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Maybe You Should Talk To Someone: A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed Hardcover – April 2, 2019
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*An Apple Best Books Pick for April*
*An April IndieNext Pick*
*A Book of the Month Club Selection*
*A Publishers Marketplace Buzz Book*
*A Newsday, Apple iBooks, Thrive Global, Refinery29,
and Book Riot Most Anticipated Book of 2019*
"An irresistibly addictive tour of the human condition."--Kirkus, starred review
"Rarely have I read a book that challenged me to see myself in an entirely new light, and was at the same time laugh-out-loud funny and utterly absorbing."--Katie Couric
"This is a daring, delightful, and transformative book."--Arianna Huffington, Founder, Huffington Post and Founder & CEO, Thrive Global
"Wise, warm, smart, and funny. You must read this book."--Susan Cain, New York Times bestselling author of Quiet
From a New York Times best-selling author, psychotherapist, and national advice columnist, a hilarious, thought-provoking, and surprising new book that takes us behind the scenes of a therapist's world--where her patients are looking for answers (and so is she).
One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
As Gottlieb explores the inner chambers of her patients' lives -- a self-absorbed Hollywood producer, a young newlywed diagnosed with a terminal illness, a senior citizen threatening to end her life on her birthday if nothing gets better, and a twenty-something who can't stop hooking up with the wrong guys -- she finds that the questions they are struggling with are the very ones she is now bringing to Wendell.
With startling wisdom and humor, Gottlieb invites us into her world as both clinician and patient, examining the truths and fictions we tell ourselves and others as we teeter on the tightrope between love and desire, meaning and mortality, guilt and redemption, terror and courage, hope and change.
Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is revolutionary in its candor, offering a deeply personal yet universal tour of our hearts and minds and providing the rarest of gifts: a boldly revealing portrait of what it means to be human, and a disarmingly funny and illuminating account of our own mysterious lives and our power to transform them.
- Reading age1 year and up
- Print length432 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Dimensions6 x 1.37 x 9 inches
- PublisherHarper
- Publication dateApril 2, 2019
- ISBN-101328662055
- ISBN-13978-1328662057
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From the Publisher
Praise for Maybe You Should Talk To Someone by Lori Gottlieb
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Editorial Reviews
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Review
*An O, The Oprah Magazine’s Best Nonfiction Book of the Year*
*A TIME magazine Must-Read Book of the Year*
*An NPR Favorite Book of the Year*
*An Amazon 10 Best Books of the Year*
*A People Magazine Book of the Week*
*A New York Times Editors' Choice*
*A Real Simple Book of the Year*
*A Chicago Tribune Best Book of the Year*
*A Variety Best Book of the Year*
*A Kirkus, ShelfAwareness, and Bookpage Best Book of the Year*
*An IndieNext Pick*
*A Book of the Month Club Extra*
*An Amazon Best Book of the Month and Books with Buzz Pick*
*A Publishers Marketplace Buzz Book*
*A Newsday, iBooks, Washington Post, Real Simple, Thrive Global, Refinery29, and Book Riot Most Anticipated Book of the Year*
"An addictive book that's part Oliver Sacks and part Nora Ephron. Prepare to be riveted."
—People Magazine, Book of the Week
"Entirely reframes the way we think about psychotherapy [. . .] Movingly depicts our collective longing for lasting connection."
—Entertainment Weekly
“Gottlieb’s book is perhaps the first I’ve read that explains the therapeutic process in no-nonsense terms while simultaneously giving hope to therapy skeptics like me who think real change through talk is elusive.”
—Judith Newman, New York Times
"A psychotherapist and advice columnist at The Atlantic shows us what it’s like to be on both sides of the couch with doses of heartwarming humor and invaluable, tell-it-like-it-is wisdom."
—O, The Oprah Magazine
“Authentic . . . raw . . . an irresistibly candid and addicting memoir about psychotherapeutic practice as experienced by both the clinician and the patient.”
—New York Times
"Provocative and entertaining . . . Gottlieb gives us more than a voyeuristic look at other people's problems (including her own). She shows us the value of therapy."
—Washington Post
"A delightful, fascinating dive into human behavior and idiosyncrasies, habits and defenses, fears and blind spots: hers, her patients’, yours and mine."
—Chicago Tribune
"This relatable memoir reminds us that many of our struggles are universal and just plain human."
—Real Simple
"[In the end, Gottlieb and her patients] are more aware—of themselves as people, of the choices they’ve made, and of the choices they could go on to make . . . It’s exploration—genuinely wanting to learn answers to the question Why am I like this?, so that maybe, through better understanding of what you’re doing, you figure out how to be who you want to become."
—Slate
“A no-holds-barred look at how therapy works.”
—Parade
"Who could resist watching a therapist grapple with the same questions her patients have been asking her for years? Gottlieb, who writes the Atlantic’s “Dear Therapist” column, brings searing honesty to her search for answers."
—Washington Post
“Reading it is like one long therapy session—and may be the gentle nudge you need to start seeing a therapist again IRL.”
—Hello Giggles
“In her memoir, bestselling author, columnist, and therapist Lori Gottlieb explores her own issues — and discovers just how similar they are to the problems of her clients.”
—Bustle
"In prose that's conversational and funny yet deeply insightful, psychologist Lori Gottlieb is here to remind us that our therapists are people, too."
—Refinery29
"Provocative and entertaining . . . Gottlieb gives us more than a voyeuristic look at other people's problems (including her own). She shows us the value of therapy."
—Washington Post
“The Atlantic's ‘Dear Therapist’ columnist offers a startlingly revealing tour of the therapist’s life, examining her relationships with her patients, her own therapist, and various figures in her personal life.”
—Entertainment Weekly, 20 New Books to Read in April
"Reads like a novel and reveals what really happens on both sides of the couch."
—Men's Health
“A most satisfying and illuminating read for psychotherapy patients, their therapists, and all the rest of us.”
—New York Journal of Books
“A fascinating, funny behind-the-scenes look at what happens when people — even shrinks themselves — ‘break open,’ with the help of a therapist.”
—Shondaland
"[Maybe You Should Talk to Someone] explores the ups and downs of life with humor and grace."
—BookBub.com
“A delightful, fascinating dive into human behavior and idiosyncrasies, habits and defenses, fears and blind spots: hers, her patients’, yours and mine.”
—Chicago Tribune
"Both poignant and laugh-out-loud funny, [Gottlieb] reveals how our stories form the core of our lives."
—Orange County Register
"In her compassionate and emotionally generous new book, Gottlieb . . . pulls back the curtain of a therapist’s world. [. . . ] The result is a humane and empathetic exploration of six disparate characters struggling to take control of their lives as they journey back to happiness."
—ALA’s Public Libraries Online
"[A] smart, hilarious, insightful book. Lori Gottlieb will have you laughing and crying as she breaks down the problems of her patients, her therapist and herself."
—Patch.com
"Saturated with self-awareness and compassion, this is an irresistibly addictive tour of the human condition."
—Kirkus Review, Starred Review
"Written with grace, humor, wisdom, and compassion, this [is a] heartwarming journey of self-discovery."
—Library Journal
"The coup de grace is Gottlieb’s vulnerability with her own therapist. Some readers will know Gottlieb from her many TV appearances or her 'Dear Therapist”'column, but even for the uninitiated-to-Gottlieb, it won’t take long to settle in with this compelling read."
—Booklist
"Sparkling . . . Gottlieb portrays her patients, as well as herself as a patient, with compassion, humor, and grace."
—Publishers Weekly
"An entertaining, relatable, and moving homage to therapy—and being human. We’re all in this together, folks—something this book hits home."
—The Amazon Book Review
"Warm, approachable and funny—a pleasure to read."
—Bookpage
"Heartwarming and upbeat, this memoir demystifies therapy and celebrates the human spirit."
—Shelf Awareness
"Therapists play a special and invaluable role in the lives of the 30 million Americans who attend sessions, but have you ever wondered where they go when they need to talk to someone? Veteran psychotherapist and New York Times best-selling author Lori Gottlieb shares a candid and remarkably relatable account of what it means to be a therapist who also goes to therapy, and what this can teach us about the universality of our questions and anxieties."
—Thrive Global, "10 Books We Can’t Wait to Read in 2019"
“Some people are great writers, and other people are great therapists. Lori Gottlieb is, astoundingly, both. Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is about the wonder of being human: how none of us is immune from struggle, and how we can grow into ourselves and escape our emotional prisons. Rarely have I read a book that challenged me to see myself in an entirely new light, and was at the same time laugh-out-loud funny and utterly absorbing.”
—Katie Couric
“If you have even an ounce of interest in the therapeutic process, or in the conundrum of being human, you must read this book. It is wise, warm, smart and funny, and Lori Gottlieb is exceedingly good company.”
—Susan Cain, New York Times best-selling author ofQuiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking
“Shrinks, they're just like us—at least in Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, the heartfelt memoir by therapist Lori Gottlieb. Warm, funny, and engaging (no poker-faced clinician here), Gottlieb not only gives us an unvarnished look at her patients' lives, but also her own. The result is the most relatable portrait of a therapist I've yet encountered.”
—Susannah Cahalan, New York Times best-selling author of Brain on Fire: My Month of Madness
“Gottlieb is an utterly compelling narrator: funny, probing, savvy, vulnerable. She pays attention to the small stuff — the box of tissues and the Legos in the carpet — as she honors the more expansive mysteries of our wild, aching hearts.”
—Leslie Jamison, author of The Recovering: Intoxication and its Aftermath
“This is a daring, delightful, and transformative book. Lori Gottlieb takes us inside the most intimate of encounters as both clinician and patient and leaves us with a surprisingly fresh understanding of ourselves, one another, and the human condition. Her willingness to expose her own blind spots along with her patients’ shows us firsthand that we aren’t alone in our struggles and that maybe we should talk more about them! Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is funny, hopeful, wise, and engrossing—all at the same time.”
—Arianna Huffington, Founder, Huffington Post and founder & CEO, Thrive Global
“Maybe You Should Talk to Someone is ingenious, inspiring, tender, and funny. Lori Gottlieb bravely takes her readers on a guided tour into the self, showing us the therapeutic process from both sides of the couch—as both therapist and patient. I cheered for her breakthroughs, as if they were my own! This is the best book I've ever read about the life-changing possibilities of talk therapy.”
—Amy Dickinson, “Ask Amy” advice columnist and New York Times best-selling author of Strangers Tend to Tell Me Things
“I was sucked right in to these vivid, funny, illuminating stories of humans trying to climb their way out of hiding, overcome self-defeating habits, and wake up to their own strength. Lori Gottlieb has captured something profound about the struggle, and the miracle, of human connection.”
—Sarah Hepola, New York Times best-selling author of Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget
“With wisdom and humanity, Lori Gottlieb invites us into her consulting room, and her therapist's. There, readers will share in one of the best-kept secrets of being a clinician: when we bear witness to change, we also change, and when we are present as others find meaning in their lives, we also discover more in our own.”
—Lisa Damour, New York Times best-selling author of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood
“I’ve been reading books about psychotherapy for over a half century, but never have I encountered a book like Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: so bold and brassy, so packed with good stories, so honest, deep and riveting. I intended to read a chapter or two but ended up reading and relishing every word.”
—Irvin Yalom MD, author of Love’s Executioner, and other Tales of Psychotherapy, and professor emeritus of psychiatry at Stanford University.
“Here are some people who might benefit from Lori Gottlieb’s illuminating new book: Therapists, people who have been in therapy, people who have been in relationships, people who have experienced emotions. In other words, everyone. Lori’s story is funny, enlightening, and radically honest. It merits far more than 50 minutes of your time.”
—A.J. Jacobs, New York Times best-selling author of The Year of Living Biblically.
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Harper; 1st edition (April 2, 2019)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 432 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1328662055
- ISBN-13 : 978-1328662057
- Reading age : 1 year and up
- Item Weight : 2.31 pounds
- Dimensions : 6 x 1.37 x 9 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #2,217 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #8 in Popular Psychology Psychotherapy
- #29 in Love & Romance (Books)
- #109 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
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About the author
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which is being adapted as a television series. She also writes The Atlantic’s weekly “Dear Therapist” advice column and is the co-host of the popular "Dear Therapists" podcast, produced by Katie Couric. Her 2019 TED Talk was one of the Top 10 Most Watched of the Year. She is a sought-after expert in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, The CBS Early Show, CNN, and NPR’s “Fresh Air.” Learn more at LoriGottlieb.com or by following her @lorigottlieb_author on Instagram and @LoriGottlieb1 on Twitter.
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I started therapy a year ago, and it was my therapist who recommended this book...and I am so glad she did. This book is such a poignant study of humanity. I laughed, I cried, I contemplated...it is a true masterpiece of the human psyche. Gottlieb's writing style is witty and hilarious - she'll make you laugh right out of the gate - yet at times, so vulnerable and raw. Her descriptions and stories of each of her clients is vividly breathtaking. In addition, she weaves actual knowledge and research backing up her claims, and I not only enjoyed this book throughly (I had to slow down reading it because I didn't want it to end), I also feel like I learned something, too.
This book is for everyone, and I will say this..While you don't HAVE to be in therapy to read this book, I feel like you will appreciate it more. In fact, it may inspire you to go to therapy. Therapy is like the secret that everyone is in on. This book helped me appreciate my therapist more - even though Gottlieb and my therapist don't always align with their own practices . It also helped me appreciate my own progress, too. This book was a perfect read for where I am in life...everything happens for a reason, and I feel like I read this book at just the right moment. (There is also a workbook that goes along with it, too, which I have and will start ASAP. I wanted to read the book first.)
I bought this for my friend for her birthday, and will be buying this as a gift for a friend who is currently studying to be a counselor.
Also, if you're considering therapy, let this be your sign! Everyone can benefit from the saying, "Maybe you should talk to someone." It truly can be life changing.
Through her experience as a Therapist with her patients and with her own therapist you get an inside scoop on not just Lori’s life but the experiences of her patients. Each story, if you pay attention and get invested, you can take a different life lesson from.
This was a very refreshing book that caused a lot of self reflection and changed how I view therapy and therapists a bit.
That wasn’t the only time I cried during this book (there may have been another four tissue grabs and some very dignified sniffling involved) and it wasn’t the only time my tears caught me off guard (who knew I’d cry about the patient I initially loved to sneer at!) but it did remind me of some of the reasons why I never formally used my psychology degree.
Reason #1: Although I don’t cry a lot about my own stuff, I am a champion crier when it comes to pretty much anything else. Movies. TV shows. Songs. Books. When you cry about your stuff. When I think about your stuff and consider how brave, resilient, [insert any number of adjectives here] you were, are or are going to be. Who wants to come to therapy and feel like they need to console their therapist about their reaction to their patient’s problems?!
Reason #2: There would be certain types of people and life experiences where I just know I couldn’t remain impartial.
Reason #3: The goodbyes. See Reason #1.
Full disclosure: I started reading this book while my own therapist was on leave. Besides confirming my decision to not actually be a therapist (you’re so welcome, all of the people whose lives would have crossed my path in this way. I hope you found a Wendell instead!) I also got a glimpse of what it’s like behind the scenes for therapists, something I’ve always been interested in, something that’s difficult to obtain because of that pesky ‘confidentiality’ thing.
I’m not ashamed to say that I have my very own Wendell, who is awesome, by the way. None of us get out of life unscathed and I think pretty much everyone could benefit from therapy at some point in their lives. One of the perks this book offers is a therapeutic ‘try before you buy’; if you’ve been considering therapy but are hesitant to schedule that initial appointment, then reading this book will give you some idea of what to expect - from the therapist, from the experience, and how it looks when it’s done right.
“Sitting-with-you-in-your-pain is one of the rare experiences that people get in the protected space of a therapy room, but it’s very hard to give or get outside of it”
I enjoyed Lori’s down to earth approach, her compassion and ability to bring truth to a situation, while still making me smile along the way. She humanises our experience of pain and even when she’s talking about her own therapy, her insight and openness had me smiling in recognition much more frequently than the narrative made me cry.
Of her own therapy: “Yes, I’m seeking objectivity, but only because I’m convinced that objectivity will rule in my favor.”
Of her therapist: “He looks at me meaningfully, like he just said something incredibly important and profound, but I kind of want to punch him.”
A quote I love: “defenses serve a useful purpose. They shield people from injury … until they no longer need them.
It’s in this ellipsis that therapists work.”
And another: “People often mistake numbness for nothingness, but numbness isn’t the absence of feelings; it’s a response to being overwhelmed by too many feelings.”
Oh, and I have to share this one too: “When the present falls apart, so does the future we had associated with it. And having the future taken away is the mother of all plot twists. But if we spend the present trying to fix the past or control the future, we remain stuck in place, in perpetual regret.”
I highlighted so many passages in this book that each time I started another binge read it felt like I was experiencing my very own mini therapy session. I saw myself in Lori and in her patients, even the initial ‘love to sneer at’ one, probably because I saw something of myself in them as well. I saw my own therapist in Wendell and felt probably too much pride in having found myself such an amazing ‘Wendell’ to help me navigate my presenting problem as well as the real issues behind the facade.
From the presenting problem to the “doorknob disclosures”, “what-aboutery” and self-sabotage, all the way to the “termination” (seriously, can therapists collectively find a less aggressive way to label someone’s graduation from therapy?), I ‘just one more chaptered’ my way through this book.
Although at times I felt voyeuristic, have some outstanding questions about Lori’s patients I’m not entitled to know but still want to (Would you please tell me John’s real name or at least the name of the TV show you kept referencing so I can binge watch it?) and had at least one ugly cry headache as a result of reading this book, I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend it to pretty much anyone.
Much like the way Lori talks about who therapy can’t help, I think the only people who wouldn’t benefit in some way by reading this book are those “who aren’t curious about themselves.”
I’ll leave you with what’s currently my favourite quote: “There’s no hierarchy of pain. Suffering shouldn’t be ranked, because pain is not a contest.”
Content warnings are included in my Goodreads review.
It’s a perfect starter for people who aren’t going to therapy (but should) and also for people who are already going and are looking for more outside the hours.
As someone currently in therapy, I loved this perspective of both the one in therapy and the therapist themself. Very insightful, and a worthwhile read!
Top reviews from other countries
L’ho letto in pochi giorni, ben scritto e coinvolgente. Lo consiglio veramente
I LOVED the book. It was written so so beautifully. Gottlieb is an excellent writer, the way she manages to create intricate plots out of people's life stories and hooks you in is simply fantastic.
I have qualms with non-fiction books which use jargon and have a narrative voice that gives off "better than thou" energy. So I was happy that this book shared so much professional expertise in an easy to understand way and with a tone that was warming and approachable.
I must say I read the book quickly, wanting to know what happens next.
However, there were so many beautiful and striking quotes, I shall be re-reading it and noting these down with care so I can refer back to these again and again.
I really do recommend this book, in fact I have to the people in my life, passing the book around.
I think in many ways, if you are struggling, you may see yourself reflected in her stories and in her patients' stories and you might just find yourself in a position to change your life.