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Loving Someone in Recovery: The Answers You Need When Your Partner Is Recovering from Addiction (The New Harbinger Loving Someone Series) Paperback – February 2, 2014

by Beverly Berg MFT PhD (Author), Stan Tatkin PsyD MFT (Foreword)

4.4 292 ratings

Part of: The New Harbinger Loving Someone (7 books)

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Recovering addicts are faced with many challenges, and these challenges can often extend to their romantic partners. During the recovery period, couples often struggle with overcoming feelings of betrayal and frustration, and may have a hard time rebuilding trust and closeness. While there are many resources available to recovering addicts, there are limited resources for the people who love them.

In Loving Someone in Recovery, therapist Beverly Berg offers powerful tools for the partners of recovering addicts. Based in mindfulness, attachment theory, and neurobiology, this book will help readers sustain emotional stability in their relationships, increase effective communication, establish boundaries, and take real steps toward reigniting intimacy.

The material in this book is drawn from the author’s successful Conscious Couples Recovery Workshop. With more than 25 years in the field, she has developed a unique set of exercises that address the issues faced by couples in recovery. This book addresses the roles that both partners play in recovery, and aims to help readers develop a new appreciation for one another and improve self-confidence and acceptance.

The road to recovery is never an easy one, but by building a strong support system, the chances of success are exponentially greater. For more information on Berg’s work, visit consciouscouplesrecovery.com

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When Your Partner Has an Addiction: How Compassion Can Transform Your Relationship (and Heal You Both in the Process)

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Editorial Reviews

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“In a warm, comforting, and down-to-earth voice, Beverly Berg offers powerful, heartfelt help for couples and families grappling with addiction and recovery. Grounded in the latest neuroscience and illuminated by mindfulness, her book offers practical tools and advice for lasting love and happiness. Beverly writes with charm, humor, and the bone-deep understanding that comes from someone who has been there herself. This book is a remarkable achievement, at once compelling and profound, cheerful and wise.”
―Rick Hanson, PhD, author of Buddha's Brain and Hardwiring Happiness

“Loving Someone in Recovery is the real deal: insightful, comprehensive, funny, and beautifully written. It’s like having someone very wise walking beside you through rough terrain. And what a wonderful guide Beverly Berg is. Her knowledge comes through on every page. She speaks as a person who has been there, and as a clinician with years of experience helping real people put their lives back together. Anyone touched by a recovering person they care about needs this book. It has the power to change your life.”
―Terrence Real, MSW, LCSW, author of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Marriage Work

“With a strong understanding of addiction recovery and many years of working with couples struggling in their intimate relationships, Beverly Berg masterfully addresses the codependency that undermines the potential for a happy coupleship. While she recognizes the complexity of the challenges, she also knows the hope that comes with the possibilities. With a delightful writing style, she offers her readers concrete, do-able tools, and gives them the skills needed to create a healthy and happy relationship. This is the seminal book for couples confronted with the recovery of addiction and the age-old issue of codependency that undermines the promises.”
―Claudia Black, PhD, author of It Will Never Happen to Me: Changing Course and Deceived: Facing Sexual Betrayal, Lies and Secrets

“Using her experiences from working with her clients, Beverly Berg has written a moving and helpful book for all couples seeking an intimate and fulfilling relationship. Through her use of specific and clear tools, the reader has available the possibility of creating intimacy, as well as tools for addressing the conflicts that occur in relationships and moving toward a greater understanding of love and commitment. In my books, Coupleship and Understanding Codependency, these are tenants of a fulfilling relationship. Berg offers a whole new dimension for growing together, and separately, in a healthy relationship. I applaud her book, Loving Someone in Recovery.”
―Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, MA, author of Coupleship and Understanding Codependency, founder of Onsite Workshops, and family therapist www.sharonwcruse.com

“Loving Someone in Recovery is a groundbreaking, practical, and brilliant guide. It will give heart and support to millions in recovery and help them to learn to love wisely at last.”
―Jack Kornfield, PhD, best-selling author of A Path with Heart

“Beverly Berg touches upon some of the most sensitive and raw issues a human being can experience: the conflict, unpredictability, and ‘not-knowing’ of the recovery process. But she gives us a way home with kindness and counsel that help turn this into a redemptive and transformational experience. Enjoy the ride!”
―Tim Ryan, United States congressman, co-chair of the House Caucus on Addiction and Recovery, and author of A Mindful Nation

“Beverly Berg writes with deep understanding and compassion. Filled with practical advice and exercises, this book is an invaluable resource for anyone in a relationship with someone in recovery.”
―Sharon Salzberg, author of Real Happiness and Lovingkindness

“Loving Someone in Recovery is a pivotal book of our time for the recovering codependent. This book addresses the universal issues codependents and their addict partners struggle with after entering the world of recovery. With humor and straight-up talk, Beverly Berg, an expert in her field, provides answers to common questions and a clear path to follow. I strongly recommend this book!”
―Gabrielle Bernstein, author of Spirit Junkie

“Beverly Berg outlines the framework of a recovering couple’s relationship in direct and clear ways that will bring a taste of reality to those struggling with codependence and recovery from addiction. Her descriptions of the entangled codependent relationship are clear and free from jargon; her guidance on moving into a more healthy, loving, and grounded connection are practical and to the point. A valuable guide for every couple facing the challenges of recovery.”
―Kevin Griffin, author of One Breath at a Time: Buddhism and the Twelve Steps and A Burning Desire: Dharma God and the Path of Recovery

“If you are part of a recovering couple and looking for a handbook on how to transform the quality of relationship from dysfunction to healing and connection, you’ve found it. Grounded in deep personal and professional experience, combined with a warm and witty sense of humor, Beverly Berg lights the path for a better future for yourself and your relationship. Stop, listen, and soak up these powerful lessons!”
―Elisha Goldstein, PhD, author of The Now Effect: How this Moment Can Change the Rest of Your Life and coauthor of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook

About the Author

Beverly Berg, MFT, PhD, is a therapist and author whose work has been founded on cutting-edge therapies such as eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR); emotional freedom techniques (EFT); and the indirect hypnosis methods of Milton H. Erickson, which integrate psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, and focus on the complex relationship between the body and the mind.

Foreword writer Stan Tatkin, PsyD, MFT, is a clinician, researcher, teacher, and developer of the psychobiological approach to couples therapy. He teaches and supervises family medicine residents at Kaiser Permanente in Woodland Hills and lives with his wife and daughter in Calabasas, CA.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ 1608828980
Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (February 2, 2014)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 232 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9781608828982
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1608828982
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.1 x 0.53 x 8.97 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #508,686 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #498 in Codependency (Books)
- #729 in Alcoholism Recovery
- #2,606 in Marriage

Customer Reviews:
4.4 292 ratings

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Beverly Berg

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www.beverlybergphd.com

I have been deeply entrenched in the dual worlds of mental health and recovery addiction since 1982. I know that every recovering couple goes through dark times. I also know that no matter how bad it ever gets in the experience of being in a recovering couple, if one has a willing heart and an open mind, great change is possible.

There really is nothing harder than trying to get along day in and day out with the same person, especially when addiction and codependency have been in the mix. It isn't because people are damaged, sick, or bad. It's just the nature of the beast.

Long term partnership is hard, takes work, and strengthens emotional muscles you may never have known you had. I understand the pain and suffering of addiction as well as codependency. After 30 years in recovery, I can say with confidence that health and healing are possible for those who are honest with themselves, and will brave letting someone witness the dark truths that can feel impossible to share. It starts with reaching out to just one person.

I am passionately interested in what it takes to bring wholeness and renewed hope to the patients I work with. And, I feel incredibly grateful for being entrusted to walk hand in hand with each and every one of them. My personal happiness depends on connecting with others, being of service to others, playing the piano, petting my dog, doing Crossfit, kissing my husband, and watching way too much television (yes, TV is one of my guilty pleasures).

Visit my Chat Corner for more information and insights: www.beverlybergphd.com/blog

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4.4 out of 5

292 global ratings

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Robert G

Exactly What I Needed

Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2017

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When my partner, who had stopped drinking, admitted that "I think I might be an alcoholic" I didn't really know what to think. After a few weeks his behavior started changing, despite his protestations that he was actually much happier. Now that he wasn't drinking, I thought, shouldn't our relationship be BETTER? This didn't seem the case, and I was feeling very confused.

This book has changed my life. Whether you are someone who identifies as codependent, or just someone who wants a better understanding of how to help your recovering loved one, this book WILL HELP. It helped me to understand what he is going through, even when he himself is not able to express it. It gave me the tools to take care of myself when he becomes cold or distant. I've learned how to better speak to him so that potentially destructive conversations don't end in fights. But most of all, it gave me a sense of empowerment and clarity that I was otherwise lacking in such a confusing time.

I cannot recommend this book more. I have referred to it time and time again over the past few months, and while we still find ourselves in a troubling time, I feel much better equipped in my interactions with him and far happier than when I started.

21 people found this helpful

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Fran Bussing

Excellent Book

Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2022

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I highly recommend this book about dealing with a loved one, especially a spouse, going through the recovery stages of addiction while also facing your own co-dependence. The author writes in an encouraging, light-hearted, hopeful yet direct way that makes you feel that she knows you and is right there with you in this journey. It helped enormously. I still refer to it and it has been a few years.

3 people found this helpful

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Dani

Title is misleading. This is about codependence.

Reviewed in the United States on December 17, 2014

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I guess this book could be good if you have different problems in your relationship with the addict, but the title was misleading. All it talks about is being codependent and mindfulness(if I hear this word again, I'm going to explode.) I'm not a codependent person and couldn't relate to literally anything in this book. I tried. I wanted answers on how to treat the addict. Should you drink around them? What can you do to support sobriety? What are the benefits, statistics and risks of staying in the relationship. If that's what you're looking for then don't buy this. If you're looking for a book to tell you to be mindful and breathe, this is right up your alley. It was like reading a self help book for something I don't struggle with and knowing several addicts and their families, I don't think they could relate to it either.

Update 5/2018: I was too hard on this book. Once I sat down and finally read it, I had to accept some hard truths. While it didn’t help me in the way that I’d hoped, it did teach me some things I didn’t recognize in myself. I do wish it explored more in depth about living in recovery with a loved one. While you can’t control them, there are definitely things you can do to help or hurt and that’s what I was looking for but years later I did find some help in this so I wanted to update my scathing review. :)

30 people found this helpful

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Michael A. Ferguson

A Must Read for Therapists AND Couples!

Reviewed in the United States on February 27, 2014

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Dr. Berg has knocked one out of the park with her book! As a professional in the addiction recovery field, I am always looking for smart ways to help my clients. Dr. Berg's book offers an interesting framework of using mindful meditation, exercises for breeding more connection and simple advice for the codependent to find their own identity while still being involved with their recovering partner. Berg approaches relationship in a step by step fashion. Her exercises promote feelings of safety and security. Berg lays out the critical characteristics that a recovering couple needs to strive for in an easy to read format, by providing clear examples and exercises to show how to create a daily practice for engendering love and connection between partners. This one is a must read whether you are the partner working on your codependent tendencies and love someone in recovery, a recovering addict loving a recovering codependent, or a therapist that wants to help recovering couples.

5 people found this helpful

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Sonia E Chacon

Great Book

Reviewed in the United States on April 14, 2014

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Title: Great Book!
"Loving Someone in Recovery" is written in such a personable and loving way that I felt like I got to know the author personally. While Berg's book helped me tremendously with my relationship with my recovering boyfriend, I believe this book should be made available at all treatment centers, libraries, and addiction professionals. This book is must read for the partners of recovering addicts, especially if they are coming home from treatment and starting on a true road of recovery. The benefits I have received from doing the simple mindful meditations alone made it worth the read. I have been looking for a book such as this and will treasure the information and guidance it has given me as a gift. Highly recommended!"

5 people found this helpful

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Jenny Shobe

Focuses alot on codependency

Reviewed in the United States on November 28, 2021

Verified Purchase

The main theme of this book from my perspective was "codependency" . Honestly being someone in a non codependent type of relationship this book was not for me. I am sure it would be extremely healthy book for someone or couples with that dynamic.

2 people found this helpful

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D. Ross

An Amazing Primer for the Codependent!

Reviewed in the United States on April 13, 2014

Verified Purchase

I don't usually post reviews, but this book is worth taking the time to write about! As a mental health practitioner, I am always looking for good books to recommend to patients. I work with addicts, alcoholics, and their partners. This is the first book that I can say honestly addresses not only every question my recovering codependent patients have on how to deal with their clean and sober partners, but it helped me to bring more clinical depth to my work! Berg's writing is so smart, and so funny. She cuts to the chase in a personable and loving way. I recommend this book and would suggest it to any professional or lay person. BUY IT TODAY!

4 people found this helpful

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daryl mander

Useful for any couple looking to improve their connectedness

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 8, 2022

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Loving Someone In Recovery has some useful ideas for any couple wanting to improve their connectedness, but especially for couples where one partner is recovering from addiction.

I liked that she has a lot of ideas around mindfulness and using that practice to improve your relationship.

I didn’t like her overuse of mindfulness though. Felt like there were a million different mindfulness meditations to do, which was overwhelming and frankly felt like a bit too much.

Sally

Practical help for those of us who chose self-destructive partners.

Reviewed in Canada on June 21, 2014

Verified Purchase

Before Berg's book, Beattie's Co-dependent No More, a kind of recovery bible, moved me toward freedom from choosing a partner who is self-destructive. Berg teaches, in practical, gentle, funny and encouraging words, how to heal from the need to try saving another, and moves toward how to turn my efforts to saving myself. This, just incidentally, gives the other person their best chance to move away from self-destruction.

Berg's respect for people in recovery, coupled with her "try this" suggestions, make "Loving Someone in Recovery" the new bible for BOTH people in the recovering partnership. It has enriched my life.

One person found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada on December 17, 2014

Verified Purchase

Excellent product, exactly as described. Arrived well packaged in short order.

One person found this helpful

Amazon Customer

Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada on March 24, 2016

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Highly recommend

One person found this helpful

Leavage

Value village price tag was left on.

Reviewed in Canada on September 16, 2022

Verified Purchase

I ordered a used copy for about $16, didn’t expect there to be a price tag of $3.99 left on it though…. Kind of a slap in the face 😒

Haven’t got to read it yet, hoping there’s some good advice.

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