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Girl Decoded: A Scientist's Quest to Reclaim Our Humanity by Bringing Emotional Intelligence to Technology Paperback – April 20, 2021
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LONGLISTED FOR THE PORCHLIGHT BUSINESS BOOK AWARD • “A vivid coming-of-age story and a call to each of us to be more mindful and compassionate when we interact online.”—Arianna Huffington
NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY PARADE
Rana el Kaliouby is a rarity in both the tech world and her native Middle East: a Muslim woman in charge in a field that is still overwhelmingly white and male. Growing up in Egypt and Kuwait, el Kaliouby was raised by a strict father who valued tradition—yet also had high expectations for his daughters—and a mother who was one of the first female computer programmers in the Middle East. Even before el Kaliouby broke ground as a scientist, she broke the rules of what it meant to be an obedient daughter and, later, an obedient wife to pursue her own daring dream.
After earning her PhD at Cambridge, el Kaliouby, now the divorced mother of two, moved to America to pursue her mission to humanize technology before it dehumanizes us. The majority of our communication is conveyed through nonverbal cues: facial expressions, tone of voice, body language. But that communication is lost when we interact with others through our smartphones and devices. The result is an emotion-blind digital universe that impairs the very intelligence and capabilities—including empathy—that distinguish human beings from our machines.
To combat our fundamental loss of emotional intelligence online, she cofounded Affectiva, the pioneer in the new field of Emotion AI, allowing our technology to understand humans the way we understand one another. Girl Decoded chronicles el Kaliouby’s journey from being a “nice Egyptian girl” to becoming a woman, carving her own path as she revolutionizes technology. But decoding herself—learning to express and act on her own emotions—would prove to be the biggest challenge of all.
- Print length352 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherCrown Currency
- Publication dateApril 20, 2021
- Dimensions5.16 x 0.8 x 7.2 inches
- ISBN-101984824783
- ISBN-13978-1984824783
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Editorial Reviews
Review
“Both a candid memoir and a confession, [Dr.] el Kaliouby’s intriguing book lays bare the emotional complexities of ‘a nice Egyptian girl’ while displaying the steely strength, perseverance and naked willpower that has propelled her to imagine a different type of future for both herself and humankind. As the girl decodes herself, she opens up new hope to address the emotional blindness and ‘empathy crisis’ that affects us all.”—The Wall Street Journal
“Girl Decoded is a rousing reminder that women can and should be able to succeed without sacrificing any part of their wholeness.”—Esquire
“Girl Decoded is an affecting memoir that highlights the tension between one woman’s upbringing and her aspirations. Such life stories, told well, have the power to uplift us all.”—Science
“As an entrepreneur and computer scientist, Rana el Kaliouby has done pioneering work to infuse technology with emotion and leverage technology to enrich our understanding of emotions. In this forthright, engaging memoir, she takes us behind the scenes of her work and through the key events that have shaped her life and worldview.”—Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take
“El Kaliouby’s dream was to enable computers to engage human emotions, but she needed to engage her own emotions to invent machines with emotions. Her remarkable life story is a captivating way to understand this new technological frontier: machines with emotional intelligence.”—Kevin Kelly, futurist, founding editor of Wired, and author of The Inevitable
“Brilliant and inspiring—words that describe both Rana el Kaliouby and her extraordinary new book, which tells the story of her life and of the crucial role she played in the invention of artificial emotional intelligence . . . a poignant and deeply personal tale about love, loss, and coming of age on a new scientific frontier.”—Daniel Gilbert, professor of psychology at Harvard University and author of Stumbling on Happiness
“It is critical that we embrace a future in which technology enhances our most human qualities, specifically empathy, caring, and emotional intelligence.”—Peter Diamandis, founder and chairman of the XPRIZE Foundation and coauthor of The Future Is Faster Than You Think
“Emotional intelligence in AI is every bit as critical for machines as it is for humans. No one has done more to create that capability than Rana el Kaliouby. This book tells the remarkable story of her pioneering journey, breaking barriers all along the way. A must-read!”—Erik Brynjolfsson, professor at MIT Sloan School of Management and coauthor of The Second Machine Age and Machine, Platform, Crowd
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Growing Up Egyptian
We are raising our girls to be perfect, and we are raising our boys to be brave.—Reshma Saujani, founder, Girls Who Code
From the outside, my suburban Boston home is everything I always imagined a real American home should look like. Built in 1868, it is the quintessential New England central-hall Colonial, with a tidy fence, a brick walkway, a gray wood exterior, black shutters, a sun room, and a lovely backyard with flowerbeds.
But step inside and you can see that my home is more complex, like me. It is Egyptian American. Interspersed among the traditional round-armed sofa, Queen Anne chairs, and side tables are mementos from my place of birth, things you would find in Egyptian homes. Smack in the center of the living room, in front of the hearth, are two half-moon-shaped black silk screens with Arabic script that promises to “Protect our home from evil spirits” (a service that Alexa and Google Home don’t offer). A large decorative plate perched against the wall near the kitchen door reads Khatwa Aziza, “Step in” or “Welcome.” The entrance to the back door is guarded by a hamsa, a hand-shaped amulet with an eye in the middle of the palm, the ancient Middle Eastern symbol for warding off the evil eye. Just as in my mother’s home, there are always scented candles burning in my Milton home, the pungent-sweet, happy aromas of my youth: sandalwood, musk, amber mixed in with a mysterious assortment of spices. My mom used to buy her candles from a shopkeeper who made them himself; I order mine online.
Scents in particular evoke deep emotional memories. A passing whiff of perfume or aftershave from a stranger or the scent of a candle will instantly conjure up the memory of a person or place, even if I haven’t seen them or been there in years. Our brain is primed to decode scent quickly; the smell center of the brain is connected to both the amygdala (the emotion center) and the hippocampus (where memories are made and stored). These are the most ancient structures of the brain, the limbic system (aka “lizard brain”), where emotions are processed.
I live 5,400 miles away from Cairo, but in my culture, no matter how far you travel, the emotional ties to the Old World remain strong.
My childhood home was a potpourri of modern and traditional values, often in conflict with one another. I was raised in a conservative environment, with strict social mores; my sisters and I were respectful, obedient, and hardworking. We deferred to our parents on all matters, big and small. Even as adults, our parents continue to exert influence over us in ways that Westerners can’t understand. But I was also raised by a mother who was a trailblazer, who stepped outside the traditional role of women in the Muslim world and became one of the first female computer programmers in the Middle East. At a time when an Egyptian mother working outside the home was highly unusual, my mother held an important job with the Bank of Kuwait while raising three children. It was a remarkable accomplishment. And she set the bar equally high for her daughters.
My father also had very high expectations for my two younger sisters and me, and even envisioned us in high-powered positions as adults. In many ways, my dad trained us for this new world. At the same time, he grew up in a very conservative Egypt, deeply rooted in cultural expectations around the role of men and women in society. Inevitably, a real conflict developed between the person my parents raised me to be and the social and cultural expectations of being a nice Egyptian girl.
In hindsight, I wasn’t the easiest of daughters: I was a disrupter both in my professional field as an AI scientist and tech entrepreneur in a very male-dominated industry; as well as a disruptor in my country and culture, breaking the rules of what it means to be an obedient daughter and wife. I know this put my parents in a difficult situation—yet, they never once wavered in their love or support, for which I am grateful.
I love my parents, even if we sometimes didn’t see eye-to-eye. This journey is one that we all embarked on together; we’ve evolved as a family and learned together. Regardless of how religious I was or am now, one Quranic verse has been drilled into my brain: Your parents come first. And second. And third. And those parents of obedient daughters have a ticket straight to heaven. No matter how young or old I am, religious or not, a believer or not, I want my parents to get that ticket.
In some parts of the fundamentalist Muslim world, educating girls is not a priority; in others, it can get you killed. But my parents revered education; our lives revolved around it. We were well-off, certainly, but not wealthy. My parents could have spent their incomes on fancy cars or vacation homes; instead, they used their money to foot the bill for expensive private educations for my two sisters and me, and later sent all of us to college. Whatever discretionary income they had went toward travel, so we could see the world and experience new cultures. That love of learning was ingrained in us at a young age—that and an incessant curiosity about other people and cultures.
Not everyone in my family agreed with my parents’ priorities. When I was eight years old, one night during a family dinner, I overheard my uncle questioning my father’s investment in our education. “Ayman, your girls will just get married, so why waste all that money on those fancy schools?” My uncle’s sons, my cousins, would constantly tease my sisters and me that the likelihood of our doing anything useful with our lives was dismal.
My mother would never have challenged my uncle or my father in public, but I suspect that later that evening, my father got an earful from my mother about the value of education. She was the one who picked those “fancy schools” for us—my dad left those kinds of domestic decisions up to her. I am eternally grateful to my father for not listening to my uncle, and to both my parents for doing everything they could to instill a fierce drive within us to do whatever we wanted to do. At times, my parents must have been horrified by my choices. Getting a divorce, founding and running a precarious start-up, living in the United States with my two children—this was not exactly the life my parents had pictured for me. Yet they laid the foundation that enabled me to break with Egyptian cultural norms, strike out on my own, and succeed.
I come from a close-knit, successful Muslim family, the kind you don’t hear about very often in the West. My parents grew up in Heliopolis, an upscale community in the greater Cairo metropolitan area. They met at a computer-programming class taught by my father. I doubt they would have met otherwise. My mother’s family hobnobbed with Cairo’s elite at the exclusive Heliopolis Club on the weekends. Nor would she have met him at the disco parties she went to in college, wearing micro miniskirts and cropped tops, escorted by her older brother, Shafie.
My father, Ayman el Kaliouby, lost his father when he was five years old. He didn’t have much time for fun; he had to grow up quickly. His mother was a widow with five children. My paternal grandmother never remarried, devoting her life to raising her children; they managed to get by, but the lack of an income and a father put a strain on them all.
My mother, Randa Sabry, was raised in more luxurious surroundings. Her father, Shafik—I called him Gedo, which means “grandfather” in Arabic—was in the military and was the director of Hurghada International Airport on the Red Sea, nearly three hundred miles and a five-hour drive away. My mother pretty much saw him only on holidays, but his position enabled them to live a life of upper-middle-class privilege. Her mother, Doreyya (Dodo for short), ran a complicated household, replete with a full-time cook, a housekeeper, and a driver. My mother attended an all-girls school and swam competitively throughout high school.
My parents both attended Ain Shams University, one of the top two public universities in Egypt. But my father is seven years older, and while my mother was in college, majoring in business administration and partying, he was in Austria.
As a youth, my father was a fanatical supporter of Gamal Abdel Nasser, the second president of Egypt, who led a military coup in 1952, deposing the monarchy. I think Nasser held a special appeal for my father, who saw him as a father figure. Nasser was a brash, charismatic leader, full of bravado. He nationalized many industries (including the Suez Canal), threw out foreign companies, and convinced Egyptians that they were invincible, that they could manage without any outside help. A “nationalist,” he turned the country inward.
My father believed every word of Nasser’s impassioned rhetoric: “Egypt ruled the world! We had the largest and strongest army in the world.” According to Nasser, Egypt had the best of everything. Then came the Six-Day War in 1967 between Israel and Egypt, Jordan, and Syria, and my father’s whole world came crashing down.
Product details
- Publisher : Crown Currency (April 20, 2021)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 352 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1984824783
- ISBN-13 : 978-1984824783
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.16 x 0.8 x 7.2 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #670,655 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #1,344 in Artificial Intelligence & Semantics
- #1,412 in Scientist Biographies
- #19,508 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
A pioneer in Emotion AI, Rana el Kaliouby, Ph.D., is Co-Founder and CEO of Affectiva, and author of the book Girl Decoded: A Scientist’s Quest to Reclaim Our Humanity by Bringing Emotional Intelligence to Technology. A passionate advocate for humanizing technology, ethics in AI and diversity, Rana has been recognized on Fortune’s 40 Under 40 list and as one of Forbes' Top 50 Women in Tech. Rana is a World Economic Forum Young Global Leader, a newly minted Young Presidents' Organization member, and co-hosted a PBS NOVA series on AI. She holds a Ph.D. from the University of Cambridge and a Post Doctorate from MIT.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book inspiring and insightful. They describe it as a wonderful, entertaining read that keeps them hooked until the end. The story is described as incredible, amazing, and well-written. Readers appreciate the emotional intelligence and personal journey of the author. They value her candid portrayal of her life, strong morals, and genuine character development. Customers also praise the resilience, optimism, and thoughtfulness of the author.
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Customers find the book inspiring and insightful. They say it gives them confidence to pursue their dreams and impacting every aspect of life. The story is a coming-of-age tale of an inspiring woman and groundbreaking technology. Readers enjoy learning about the author's research and growth into a CEO.
"...was awesome and off course the story itself was interesting and inspirational. I get a feeling that a second part to this book is called for!..." Read more
"...I finished reading it in one day because I was so captivated by her inspiring and genuine story...." Read more
"...It was wonderful to learn about your research but also to see your growth into the CEO you are today...." Read more
"...Her memoir is an inspiring must read, especially for women and young women. Her story is interesting, honest, vulnerable, authentic and respectful...." Read more
Customers find the book engaging and well-written. They say it's a must-read for girls and women, as well as entrepreneurs.
"I really enjoyed reading Rana's book. Rare are the books that resonate with me on both a personal & professional level such as this one...." Read more
"This is a must read! Entertaining, moving, awe inspiring, a page turner and fascinating look at the future of emotional intelligent technology...." Read more
"...It flows well and is well worth the read." Read more
"I truly enjoyed reading Girl Decoded. Rana has been honest and open in her book and I was really impressed by her achievements and successes...." Read more
Customers find the story inspiring and engaging. They describe it as an amazing account of the author's journey so far, breaking through glass ceilings. The storytelling is beautiful and heartfelt. Readers appreciate the relatable and encouraging journey.
"...and story telling style was awesome and off course the story itself was interesting and inspirational...." Read more
"...it in one day because I was so captivated by her inspiring and genuine story...." Read more
"...Her story is interesting, honest, vulnerable, authentic and respectful. You’ll fall in love with her vision and quest!" Read more
"...As a woman reader, Rana’s journey feels relatable, encouraging, and ultimately achievable. A truly inspiring read." Read more
Customers find the book engaging and heartfelt. They appreciate the author's emotional intelligence and ability to predict. The story is described as deeply personal and an unfolding of her whole life. Readers appreciate the thoughtful reflections on important life decisions. The narration and storytelling style are praised.
"The narration and story telling style was awesome and off course the story itself was interesting and inspirational...." Read more
"...understand how Rana's life's purpose is around the value & importance of human emotions...." Read more
"...moving, awe inspiring, a page turner and fascinating look at the future of emotional intelligent technology...." Read more
"...She narrates with her inner voice, so that we are privy to all aspects of her life: yes, her intellectual curiosity, vision and determination - but..." Read more
Customers appreciate the candid portrayal of Rana's life. They find her honest and inspiring, with strong morals and ethics. Readers admire her as a driven woman who overcomes challenges professionally and personally. The book is described as a true account of a young and driven woman's journey to success.
"...Her memoir is an inspiring must read, especially for women and young women. Her story is interesting, honest, vulnerable, authentic and respectful...." Read more
"I was truly riveted and captivated by Rana's personal and professional journey...." Read more
"...But the journey as she tells it is deeply personal and an unfolding of her whole self...." Read more
"...Rana is a strong, inspiring, and successful woman and I admire her...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's resilience, optimism, and thoughtfulness. They find it honest, authentic, and respectful, with a sprinkle of vulnerability, humor, and wit throughout.
"...Her story is interesting, honest, vulnerable, authentic and respectful. You’ll fall in love with her vision and quest!" Read more
"...Rana is a strong, inspiring, and successful woman and I admire her...." Read more
"...her professional story w/ personal struggles and growth, sprinkling vulnerability, humor and wit throughout..." Read more
"...Girl Decoded demonstrates the intelligence, drive, resilience, optimism, and thoughtfulness that make her an incredible tech leader and human in the..." Read more
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A story that transcends cultures, continents & technology
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on March 1, 2021The narration and story telling style was awesome and off course the story itself was interesting and inspirational. I get a feeling that a second part to this book is called for! I was very intrigued by the many cultural nuances clearly explained in the book. It gave a view into Egyptian culture and how it contrasts with Western culture. My favorite part of the book was when Rana was alone in Cambridge with her little girl finishing up your PhD. And I also loved the "Alexa we need to talk" chapter; it resonated well with the Alexa experience we all have. I would love to hear a podcast from the author about how she managed to you split time between Cambridge (both of them) and Cairo for her PhD and Post Doc and made it work - there is a lesson in it for all of us and large corporations who are still trying to figure out remote work when it comes to different time zones. I think Rana should write more and inspire more :)
5.0 out of 5 stars A story that transcends cultures, continents & technologyThe narration and story telling style was awesome and off course the story itself was interesting and inspirational. I get a feeling that a second part to this book is called for! I was very intrigued by the many cultural nuances clearly explained in the book. It gave a view into Egyptian culture and how it contrasts with Western culture. My favorite part of the book was when Rana was alone in Cambridge with her little girl finishing up your PhD. And I also loved the "Alexa we need to talk" chapter; it resonated well with the Alexa experience we all have. I would love to hear a podcast from the author about how she managed to you split time between Cambridge (both of them) and Cairo for her PhD and Post Doc and made it work - there is a lesson in it for all of us and large corporations who are still trying to figure out remote work when it comes to different time zones. I think Rana should write more and inspire more :)
Reviewed in the United States on March 1, 2021
Images in this review - Reviewed in the United States on January 6, 2021I really enjoyed reading Rana's book. Rare are the books that resonate with me on both a personal & professional level such as this one. I finished reading it in one day because I was so captivated by her inspiring and genuine story. From my reading, I could understand how Rana's life's purpose is around the value & importance of human emotions. In this book she demonstrates how much she has evolved in processing her own emotions and how this translated into her incredible professional journey. I love the duality that aligns in her personal & professional journey. I think many people from all walks of life can find something in this book that can resonate with them.
I am only a user of emotion AI, but her book made me excited about what the future holds in this field & beyond.
- Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2020Thanks for taking time to write this book and being brave to share your story. Your perseverance and determination throughout your career and for your family is inspiring. It was wonderful to learn about your research but also to see your growth into the CEO you are today. Best of luck moving forward and please continue to share your story!
- Reviewed in the United States on June 18, 2020This is a must read! Entertaining, moving, awe inspiring, a page turner and fascinating look at the future of emotional intelligent technology. The best part is hearing how this female entrepreneur, mother and CEO bravely brought her 20 year vision to life, navigating countries, cultures and glass ceilings. Rana’s story represents the best of humanity and how that can translate to building a better future for us all through AI. More than that she’s a leader whose value driven approach is changing the game. Her memoir is an inspiring must read, especially for women and young women. Her story is interesting, honest, vulnerable, authentic and respectful. You’ll fall in love with her vision and quest!
- Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2023I learned so much from this book, in terms of Egyptian culture, technology and fundraising for large ventures. It flows well and is well worth the read.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2020I was truly riveted and captivated by Rana's personal and professional journey. As a woman co-founder I can personally relate to the obstacles and challenges that she endured to see her dream come to fruition. I connected with her on so many fronts - especially motherhood. I am not a computer science person but you do not need to be to relate to this fascinating field of emotional AI. There is so much humanity in this technology that I truly hope it is always used to further benevolence and connection in our device-driven society. Rana's ability to share her deepest emotions with the reader really brings you into her life. Her vulnerability in telling her story allows the reader to connect with her experiences and you find yourself rooting for her the whole way. The sacrifices she makes to follow her vision and dream were inspiring to me. I found myself researching emotional AI after each read, the positive impact emotive AI can have on our world seems limitless. I hope to be hearing about Affectiva and its impact on the world for a long time.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2020I heard about Rana while reading her interview in Architects of Intelligence. I was concerned about some of the things she said in the interview but at the same time intrigued so I read the book. After the reading the book I think she is very talented but may be a little on the sociopath spectrum. Also she seemed to be quite manipulative in justifying her behavior. For instance, she had a husband that she loved and he loved her. She moved away and totally neglected their family life for years for the sake of her business. Then in the end she threw her husband under the bus saying she couldn't be a submissive wife any longer. Nothing from the book indicated he ever wanted a submissive wife. The other big thing I thought was quite manipulative was justifying using the emotion detecting software for advertising by saying it will be only used on people who give their consent. Seriously?! Relying on terms and conditions to justify the correctness of behavior?! Let's not forget that 7500 people sold their souls to GameStation in 2010 by signing terms and conditions. Rana, like everyone else knows this is a flawed system making consumers extremely vulnerable. There is only a small step to go from predicting peoples emotions to controlling peoples emotions. Which is exactly why a company would want to use the software for advertising. If showing one things leads to emotions that indicate customers are not likely to buy a product show them the things that will exhibit the emotions that indicate they are most likely to buy the product. This is manipulation! This is control! Does the product get better from this technology? No, that's too hard when you can just change the advertising instead. I think her company will be extremely successful but I don't think it will create much good in the world. They will advertise about its use in autism and other positive things but the profits will be in manipulation through advertising. I hope they change course and do something that is really good for humanity, and stop pushing this "only if they give consent" business.
Top reviews from other countries
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in Canada on May 7, 2021
5.0 out of 5 stars Inspirational!
When this book arrived at my doorstep, I couldn’t hold my excitement. And I wasn’t disappointed. In her book “Girl decoded” Dr.Rana el Kaliouby unveils her journey as a scientist on a quest to teach machines human emotions. It’s fascinating to learn how Emotion AI emerged and developed and what are the current and future applications. For any curious mind who loves to learn how things work and is into tech, this book is for you. Dr. Rana offered not only a view to her work, but to her personal story. A story of tremendous growth written with absolute honesty requires a great deal of courage. Thank you for sharing it with the world! This book is a rare gem.
Amazon Customer
Reviewed in Canada on May 7, 2021
Images in this review - Mr. D. ForemanReviewed in the United Kingdom on June 6, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic Biography and a Glimpse of the future
I enjoyed reading about Rana's story and the development of Affectiva.
I am familiar with the business and this book charts the detail, the obstacles, the excitement, the journey from conception to where it is today - an emerging powerhouse for Emotion AI.
Great read, Rana, thanks for the honesty and the wisdom shared.
- PaulomiReviewed in India on May 17, 2021
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for women who are passionate about their jobs and don't just work for money!
It's 3 AM and I just finished this book. Very inspiring. I told my kids who are 8 and 6 about how the technology will change in the next decade and they can't wait. While the immense passion about work shows in the book, what also sets it apart is the culture and gender element the author brings in. I recall one line which said that when she went back to Cairo, no one really asked her about her work. I totally understand that. While women are "alllowed" to work in most of the places, the importance placed on their work is less than them raising a family and playing various roles. Things will change and everyone will fight their own battle which will bring a collective change. Very well written!
Paulomi
Reviewed in India on May 17, 2021
Images in this review - Evelyn PinedaReviewed in Mexico on May 7, 2020
5.0 out of 5 stars A most for every woman!
I highly recommended for EVERY WOMAN who has great ideas in mind and is too self-confident thinking that you are not capable.
The book is a great story that breaks dogmas of all kinds: mental, even religious, and believing in our ability and creativity as women to connect technology with emotions.
Thanks Rana, I am happy that a woman is leading Emotional Artificial Intelligence with the values and ethics that you have done in Affectiva. I am widely inspired!
- sama m.Reviewed in Germany on May 14, 2020
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for all the women out there who don't dare to think big
I finished the book in 2 days and since then I am living with Rana's dream. The book has opened my eyes to the world that is about to appear in front of us. it is vital for all of us, especially women, to take the lead and prevent biased technologies to spread faster than a pandemic. Rana's book is a story of a natural leader who didnt give up in uncertainty who didnt break when her world fell apart who stood strong for her values. The book is also a smooth introduction to AI technology for those who want to gain an insight. Highly recommended.