet amazing women and avoid emotionally unstable women. It taught me how to identify red flags, see women more clearly, and have healthier partnerships.

By Shawn T. Smith,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked The Tactical Guide to Women as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

For men, love is a high-stakes gamble. The right woman can be the best part of a man's life, and the wrong one can lead to personal and financial ruin. In today's climate, no man should venture into romance without a reliable risk-management strategy.

The Tactical Guide to Women delivers a solid plan for allowing the right women into your life, and keeping the wrong ones at a safe distance. You'll discover how to:

Identify good women of low drama and high character Reduce your vulnerability to women who seem perfect for you--but aren't Spot the early warning signs of…


Book cover of Mate Choice: The Evolution of Sexual Decision Making from Microbes to Humans

Ingo Schlupp Author Of Male Choice, Female Competition, and Female Ornaments in Sexual Selection

From my list on mate choice – in animals.

Why am I passionate about this?

I am an evolutionary ecologist with a lifelong fascination with mating behavior in animals, particularly fishes. The core of my doctoral thesis was trying to understand why some males mate with females of a different species, a behavior that I thought could not be adaptive. This was the starting point of my work on male mate choice, but also mate choice more generally. Originally from Germany, I have lived and worked in the US for a long time. Most of my work is on neotropical fishes so moving to America made sense.

Ingo's book list on mate choice – in animals

Ingo Schlupp Why did Ingo love this book?

I loved reading this book and I have used it in teaching. This is the most comprehensive book on mate choice. It will be defining the field for a long time. Rosenthal looks at everything that has to do with mate choice and provides an authoritative view of mate choice. He looks at the complexity of mate choice in its full range. If you look for the most complete book on mate choice, this is it.

By Gil Rosenthal,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked Mate Choice as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

A major new look at the evolution of mating decisions in organisms from protozoans to humans The popular consensus on mate choice has long been that females select mates likely to pass good genes to offspring. In Mate Choice, Gil Rosenthal overturns much of this conventional wisdom. Providing the first synthesis of the topic in more than three decades, and drawing from a wide range of fields, including animal behavior, evolutionary biology, social psychology, neuroscience, and economics, Rosenthal argues that "good genes" play a relatively minor role in shaping mate choice decisions and demonstrates how mate choice is influenced by…


Book cover of American Royals

Stacy Juba Author Of Fooling Around With Cinderella

From my list on chick lit to bring a smile to your face.

Why am I passionate about this?

I’m the author of the Storybook Valley chick-lit series, which includes Fooling Around With Cinderella and Prancing Around With Sleeping Beauty. I love reading and writing lighthearted novels about young women finding their Prince Charming—and also themselves. Setting is also important to me as a writer. To create my Storybook Valley novels I spied on Cinderellas at amusement parks and discreetly watched employees head off into off-limits areas. I watched hours of YouTube interviews with former Disney World princesses, behind-the-scenes videos with other amusement park employees, and listened to podcast interviews with managers of theme parks. All the novels I chose had well-developed settings that were an integral part of the book.  

Stacy's book list on chick lit to bring a smile to your face

Stacy Juba Why did Stacy love this book?

I stumbled onto this book on Amazon and the hook intrigued me: What if America had a royal family instead of a president? This alternate reality story set in the present day follows Princess Beatrice and her two siblings. As Beatrice gets closer to becoming queen, she feels the intense pressure and it affects her friendships, family relationships, and her love life. I’ve also read the second book in the series, which had some surprising plot twists. While this is actually a young adult novel, adults will enjoy it also. It’s a bit soapier than the other novels on my list, but a tantalizing read.

By Katharine McGee,

Why should I read it?

1 author picked American Royals as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it. This book is for kids age 14, 15, 16, and 17.

What is this book about?

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING SERIES * What if America had a royal family? If you can't get enough of Harry and Meghan or Kate and William, meet American princesses Beatrice and Samantha. Crazy Rich Asians meets The Crown. Perfect for fans of Red, White, and Royal Blue and The Royal We!

Two princesses vying for the ultimate crown.
Two girls vying for the prince's heart.
This is the story of the American royals.

When America won the Revolutionary War, its people offered General George Washington a crown. Two and a half centuries later, the House of Washington still sits on…


Book cover of The Post-Birthday World

Chris Guillebeau Author Of Gonzo Capitalism: How to Make Money in an Economy That Hates You

From my list on thinking differently and live unconventionally.

Why am I passionate about this?

I'm a curious writer and compulsive traveler. My lifelong goal is to communicate the message “You don’t have to live your life the way others expect.” From 2002-2015 I went to every country in the world, chronicling the journey on my blog The Art of Non-Conformity. At first I thought the blog would be just about travel, but along the way I began meeting lots of people interested in living unconventionally. Ever since, I've been writing books, hosting events, and avoiding traditional employment by any means necessary. 

Chris' book list on thinking differently and live unconventionally

Chris Guillebeau Why did Chris love this book?

Such a powerful book! It's all about the danger of failing to choose, but presented in such a way that the lesson seeps in slowly. Perhaps an ultimate example of "show, don't tell."

I first read it during a difficult season in life where I too felt like I was facing two mutually exclusive options. Each of them foretold a loss and made me sad to contemplate the absence of the other. I then went back to the book a few years later for a second reading and found it just as powerful but less sad—perhaps because I'd improved in my ability to make clear choices.

By Lionel Shriver,

Why should I read it?

2 authors picked The Post-Birthday World as one of their favorite books, and they share why you should read it.

What is this book about?

From the Orange Prize winning author of We Need to Talk About Kevin, this is the novel Lionel Shriver wrote directly afterwards. The Post-Birthday World is an unflinching account of the choices that unfold before us and what our decisions really mean.

Irina McGovern's destiny hinges on a single kiss. Whether she gives into its temptation will determine whether she stays with her reliable partner Lawrence, or runs off with Ramsey, a hard-living snooker player.

Employing a parallel universe structure, Shriver spins Irina's competing futures with two drastically different men. An intellectual and fellow American, Lawrence is clever and supportive,…