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The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness Hardcover – May 8, 2018

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 18,607 ratings

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An international bestseller and TikTok sensation with more than 10 million copies sold worldwide, The Courage to Be Disliked is a transformative and practical guide to personal happiness and self-fulfillment.

Now you can unlock your full potential and free yourself from the shackles of past traumas and societal expectations to find true personal happiness. Based on the theories of renowned psychologist Alfred Adler, this book guides you through the principles of self-forgiveness, self-care, and mind decluttering in a straightforward, easy-to-digest style that’s accessible to all.

The Courage to Be Disliked unfolds as a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man, who, over the course of five enriching conversations, realizes that each of us is in control of our life’s direction, independent of past burdens and expectations of others.

Wise, empowering, and profoundly liberating, this book is a life-changing experience that shows you a path to lasting happiness and how to finally be the person you truly want to be. Millions are already benefiting from its teachings—and you can be next.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Marie Kondo, but for your brain." ― Hello Giggles

“Adlerian psychology meets Stoic philosophy in Socratic dialogue. Compelling from front to back. Highly recommend.” -- Marc Andreessen, venture capitalist and founder of Andreessen Horowitz

"A nuanced discussion of a complex theory, with moments of real philosophical insight.... [It's] refreshing and useful to read a philosophy that goes against many contemporary orthodoxies. More than a century since Adler founded his school of psychology, there’s still insight and novelty in his theories." ―
Quartzy

“[
The Courage to be Disliked guides] readers toward achieving happiness and lasting change… For those seeking a discourse that helps explain who they are in the world, Kishimi and Koga provide an illuminating conversation.” ― Library Journal

About the Author

Ichiro Kishimi was born in Kyoto, where he currently resides. He writes and lectures on Adlerian psychology and provides counseling for youths in psychiatric clinics as a certified counselor and consultant for the Japanese Society of Adlerian Psychology. He is the translator, into Japanese, of selected writings by Alfred Adler—The Science of Living and Problems of Neurosis—and he is the author of Introduction to Adlerian Psychology, in addition to numerous other books.

Fumitake Koga is an award-winning professional writer and author. He has released numerous bestselling works of business-related and general non-fiction. He encountered Adlerian psychology in his late twenties and was deeply affected by its conventional wisdom–defying ideas. Thereafter, Koga made numerous visits to Ichiro Kishimi in Kyoto, gleaned from him the essence of Adlerian psychology, and took down the notes for the classical “dialogue format” method of Greek philosophy that is used in this book.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Atria Books; First Edition (May 8, 2018)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 288 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1501197274
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1501197277
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 1 x 8.38 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 18,607 ratings

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
18,607 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book enlightening and helpful, teaching life lessons and providing practical answers. They find it easy to understand and conveying the ideas clearly. However, opinions differ on the dialogue style - some find it engaging and useful, while others feel it distracts from the main idea. There are mixed reviews regarding the youth empowerment aspect - some find it encouraging and confident, while others feel the characters lack self-confidence and seem childish.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

189 customers mention "Enlightenedness"169 positive20 negative

Customers find the book enlightening and helpful. They say it brings philosophy and psychology together in ways that change their outlook. The book provides practical answers to questions they may have wondered about and basic wisdom for living happily. Some readers describe it as an introductory philosophy book that helps them become better people.

"...concepts, this book is a valuable addition to your library—an enlightening read that promises to foster growth and enhance one’s journey towards self..." Read more

"...Nonetheless it is passable and conveys the ideas mostly in a clear fashion...." Read more

"...All of it now evidence-based, supported by the field of positive psychology. It will change your life" Read more

"...I’m sure there are great amounts of wisdom in this book, but I don’t think I’m smart enough to glean them from the text...." Read more

112 customers mention "Readability"82 positive30 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and comprehend. They appreciate the clear ideas and messages that force them to reflect deeply. The text and dialogue are rich with insight, helping readers understand and face concerns. While it's not a typical self-help book, it provides a clear explanation of psychology concepts to the average reader.

"...The book is structured as a conversation between a philosopher and a young man, providing a unique narrative style that engages readers on both..." Read more

"...Nonetheless it is passable and conveys the ideas mostly in a clear fashion...." Read more

"...It is a very easy-going book to read." Read more

"...It's a tough read. It's a heavy read. But if you're genuinely ready, I can't recommend this enough." Read more

87 customers mention "Dialogue"54 positive33 negative

Customers have different views on the dialogue. Some find it engaging and useful, drawing them into the discussion as if they were present. Others feel the dialogue style is distracting and lacks realism, making the conversations unbelievable.

"...Disliked,” authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga present a compelling dialogue that bridges the gap between psychology and philosophy, drawing on..." Read more

"...The conversational format did not allow for that at all. The conversation moved on and left my understanding lying on the ground behind it...." Read more

"...with much of my Buddhist understanding of life’s meaning and how to cultivate happiness...." Read more

"Two fictional characters, Youth and Philosopher, have a long engaging set of conversations regarding Adlerian psychology in The Courage to be..." Read more

12 customers mention "Youth empowerment"8 positive4 negative

Customers have different views on the book's approach to youth empowerment. Some find it encouraging, giving them the confidence and courage to be themselves. It stresses themes of personal responsibility and the transformative power of authentic relationships. However, others feel the youth lack challenge and seem more childish or stubborn than they should be.

"...the book resonates with biblical principles, emphasizing themes of personal responsibility and the transformative power of self-acceptance...." Read more

"...Only at times the response from the youth is little too aggressive. But overall a great read...." Read more

"...not say x or y things to me, now I feel boundless love and confidence in my loved one, and wow, MY OWN shift created a beautiful shift in my..." Read more

"...It makes it clear that courage is key for one seeing a need for change, because it will have to start with you, and most likely your current..." Read more

Imagine the joy of being free of any need for others to be other than they are
5 out of 5 stars
Imagine the joy of being free of any need for others to be other than they are
The first time I tried to read this, I gave up during the first chapter, finding it weird. Thankfully, a friend whose opinion I respect kept urging me to read it and telling me I would love it, so eventually I did read it, and since then have bought all forms of it and re-read it about 8 times. Every time I do, I 'get' more of it and have an amazing breakthrough in my life. The only quibble I have with the book, apart from what some of the more negative reviewers have said about the dialogue, is that I would like the authors to have given citations for each thing the Philosopher says Adler said, because I have tried finding some of this stuff in Adler's books and have often failed. But whether or not these were Adler's ideas or actually Kishimi's ideas, they are very valuable. For example, I used to feel devastated that one of my loved ones dislikes me and tends to say things to me that feel deeply wounding. Whenever that would happen, I would be overwhelmed with anguish and pain, and sometimes it would leave me feeling deeply depressed, and NOTHING would work to shift it. When I read this book, I suddenly saw that how my loved one feels about me and what they say/do is not actually my 'task' (my business), and that it is nothing for me to worry about, and that my relationship with my loved one in no way depends on those things; it is my loved one's 'task', not mine, and there is nothing wrong with them and nothing wrong with me either, we are both human beings being human, and that was it! Where there had been extreme trauma, anguish, a feeling of needing my loved one to like me and not say x or y things to me, now I feel boundless love and confidence in my loved one, and wow, MY OWN shift created a beautiful shift in my relationship with my loved one. Had I remained mired in seeing myself as a traumatised victim (BTW, everyone else in my life was of the option that that loved one really IS out to get me, and that my loved one DOES say vicious things to hurt me, and some still think that!), I would still be suffering terribly. But thanks to this incredible book, I am free of all that stuff, and can't 'unsee' what I've seen thanks to this book, and in particular, the "separation of tasks" idea. ! There is a lot more in the book than just the "separation of tasks" idea, and perhaps that idea would not have made such an impression on me without the context of the rest of the book, including the stuff about seeing everyone as a comrade and having unconditional confidence in everyone, and horizontal versus vertical relationships, and so on, but wow this book feels valuable to me. The sheer joy and aliveness I feel from no longer being gripped by feelings of needing others to be other than they are is immense! Love is such a delight to feel! I am so glad my friend kept telling me to persevere with it! HIGHLY recommended.
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Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on December 24, 2024
    In “The Courage to Be Disliked,” authors Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga present a compelling dialogue that bridges the gap between psychology and philosophy, drawing on the principles of Alfred Adler, a founding figure of individual psychology. The book is structured as a conversation between a philosopher and a young man, providing a unique narrative style that engages readers on both intellectual and emotional levels.

    One of the most significant contributions of this work is its exploration of the human desire for approval versus the necessity of self-acceptance. Kishimi and Koga argue that the need for recognition from others often leads to a life dictated by external expectations, thereby stifling personal growth. They challenge readers to cultivate the courage to be disliked, a radical notion in a society that often prioritizes conformity and seeks validation through social acceptance.

    The authors delve into the importance of embracing one’s individuality and the role of community in fostering personal development. They advocate for accountability to oneself and the value of authentic relationships over superficial connections. This perspective is particularly relevant in today’s hyper-connected world, where social media often blurs the lines between genuine interactions and performative relationships.

    Moreover, the book resonates with biblical principles, emphasizing themes of personal responsibility and the transformative power of self-acceptance. Readers familiar with spiritual teachings will find profound connections between Adlerian psychology and scriptures that promote love, understanding, and community engagement.

    The dialogue format maintains a refreshing pace, inviting readers into a philosophical inquiry that prompts introspection. With each turn of the page, Kishimi and Koga’s insights provoke thought and reflection, offering practical guidance that readers can apply to their own lives.

    While some may find the ideas challenging or even counterintuitive, “The Courage to Be Disliked” ultimately serves as an empowering manifesto for anyone seeking to break free from the shackles of societal expectations. It encourages a shift in mindset, proposing that true happiness lies in the acceptance of oneself rather than the pursuit of external approval.

    In conclusion, “The Courage to Be Disliked” is not merely a self-help book; it is a philosophical treatise that compels readers to rethink their understanding of self-worth, relationships, and personal freedom. Whether you are a seasoned scholar or a curious newcomer to these concepts, this book is a valuable addition to your library—an enlightening read that promises to foster growth and enhance one’s journey towards self-discovery.
    16 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2025
    It's such a quick yet grounding read. It's a great outlook on life and there are many ways to practically apply it to your own life - highly recommend the sequel, "the courage to be happy" as well
  • Reviewed in the United States on December 8, 2024
    “The Courage to be Disliked” is “a distillation of [Alfred] Adler’s philosophical and psychological ideas and teachings” (p. ix) through the filter of the Japanese philosopher, Ichiro Kishimi. Fumitake Koga wrote a Platonic-like dialogue to convey these ideas as a vaguely Stoical guide to living one’s life. The ideas include (1) separating tasks, focusing on what is in your control and what is not; (2) living in the present rather than dwelling on past failures; (3) deriving one’s value from how one contributes to the well-being of others, the community; (4) not deriving one’s value from the approbation of others, and having the courage to be disliked (i.e., don’t seek validation or approval of others but do what is right); and (5), perhaps the most difficult to accept, that we are not the victims of our circumstances.

    The English translation tends to be stilted. (No credit is given to a translator, so it may be that this was machine-translated.) Nonetheless it is passable and conveys the ideas mostly in a clear fashion. Christians and adherents of Stoic philosophy will recognize many of the concepts being described and promoted.
    13 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2025
    I’ve not met Adler before this book, and I am
    compelled by his philosophy as laid out in this book. It certainly aligns with much of my Buddhist understanding of life’s meaning and how to cultivate happiness. Grateful for this insight and now churning on the possibilities for a change inside my own approach to life!
    7 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2025
    I can’t recommend this book enough. All of it now evidence-based, supported by the field of positive psychology. It will change your life
    One person found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

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  • Yugo Miyahara
    5.0 out of 5 stars Uma perspectiva nova sobre a forma de encarar a vida
    Reviewed in Brazil on January 12, 2025
    Por mais que algumas vertentes filosóficos tenham se popularizado, vale estar se,pre aberto a conhecer novas. Essa de Adler é uma indispensável para se refletir
  • Theresa Wishart
    5.0 out of 5 stars See a glimpse of the worth of living
    Reviewed in Canada on July 7, 2024
    I really enjoy reading this book because of how the information is presented; in a dialogue format. The authors made the important points simple to grasp.
  • Unix62
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
    Reviewed in Germany on January 14, 2025
    The way it’s structured makes it more lively and easier to relate. A great book for everyone who’s interested in Theologie but also interesting for those who already have some knowledge about educational theories or are familiar with Freud and others. If you’re not a native it might be a little difficult to understand at first, since the language is not to direct but more veiled.
  • Lizbeth
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great book and delivered on time!
    Reviewed in Belgium on January 1, 2025
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    Lizbeth
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great book and delivered on time!
    Reviewed in Belgium on January 1, 2025

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  • BOVEE Tess
    5.0 out of 5 stars Très intéressant
    Reviewed in France on December 31, 2024
    J’ai bien apprécié cette réflexion sur la philosophie Adlerienne.