Buy new:
-40% $12.03
FREE delivery Friday, May 17 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Ships from: Amazon.com
Sold by: Amazon.com
$12.03 with 40 percent savings
List Price: $19.99

The List Price is the suggested retail price of a new product as provided by a manufacturer, supplier, or seller. Except for books, Amazon will display a List Price if the product was purchased by customers on Amazon or offered by other retailers at or above the List Price in at least the past 90 days. List prices may not necessarily reflect the product's prevailing market price.
Learn more
Get Fast, Free Shipping with Amazon Prime FREE Returns
FREE delivery Friday, May 17 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Or fastest delivery Thursday, May 16. Order within 19 hrs 3 mins
In Stock
$$12.03 () Includes selected options. Includes initial monthly payment and selected options. Details
Price
Subtotal
$$12.03
Subtotal
Initial payment breakdown
Shipping cost, delivery date, and order total (including tax) shown at checkout.
Ships from
Amazon.com
Ships from
Amazon.com
Sold by
Amazon.com
Sold by
Amazon.com
Returns
30-day easy returns
30-day easy returns
This item can be returned in its original condition for a full refund or replacement within 30 days of receipt.
Read full return policy
Returns
30-day easy returns
This item can be returned in its original condition for a full refund or replacement within 30 days of receipt.
Read full return policy
Payment
Secure transaction
Your transaction is secure
We work hard to protect your security and privacy. Our payment security system encrypts your information during transmission. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Learn more
Payment
Secure transaction
We work hard to protect your security and privacy. Our payment security system encrypts your information during transmission. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Learn more
$10.98
Get Fast, Free Shipping with Amazon Prime FREE Returns
FREE delivery May 22 - 24 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Or fastest delivery May 19 - 21
$$12.03 () Includes selected options. Includes initial monthly payment and selected options. Details
Price
Subtotal
$$12.03
Subtotal
Initial payment breakdown
Shipping cost, delivery date, and order total (including tax) shown at checkout.
Access codes and supplements are not guaranteed with used items.
Kindle app logo image

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.

Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.

Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.

QR code to download the Kindle App

Follow the author

Alan Downs
+ Follow
More books from this author
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition Paperback – June 5, 2012

by Alan Downs Ph. D. PhD (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 3,803 ratings
See all formats and editions
{"desktop_buybox_group_1":[{"displayPrice":"$12.03","priceAmount":12.03,"currencySymbol":"$","integerValue":"12","decimalSeparator":".","fractionalValue":"03","symbolPosition":"left","hasSpace":false,"showFractionalPartIfEmpty":true,"offerListingId":"5yY22SvXb%2BZ5ikPuzWmhmGPuy%2BYo40pjZIDu4kH69Ti1d9E1ZYuxD%2FckQX8fMmMttz51K%2F0%2BXPWhMqb6URWASzAKfMreJORH0sb2o9RMTVQ%2BsR%2B60sck2kVFCalFkCy5Hd%2FOA4J7aqC47Wsz%2BZ4XGQ%3D%3D","locale":"en-US","buyingOptionType":"NEW","aapiBuyingOptionIndex":0}, {"displayPrice":"$10.98","priceAmount":10.98,"currencySymbol":"$","integerValue":"10","decimalSeparator":".","fractionalValue":"98","symbolPosition":"left","hasSpace":false,"showFractionalPartIfEmpty":true,"offerListingId":"5yY22SvXb%2BZ5ikPuzWmhmGPuy%2BYo40pjqpzE%2F72M8maZR9NXdexMfpsvICndH1ZyXldM7d27za3dq7Rvu%2FyxRum8ANnQB3K0qo7qIHEHVVyloKxmJAZLHqJytpfKKi6ui%2BxDBMy%2BxF0wIY0lp1ooBI1exWfd6DtAjg%2BoGvvAv0iSFTlWrot1478KPIdVFQ2Q","locale":"en-US","buyingOptionType":"USED","aapiBuyingOptionIndex":1}]}

Purchase options and add-ons

This groundbreaking and empowering book examines the impact of growing up and surviving as a gay man in a society still learning to accept all identities.

In The Velvet Rage, psychologist Alan Downs draws on his own struggle with shame and anger, contemporary research, and stories from his patients to passionately describe the stages of a gay man's journey out of shame and offers practical and inspired strategies to stop the cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior. The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that has already changed the public discourse on gay culture and helped shape the identity of an entire generation of gay men.
Read more Read less
Previous page
  1. Print length
    272 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Da Capo Lifelong Books
  4. Publication date
    June 5, 2012
  5. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.75 x 8.25 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0738215678
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0738215679
  8. See all details
Next page
Amazon First Reads | Editors' picks at exclusive prices

Frequently bought together

The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition
$12.03
Get it as soon as Friday, May 17
In Stock
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
+
Workbook For The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition (A Practical Gu
$12.99
Get it as soon as Friday, May 17
In Stock
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
Total price:
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Details
Added to Cart
Choose items to buy together.

Editorial Reviews

Review

Bestseller, 5/11/12 "A groundbreaking examination of the psychology of homosexuality, why it leads to shame over one's identity, and how to overcome it.... This book has remarkable staying power."―Philadelphia Gay News

"The clearest, most succinct delineation of the origins and consequences of internalized homophobia, and how to address them."―Artvoice

"Those familiar with gay men will find a good deal of honest reporting here. Without being maudlin, Downs, himself a gay man, writes movingly."―Library Journal

“Dr. Downs has already changed the public discourse on gay culture and helped shape the identity of an entire generation of gay men.”―Google Books

"Peppered with deeply personal reflections... There's no doubt that the men profiled in this sober call for "owning the injury" of growing up gay in a straight world were helped by their counseling, or that there are certainly some readers who will find their own lives reflected in that healing."―Q Syndicate

"[An] excellent new book...The Velvet Rage is a chronicle of furtive pathos, anger, compensatory fabulousness, despair, sex addiction, and flickerings of hope as its wounded actors make their way by uncertain stages toward a light of authenticity and self-acceptance their culture does not want them to find or even see. In its pages, through anecdotal moments and analytical passages, one is constantly catching glints of people one has known, behaviors one has seen and heard firsthand and often been baffled and hurt by."―San Francisco Bay Guardian

"Dr. Alan Downs has some words of wisdom....Although unnerving at first, readers might feel kinship with the case study subjects and ultimately, become empowered by the lessons learned and by the self-realizations experienced."
―New City Chicago

"While we can all hope that the collective experience will change in time, Downs' perspective is still all too relevant."―AOL's Book Maven

About the Author

Alan Downs, PhD is a clinical psychologist and the bestselling author of seven books. His work is acclaimed internationally and has been published in more than twenty-seven languages. He is a sought-after conference speaker, workshop leader, and frequent media commentator on the psychology of gay men. He has more than 25 years of experience in working with individuals from all walks of life, and is currently in private practice in Los Angeles, California.

Currently, he consults with individuals and couples in his Los Angeles office as well as over the internet worldwide. In addition to his expertise in working with gay men, he is an intensively trained Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) therapist who has worked with individuals as well as therapists who are seeking to learn the mindfulness, emotion regulation and distress tolerance skills which are so effectively taught within the DBT therapeutic framework. Most recently, Dr. Downs has been quoted in Vogue, The Guardian, and The New York Times.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Da Capo Lifelong Books; Updated edition (June 5, 2012)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 272 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0738215678
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0738215679
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.75 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 3,803 ratings

About the author

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Alan Downs

Alan Downs

Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.
Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

Alan Downs, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist who lives in Palm Springs, California. He is the author of seven books in the field of psychology and a sought-after public speaker. He is currently focusing primarily on his clinical work and writings for gay men. Dr. Downs is the former CEO of Michael's House Treatment Center in Palm Springs, California and has been an intensively trained Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) therapist for the past twenty years. His current book, THE VELVET RAGE, has been acclaimed as "groundbreaking" and "the bible for the gay men". Dr. Downs has been a guest on many media programs including, THE OPRAH WINFREY SHOW, TODAY SHOW, and NPR's MORNING EDITION.

Dr. Downs's influence as a thought leader for gay men is worldwide and continues to grow. In 2018, London's premier fashion designer, Charles Jeffrey "Loverboy", in an interview with VOGUE credited THE VELVET RAGE for inspiring his Fall line of clothing. Later that same year, television producer Ryan Murphy referenced the influence of THE VELVET RAGE in a published interview with THE NEW YORKER magazine in an article titled "Why Ryan Murphy is the Most Powerful Man in Television".

Customer reviews

4.7 out of 5 stars
4.7 out of 5
3,803 global ratings
This will help.
5 Stars
This will help.
I loafed that this is so on point. Thank
Hide
Thank you for your feedback
Sorry, there was an error
Sorry we couldn't load the review

Top reviews from the United States

R. Valentine
5.0 out of 5 stars Easily in the top 3 of the most important books I have ever read
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2023
Verified Purchase
Life changing. Relationship changing. Healing. Insightful and overflowing with "aha!" moments. I wish I had had this book 25 years ago. This should be required reading for every gay man on the planet. Do keep in mind, that I do believe (as I think does the author) that the grand scope of these concepts are not limited to gay men. But the book is definitely written through that lens. Currently trying to bribe my husband to read it (he's not much of a book person.) But seriously Alan Downs... this is pure brilliance. And I am deeply grateful for the healing.
4 people found this helpful
Helpful
 Report
JW
5.0 out of 5 stars Valuable insight that can change your life.
Reviewed in the United States on April 4, 2015
Verified Purchase
If you are willing to look at yourself in an honest & compassionate way, don't forget that part it's very important, and do the work presented in it, I believe this book will change your life forever. Alan observes that gay men grow up in a world where they were forced to hide themselves. This was very true for me, Doctor Downs then asserts that also later in life the gay man never develops their own authenticity & thus is not able to experience real joy in life, because of toxic shame. The gay man then exhibits all the stereotypical behaviors that we all know gay men exhibit, this is done to compensate for or avoid that shame which it really doesn't. Some things that the gay man does, some of which I had done myself, to avoid toxic shame are: their insatiable taste for fast & furious sex, equally fast & furious relationships with men, the quest for the perfect body (their own or someone else's), the perfect sexual partner (of the moment), the perfect latest styles, the perfect decorated home in the perfect zip code, the performing flawlessly at their perfect job, having the the perfect social life with their perfect friends, lastly the perfectly caddy condemning judgmental social behaviors that might be entertaining for awhile but really don't serve anyone, least of all the man doing them. Where does the rage come in all of this? Well, when the gay man doesn't get their way in any of the above & a circumstance reveals any of those things above in life that are not perfect, that one hair out of place, being caught wearing last seasons fashions, or anything that would reveal the gay man to be human & imperfect, out comes the little shame monster & the velvet rage. Do you see your own pattern in yourself in any of those? Don't worry, I did... And to be honest it caused me to put down the book for awhile, because I wasn't ready. I dint have the understanding or compassion for myself. The day eventually came when I was ready so I read it and it was one of the best books I've ever read. I know not all gay men express themselves in the ways I mentioned, but sadly many do. If you do, and want to find a way out of that & have a real life filled with joy then read this book! Alan Downs gives you the tools here to practice living a joyful authentic life.
Namaste
9 people found this helpful
Helpful
 Report
TB
5.0 out of 5 stars Insightful read for a gay audience
Reviewed in the United States on July 30, 2010
Verified Purchase
This book has a number of flaws, but it's a fantastic read for most gay males. The book is a rather depressing and honest look at how many gays can lead an unexamined life of self-filling misery, validation, shame avoidance, and entitlement that begins with shame from their childhood. Yet, despite that gay males participate in this spiral of shame avoidance, they rile against it and claim to be above it.

I doubted the main thesis of the book, but the author quickly proves much of it. As a 30 year old gay male with some life experiences under his belt, I saw parts of it in myself. And, I see much of the book's lessons in my friends or my previous relationship. This is especially a great book for someone who has been unceremoniously dumped from what they thought was a good, functioning, growing relationship. Or, it's a great book for someone who was cheated on while in a good relationship. You shouldn't necessarily take the blame and this book tells you why.

I don't think I would recommend anyone who is not sure about their sexuality to read the entire book. Likewise, I would have a hard time having a family member read it unless I guided them through some of it with discussions. It truly is an honest, difficult look at the development of many gay males and their behaviors.

My one gripe with the book was that the last section on authenticity and honesty was too negative and not constructive enough. It almost makes it sound like this stage of life can only be achieved through a life of hard knocks. The book lays the ground work for getting to authenticity by facing your shame, taking responsibility for your actions, being completely honest, and self-examining oneself completely. However, the book presents very few cases of gay relationships where both men are truly authentic to themselves, their partners, and everyone else.

Overall, a great read for any gay male that is ready to self-examine his development, behaviors, relationships, and life direction in an honest manner.
5 people found this helpful
Helpful
 Report
Danny
4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful perspective
Reviewed in the United States on February 29, 2024
Verified Purchase
I have mixed feelings about this book. I thoroughly enjoyed it and as a gay man a relate to much of what is said. Where is struggle is the way the author makes the perspective universal that “all gay men” feel this way or experience this. While I could relate to a lot other stuff was not me at all. I do think it is an excellent book for gay men to read and especially for parents with gay children to read.
2 people found this helpful
Helpful
 Report
D. Mooney
5.0 out of 5 stars A book with flaws that speaks truth to gay men and can save lives
Reviewed in the United States on February 22, 2024
Verified Purchase
The book is based on the author’s experience as a therapist.

In summary, the childhood and adolescent years of gay men can leave us mentally scarred and this damage may manifest later in life. Shame and terror that we might think extirpated, can just return.

This is something we need to know for ourselves and our friends. Understanding this is the beginning.
One person found this helpful
Helpful
 Report

Top reviews from other countries

Translate all reviews to English
Dogu S.
5.0 out of 5 stars Love the book
Reviewed in Germany on April 30, 2023
Verified Purchase
Wonderful book. The relatability to everything the author has put is amazing. I’d say a must read for all gay males navigating through the challenges of life in this era. So relatable, super relevant.
Report
Jean
5.0 out of 5 stars Important book
Reviewed in Brazil on April 8, 2021
Verified Purchase
Awesome this is an importante book to comprehend the challenges people live.
One person found this helpful
 Report
Milo Bagno
5.0 out of 5 stars Ok ma il libro è leggermente rovinato/consumato
Reviewed in Italy on July 23, 2022
Verified Purchase
Ok ma il libro è leggermente rovinato/consumato
Report
Jorge González
5.0 out of 5 stars Very recommended literature.
Reviewed in Mexico on July 30, 2017
Verified Purchase
I feel that, for a homosexual man, reading this book works like visits to the psychiatrist. It allows you to get to understand yourself better how your mind and personality has been influenced throughout the years by the rejection of the people around you while they point fingers at you. And for those around gay people who are family and friends, it gives a windows to the feelings they grow up with and the great positive impact that it has on the gay people when they experience their acceptance. Since it is nowadays absolutely likely that all count at least a homosexual person among our friends or family, this book is highly recommended to everybody.
2 people found this helpful
 Report
Marc
5.0 out of 5 stars Must-read
Reviewed in Spain on March 22, 2019
Verified Purchase
Todo el mundo debería leer este libro, tenga la orientación sexual que tenga. Hay mucha realidad donde mucho/as se podran sentir reflejados.
Report