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Negotiating the Impossible: How to Break Deadlocks and Resolve Ugly Conflicts (without Money or Muscle) Paperback – June 19, 2018
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Some negotiations are easy. Others are more difficult. And then there are situations that seem completely hopeless. Conflict is escalating, people are getting aggressive, and no one is willing to back down. And to top it off, you have little power or other resources to work with. Harvard professor and negotiation adviser Deepak Malhotra shows how to defuse even the most potentially explosive situations and to find success when things seem impossible.
Malhotra identifies three broad approaches for breaking deadlocks and resolving conflicts, and draws out scores of actionable lessons using behind-the-scenes stories of fascinating real-life negotiations, including drafting of the US Constitution, resolving the Cuban Missile Crisis, ending bitter disputes in the NFL and NHL, and beating the odds in complex business situations. But he also shows how these same principles and tactics can be applied in everyday life, whether you are making corporate deals, negotiating job offers, resolving business disputes, tackling obstacles in personal relationships, or even negotiating with children.
As Malhotra reminds us, regardless of the context or which issues are on the table, negotiation is always, fundamentally, about human interaction. No matter how high the stakes or how protracted the dispute, the object of negotiation is to engage with other human beings in a way that leads to better understandings and agreements. The principles and strategies in this book will help you do this more effectively in every situation.
“This book is magic for any deal maker.” —Daniel H. Pink, New York Times-bestselling author
- Print length224 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherBerrett-Koehler Publishers
- Publication dateJune 19, 2018
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
- ISBN-101523095482
- ISBN-13978-1523095483
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Editorial Reviews
Review
- Bill Gurley, venture capitalist and General Partner, Benchmark
“Packed with practical principles and illustrated with compelling examples, Negotiating the Impossible is one of the most useful and enjoyable negotiation books you will ever read!”
- William Ury, coauthor of Getting to Yes
“Negotiating the Impossible delivers on its promise. By using historically significant, seemingly intractable negotiations as examples, Malhotra provides practical lessons for the everyday negotiations in your life—including the three surprising ‘levers’ at your service when the use of force is not a viable option. This book is magic for any deal maker.”
- Daniel H. Pink, author of Drive and To Sell Is Human
“Deepak Malhotra has done what few others could do: he draws upon the lessons of history to demonstrate that even the worst conflicts can be resolved. This book is especially significant because it gives both the inspiration and the tools you need to tackle extremely difficult negotiations.”
— David Gergen, Senior Political Analyst, CNN; adviser to four US presidents; and Codirector, Center for Public Leadership, Harvard Kennedy School
“If you want the best advice on how to negotiate when it looks like a deal can’t be done, then Negotiating the Impossible is a must. It’s filled with great strategies you can immediately put to use in your business and personal lives. It’s also an extremely entertaining, thought-provoking book that you won’t want to put down.”
- Tyra Banks, CEO, TYRA Beauty, and creator of America’s Next Top Model
“If only we could lock the world’s leaders in a room to read this book. Professor Malhotra’s analysis of how negotiators can achieve the best possible outcomes for all sides is revelatory. It also starkly highlights what’s missing in current negotiations—whether on refugees, on peace in Syria, or on Eurozone debt. This is a must-read for all practitioners of politics and public service.”
- Ngaire Woods, Founding Dean, Blavatnik School of Government, University of Oxford, and adviser to the IMF Board, UNDP’s Human Development Report, and Commonwealth Heads of Government
“Professor Malhotra is a rare academic with real expertise in the world of negotiation and diplomacy. He gets his hands dirty and has worked behind the scenes on some of the most difficult negotiations of our time. Professor Malhotra sees what others don’t see—and he has written it all down in Negotiating the Impossible.”
- Jonathan Powell, former Chief of Staff to Tony Blair; chief British negotiator on Northern Ireland; founder of Inter-Mediate; and author of Talking to Terrorists
“Negotiating the Impossible is a tour de force. Professor Malhotra is both a leading academic and an amazing storyteller; he has also been in the trenches and knows firsthand what it takes to tackle even the most difficult of situations. Whether you’ve done one deal or a hundred, this book will change how you negotiate. I will be giving it to everyone on my team.”
- Vinod Khosla, venture capitalist and founder of Khosla Ventures
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
The Most Ancient Lesson in Peacemaking
Among the oldest peace treaties in history is the Treaty of Kadesh, which was negotiated between the Egyptian and Hittite empires over three thousand years ago, in the middle of the 13th century BCE With neither party willing to continue incurring the costs of war, and with each side wary of looming conflict with its other neighbors, Pharaoh Ramesses II and King Hattusili III sought to negotiate an end to the conflict. Such attempts are difficult not only because the issues at stake may be contentious or complex, but because, often, neither side wants to make the first move. The side that comes asking for peace may look weak rather than wise or magnanimous, a signal that no leader can afford to send. And yet, a deal was reached. Despite having been drafted thousands of years ago, the treaty has many of the hallmarks of more recent agreements, including provisions proclaiming the end to conflict, the repatriation of refugees, an exchange of prisoners, and a mutual assistance pact if either side were to be attacked by others.1
One other characteristic makes this accord similar to what we often see today—in peace treaties, commercial agreements, and successful efforts at resolving conflicts ranging from international disputes to arguments between spouses. This feature is apparent in the Treaty of Kadesh only because it was recorded in two languages: hieroglyphics (the Egyptian translation) and Akkadian (the Hittite translation). A comparison of the translations reveals that the two versions are, as we ought to expect, very similar. But there is at least one important difference. The Egyptian translation states that it was the Hittites who came asking for peace terms. The Hittite version claims exactly the opposite.
When it comes to deal making, diplomacy, and resolving disputes, it does not matter which culture you examine or what kind of negotiation you investigate. It does not matter why people were fighting or why they chose to settle their differences. Some things never change: the need for all sides to declare victory is at least as old as recorded history itself.
The Treaty of Kadesh also exposes a more fundamental insight about negotiation and peacemaking—one that lays the foundation for this book:
Even seemingly impossible deadlocks and conflicts can be resolved if we shed the assumption that our only sources of leverage are money and muscle.
This is especially important to keep in mind when you are dealing with a situation that seems hopeless. When even your most generous offers are being rejected, when your well-intentioned attempts at addressing the issues are being thwarted, and when you have little power with which to impose a solution, you need a different approach and other sources of leverage. This book provides such an approach and reveals those sources of leverage.
THREE WAYS TO NEGOTIATE THE IMPOSSIBLE
Some negotiations are easy. Others are more difficult. And then there are situations that seem downright impossible. These are ones in which you have little power and limited options. These are times when conflict is escalating, deadlock is worsening, and no one is willing to back down. These are situations where people are behaving in ways that seem irrational—or worse, with clearly hostile intent. These are problems without precedent, where even vast experience offers limited guidance.
But these are also the cases that, when handled skillfully, will become the stuff of legend.
This book is about such negotiations: deadlocked deals and ugly disputes that seemed completely hopeless. Until, that is, someone found a way to beat the odds without money or muscle. What might we learn from these stories and from those who lived them?
As anyone who has dealt with deadlock or conflict will attest, some of the hardest situations to resolve are those where your attempts at negotiating in good faith have failed and where you don’t have the resources or power to bargain effectively. The reason people lose hope and begin to see the situation as impossible is that they have already tried their best to address the substance of the dispute—they simply have no more money or muscle left. But what if there were other levers you could use?
In this book, we will focus on three crucial levers that negotiators often ignore, underestimate, or mismanage, especially when they are accustomed to thinking of power in terms of money and muscle:
• The Power of Framing
• The Power of Process
• The Power of Empathy
In my teaching and advisory work with thousands of business executives and company owners, I have heard countless tales of deal makers who were negotiating against the odds. In my work for governments and policy makers who are trying to negotiate with terrorists and armed insurgents, I have many times encountered the feeling of despair that comes from tackling the seemingly impossible. And, in my observations of even ordinary conflicts of everyday life, I have seen people struggle with how to manage hostile people, difficult situations, and thorny issues. In all of these places, people sometimes make a bad situation worse—or a difficult problem seem impossible—by pinning their hopes on money and muscle and failing to appreciate the power of framing, process, and empathy.
What insights might we share with people who are dealing with nasty conflicts in business, policy, diplomacy, or everyday life? What lessons might they learn from the most harrowing case of nuclear brinkmanship in world history? How might they emulate a young man of little clout or stature who managed to dominate one of the most important meetings of the last millennium? What might they take from the text of the most ancient peace treaty known to be in existence? What principles might they glean from comparing multibillion-dollar sports conflicts that were handled masterfully with those that ended in disaster? And what strategies might they borrow from a wide variety of high-stakes business disputes and deadlocks that were overcome without flexing muscle or throwing money at the problem?
The premise of the book is simple: there is much to be learned from situations in which people negotiated the “impossible.” First, the stories themselves—from history, diplomacy, business, sports, and popular culture—are inherently interesting, and readers will learn about how people lived and fought and negotiated in times and places both near and distant from where we sit today. Second, the stories offer tangible lessons that can be applied by anyone who is dealing with his or her own conflict or deadlock, whether it is seemingly impossible or more ordinary. Throughout, I give examples of how the lessons could be applied in other domains—ranging from job offers, to business deals, to personal relationships, to negotiating with your children, to engaging with terrorists. Finally, if we were to strip this book of all its trappings, frameworks, and organizational structure, we would find that it is, at the core, a book about human beings trying their best to get along with each other in situations that are not always easy. My hope is that the book instills optimism and provides another lens through which the reader can begin to appreciate the sometimes puzzling, occasionally disappointing or even exasperating, yet often inspiring thing we call humanity.
RETHINKING “NEGOTIATION”
Before going any further, I will define negotiation as it is used in this book. In my experience, it is possible to think too narrowly about what negotiation is, what it entails, and when it is relevant—whereas I mean to use the word in its broadest possible sense. Too often, when people hear the word “negotiation,” they equate it with haggling or debating, or imagine people in suits hammering out a deal. They think of negotiation as something we do once in a while—or worse, as a daunting or unpleasant task that should be avoided if possible. We would benefit from thinking differently.
Having advised on multibillion-dollar deals, I can say with confidence that negotiation is not about dollars and cents. Having advised on how heads of state might manage peace processes that are on the verge of collapse, I can tell you that negotiation is not about lives lost or lives saved. Having advised on job negotiations and family disputes and strategic partnerships and cease-fires, I can assure you that negotiation is not about career trajectory, or managing emotions, or finding synergies, or stopping bullets.
In short, negotiation is not about any one currency. Negotiation, regardless of the context or the issues involved, is fundamentally about human interaction. However simple or complex the issues, however well-intentioned or malicious the parties, however familiar or unprecedented the challenges, the question we are always trying to answer in negotiation is this: How might we engage with other human beings in a way that leads to better understandings and agreements? It does not matter whether the agreement is to be written down, as in a contract or treaty, or whether its enforcement is to be trusted to newly established goodwill, redesigned incentives, improved coordination, or merely the hope that accompanies a shaking of hands. It does not matter whether the understanding is between individuals or organizations, ethnic groups or countries. Negotiation is always, fundamentally, about human interaction. Sometimes these interactions are easy. Other times, they are tougher. And then, of course, there are the negotiations that interest us most in this book—the seemingly impossible ones.
Negotiation, then, is the process by which two or more parties who perceive a difference in interests or perspective attempt to reach agreement.
The principles, strategies, and tactics that help us do so in extremely difficult situations are the focus of this book.
Deadlock and ugly conflicts
The book includes dozens of stories from many different contexts.3 In selecting the examples, I have focused on the kinds of problems that people often admit to facing in their own lives: deadlocks and ugly conflicts. Deadlock is a situation where people are making incompatible demands and neither side is willing to back down. We will look at situations where the deadlock is so severe that it threatens the entire deal or relationship, but we will also tie the lessons back to less extreme situations. A conflict is any situation in which people have competing interests or divergent perspectives. Ugly conflicts are those in which people are facing formidable obstacles to achieving agreement—for example, mistrust, animosity, complexity, or a protracted history of hostility. We will see examples of each of these throughout the book as we extract lessons for managing conflicts of all kinds.
HOW THE BOOK IS ORGANIZED
The stories and lessons in this book are organized across three sections, each emphasizing and exploring one of the three levers: framing, process, and empathy. Which one of these levers will be the key to solving your problem—or, whether you will need to use multiple levers—will depend on the situation. Alone, each of these is extremely effective. Together, they provide a comprehensive approach to negotiating the impossible.
• Part I focuses on the amazing potential of framing. Effective negotiators know that how you articulate or structure your proposals can be as important as what you are proposing.
• Part II focuses on the decisive role of process in determining outcomes. Negotiating the process astutely can be more important than bargaining hard on the substance of the deal.
• Part III focuses on the tremendous power of empathy. A dispassionate and methodical approach to understanding the real interests and perspective of all relevant players can help to resolve even the ugliest of conflicts.4
Of course, not all problems of human interaction will be solved quickly or easily. Many of the worst conflicts require tremendous effort, strategic perseverance, and fortuitous timing. But there are also times when what is most needed is something a bit different: the ability to control the frame, to shape the process, and to unearth possibilities where others see none.
With that—I hope you enjoy the stories. I hope you find the lessons to be of value. And I hope the book encourages you to see every problem of human interaction as an opportunity for achieving greater understanding and better agreements.
Product details
- Publisher : Berrett-Koehler Publishers; Reprint edition (June 19, 2018)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 224 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1523095482
- ISBN-13 : 978-1523095483
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.6 x 8.5 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #123,793 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #49 in Business Conflict Resolution & Mediation (Books)
- #119 in Business Negotiating (Books)
- #216 in Business Decision Making
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Deepak Malhotra is a professor at Harvard Business School, and the award-winning author of "Negotiation Genius" and "Negotiating the Impossible". He is an advisor to CEOs across the globe, and to governments that are aspiring to end or prevent violent armed conflicts. In 2020, Deepak was was named Business School "Professor of the Year" by Poets & Quants. Deepak's latest book (& debut novel), "The Peacemaker's Code", was awarded the "National Indie Excellence Award" for Science Fiction (2021).
Previous books: Negotiating the Impossible (Outstanding Book Award); I Moved Your Cheese (WSJ Bestseller); Negotiation Genius (Outstanding Book Award).
Website: www.DeepakMalhotra.com.
Twitter: @Prof_Malhotra.
Free videos by Deepak Malhotra:
www.NegotiateYourOffer.com
www.ThePurposeOfEducation.com (speech to HBS grads)
www.NegotiatingTheImpossible.com (40 free, short vids on negotiation)
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book provides a useful guide to negotiations with interesting strategies and techniques. They appreciate the author's methodic advice and clear examples from real-world scenarios. The book captures the complexity of these negotiations while making them easy to understand.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book engaging and useful for learning negotiation strategies and techniques. The author frames them in context of larger conflicts, providing valuable business lessons. Readers appreciate the practical examples and teaching tidbits included in the book.
"...Prof. Malhotra's book is an outstanding discussion on these topics with dozens of real world examples...." Read more
"...I preordered it and went through it end to end and found it extremely useful at work...." Read more
"To me, this seemed like a textbook, with very valuable business lessons...." Read more
"...A must read for entrepreneurs, business people and professionals for sure..." Read more
Customers find the book provides detailed and simple examples of actual negotiation scenarios from different fields like sports and government deals. It captures the complexity of these negotiations while making them easy to understand. The author's repertoire is showcased with many in-depth examples.
"...He captures the complexity in these negotiations, but makes them easy to understand...." Read more
"...Very good illustrations of the actual negotiations scenarios from different fields including sports, government deals, etc...." Read more
"Brilliant read with real world examples to compliment the lessons and principles taught The diversity of case studies is amazing...." Read more
"...This book reminds us that negotiators are humans, using both real world examples..." Read more
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Learning negotiations from the master!
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on April 7, 2016I serve as a consultant to front offices for several pro sports teams and feel that Prof. Malhotra's book is essential reading for the pro sports executive. Learning how to handle complex negotiations by creating value for all parties, using empathy, and understanding the importance of process and preparation is essential. Prof. Malhotra's book is an outstanding discussion on these topics with dozens of real world examples. He captures the complexity in these negotiations, but makes them easy to understand. Its a must read for the sports executive, and should be on the reading list for any young business student.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 18, 2016I attended Deepak Malhotra's lectures at HBS in Feb '16 and what he presented as things one should do, most of which I had never done. Intrigued, I asked him to suggest to me one book on negotiations, and he suggested this upcoming one. I preordered it and went through it end to end and found it extremely useful at work. I would recommend this to everybody in whatever form of negotiation because I have seen myself as being content with my level of success before my lectures with Deepak but he showed me in these few hours and through the book so much I didn't know.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 19, 2018To me, this seemed like a textbook, with very valuable business lessons. Very good illustrations of the actual negotiations scenarios from different fields including sports, government deals, etc. Only reason I am not giving 5 stars because of its textbook type format, but that is completely an individual opinion. One thing I noticed particularly is about generalizing the strategies explained here. I believe, in every situation, the context, timeline, stakeholders will be different and it might be difficult to apply the knowledge directly, and therefore, each situation should be dealt with the consequences of actions pertaining to that moment of time. Of course, the fundamental principles learned here will be helpful. Overall, this is a worthwhile book to add to my personal shelf and is in there now.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 8, 2018Brilliant read with real world examples to compliment the lessons and principles taught
The diversity of case studies is amazing. From the NFL, to the soap opera FRIENDS to radio and television in Saudi Arabia, these stories bring a very contextual flavour to the world we live and operate in
A must read for entrepreneurs, business people and professionals for sure...
- Reviewed in the United States on July 17, 2019I’ve been practicing law for over 20 years. Negotiation is a central part of my practice. So I read about its science and craft. This book, in my view, brings it all together in a succinct and understandable way. Highly recommend it.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 29, 2016Another fantastic book by Deepak Malhotra. This book reminds us that negotiators are humans, using both real world examples (sports, entertainment, healthcare, technology, history, international relations, etc) and a few key principles. Having seen Malhotra teach (put this on your bucket list!), I especially appreciated the teaching tidbits he incorporated into the book. As someone who teaches negotiations to MBAs, I learned a lot!
- Reviewed in the United States on December 23, 2020A lot of this book is common sense but this distills a lot of useful thoughts into a framework that makes them more manageable.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2016Deepak has once again introduced negotiating principles through a practical framework. I loved the way that Deepak extensively used relevant historical examples to illustrate his concepts. This made it even more helpful and interesting.
I used negotiating skills in my every day work and would strongly commend this book to anyone who had an interest in this area.
Top reviews from other countries
- Kindle CustomerReviewed in India on July 22, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
Amazing book about negotiation, various negotiation tools and tactics with real world case studies brought by the author to solve complex problems
- ochiBanReviewed in Germany on September 10, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Splendid
Historical/ public culture anecdotes serve as back-ground to teach principles in Negotiation. It can be read as either interesting vignette or as a teaching guide. I peruse the pages frequently, with and without negotiations coming up.
Put together with the other publications by DM, it serves as a good basis to get acquainted with the concept! Also check his talks online on this topic.
However, my live does not always treat me to situations and negotiation partners, where a common ground can be negotiated.
Truely readable: entertaining and educational.
- Eva BargallóReviewed in Spain on May 31, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Molt útil
Una guia de com guanyar poder en una negociació sense utilitzar ni la coacció ni els diners.
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Gabla DadiéReviewed in France on March 9, 2020
5.0 out of 5 stars Clean
Somptueux, riche et ouvert. La négociation par la méthode.
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Heitor Hermanson de Almeida CamposReviewed in Brazil on October 4, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars Stuffed teachings and cases that can resolve or smooth conflict
Simple language, great cases addressed by the author and dissector by the same. And the author explain and shows how this was resolved, through a new look