The best books for really understanding children and teens

This book was a total breath of fresh air when it was published by psychologist Lisa Damour in 2016. Dr. Damour really ‘gets’ girls and her understanding of the sometimes erratic and confusing behaviour in the adolescent years is profound and compassionate. Dr. Damour also writes beautifully so it’s a pleasure to read and doesn’t repeat the same old tired cliches. Instead, it goes to the next level to explain what's going on for girls as they grow up and become independent. It prepares parents for what's to come and lets them know when it's time to worry and when girls are going through a necessary development phase.

While it’s generally agreed that our teens are going through a tougher time, I think that if we give them the skills to understand their own thinking they can ultimately come through this period stronger and more resilient. What’s more, we can’t just tell them how their minds work. They have to understand it for themselves. So that’s why I love this book which compresses the science for teens and gives them a ready-to-use tool kit for everything from handling worries to feeling better about their bodies.

This book was another total game-changer and I will never stop recommending it. It totally benefits from being written by a parent, rather than a clinician, but fearlessly tackles the terror faced by mothers and fathers when their child starts to struggle with a serious mental health crisis. It also offers a fearless road map out of this dark place. Suzanne writes beautifully too which makes the book easy to read despite its difficult subject matter. Suzanne now heads up the charity and Facebook support group, Parenting Mental Health, which is a safe haven for many parents where they can honestly express what it’s like to be in this very scary place.

This book was another eye-opener. Educator Rachel Simmons lifted the lid on how not all meanness and bullying among children is overt, obvious, or easily spotted. She decodes relational aggression between young people - a kind of stealth attack, using words and exclusion, and techniques like seat-saving, gossip, and silent treatment. This kind of behaviour can be particularly painful for young people to understand or process because it is so hard to name. But in this book, Simmons put her finger on it, so it can be understood and recognized. It means that when young people experience it, they will not feel so hurt and singled out by it.

In this book, the late Peter Benson, argues that by the teenage years, with help every young person can identify their unique strength - the thing they are naturally good at and would do anyway if left to their own devices. He argues this doesn’t have to be academic. It can be things like the ability to listen, a commitment to animal welfare, a passion for the environment, anything in the creative arts, or caring for others. He discussed how every single young person can be helped to identify their ‘spark.’ I often cite Benson’s concept of ‘spark’ in my own books because it does so much to help young people feel better about themselves, find their life purpose and undo the damage our grades-obsessed, one-size-fits-all education system does to the self-worth of so many.