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You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent: How to Practice Self-Compassion and Give Yourself a Break Paperback – September 27, 2022

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 73 ratings

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Of course you think you’re doing a sh*tty job. Every parent does. It’s pretty much a byproduct of our society, with its incessant demands coupled with the in-your-face competitiveness parents see on social media. Unfortunately, the pandemic only made things worse, as parents juggled the stresses of helping their kids navigate online schooling while they also had to work from home. All of which makes Carla Naumburg’s new book utterly necessary. Author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids, with 149,000 copies in print, Naumburg delivers her message right up front—You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent—that all parents need to hear and believe in. And she does it with her singular understanding, relatably funny voice, and keen insights.

You don’t react calmly to every situation? That doesn’t make you a sh*tty parent. You’d rather hide in the back of the closet than play dolls with your child (because you hate dolls)—nope, doesn’t mean you’re a sh*tty parent. The fact is, great parenting is not the same thing as perfect parenting. Great parenting starts with true self-compassion, the kind that means you don’t judge yourself. Harnessing this self-compassion is the key to giving yourself a break and embracing your best qualities as a parent. There are four evidence-based elements of self-compassion—noticing, connection, curiosity, and compassion of course—and Naumburg gives tangible steps for how to use each to help parents reduce their anxiety, trust their instincts, move past the guilt and become a calmer, more confident parent. Which, in the end, benefits your child as much as you.
 
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From the Publisher

A parenting book that parents will actually want to read Booklist

You Are Not a Shtty Parent review Booklist

You Are Not a Shtty Parent review Library Journal

You Are Not a Shtty Parent review Dan Harris

By the author of How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t with Your Kids

Editorial Reviews

Review

"It’s easy to see why Naumburg’s side-splittingly funny and relatable work resonates so strongly during a challenging time. Essential reading." — Library Journal, starred review

“Naumburg once again offers a parenting book that parents will actually want to read. Equal parts helpful and hilarious, this book instructs caregivers in the art of self-compassion, even under the hardest of circumstances… Naumburg’s advice is invaluable and reassuring while—it can't be overstated—truly embracing the humor of it all. The rare parenting book that readers will want to pick up again and again.”—
Booklist, starred review

"Kicking your own ass doesn't help you, and it definitely doesn't help your kids. Here's how to stop." —
Dan Harris, author of the New York Times bestseller 10% Happier

"If you ever feel like you're bad at parenting, drop everything and read this book. It's a funny, smart, essential antidote to our fear-mongering, shame-inducing parenting culture." — 
Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes. 


You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent is the practical, funny, and loving friend you need to get through the real challenges of parenting. Carla completely understands how chaotic and hard parenting is—and how we doubt and question ourselves—because she's been there. Her take on the powerful medicine of self-compassion is to serve it with a loving spoonful of irreverent humor to help it land in our real lives. If you're frustrated, struggling, and sick of holier-than-thou parenting books, grab
You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent and get the (very real) help it offers with a welcome dose of wit. — Hunter Clarke-Fields, Author of Raising Good Humans

Carla Naumburg gets it. She understands how impossible it is to parent these days, and how we beat ourselves up for everything that goes wrong. Not only does Carla have your back, she speaks with a voice that is both reassuring and laugh-out-loud funny, offering ways to find more joy and sanity. If you are exhausted, stressed, depressed and at the end of your rope, grab this book. It is a life saver. — 
Dr. Susan Pollak, co-founder, Center for Mindfulness and Compassion, Cambridge Health Alliance, Harvard Medical School. Author, Self Compassion for Parents: Nurture your Child by Caring for Yourself.

"If you ever feel like you're bad at parenting, drop everything and read this book. It's a funny, smart, essential antidote to our fear-mongering, shame-inducing parenting culture." - 
Melinda Wenner Moyer, author of How to Raise Kids Who Aren't Assholes
 ―
.

About the Author

Carla Naumburg, PhD, LICSW, is a clinical social worker and the author of Ready, Set, Breathe: Practicing Mindfulness with Your Children for Fewer Meltdowns and a More Peaceful Family (New Harbinger, 2015), Parenting in the Present Moment: How to Stay Focused on What Really Matters (Parallax, 2012) and How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids: A Practical Guide to Becoming a Calmer, Happier Parent (Workman, 2019).
 

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Workman Publishing Company (September 27, 2022)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1523517115
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1523517114
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.75 x 0.5 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 73 ratings

About the author

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Carla Naumburg
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Carla Naumburg, PhD, is a clinical social worker and the author of four parenting books, including the bestselling How to Stop Losing Your Sh*t With Your Kids and her newest book, You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent. She lives outside of Boston with her husband and two daughters.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
73 global ratings
Relatable Book for Parents
4 Stars
Relatable Book for Parents
This is a soft-cover book written for parents, especially of young kids, and it is meant to provide encouragement and remind them that they are not alone in their struggles.The book is written with a humorous, irreverant tone and doesn't shy away from strong language. It encourages the use of positive self-talk, mantras, etc. to help a parent reframe their thoughts and practice self-compassion.Overall I'd recommend this to a parent who is struggling and looking for some practical ways to change their own mind when it comes to how they think about themselves and their kids.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on October 10, 2022
I bought this book as a follow-up to Carla's book "How to Stop Losing your Sh*t with Your Kids". It was just as creative, funny and insightful as the first. This time, rather on focusing on your external parenting efforts, the books redirected me to look inward and understand how parenting was effecting me personally and how I could parent with less stress and anxiety.

Now a parent of teenage boys, parenting is not as physical as it was the first 10 years, rather more emotional and mental. I still find myself questioning every choice I make allowing them to do something or go somewhere (one now drives!) and Carla's guidance helped me forgive myself and not listen to the other parents who think they know everything.

Parenting is hard and we can kick ourself everyday for our choices, but that's not going to help raise confident and compassionate children. Carla's suggestions follow up on her previous book's "you need to put your air mask on first before helping others" analogy and reaffirmed I really did have the best intentions as a parent. A solid read for parents of all aged children, parenting is parenting and we are all doing our best.
3 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 29, 2022
Just purchased and I'm giving 5 BIG STARS for the title alone. Can't wait to read!
We are parents of adult children 33 & 30. One of them is our spicy child that we struggle in the parenting and sometimes the grandparenting department. A few times the in-law (out-law) department too. I've been going to therapy this whole year (and past years) working on not being afraid of my own child and to stop mentally beating myself up.
2 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2023
Vine Customer Review of Free Product( What's this? )
Great read for new moms. Provides some good stories, advice, and insight. There is some language in the book, so if that offends you you may not enjoy it.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on October 6, 2022
Carla Naumburg has such a gentle way with parents. She's like a hug and a warm blanket that gives advice. Reading her last book and now this one I feel like I'm doing ok and will be ok. Naumburg lets parents acknowledge the realities of raising children and find ways to give ourselves a nice pat on the back. She's funny and real and I love this book.
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2022
Vine Customer Review of Free Product( What's this? )
I mean, as a parent to 3 younger school-aged children, dang is it hard. This title spoke to my SOUL when I saw it, and I ordered it immediately. Once it arrived, I opened it and started laughing at the table of contents. I knew I'd have fun with this book, and did I ever. I wish I could be best friends with Carla, or at least order a very large margarita with her!

The book is so well written, easy to read, humorous, real language vs a psychologist throwing big words at you for the sake of...throwing big words at you, and makes you feel less alone on this journey.

Have kids they said...it'll be great they said! Yeah. Until you're staring at one of them like they have 3 heads and wondering if someone slipped something sketchy into your Essentia Alkaline water you drank while pregnant vs tap water, while also denying yourself of delicious turkey sandwiches because it would turn your babies into future mutants. Yet here I am, staring at my delightful little mutants despite doing my best.

This book is like a huge, warm, fuzzy blanket for your heart and soul since most of us walk around guilting ourselves for feeling like subpar parents. You'll feel less judgy of yourself. You'll learn new things. You'll learn to "compassion the crap out of your kids." You'll learn to take time for you- and why that's so important. You'll compassion the crap out of YOURSELF! You're not alone.

I can't recommend this book for any parent with kids of any age. I feel like you can reread this as you enter different age groups and learn new things each time. The book is so easy to read, will make you laugh, make you feel less alone, and I laughed out loud in it, which laughing is the best medicine for healing, too. It's like getting a double therapy session you can relive over and over.

Thank you, Carla. My kids thank you too, because hopefully I'm on the right path to being a better person to myself, which means a better parent.
Reviewed in the United States on June 15, 2023
Vine Customer Review of Free Product( What's this? )
If you are a new parent (or just a perpetually anxious one) this book is full of guidance and wisdom to help you through the many challenges of parenting. You Are Not a Shitty Parent may be a bit sweary, but the underlying message of loving yourself and rewiring your thoughts away from negativity is an important one for all humans, especially parents seeking to break chains of family trauma. Reminding the reader of the importance of self-care and self-compassion is an important message, and while it may manifest differently as your child grows up, it’s always a key component to being the best parent that you can.
Reviewed in the United States on June 16, 2023
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You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent: How to Practice Self-Compassion and Give Yourself a Break

This book was helpful because it tells it like it is. It tells you what you don't want to hear, but helps you sort it out in a positive way to reflect on your children properly.
It does a great job at diagnosing our minds because we all live with self doubt and we all need help navigating out of that negativity!

It's definitely worth the read!
Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2023
Vine Customer Review of Free Product( What's this? )
This book is overall encouraging and has some good, practical elements to it. The writer is honest, relatable and compassionate. My least favorite aspect of the book is how much swearing is in it, which is what made me set it down after a bit of reading, but if that isn't something that bothers you, then it shouldn't be a problem. It doesn't affect the content or suggestions in the book, it's just a personal preference.

The author holds modern, inclusive values, and it is clear from her writing that she is passionate about helping others. This book not only focuses on encouragement to parents, but there is also a level of respectful hand slapping for parents (like me) who are hard on themselves and have negative self-talk. That is to say, the author challenges parents not to default to negative thinking and self-talk, but instead to do the hard work of rewiring your brain to be positive about yourself as a parent.

This is a good read for a parent who is struggling with self-doubt and negative internal dialogue!

Top reviews from other countries

nader sharifi
5.0 out of 5 stars Book for parents
Reviewed in Canada on May 17, 2023
Great book. Lots of insight & easy read.