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Ma and Me: A Memoir Hardcover – May 17, 2022

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 96 ratings

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Winner of the 2023 Pacific Northwest Book Award.
Finalist for the 2023 Lesbian Memoir/Biography Lambda Literary Award

"A nuanced mediation on love, identity, and belonging. This story of survival radiates with resilience and hope." Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"This openhearted memoir . . . opens the door to include queer descendants of war survivors into the growing American library of love.” ―Sarah Schulman, author of
Let the Record Show

When Putsata Reang was eleven months old, her family fled war-torn Cambodia, spending twenty-three days on an overcrowded navy vessel before finding sanctuary at an American naval base in the Philippines. Holding what appeared to be a lifeless baby in her arms, Ma resisted the captain’s orders to throw her bundle overboard. Instead, on landing, Ma rushed her baby into the arms of American military nurses and doctors, who saved the child's life. “I had hope, just a little, you were still alive,” Ma would tell Put in an oft-repeated story that became family legend.

Over the years, Put lived to please Ma and make her proud, hustling to repay her life debt by becoming the consummate good Cambodian daughter, working steadfastly by Ma’s side in the berry fields each summer and eventually building a successful career as an award-winning journalist. But Put's adoration and efforts are no match for Ma's expectations. When she comes out to Ma in her twenties, it's just a phase. When she fails to bring home a Khmer boyfriend, it's because she's not trying hard enough. When, at the age of forty, Put tells Ma she is finally getting married―to a woman―it breaks their bond in two.

In her startling memoir, Reang explores the long legacy of inherited trauma and the crushing weight of cultural and filial duty. With rare clarity and lyric wisdom,
Ma and Me is a stunning, deeply moving memoir about love, debt, and duty.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

Winner of the 2023 PNBA
Finalist for the 2023 Lesbian Memoir/Biography Lambda Literary Award

"Putsata Reang paints an indelible portrait of her life and her tempestuous relationship with her mother who saved her life and expected a perfect Cambodian daughter in return.
Ma and Me is a wonderful book. I can't recommend it highly enough."
―Elizabeth George, author of Something to Hide

"
Ma and Me paints a portrait of generational trauma as sedimentary... and yet Reang carves out moments for light."
―Meg Young, Columbia Journal of Literary Criticism

"With a journalist's eye and a creative writer's heart, Reang has crafted a memorable memoir with poignant lines I'll bookmark for life."
―Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association

"Heartfelt and evocative."
―Karla J. Strand, Ms.

"
Ma and Me is an important new entry in the growing body of American refugee and immigrant literature, shining a fearless light on the experiences of queer people whose families have survived the trauma of war. It also stands apart as a work of lyrical beauty, exploring culture, duty, guilt and family with heartbreaking clarity."
BookPage

"[A] powerful memoir . . . Reang’s story is a poignant reminder of the strength of the human spirit, and her writing has been praised for its honesty and vulnerability."
Emerson Today

"Familial ties and the scars of war are exquisitely examined in this luminous debut . . . A nuanced mediation on love, identity, and belonging. This story of survival radiates with resilience and hope."
Publishers Weekly (starred review)

"[A] piercing memoir . . . [
Ma and Me features] well-wrought vignettes of a complicated mother-daughter bond."
Kirkus

“This beautiful story of struggling to reconcile love, family, and identity with generational trauma belongs on every queer immigrant's shelf. For those of us who know how it is to always fall between two worlds,
Ma and Me is not heartbreaking but heart-healing.”
―Nicola Griffith, author of Spear

“A book as close to perfect as any I have read in many years. Lyrical, emotional, and profoundly moving,
Ma and Me is in equal parts a love story between a mother and her daughter, and a family’s tale of survival, war, and the inherited traumas. I read Ma and Me in two days, and that is only because I forced myself to slow down to savor Putsata Reang’s sharp, poetic prose.”
―Loung Ung, author of First They Killed My Father

“At a time when there are more refugees than ever in history, and borders are places of violence and cruelty, two essential stories of our time converge in
Ma and Me: Americanization’s multigenerational costs, and the way this converges with lesbian life. Putsata Reang expands both literatures with this openhearted memoir that grapples emotionally and historically with the profound consequences of displacement on future lives and relationships. A book that opens the door to include queer descendants of war survivors into the growing American library of love.”
―Sarah Schulman, author of Let the Record Show

About the Author

Putsata Reang is an author and a journalist whose writings have appeared in The New York Times, Politico, The Guardian, Ms, and The Seattle Times, among other publications. Born in Cambodia and raised in rural Oregon, Reang has lived and worked in more than a dozen countries, including Cambodia, Afghanistan, and Thailand. She is an alum of residencies at Hedgebrook, Kimmel Harding Nelson, and Mineral School, and she has received fellowships from the Alicia Patterson Foundation and Jack Straw Writers Program. She teaches memoir writing at the University of Washington's School of Professional & Continuing Education.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ MCD (May 17, 2022)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 400 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0374279268
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0374279264
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.85 x 1.4 x 8.55 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 96 ratings

About the author

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Putsata Reang
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Putsata Reang is a long-time journalist who has worked for The San Jose Mercury News, the Seattle-Times and the Spokesman-Review, among other newspapers. Her stories have also appeared in the New York Times, Politico, Ms, and Mother Jones, as well as the literary anthology, “In the Shadow of Angkor.” Putsata is a recipient of the Alicia Patterson Journalism Fellowship and multiple writers residencies. “Ma and Me” is her debut memoir. Her first book, “Deadly Secrets,” is a true crime account of a quadruple slaying in a Seattle suburb that Putsata first covered as a young reporter for the Seattle-Times. She teaches memoir writing at the University of Washington’s school of Professional & Continuing Education.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
4.6 out of 5
96 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2022
Putsata has a mesmerizing way with words that doesnt rely upon heavy use of adjectives to describe the world around her. Her book will draw you into her and her family's experience with her raw story telling ability. The overall tragedy of the Khmer people mixed with the immigrants' struggle is juxtaposed by Put's priveleged, yet not, American identity. Her fragile relationship with her mother is effortlessly weaved throughout her own story that you aren't sure whose side of the line you choose to stand on.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on May 23, 2022
This is a mesmerizing account of Ms. Reang trying to balance upholding her cultural heritage and traditions with the realities of a new country and culture, combined with a self-awakening of her true self. I highly recommend this book as a no-holds-barred look into what it is like to arrive in the U.S. as a refugee and learn to cope with the many layers and complexities of the trauma suffered by the people of Cambodia. Eye-opening, yet tender, Ms. Reang's storytelling paints a vivid backdrop to her life.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 30, 2024
I remember well when the world heard and understood about the massive genocide which took place in Cambodia after Vietnam. I found the story of her family’s escape, survival, and returning visits to Cambodia absolutely fascinating. Then, readers hear the poignant story of the authors growth, life, trajectory away her mother. A moving memoir.
Reviewed in the United States on June 13, 2022
I learned so much from this book; Reang's writing is clear and easy to read. Her telling of the Cambodian Genocide and her family's refugee experience filled in numerous holes in my previous understanding and education. And the grace with which Reang writes about being a gay woman caught between two cultures pulled at my heart. I'm grateful that she shared her story.

Highly recommend.
Reviewed in the United States on May 22, 2022
A deep dive into familial/cultural expectations and life adventures of an American immigrant finding her way in the world. Honest, real, fun and sad all at the same time. So well written. Thanks for your truthfulness and vulnerability Put.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on August 21, 2023
Great read, recommend
Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2022
I really appreciate Reang’s story as a queer Khmer American. It was really beautiful and emotional
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 6, 2022
I highly recommend this book.