Sadly I discovered this book too late for my own marriage - my wife had already gone by the time I read this. I'd worked hard on the relationship for over six years, but in retrospect I can see we both lacked crucial skills and insights, though it's probable that in the end nothing will save a relationship under certain circumstances. But for those times when things are in the balance and the right steps can make all the difference, this is the book to read.
Like all self-help books it takes nearly 300 pages to say what could be said in 15, but that's par for the course and no doubt many people will find it helpful to take the time to get through the repetitions and iterations. I found each section of the book to contain something of value, and at many times during the book I found myself thinking "I wish I'd thought of that" or "I wish we'd had this tool" and in general little was silly or wrong aside from two supposed "facts." The first is that, according to the authors, research shows people who live together before getting married have less successful marriages than those that marry before living together. I've seen a lot of data over the years and I know this claim to be based on a very incomplete understanding of what the data actually reveals. In Europe, for example, there have been several well-designed studies that clearly show couples who live together for at least 18 months prior to marriage have both happier and longer-lasting relationships. The second error is the statement that couples who have strong religious beliefs have happier marriages. Again, I'm not aware of this being the case from real-world data and the examples cited by the authors in the appendix are, upon closer inspection, flawed and highly selective. Again, well-controlled studies show that there's no statistical effect discernible.
But these two mistakes aside - and they are errors no doubt intended to broaden the book's appeal in conservative America - the book has a lot of useful suggestions, tools, and methods of self-discovery. There are gaps and omissions, of course, but by the end of the book most readers will have begun to fill in such gaps for themselves. In short, I highly recommend this book to anyone in a relationship who would like to make it stronger and better. But no book can work miracles and no amount of self-awareness can overcome the imperatives of biology, so it's only going to make a difference on the margins.
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Fighting For Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Building a Lasting Love
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Top reviews from other countries
Amazon Customer
Oh my goodness, what a light bulb read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on October 14, 2015Charlie
Good but heteronormative
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 17, 2020