I think this book has some great stuff in it, which should appeal to the type of person who doesn't automatically buy into the brainwashing efforts of mass advertisers; doesn't see much if any value in mindless conformity (at the huge expense of one's individuality), and so on. To me, Anneli Rufus's book was like taking a trip to an Oxygen Bar after living for far too long as a Lemming in a polluted modern city. I particularly liked what I saw in the chapter on "sanity" (pages 171-185), which she called "New Disorder". The author talks about another author -- MIT psychology professor Steven Pinker -- who wrote a book she liked, called "The Blank Slate".
She says Pinker's book claims "... the five major ways in which human personality can vary are all 'heritable' -- that is, inborn. They include 'openness to experience, conscientiousness, extroversion-introversion, antagonism-agreeableness, and neuroticism". (That quote was from page 176. Other quotes by Anneli Rufus, from pages 177 and 178, will continue below.)
She notes that the man "has had his critics," but then says, "But if Pinker is right, his research indicates what many loners have always suspected: that we were born this way. It is intrinsic and immutable, as preprogrammed as whether we are good at math or languages. It is more us than blood or bone, both of which are replaceable, or hair color and curl, which can be changed. Of trying to reverse what is essential -- trying to talk us out of it or train it out of us, deriding it as bad or ugly or evil or pathological -- only disaster can come. I am not crazy now, but forced to act like a nonloner for an extended period, I might go crazy. Force to deny their orientation, cut off that way from reality, loners could lose their minds. As deep-sea fish die in a shallow tank. They are fine at the bottom of the sea, strange as it might look down there, inhospitable thought it might be to whales and jellyfish and skin divers. As deep-sea fish that is where they have to be. Dead in shallow tanks. In the deep sea, not dead. Loners left alone, sane. Loners manipulated, loners not allowed to be alone, perhaps insane. And we are forced to live in their world, aren't we? Their shallow tank. Made just for them."
"What the mob requires for its sanity is what whittles away relentless at ours. Because nonloners far outnumber us, their prescription for soundness of mind stands as good medicine. Contact! Chat! Cell phones! Spending as few hours alone as possible! To us is it not medicine but a dangerous drug at best -- it numbs, it drains, it blinds, it depresses, it requires extensive recovery. At worst, it is poison. If loners comprised the majority, we would decree our own prescription. Work at home! Turn off the ringer on the phone! Cross the street to avoid someone you know! It's good for you!"
"In which case, if it were that way, we could decree our loner standard for insanity. That talking to others all day is symptomatic of failure to individuate. That it indicates an unhealthy fear of thinking. That being unable to entertain oneself is surefire proof of being sick. There would be new disorders if we were in charge."
Some quotes from page 179: "Not all social phobics are loners by nature. Some wish they could get back into the game. Blaming themselves for the problem, they feel even worse. Another relevant syndrome is avoidance personality disorder, characterized by depression, extreme social anxiety and a feeling of personal inadequacy. Another is schizoid personality disorder -- a syndrome, not to be confused with schizophrenia, whose sufferers are notably withdrawn, experience few emotional extremes either positive or negative, and display a marked lack of feelings for people in general". It goes on to say, "WHEN NATURAL-BORN loners do experience difficulty, psychological professionals face unusual challenges. What would bring this client happiness? Given the dominant paradigm, how is a therapist to advise a patient who actively dislikes being around people, whose peace and happiness depends on not being with people? How difficult is it to tell the client that this is okay?"
Some quotes from pages 73 and 74:
"FOR LONERS, FRIENDS are all the more essential because in many cases they are our sole conduits to the outside world. They are channels, filters, valves, rivers from the outback to the sea. When we find good ones, we pour ourselves into them. Frank Kafka, the Czech author who explored his own experiences as a loner in such works as "The Metamorphosis" -- whose protagonist awakens to discover that he as been transformed into a huge cockroach -- had a best friend in whom he trusted implicitly. Kafka met Max Brod at university, and they remained close throughout Kafka's life; it was Brod who brought Kafka to his parents' home when Kafka was mortally ill. And it was Brod to whom Kafka gave his dying instruction: that all his unpublished manuscripts be burned. Instead, Brod published them. Does this make him a bad friend, or the best friend a writer ever had?"
More quotes: this time from page 19.
"CIVILIZATION WILL GO on whether you attend the block party or not. It will, whether you say hello and talk to anyone today or not. Whether you get married today, or ever, or have kids or not. Its momentum is strong. It will go on."
Additional quotes I really liked: this time, from page 23.
"SUPERMAN is a loner. Tarzan is a loner. Batman, Spider-Man, Davy Crockett, and Xena are loners. Elvis Presley tried to pass himself off as one. The Lone Ranger, Tonto not withstanding, was a loner. In the playground and the classroom and the office, we are mocked and feared. The loner who goes home to feed his iguana when the rest of the Crate & Barrel staff goes out after work for beer is despised, not idolized. Yet on the screen, stage, and page, it is a different story. Here we see heroic loners. Self-reliant, sexy loners. Rebels. Sages. Mages. Stars. The mob worships imaginary loners. Pays to watch them. Wears T-shirts depicted them, adopts loners' catchwords, dresses as them for Halloween. Frat boys love Spider-Man, and so do Girl Scouts. It is make-believe, but in that land of make-believe, we rule. We f**king rule. Now why is that?"
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Top reviews from other countries
WorldWanderer
The Introvert's Gospel
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 10, 2021
Moira Lauren
Excellent book! Party of One by Anneli Rufus
Reviewed in Canada on September 9, 2016Robert G McPherson
A Loner's Street and LIfe Guide!
Reviewed in Canada on June 17, 2017