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Liane Grunberg Wakabayashi
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The Wagamama Bride: A Jewish Family Saga Made in Japan Paperback – April 11, 2021

4.1 4.1 out of 5 stars 47 ratings
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Contrasting wedding ceremonies—a lavish Imperial Hotel Shinto affair for his side, a modest Jewish wedding for hers—set the stage for a fascinating union between two spiritual seekers, who raise their children in Tokyo with Jewish and Japanese roots.

Wagamama means "selfish" in Japanese, but not in the sense of hoarding cookies. Having an opinion that goes against tradition can be viewed in Japan as selfish. With the author coming from a line of feisty, opinionated, secular Ashkenazi Jewish women, friction was inevitable—despite the fact that she married into a remarkably peace loving family, who respected her need to connect to her Jewish faith, after trying to follow their Buddhist, Shinto, and Taoist traditions. It was not easy.

Grunberg-Wakabayashi shares the inner process of returning home, with the help of two Lubavitcher families, who set up communities in Tokyo. She finds at these Chabad Houses what she needs to feel fulfilled and content, despite marital challenges. This memoir is full of scintillating conversations, memorable characters, art and synchronicity, sad endings, and joyful beginnings.

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Previous page
  1. Print length
    286 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    April 11, 2021
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.72 x 8.5 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    0578844044
  6. ISBN-13
    978-0578844046
  7. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"Grunberg-Wakabayashi has a wonderful gift for description, especially metaphoric descriptions that will delight any lover of the spoken or written word in English. At the same time, she paints some very interesting pictures of life in Japan that will give the would-be traveler - Jewish or otherwise - new insights."
Greer Fay Cashman, The Jerusalem Post

"An honest and moving account of love, loss, and the discovery of faith."
Kirkus Reviews

"Anyone who lives in a place with a rather small Jewish community will be able to connect with the author's emotions. Grunberg-Wakabayashi explains quite well how hard it can be to navigate two cultures so fundamentally different from one another and how challenging it can be to return to Judaism, live by Jewish law, and build a Jewish home in a country where a Jewish presence is almost non-existent, while also being part of an interfaith family."
Sarah Sussman, Judaica in the Spotlight

In a memoir as gripping as - and often stranger than - fiction, Liane's journey, a paen to Chabad's unique recipe for love-filled, judgment-free outreach, unfolds in fascinating layers."
Ziona Greenwald, Jewish Press

"The Wagamama Bride, is on the surface, a memoir about a non-Japanese woman's resoluteness- her wagamama, or 'selfishness'-to survive in an unfamiliar world. Ultimately, the book reveals the sacrifice required to truly live between two cultures and the ways in which ideals and identity can both foster growth and nearly destroy a family."
Eric Margolis, Metropolis Magazine, Japan

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Goshen Books (April 11, 2021)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 286 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0578844044
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0578844046
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 13 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.72 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.1 4.1 out of 5 stars 47 ratings

About the author

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Liane Grunberg Wakabayashi

Liane Grunberg Wakabayashi

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Liane Grunberg Wakabayashi is an artist, feature writer, a thirty-year resident of Japan, and more recently, a Jerusalemite. Her articles, spanning four decades, have covered key 20th and 21st-century movers and shakers in the world of Japan’s traditional arts, oriental medicine, and Eastern philosophy. Upon her return to a more traditional Jewish way of life, she has written about the complexities of the interfaith Jewish family today, her personal experiences in the Chabad Lubavitcher world movement, and Jewish Holocaust history in Japan. She is the mother of two children educated in Tokyo. Born in Montreal and raised in New York City, she holds a BA in art history from the University of Massachusetts and an MFA from Columbia University.

Customer reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
4.1 out of 5
47 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

aac
5.0 out of 5 stars I can not put it down
Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2024
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I love several things about this book. .... first, the way Lianne writes and expresses herself. There is humor and she is creative how she describes her surroundings and situation.

2) It's engaging, it flows. Maybe because she is a great journalist, she has skills to write a very well written story about her experiences.

3) It's real and I can actually relate to some things she went through.

I can not put the book down and want to read more.
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Judy Gruen
3.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating story marred by poor editing
Reviewed in the United States on April 27, 2024
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This memoir is fasincating as it portrays the author's growing conflict between her growing Jewish identity and observance and the Japanese culture and religion she had married into. I also admired how beautifully she described her respect and love for her Japanese in-laws, as well as for her secular, British-born and raised mother. The parents all did their best to withhold judgment on the intermarriage of cultures and faiths. Her husband, Ichiro, seemed to me to be long-suffering as the woman he married changed into a woman he still respected, yet could no longer relate to. She describes him with great respect and a degree of fondness, though he was the one who lost out when his wife chose Judaism and Israel over their marriage.

Yet I was distracted and frustrated by poor editing throughout, not only dozens of missing punctuation marks, typos, and inconsistent translations, but also statements that either didn't make sense without additional context that had not been provided, or writing about a dramatic turn of events without showing the reader the impact of that event. Still, this book provided a look I would otherwise never have had about Jewish life in Tokyo. And God bless the Chabad emissaries, who plant themselves all over the world to provide a welcome place for Jews at any point on their religious journeys.
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Pompom
4.0 out of 5 stars Intriguing memoir and enjoyable read.
Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2021
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I enjoyed reading this book and the author has a very pleasing writing style. I felt some parts could have been condensed, although her story held one's attention. Because Liane described so many personal details about her family, I would have liked her to have included some photos of herself with her husband and extended family. I was interested in her genesiscards, but it seems as if one has to take her course in order to learn more about them.
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SusanGoodBear
5.0 out of 5 stars Women Are from Venus, Men Are from ... Japan
Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2021
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One of the most extraordinary acts of everyday courage that a human being can commit is to allow herself to fall in love with another human being, then choose to marry him. This is especially true when family and friends are advising against the union. And when the two individuals come from different cultures and speak different languages, no manual with readymade rules exists to guide their relationship and the family they create.

This is the context from which Liane Grunberg Wakabayashi wrote her heartfelt and deeply engaging memoir, THE WAGAMAMA BRIDE. On the surface, it is a simple and familiar tale: girl and boy meet, marry, establish themselves, have children, grow apart, and finally separate. At a glance, the most unique aspect of this telling of an age-old love story is the contrast in their backgrounds — she from the United States, he from Japan.

But closer examination of Grunberg’s intriguing memoir reveals that the same major magnetic and centrifugal forces affecting their relationship are also present in most marriages: career choices, child-rearing, where and how to live, money-getting and -handling, in-laws, leisure activities — all the basic issues. Even when two people technically speak the same language, it is well known men and women do not necessarily express themselves the same way or even think alike.

Common interests give married people motivation for their shared venture, while common values and priorities keep them on the same road. When this “Wagamama bride” and her groom joined lives, they could not have foreseen that their divergent backgrounds and outlooks would teach them so much about themselves. Or that their marriage would prove a journey of unexpected self-discovery destined to direct them down separate pathways.

Ultimately, this lovingly crafted memoir is about the universal human need to find and to go to that place in the world which feels like “home.” Is it possible to be homesick for a home one has never known before? Grunberg demonstrates that it is. And so, though readers may wish for a fairytale ending, THE WAGAMAMA BRIDE satisfies with its poignant, yet joyous and clear-eyed realism that recognizes no good created can ever be lost.
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Judith O'Hare
5.0 out of 5 stars A spiritual journey and its implications to the whole family.i
Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2022
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I used this book as my selection for my book club in Reading,MA. I had met Liane a few times and I was intrigued by her story. Liane agreed to Zoom with my book club and we had a very stimulating conversation about her book and her life choices. The book gave us much to talk about and to connect to our personal life journeys.
Liane puts herself out there for people to see and talk about! I recommend the book as an excellent read and jumping off point for discussion!!
Thank you Liane for spending time with us !
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Sterna Citron
5.0 out of 5 stars Hard to Put It Down
Reviewed in the United States on May 21, 2021
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The Wagamama bride enters her nuptials with reservations, but she does not listen to the murmurings of her heart. Over the years those murmurings get stronger; her desire to reconnect to her Jewish roots intensify. It is a tug of war that does not stop.
I found the book hard to put down. Sometimes it’s poignant, sometimes funny, but always honest as the author shares with us the challenges of being a Jewish woman married to a Japanese man. She takes us along with her on her search for truth and for a deeper understanding of the religion she was born into. No half-truths and shallow answers for her!
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Madge S. Woods
5.0 out of 5 stars A Jewish wife married to a Japanese man in Japan.
Reviewed in the United States on July 10, 2021
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A very interesting read. I was told about this book from a friend in Japan who is from the US, but married a Japanese Man.
This story was compelling and a coming of age book of a grown woman who is Jewish and refines her history in Japan and then Israel with her two biracial kids. There are many struggles between her Japanese husband and his beliefs and her own as they try to stay married. Being Jewish, I found her story well worth reading.
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Top reviews from other countries

suzanne kamata
5.0 out of 5 stars A transformational, transnational story
Reviewed in Japan on April 25, 2021
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The heart wants what the heart wants, but Liane Grunberg Wakabayashi shows how difficult it can be to reconcile the conflicting desires of the mind and soul in an interfaith and intercultural family. Her deeply engaging story provides insight into rarely-scene subcultures in Japan, while detailing her spiritual development, and her eventual decision to leave.

Wakabayashi is a skilled, veteran storyteller, with a story absolutely worth reading. This book is for anyone with an interest in Judaism, Japan, motherhood, marriage, and/or intercultural relationships.
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