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How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love Hardcover – February 2, 2021

by Logan Ury (Author)
4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 2,416 ratings
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A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.

Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love.

Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how.

This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn:
-What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
-What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t)
-How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
-How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
-How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
-Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway)

This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    352 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Simon & Schuster
  4. Publication date
    February 2, 2021
  5. Dimensions
    6 x 1 x 9 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1982120622
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1982120627
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

“Why have you not found love? Logan Ury’s How to Not Die Alone speaks to truths that your friends won’t tell you. With a unique voice that offers clarity, action, and results, Ury’s book promises to be a definitive guide for a generation navigating the murky waters of modern love.” -- ESTHER PEREL, bestselling author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs and host of the podcast “Where Should We Begin?”

“In How to Not Die Alone, dating coach Logan Ury compiles the research on what trips people up when looking for love and lays it all out in a simple-to-use guide. If you need a perspective shift, this is a book you’ll want to keep on hand as you navigate the modern dating terrain.” -- LORI GOTTLIEB, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

“How to Not Die Alone is a must-read for millennials navigating any stage of their relationship. The advice is clear, researched-based, and actually easy to follow. It’s the perfect book for anyone who wants to up their dating game.” -- JORDANA ABRAHAM, co-founder of Betches Media and host of the podcast “U Up?”

“This book wisely reminds us that finding and holding on to love is not a mysterious divinely apportioned gift, it’s a skill that can be taught and learnt by us all. Past failure does not have to be any indicator of future success—with this compelling book in hand.” -- ALAIN DE BOTTON, author of The Course of Love

“This is an eye-opening book. Based on the best that social science has to offer, and written in an easy-to-understand style, full of useful exercises and checklists, Logan Ury has provided a guide that will help you avoid many of the traps people face in finding and keeping romantic relationships in today’s world. And as a bonus, reading this book will surely help you make other big decisions in life that have nothing to do with romance.” -- BARRY SCHWARTZ, Visiting Professor at the Haas School of Business, U.C. Berkeley, and author of The Paradox of Choice

“Ury has given all of us a host of excellent suggestions (and scientific information) on how to find, make, build and sustain a romantic, sexy and successful partnership.” -- HELEN FISHER, author of Anatomy of Love and Senior Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute

“Insightful and delightful, How to Not Die Alone is a ‘must read’ for hopeless and hopeful romantics alike—and for anyone who still believes that true love is possible.” -- DANIEL GILBERT, Edgar Pierce Professor of Psychology at Harvard University and New York Times bestselling author of Stumbling on Happiness

"Logan Ury's practical, no-nonsense approach to dating is a masterclass in behavioral science. It's also warm, funny, and full of heart. How Not to Die Alone is an essential guide to debunking the myths of modern romance and finding a relationship that's truly worth investing in." -- MANDY LEN CATRON, author of How to Fall in Love with Anyone: A Memoir in Essays

"Tired of seeing all your friends coupled up around you? Dive into How to Not Die Alone, the debut title from behavioral scientist Logan Ury. While you don't need someone to complete you, she'll provide some insight and tips on how to find a partner if you're looking." -- Popsugar

"Ury, who is the Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, breaks down what makes a relationship work and why in her data-driven guide, which blends research with real-life stories. The book covers everything from tips on how to navigate online dating to what you should look for in a long-term partner." ― Time

"A must-read book on meeting your future partner." ― The Washington Post

About the Author

Behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury is an internationally recognized expert on modern love. As the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Logan leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love. After studying psychology at Harvard, she ran Google’s behavioral science team—the Irrational Lab—and created the popular interview series “Talks at Google: Modern Romance.” She is a 2018 TED Resident. Logan lives in the Bay Area with her husband, Scott. She credits her relationship success to the techniques outlined in How to Not Die Alone. Learn more at LoganUry.com or follow her @LoganUry.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Simon & Schuster (February 2, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 352 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1982120622
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1982120627
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.32 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 1 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 4.4 out of 5 stars 2,416 ratings

About the author

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Logan Ury

Logan Ury

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Logan Ury is a Harvard-educated behavioral scientist turned dating coach, and the author of HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE. As the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge, Logan leads a research team dedicated to helping people find love.

HOW TO NOT DIE ALONE is a guide to modern dating, designed to help the reader overcome their bad habits and find the relationship of their dreams, using lessons from behavioral science. Each chapter focuses on a different decision along the dating journey, from “Am I ready to date?” to “Should we get married?

Logan’s work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, TIME. The Washington Post, GQ, Glamour, Vice, and on HBO and the BBC. She is a featured speaker at SXSW 2021.

Customer reviews

4.4 out of 5 stars
4.4 out of 5
2,416 global ratings
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5 Stars
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Just a great book with really insightful knowledge for anyone who’s on dating apps or currently in a relationship (not married yet)— men or women. The author gives advice to both. I read the whole thing in two days.
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Top reviews from the United States

Alexa
5.0 out of 5 stars This book will get you into a relationship quick!
Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2024
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Literally a week after reading this book I met an amazing guy! The book talks about the different dating personalities, how to navigate relationships and big milestones/conversations, and is super conversational and easy to read. There are tons of helpful examples, workbook activities and tactical steps that you can literally implement immediately! I am a huge fan of this one and now I recommend it to all my single friends!
One person found this helpful
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Ginger K Kotia
5.0 out of 5 stars well written
Reviewed in the United States on May 6, 2024
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well written
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Sayel Cortes
4.0 out of 5 stars Practical advise to find and thrive in a relationship
Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2022
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This book offers clear, science-based advise on how to deal with different stages of finding and thriving in a relationship. From tips to get in the right focus to find a partner, to tips on how to meet them, how to decide whether to breakup or stay, and even how to keep a relationship in the long term. The practical advise/tools are very useful and the behavioral science backing them up is clear and simple.

That being said, the book feels sometimes like a toolset to be used when needed. The line connecting the different chapters is weak as each stage seems to use a different theoretical approach. This makes the advise fragmented so something you use as needed rather than a perspective you can use continually. If your situation is a bit different from the one covered in the book, you might have little guidance. Also because of the lack of a common framework it is a bit hard to keep everything in mind as you read the book. Still it is useful as a toolset that covers most stages in romantic life from a rational science based perspective
34 people found this helpful
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Ashlee Chatman
5.0 out of 5 stars Dying alone
Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2024
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I still may do this but now I feel like I have a better chance of not
3 people found this helpful
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SRG
5.0 out of 5 stars Something for everyone
Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2021
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I’ll start by saying that I almost didn’t buy this because it didn’t have as many reviews as other relationship books (turns out, there are a few pages dedicated to psychoanalyzing that type of behavior) but I’m so glad I did!

After years of being the person who goes on tons of dates but starts with a disclaimer that I’m not interested in relationships or anything remotely serious...I recently told my therapist, “I’m actually considering trying to eventually be open to the idea of something committed. Like, maybe I’ll find some more books to read so I can figure out what that means/looks like for me.”

This was a great book if you’re hyperlogical and like reading things backed by research, but it’s written also in a casual tone with plenty of jokes sprinkled in. None of the advice was “revolutionary” but it did present a lot of questions that I wanted to be asked on my journey to...well...maybe changing my mind about being alone forever.

There’s also a *ton* of actionable insight for people on the other end of the spectrum - that is, maybe not so good at the initial part of dating but very interested in that long term goal of being in a loving relationship. I highlighted several passages to save as advice for my friends who don’t know how to set up dating profiles or struggle with the anxiety of first/second dates.

The writing style is upbeat and funny and the author is vulnerable in a way that keeps everything from becoming condescending or insincere. Though I read the book over the course of two days, there are several pages that I bookmarked so that I can go back and maybe, like, spend some time journaling to dig deeper into what I think, what I want, and how I might approach whatever that is.
23 people found this helpful
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Southgal
3.0 out of 5 stars Zzzzzz
Reviewed in the United States on March 6, 2024
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Sorry folks, just couldn't keep reading it. I'm not sure why. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I'm really happy not to have a husband or boyfriend. If you're chronically unmatched, there's probably a very good reason for it, and it's probably really your choice. Seems to me there's a lot of emphasis in this book put on dating apps m, which are SOOO iffy. If it happens for me it will be through friends introducing me, or chatting with people at stores, restaurants, or other public places where they don't have so much personal/emotional information on you the second you meet. I would sample the book online before I purchased it if I were you.
2 people found this helpful
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Kay Aye
5.0 out of 5 stars I always wanted to have a sit down and write a contract like in 50 Shades of Grey
Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2024
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This book provides a great framework for constructing a successful long term relationship and is a must read for someone looking for a partner and wants to be intentional.
7 people found this helpful
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Leo
4.0 out of 5 stars Bad title, good book
Reviewed in the United States on March 19, 2021
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Ury has put together a solid guide to intentional relationships in the 21st century.
The title has gotten some concerned comments from both my friends and my partner - requiring some explanation on my part. It is a good example of a sensationalist book title meant to increase sales, which I can only partially fault the author and publisher for. Regardless, if you’re wondering what this book is really about, a more appropriate title would be something to the affect of: “Relationship Science for the 21st Century: How to Find, Build, and Maintain Intentional Relationships”
I would recommend this book to anyone looking for advice on how to make better and more rational decisions in their relationships.
19 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Sonia
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth the read
Reviewed in Canada on November 13, 2023
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Easy read. Definitely great information for people in the dating world.
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Cliente de Kindle
5.0 out of 5 stars Helped me learn things about myself I didn't know
Reviewed in Mexico on January 26, 2023
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As a starter I want to say that this book helped me identify the main problem in my relationship, that being an anxiously attached person. Learning about that and all the other content in the book and the way it is explained has been a majo help in navigating my relationship and resolving conflicts in a healthy way.
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Alessia
5.0 out of 5 stars Divertente ed utile
Reviewed in Italy on April 9, 2024
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Riflessioni illuminanti e pratiche
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Amazon Kunde
5.0 out of 5 stars Practical examples
Reviewed in Germany on March 10, 2024
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The book doesn’t only enlighten, it also gives practical examples and tools to achieve steps around relationships. Easy read and encouraging.
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Julie Bland
5.0 out of 5 stars Gréât read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 9, 2024
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Science based, well organised, easy to read and funny! Learned a lot and I am sure will make a difference in my dating life
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