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Nobody Will Tell You This But Me: A true (as told to me) story

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Nobody Will Tell You This But Me: A True (As Told to Me) Story Paperback – April 20, 2021

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NATIONAL BESTSELLER

ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR:
VOGUE • FORBES • BOOKPAGE • NEW YORK POST • WIRED

“I have not been as profoundly moved by a book in years.” —Jodi Picoult

Even after she left home for Hollywood, Emmy-nominated TV writer Bess Kalb saved every voicemail her grandmother Bobby Bell ever left her. Bobby was a force—irrepressible, glamorous, unapologetically opinionated. Bobby doted on Bess; Bess adored Bobby. Then, at ninety, Bobby died. But in this debut memoir, Bobby is speaking to Bess once more, in a voice as passionate as it ever was in life.

Recounting both family lore and family secrets, Bobby brings us four generations of indomitable women and the men who loved them. There’s Bobby’s mother, who traveled solo from Belarus to America in the 1880s to escape the pogroms, and Bess’s mother, a 1970s rebel who always fought against convention. But it was Bobby and Bess who always had the most powerful bond: Bobby her granddaughter’s fiercest supporter, giving Bess unequivocal love, even if sometimes of the toughest kind. Nobody Will Tell You This But Me marks the creation of a totally new, virtuosic form of memoir: a reconstruction of a beloved grandmother’s words and wisdom to tell her family’s story with equal parts poignancy and hilarity.

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Popular Highlights in this book

What are popular highlights?

No matter what happens, keep walking. My zayde always said that if the earth is cracking behind you right up to your heels, you put one foot in front of the other. You keep going. Nothing’s as important as moving forward.
Highlighted by 473 Kindle readers
It’s her story, Bessie, but it belongs to us. When she stepped off the boat, we all became possible.
Highlighted by 348 Kindle readers
“Bubbalah, when the earth is cracking behind your feet, you go forward. One foot in front of the other. One foot in front of the other.”
Highlighted by 327 Kindle readers
Everyone needs the dress that makes her feel like she’s able to do anything she wants.
Highlighted by 314 Kindle readers
Bessie, beware of men who have gone their whole lives without hearing the word “no.”
Highlighted by 158 Kindle readers

From the Publisher

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Kalb has taken the medium of the memoir and thrown all its conventions to the wind; it’s wonderful." —Maggie O'Farrell, Literary Hub

“Sometimes acerbic, sometimes sweet and always laser-sharp. . . . Reliably funny and . . . poignant.” —Los Angeles Times

“Tender, funny, fresh and unconventional, Nobody Will Tell You This But Me manages to make something new and wonderful out of a family memoir.” —Susan Orlean

“A life-affirming memoir.” —People

“Hilarious. . . . A unique take on a close daughter-grandmother relationship; a beautiful tribute to Kalb’s grandmother.” —Good Morning America

"This book had me howling during the darkest days of the pandemic." —Michelle Ruiz, Vogue

“A poignant and funny look at four generations of women.” —The Washington Post

“I delighted in Bobby’s joy. . . . I cried twice.” —Miranda Popkey, The New York Times Book Review

“A love story that resonates across generations. . . . Original, moving, and funny.” —The Florida Times-Union

“A charming memoir. . . . For everyone who ever had—or wished they had—a Jewish grandmother.” —New York Journal of Books

“A book that gives you a solid cathartic weep and a renewed sense of joy in family ties.” —New York Post

“I have never read anything that feels truer to my experience of having a Jewish grandmother than Nobody Will Tell You This But Me.” —Emily Burack, Hey Alma

“Lively and fascinating, funny yet poignant. . . . Kalb pulls off [a] daring approach brilliantly—in a bold stroke of literary bravura, she has turned the formula for writing memoirs inside out, bringing her grandmother’s distinctive voice back to life and sharing it with a legion of lucky readers. . . . Enthralling.” —BookPage (starred review)

“An endearing, bittersweet, entertainingly fresh take on the family memoir. . . . The narrative skillfully captures Bobby’s wit, worldly advice, well-intentioned meddling, and enduring love for her granddaughter.” —Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

“Charming, hilarious, and ever-quotable. . . . An uncanny rendering of two whole, wholly connected women and their unshakable bond.” —Booklist (starred review)

“Kalb deftly captures her grandmother’s fierce, loving, and particular personality. . . . Striking a perfect balance between levity and poignancy, this is a standout debut.” —Library Journal (starred review)

About the Author

Bess Kalb is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer and the bestselling author of Nobody Will Tell You This But Me, a New York Times Editor’s Choice. She wrote for eight years on Jimmy Kimmel Live! and has written for the Emmy Awards, the Academy Awards, and the 2020 Democratic National Convention. She is the head writer and executive producer of the WGA Award-nominated Yearly Departed, an Amazon Comedy Special, and is currently adapting Nobody Will Tell You This But Me into a feature film with Sight Unseen Pictures.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

THE MET

Do you remember what we always did when I took you to the Metropolitan Museum of Art?

I’d bring a yellow legal pad and pencils, and we’d sit in front of the paintings and you’d sketch.

“Bessarabia, what do you see?”

“Haystacks.”

“I didn’t realize I was accompanied by the chief art critic of The New York Times.”

“What am I supposed to see?”

“You tell me.”

And you’d get very close to the painting, your nose just a breath away from the varnish—the guards would bark at you and you’d jump back with an electric jolt and straighten your back, and we’d both wince and shrug at each other. And you’d collect yourself and clear your throat and stand there with your arms crossed, solemnly squinting at the paint- ing, rocking from foot to foot like a grand appraiser. Thirty seconds. A minute. Five minutes. You’d occasionally stroke your chin with two fingers like you’d seen Bugs Bunny do in a cartoon. You might as well have wiped your monocle on a handkerchief.

Finally, when there was practically steam coming out of your ears, you’d have your fully prepared remarks: “I think he loved hay and he probably loved painting.”

And I’d turn to the guard and say, “She charges fifty cents for a tour.”

After the art was the main event: the cheese plate. We’d go to the grand old cafeteria where it used to be in the back of the museum in the columned atrium. We’d line up, pick out two plastic containers full of cheese, find a quiet table away from the tourists and talk, and eat our snack very methodically. First the brie, scooping it out from the rind with the water crackers, and then we’d press a sliced strawberry into the soft cheese and eat it just like that. We were very French, you and I.

We’d eat the cheddar, throw away the blue; then on the way out the main entrance you’d buy a postcard of your favorite painting. Always something with flowers.

· · ·

METROPOLITAN MUSEUM OF ART,
PERMANENT COLLECTION, 1994

GRANDMOTHER: Bessie, I want you to go around these rooms and take this notepad and tell me how many paintings were done by a woman.

GRANDDAUGHTER: And then we can look at the ballerinas?

A building full of all the greatest masterpieces, and all you want is to see how an old man kept wandering into dance practice. I’d have had him arrested.

I like the ballerinas.

After this we can see as many damned ballerinas as you can stand.

[THIRTY MINUTES LATER]

OK! Eight women.

Eight!

Yep.

Did you write them down?

[STUMBLING THROUGH PRONUNCIATIONS]

Simone Martini, Andrea del Sarto, Camille Corot, Annibale Carracci, Andrea Mantegna, Jules Bastien-Lepage, Camille Pissarro, and Jan Steen.

Oh, honey. Give that here.

[EXTRACTS GLASSES FROM GIANT HANDBAG, LOOKS AT THE PAPER]

Did I miss any? I saw them all.

All of those are men.

They have girls’ names.

They’re just European names.

Did I miss the women?

There aren’t any women.

It was a trick?

It was a lesson.

What’s the lesson?

If you’re born a man and halfway decent at something, everyone will tell you you’re great. There’s only one woman nearby. Right through here in the American wing.

[TAKES HAND AND WALKS ME INTO THE NEXT GALLERY]

Here she is. Lady at the Tea Table. Mary Cassatt.

I like it.

Yes, you do. You know how you can tell a Mary Cassatt?

How?

She was kind to her subjects. She left out their hips.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Vintage (April 20, 2021)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0525563822
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0525563822
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 7.7 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.14 x 0.66 x 7.97 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #59,199 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #94 in Parenting & Families Humor
- #112 in Television Performer Biographies
- #2,167 in Memoirs (Books)

Customer Reviews:
4.5 3,806 ratings

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Bess Kalb

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Bess Kalb is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer and the bestselling author of “Nobody Will Tell You This But Me,” a New York Times Editor’s Choice. She is also the author of the nationally bestselling children's book "Buffalo Fluffalo," illustrated by Erin Kraan. She is the head writer and an executive producer of Amazon Prime’s Yearly Departed, an all-female comedy special, which was nominated for two WGA Awards and received a Gracie Award for Women in Media. She wrote for eight years on Jimmy Kimmel Live, for which she received a WGA Award in 2016. She has written for the Emmy Awards, the Oscars, and the 2020 DNC. Her first book is currently being adapted into a feature film by Sight Unseen Pictures. She lives in Brooklyn.

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MrsB

Best books I’ve read in ages

Reviewed in the United States on January 6, 2024

Verified Purchase

I loved every minute of this book. It’s like a beautiful love letter to the author’s grandma and mom. I saw so much of my own family in this, and it was moving and inspiring and just such an incredible read. Highly, highly recommend.

2 people found this helpful

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karen lb

I want to be such a good grandma!

Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2021

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My grandson is only seven months old. I adore him like a grandma Bobby adores her granddaughter. I don't know how long I'll be around but I pray that sweet boy knows how much I love him when I'm alive and when I'm gone. This book is a treasure and he first one I've read that I resonate with grandmother rather than the mother or daughter.

One person found this helpful

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Joc

This is a beautiful read that will brighten your day and warm your heart

Reviewed in the United States on March 22, 2020

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I will start by saying that the writing in this novel is gorgeous. The movement from memory to memory and the style with which they are delivered is done through very pretty writing. For someone who likes pretty writing, I give this an A+ on that aspect alone.

This story brought me to tears on multiple occasions and even caused me to laugh and cry simultaneously. The hope and joy that this novel gave me for the world in a dark time is overwhelming. I was unable to put the book down and finished it in two nights.

Bobby and Bessie travel through all of the emotions that make us human. They are never scared to be as they are with each other. 'Nobody Will Tell You This But Me' is encouraging me to think positively about what a closeness between family members could be and is even pushing me to consider ways in which I could bring more open communication and friendship-based love into my familial relationships. I would take the bad to experience the good that is portrayed in this novel, any day. If you are looking to sprinkle some beauty onto your life, I can't recommend this novel more.

30 people found this helpful

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Sue

I loved this book

Reviewed in the United States on March 31, 2020

Verified Purchase

As I was reading this book, my mom called, and she mentioned a book she was loving...you guessed it..the same book. I admire the way the author was able to weave her grandma's life into the pages, but made it interesting and unique by inserting actual messages from her grandma. I laughed because I've heard myself say similar things. She didn't try to make her grandma a saint, which would've been an easy path to walk, but rather she gave us a relationship that forms generations, was real and is clear that it's from her point of view. This book makes me appreciate the time I have left with my mom and stepmom, and miss my Dad and Stepdad. Especially during this time of quarantine, when many might be separated from older family members, this is a book you will want to read.

21 people found this helpful

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Shannon Bott

Funny and warm tribute to the author's grandmother

Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2021

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I follow Bess Kalb on Twitter and love her sense of humor. When I saw she was coming out with this book, I bought a copy for myself and my grandmother, a 95 year old Jewish immigrant who grew up in New York. She called me the day after it was delivered, to rave about how funny it was and how nostalgic it made her feel about her younger years. She plowed through the book in one day, and while I haven't finished it yet, I am really enjoying it. The conversations in the book will probably ring true for anyone who's grown up in or became part of a Jewish family like the author's.

One person found this helpful

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Greta

Mike Birbiglia was wrong. Oh wait, no he wasn't.

Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2020

Verified Purchase

I really trust Mike Birbiglia, so when he recommended Bess Kalb's book, I ordered it.

The writing is good; Bess' voice is great, and you can tell she'd be a really good screenwriter.

But oh my lord if you are at all triggered by narcissism or whining, don't get it. It's a book full of a narcissistic grandmother whining.

It's not Birbiglia's fault. I went back and re-read his tweet. It's not really that much of a recommendation. He says, "Has there ever been a better time to read? One of the funniest writers I know @bessbell wrote this book called 'Nobody Will Tell You This But Me.' IT CAME OUT TODAY. Funny & sad & moving & human. Download to your kindle or order from a local bookstore."

In any case, she's not a personal friend of mine, so I'll give it to you straight up: it was a book full of kvetching.

46 people found this helpful

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hill top granny

A love story

Reviewed in the United States on November 15, 2022

Verified Purchase

This is a beautiful story of special relationship between a grandmother and her granddaughter! I only knew 1 of my grandma’s but because of distance and age we didn’t have the opportunity to develop such a relationship. Now with grandchildren of my own, I aspire to be a memorable figure in their lives. I am working toward this end but will take examples from Bobby to do this.

3 people found this helpful

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Katie

hug your grandma if you can

Reviewed in the United States on January 12, 2023

Verified Purchase

Strong women who owned their strengths before their time are always a hit for me. I thoroughly enjoyed the dialogue and storytelling in this book and also found myself regretting not ever having a bond with my grandparents that I could even compare to Bess’ with Bob.

…What would my grandmothers have thought of the choices I’ve made or the life I’ve built?

2 people found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

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Color Me Butterfly

Love expresses itself in various ways

Reviewed in Canada on February 25, 2023

Verified Purchase

The dialogue in this book reminded me of the Ice Cream Queen of Orchard Street. I take it to be the Jewish culture. I found it highly amusing. The broken relationships made me so sad and it was generational. However the way the Grandmother loved on her Granddaughter superseded that and what amazed me was how the Granddaughter understood so well what her Grandmother meant. Recommended reading.

Max H

Heartwarming

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 16, 2023

Verified Purchase

What a fantastic story. I was hooked from the beginning. The relationship between Grandma and Granddaughter is so heartwarming
The bond between them amazing
Ive not read such an emotional book n a long time . It drew me in snd frlt lke a warm hug
I can’t say more without giving the storyline away .
A beautiful book

-----

Trauerarbeit

Reviewed in Germany on July 11, 2020

Verified Purchase

Na ja.... Dies ist eine Trauerarbeit.
Sie liest sich nach einigem Stottern angenehm. Sie werden lachen und weinen, wie das Leben halt so ist.
Wer gerne schreibt wird auch solche Texte im Kopf haben oder eben auch aufgeschrieben haben. Es ist eine gute Uebung wider das Vergessen und um das Geschehene zu verkraften ... fragen Sie Ihren Psy, er wird es bestätigen.
Am Ende steht die Frage. Was soll's ??? Muss man damit an die Oeffentlichkeit gehen und versuchen Geld zu verdienen?? Eigentlich finde ich es respektlos.

One person found this helpful

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d kemp

It’s now Oct 2020 and this is the best of many books I’ve read

Reviewed in Australia on October 25, 2020

Verified Purchase

Maybe it is because I’m a grandmother, mother, and granddaughter... I loved every single word of this book. I believed and felt and remembered each emotion, if not each experience. Brilliant. I especially loved the final chapters. Thank you.

harpreet kaur

A beautifully narrated story/memoir

Reviewed in India on February 24, 2021

Verified Purchase

It's an adorable story of author's relationship with her grandmother. Most of the book is dialogue based, which for me made it very real, funny and emotional..

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