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Mind The Gap Paperback – June 14, 2022

by Dr. Karen Gurney (Author)

4.7 386 ratings

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'This book taught me so much about female desire. A must read!' Cherry Healey

Did you know that there is an orgasm gap of around 30% between heterosexual couples when they have sex?

In Mind The Gap, Dr Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and certified psychosexologist, explores not just this gap, but the gaps in our knowledge of so much of the most important new science around sex and desire.

In this book, you will learn that nearly everything that you've been led to believe about female sexuality isn't actually true. And that, despite what you might think, it is possible to simultaneously feel little to no spontaneous desire and have a happy and mutually satisfying sex life long term.

Exploring the mismatch between ideas about sex in our society and what the science tells us, Mind The Gap also explains how this disconnect lies at the root of many of our sexual problems.

Combining science with case studies, practical exercises and tips, this is a book for anyone who wants to better understand the mechanics of desire and futureproof their sex life, for life.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

This book taught me so much about female desire. A must read!―Cherry Healey

Reveals how you can supercharge desire in a long relationship―Daily Mail

Mind The Gap by Dr Karen Gurney reveals the essential factors that drive women's desire and explains how you can harness them to achieve brilliant, satisfying sex long into old age.―Red

Lots of nuggets.―Evening Standard

Nothing stays the same as we age, and that includes our sex lives. But how we approach intimate moments can mean the difference between satisfaction and disappointment. That's the premise behind Harley Street psychologist Dr Karen Gurney's debut book Mind the Gap.―Sheer Luxe

[one of] the best books of 2020 to shop now...―Glamour Magazine

Mind the Gap sets out to dispel some long-held sexual myths.―Vogue

Drawing upon her clinical experience, certified psychosexologist Dr Karen Gurney lays bare the history of sex, its role in society, bedroom inequality and libido - alongside actionable advice on how to have the kind, and frequency, of sex you want.―Women's Health

I thoroughly recommend Dr Karen Gurney's book Mind The Gap if you'd like to explore more about how sexual desire isn't something we should expect to be constantly present so long as we 'love' or 'fancy' someone, but is actually dependent upon all sorts of additional contextual factors, and how understanding all these - and to some extent, planning around them - can aid us in fostering greater desire if we wish to.―Alix Fox, Grazia

For couples wanting practical help―Recommended by Kate Moyle, GQ Magazine

About the Author

Dr Karen Gurney is a highly specialised clinical psychologist and certified psychosexologist , and is a recognised national expert in the theory and practice of therapy around all aspects of sexual wellbeing and function. She is currently Lead Psychosexual Therapist at 56 Dean Street (Chelsea and Westminster Hospital NHS Foundation Trust), as well as Director of The Havelock Clinic, an independent sexual problems service based on Harley Street and in The City of London. Dr Gurney has written for and been featured in publications such as Marie Claire, Cosmopolitan and Refinery29. She appeared on BBC2's Victoria Derbyshire Show and is the expert attached to Cherry Healey, Lisa Williams and Anniki Sommerville's podcast, The Hotbed Collective (@thehotbedcollective), regularly appearing in their live shows and podcasts. She is also the UK ambassador for www.thepornconversation.org - a not-for-profit initiative set up by Erika Lust designed to help parents and carers talk to young people about porn use. Dr Gurney is on Instagram as @thesexdoctor.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Headline (June 14, 2022)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 336 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1472267133
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1472267139
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.13 x 1 x 9.25 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #417,151 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #462 in Psychology & Counseling Books on Sexuality
- #616 in General Sexual Health
- #1,237 in Sex & Sexuality

Customer Reviews:
4.7 386 ratings

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Dr Karen Gurney

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Dr Karen Gurney is a consultant clinical psychologist and certified psychosexologist, and is a recognised national expert in the theory and practice of therapy around all aspects of sexual wellbeing and function. She is currently Head of Wellbeing Services at the award winning sexual health clinic 56 Dean Street (Chelsea and Westminster Hospital NHS Foundation Trust), as well as Director of The Havelock Clinic, an independent sexual problems service based in London. Dr Gurney regularly writes and is featured in publications such as Vogue and Marie Claire as well as appearing on podcasts, radio and TV. Dr Gurney has given two TED talks, the latter of which has had over 1.6 million views. Dr Gurney is on Instagram as @thesexdoctor. Mind The Gap is her first book.

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5

386 global ratings

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Sasha Froyland

Understanding her then yourself

Reviewed in the United States on April 20, 2024

Verified Purchase

Written for a women but a man can learn how to please her

Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2024

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The single best book I’ve listened too all year. Stop what you’re doing it. Buy this.

Reviewed in the United States on June 14, 2021

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I absolutely love this book. It has totally changed my view on sex in long term relationships. Everyone should read this book. Thank you for your work Karen….it’s changing lives.

4 people found this helpful

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Rick PDX

Excellent Read for Men too!

Reviewed in the United States on May 13, 2020

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A friend told me about this book and even though written with the intention of women in mind, it's an incredibly insightful read for men too, whether straight or gay! Make this a must read for all genders and sexualities! Highly, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!

6 people found this helpful

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My Girl Connection

Love this book!

Reviewed in the United States on December 4, 2020

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This book is incredible. Hands down everyone should read this for couples and people individuals.

One person found this helpful

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Lydia

A must read

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 28, 2020

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This book by Dr Gurney is an absolute must read for anyone looking to unlearn the unhelpful ideas and myths we are taught in our sex education and by society. Whilst this book focuses on the topic of desire, many many more topics are intertwined into this, which can benefit everyone on so many levels. It is well written, and easy to read, broken down into several parts and chapters, with reiteration of key points to help you learn without feeling as though you really have to try to memorise every detail. The exercises at the end of the chapter enable simple and practical implementation of many of the key topics discussed in the book, within your own life. You also do not need to be in a relationship, or have any issues with desire to read this book, as it functions as a very useful guide for your life long sexual journey.

3 people found this helpful

Michele

A real eye-opener. Fantastic book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 22, 2022

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All my life I thought the issues of low / no desire were my problems, my fault, mine to 'solve'. It turns out that, through reading Dr Karen's book, that's false, I'm normal! It's society and history that have made me feel broken when I wasn't.
Her book is reassuring, easy to follow and full of ideas.
I heartedly recommend it.
Thank you, Karen, for writing this

4 people found this helpful

Susan

My husband will be bending over

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 22, 2020

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I saw this book reviewed in the Daily Telegraph. This is the second recent book I have read about this topic - the other one was “Raising the skirt - the unsung power of the vagina” by Dr Catherine Blackledge.

Many women worry about low sex drive however this is based on the prevalent model of sexual desire which focuses on spontaneous desire which is more of a male thing.
The main takeaway for me from reading Mind the Gap was that sexual desire must be considered alongside cultural influences (for instance how sex is shown on TV).
She reminds us that women have often been socialised to put their own needs after others’ (men’s) needs and this means that women are not asking for what they want. It also means that women are reluctant to initiate sex. This reminds me of Germaine Greer’s famous book “The Female Eunuch” (which was released nearly 50 years ago). I have seen The Female Eunuch” quoted in other books many times however they never seem to quote the main point of book which is that women are not going to get anywhere until they stop being passive in sex (hence the title of the book).
One thing that did surprise me in Mind The Gap was that it talks about monogamy being seen as possibly problematic and there is consideration of the benefits of having multiple partners on many pages in the book. Also I didn’t realise that very few women reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone. (PIV - penis in vagina - as the book calls it. So that is what PIV means.)
I found the idea of sexual currency useful - that is anything, apart from sex, which increases desire.
Also the author does not like the idea of seeing sexual desire as a “drive”. She prefers to talk about motivations instead.

26 people found this helpful

Will

Enlightening and interesting exploration of sex and relationships aimed at empowering women

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 8, 2020

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I liked this book! As someone who has been mystified by some of the rituals surrounding sex, especially with some of the women I have had intimate relationships this helped me get a grasp of some of the misconceptions that "society and the media" have use believe and what is reality for many of us. I do like the focus on empowering women, especially to be more assertive in some situations.

Things I liked:
1) Discussion of sexual currency
2) Exploration of sex and not just being "traditional" PIV sex
3) Reviewing and understanding the conditions for sex and how this is complex and different for everyone
4) The example scenarios
5) The sum up questions at the end of the chapters

I will read these points again :)

I'm going to make a few points and you can take them or leave them as you wish.

1) The author mentions the orgasm gap, i.e. that men have more orgasms than women and this is important, but also states that frequency of sex is not important. Also I would like to point out that many women have the capability to have more intense and multiple orgasms that men will never experience. This presents another "orgasm gap" in society. I just wanted to get this perspective across.

2) From what I understand sometimes women do not want to achieve orgasm or perhaps state they have experienced it, because it gives their partner a perceived ego boost. I'm sure this is not just limited to male partners. This to me presents another dynamic and I would liked to have seen vulnerabilities and insecurities regarding this issue discussed.

9 people found this helpful

Andrew McHenry

Great experience

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 20, 2023

Verified Purchase

Arrived quickly and as described- thanks!

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Mind The Gap Paperback – June 14, 2022

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