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Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry Paperback – March 22, 2002

by Albert Bernstein (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 329 ratings
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"Bernstein provides a field guide to the various types of Emotional Vampires and advises readers how to protect themselves from being victims of these predatory personalities."­­Boston Globe

From bestselling author Albert J. Bernstein

The author of Dinosaur Brains offers protection from people who seek to destroy the emotional and psychological well-being of others. Like the fabled demons, these vampires:

  • Think their needs are more important than yours
  • Believe "the rules" apply only to other people
  • Use their tempers in the same way terrorists use bombs

    Emotional Vampires tells readers how to spot a "vampire" in their lives, which defense strategies to employ to prevent one from striking, and what to do if and when they find themselves under attack.

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Previous page
  1. Print length
    256 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    McGraw-Hill
  4. Publication date
    March 22, 2002
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 0.75 x 8.75 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0071381678
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0071381673
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From the Back Cover

"If I'd had a copy of this book when I started therapy, I might have saved myself a lot of time and money. Bernstein provides a field guide to the various types of Emotional Vampires and advises readers how to protect themselves from being victims of these predatory personalities."­­Diane White, The Boston Globe

Emotional Vampires: They're out there . . . masquerading as ordinary people. They may lurk in your office, your family, your circle of friends; perhaps they even share your bed. Chances are, you know all too many of them. Bright, talented, and charismatic, they win your trust, your confidence, and your affection­­then drain you of your emotional energy. But take heart as you walk through the darkness, it doesn't have to be that way­­the more you know about vampires, the less power they have over you.

Here Dr. Albert J. Bernstein, vampire-slayer and author of the best-selling Dinosaur Brains and Neanderthals at Work, reveals the secrets that will protect you once and for all. Detailing a whole range of personality types and human responses, Bernstein shows you how to spot the "vampires" in your life: self-serving Narcissists, hedonistic Antisocials, exhausting Paranoids, or over-the-top Histrionic drama queens. And, with valuable advice, psychological perspective, and much-needed humor, he gives you a range of defense strategies that are guaranteed to keep the blood-sucking creatures of darkness from draining you dry.

By the end of Emotional Vampires, you'll be armed with superior knowledge, a treasure chest of vampire-slaying tools, and all the confidence you need to take on the most draining people in your life and win without shedding the first drop of blood.

About the Author

Albert J. Bernstein, Ph. D., is the author of Dinosaur Brains, Neanderthals at Work, and Sacred Bull. A clinical psychologist, speaker, columnist, and business consultant, Dr. Bernstein is well known for teaching people to confront difficult and frightening situations with wit, wisdom, grace, and liberal doses of humor.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ McGraw-Hill; 1st edition (March 22, 2002)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 256 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0071381678
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0071381673
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.75 x 8.75 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 329 ratings

About the author

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Albert J. Bernstein

Albert J. Bernstein

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Dr. Al Bernstein is a Clinical Psychologist, Business Consultant and author. Over the past 30 years, he has worked with individual clients of all kinds and consulted with businesses large and small. His writing reflects the variety of his experiences as well as his humor and solid common sense. His books offer step-by-step instructions for dealing with difficult people and situations. Two of them, Dinosaur Brains, on the role of instincts in business, and Emotional Vampires on personality disorders are considered classics in their respective fields.

Born, raised and educated in Virginia, Dr. Al now lives in Oregon with his wife, children, granddaughter, two dogs and three cats.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
329 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

PROBLEM CHILD
5.0 out of 5 stars ABSOLUTELY RECOMMENDED!!!
Reviewed in the United States on September 30, 2006
Verified Purchase
First, to diffuse some of the objections to this book you might come across:
1. "Overuse of the Vampire analogies and other metaphors and imagery." Whoever found them distracting was just not understanding them. Bernstein uses each one to make a very specific point, and with their aid he makes that point compeletely clear and accessible. He does use the vampire analogy, but at almost every turn there's a new take on it. His writing is very colorful and just as intentional.
Also, Bernstein is uproariously funny (but never funny just for the sake of being funny). And a lot of that is in his use of metaphors, etc. Before I got 1/2 way through, I checked the 'about the author' to see if he'd done stand-up comedy on the side. Apparently he does a lot of public speaking. A good comedian points out things you haven't really thought about and then makes them entertaining. And when you laugh at something it usually means that you can relate to it and that you completely understand the message. The clarity and liveliness needed to be an effective public speaker, along with the didactic humor, keep things humming from cover to cover. If you're not at least giving a chuckle every few pages or so, either you're not getting it, or there's a much more serious concern...
2. "Not enough concrete advice." Whoever could think this, they are truly not seeing the forest for the trees! This book is loaded with practical advice and revolves around delivering that advice in the most effective way.
I identified my vampire, and I'm going to take a totally different approach to them based on the practical information I found here. In fact Bernstein says outright that while finding the root cause of a disorder can be interesting, it can often be a distraction from how to deal with the practical issues you have face. And, true to his word, everything he says either frames his practical advice, tees it up or delivers it--usually with illustrations on how one might apply it.
3. "There are better books out there on the subject." It's hard to imagine. Maybe there are. But it's all moot anyway when the critic doesn't actually provide any alternative titles or make any effort to back the statement up.
While you're reading and enjoying, you're picking up some rather subtle points all along the way, maybe without even quite realizing how difficult it would really be to take up these otherwise abstract and difficult points and then render them as accessible as Bernstein does. This book is full of valuable tools, and concepts that are crucial to understanding and dealing with this type of person. I know, based on personal experience--frighteningly personal experience.
My vampire is a paranoid obsessive-compulsive. Bernstein illustrates a typical conversation that an OC vampire might have, and I've had that EXACT SAME conversation, in almost identical circumstances and which included a lot of the same exact words and phrases!
Bernstein accomplishes everything, and more, that one would want to see in a practical introduction to the more common personality disorders--only EXTREMELY WELL! After reading this book you'll feel a lot less alone in your situation and a lot more equipped to deal with your vampires.
27 people found this helpful
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Joseph J. Truncale
5.0 out of 5 stars An excellent book that should be read by anyone who is interested in learning about the many emotional vampires in our mist.
Reviewed in the United States on November 27, 2018
Verified Purchase
My reading interests are wide and varied and when I saw this book (243 page soft cover Emotional Vampires: Dealing with people who drain you dry by Albert J. Bernstein) on Amazon for a bargain price I had to have it. As soon as I received it I immediately began reading it and could not put it down. Even though I have taken several psychology courses and read a number of books on personality disorders over the years, this book is one of the best I have ever read on the many emotional vampires which inhabit our world.

I often wondered why certain people, including many of my friends I am unhappy to say, irritated me at times. Now I understand how these “emotional vampires” seem to suck the life out of you. As an example, one of my best friends was surprised and stunned when I suggested he get checked out for hyper-activity because he just could not stop talking about himself, his accomplishments, his work, and the projects he is working on at this time. He just did not recognize the fact that his constant talking got on people’s nerves. People would often avoid sitting in the same area he was in because of his enormous ego etc.

This book is organized into five parts and I strongly suggest you read the entire book beginning from the first page in order to better understand the emotional vampires we all have come across in our lives. The first 4 chapters provide an introduction to these vampires and how to recognize them. The first part of this book explains the anti-social types of lovable rogues. The second part focuses on the histrionic types: show business vampire style. The third part covers one of the most aggravating vampires which are the narcissistic types with huge egos who just can’t stop talking about themselves. The fourth part is about the obsessive-compulsive types, which are especially dangerous because they are sometimes combined with the narcissistic traits, which means double trouble. The final part is the paranoid vampires who sees thing others can’t see.

This is a book that should be read by everyone who desires to better understand the people who share our lives, and also those who may have these emotional vampires’ personality traits and wonder why people seem to avoid them. This book is a wonderful and highly informative evaluation of people many of us deal with every day.

Rating: 5 Stars. Joseph J. Truncale (Author: Never trust a politician: Critical reviews of politics and politicians)
4 people found this helpful
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Citizen Cynthia
4.0 out of 5 stars Hands-on tactics help mitigate the vampire in your midst
Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2011
Verified Purchase
I was sent this book for my birthday by someone who believed me when I said I had a sociopath in my family. It has been so difficult to explain to outsiders what this means or how someone I loved very much for 35 years turned out to be the biggest pathological liar I ever met. Betrayal is not a big enough word for it. In "Emotional Vampires," I found an author who not only understood my situation (he calls it "antisocial personality disorder" in this case), but could give me concrete actions to protect myself and my family from this situation. I read the entire book pretty much in one sitting and even though some of the other "vampires" weren't relevant to me, I appreciated that many of them needed to be treated the same way. I also appreciated that here was someone who knew I wasn't crazy or exaggerating when I said "sociopath." Here was someone who understood that you can't always completely separate yourself from the emotional vampire in your life. I recommend this book for anyone who finds themselves spending inordinate amount of time thinking about someone - a family member, work colleague, lover - and agitating themselves emotionally to understand what just happened to them. The answer may be as simple as they fell into the path of an emotional vampire.

The analogy of a vampire worked pretty well to get the author's point across. I've also read Martha Stout's book "The Sociopath Next Door"  The Sociopath Next Door  which was hugely helpful but light on helpful advice on how to deal with this person (her advice is to cut off all contact and protect yourself - not always possible). I think this book works great with her book to explain sociopaths (and more with the Vampire book) and figure out what to do about it.
8 people found this helpful
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Javier B
5.0 out of 5 stars JavSol
Reviewed in Spain on March 26, 2018
Verified Purchase
The book is very useful, hands on with useful tips, and a lot of fun. I enjoy re-reading it time and again, when I have to interact with an antisocial, narcissistic, paranoid, histrionic or obsessive-compulsive. As precise as a handbook on personality disorders, but with a lot of humour. I can recommend it!
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Reynald Regnus
5.0 out of 5 stars Invaluable ressource. It has helped me avoid burn out ...
Reviewed in Canada on September 26, 2015
Verified Purchase
Invaluable ressource. It has helped me avoid burn out and fend off emotional predators in my personal life and at work. Friends and family have benefited from the knowledge I've gained from it.
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Bücherwurm
5.0 out of 5 stars Das beste Buch zum Thema
Reviewed in Germany on January 27, 2013
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Lange habe ich nach so einem Buch über den alltäglichen Wahnsinn gesucht! Klinische Beschreibungen ausgeprägter Persönlichkeitsstörungen helfen bei den alltäglichen "Irren" oft nicht weiter, weil ja eben alles nicht so ausgeprägt ist - und vor allem - die Frage, was in diesen Menschen eigentlich vorgeht, wie sie die Welt sehen, bleibt meist nur ungenügend behandelt. Genau das war für mich jedoch der überzeugendste Teil in Bernsteins Darstellung. Diese Menschen denken und fühlen eben gerade nicht so wie ich und deshalb gehe ich ihnen auch immer wieder in die Falle. Hervorragend herausgearbeitet auch beide Seiten der Medaille - jeder hat seinen Platz im ganzen und auch diese Menschen haben ihre Augabe in der Welt. Nur ob ich mich mit ihnen auseinandersetzen will oder nicht, ist eben meine Entscheidung.
Hilfreich bei diesem doch auch teilweise sehr schmerzhaften Thema ist der wunderbare Humor, mit dem der Autor das Ganze angeht - besser eine Runde über sich selbst und die anderen gelacht als frustriert, verängstigt und verzweifelt, wie es mir mit anderen Büchern zum Thema schon ergangen ist.
5 Sterne für ein hervorragendes Buch!
3 people found this helpful
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Baz
5.0 out of 5 stars Important: a vampire is not a human being...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 10, 2007
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This is one book I wish I'd read before venturing, happily but naively, into the dim and murky world of the emotional vampire. But then, of course, none of this could possibly apply to the charming, gorgeous creature sharing my life. What a ridiculous thought! The poor thing has had a lot of tough breaks, and just needs a little help, right? Nobody's perfect. We can all use a little support. What's friendship for, let alone love? Yeah, lean on me, babe. I'm here for you... The next thing I know, a gradual sense of the surreal slowly begins to pervade my life. I find myself trying to figure stuff out all the time. What was that she said? Why did she say that? Why would someone do that? Is it me? Am I missing something? My mind going round and round in ever decreasing circles. Little did I know this is the first symptom of blood loss.

I enjoyed this book even though it's quite a while since I managed to escape, dragging my poor depleted body through the Transylvanian woods to freedom and slowly regaining my sanity. Bernstein is the emotional equivalent of Van Helsing and this book is the string of garlic you need to hang around your neck. He writes well with much wisdom and a few laughs thrown in and there were many 'Aha!' moments for me.

Good as it is, I feel that this book will be most useful for victims outside of intimate relationships. God forbid that your significant other is an emotional vampire. The effects are devastating, extremely damaging and the abuse of friendship and love (much worse than physical abuse in my opinion) takes years to get over. The important thing to grasp is that these creatures are NOT human in the sense that most 'normal' people would understand. By definition, a vampire is not a human being. These people are parasites inhabiting the weird and batty world of the undead. I am not joking. This is a difficult concept to explain if you haven't been in a relationship with one.

If you even suspect that your significant other is a vampire - there's only ONE thing you can do if you want to avoid more blood loss and keep your sanity. Run like hell in the opposite direction. And keep on running.
74 people found this helpful
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Snowwhite
5.0 out of 5 stars get it
Reviewed in Canada on December 16, 2017
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scarrrryyyyy what you find out
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