I have quite a collection of books related to dealing with challenging situations with people, and together with some books on assertiveness, I have found Pull Your Own Strings book to be among the most useful. As opposite to other books in this genre which tend to go into categorizing people into different boxes with anti-social behavior, blaming them, or analyzing why did a person get to be or act a particular way, this book gives you down-to-earth practical suggestions that you can use when you have to deal with problematic situations.
If you feel victimized, Wayne shows you how to stop feeling and being victimized. As he points out "It is almost impossible to victimize people who don't expect to be victimized, and who are willing to protest against those who want to subjugate them in any way. The problem of being victimized rests in you, not in all of those other people who have learned to pull your strings."
The first step to stop being victimized is to reclaim your freedom and assert control over your life. Practice self-realiance. "Never place TOTAL reliance in anyone other than yourself when it comes to guiding your own life," Wayne appropriately advises. Or, as Emerson said in Self-Reliance, "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself."
Getting out of victim traps involves developing new habits. Healthy habits are learned the same way as unhealthy ones, through practice, after you have become aware of what you are going to practice.
In this book Wayne guides you through a four-part program of:
(1) learning how to size up your life situations
(2) developing a strong set of non-victim expectations and attitudes
(3) becoming aware of the most prevalent kinds of victimization in your life, and
(4) creating a set of principles which will guide you to detailed strategies for acting out a philosophy of life based on the unalterable notion that you are not going to become a victim.
Among different ways of being victimized, Wayne points out that if you use your imagination, you will find innumerable ways to victimize yourself. But by applying your imagination in constructive ways, you can, by the same token, find the means to eliminate your victim status. The choice is up to you. You can learn to stand up for yourself and to operate from strength.
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