UGH THIS BOOK. It's so beautiful. And real. And raw. And brutal. And I literally don't know what to do with myself after I finished it and trust me I stalled as much as I can so it doesn't end. I think I need like 10 more post-epilogue chapters because I am so invested in these characters. I need to know that they will be OK 10, 20, 30 years later. Every now and then, there's this one book that just consumes you (coincidentally my last one, that I can recall at least, is a Darhower book too) and this is one of those. I'm going to be rambling on and on in this review but, really, all I wanted to say is that this is a damn beautiful book and you're missing out if you're not giving this a chance.
“I don’t want to keep hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you.”
It's unreal how much emotions this story drew out of me. I've been an emotional wreck all throughout. This is a second chance story at its finest. It's not for the faint of heart but the reward are all those raw emotions that it will draw out of you. It's a wonderful story of redemption, second chances, and the lengths one would or would not do for love.
“You’re the queen. I’m just a commoner.”
Jonathan and Kennedy met during their senior high school days with both being outsiders in their own ways. The connection is immediate, they became great friends and it wasn't long before the two are falling in love. Jonathan is unhappy in New York but he stayed for as long as he could because of Kennedy. After one incident, he decided that he's had enough and he wanted to runaway and pursue his dreams. He asked Kennedy to go with him and she said yes without hesitation. They eventually made it to LA and there the nightmare soon started. I won't go into much detail on what happens but let's just say that they faced the struggles of 90% of new actors who wanted to make it big in LA. Kennedy sacrificed everything while Jonathan pursued his dreams and eventually when Jonathan gave in to the temptation of drugs and booze, it became too much for Kennedy. She has allowed herself to become a secondary character in her own story. It came to a turning point when she became pregnant. And so... she walked away from him. From then on, Jonathan has been asking for a second chance but Kennedy can't give it until he cleans himself up especially now that they have a daughter. About six years later, Jonathan is now at the top of the Hollywood ladder. He's headlining the Breezeo comic book superhero franchise (which is also Kennedy's favorite comic book), he has legions of fans, his life is a tabloid's wet dream and yet he's very unhappy. He's been clean and sober for a year (the longest he's been after multiple rehab attempts) and after an accident where he needed to disappear for a while and recuperate, he decided to take a chance and try again to make amends with Kennedy and hopefully get a chance to be a part of kid's life. The things that happened from this point on will make you smile and cry and root for this family to make it.
“She wrote it like it was meant for me, but I remember things differently. To me, she was the center of the universe, the sunlight that burned so bright, but she writes herself in the shadows, secondary in her own life. Instead, she made me the hero, the center of this alternate universe she invented around her.”
Jonathan is a very complex hero and while I fell in love with him, I'm still not sure if I completely forgave the character (OK I think I did but you know what I mean...). He started out as a young starry eyed dreamer who easily won the heart of our heroine, Kennedy, but the lure of Hollywood fame, drugs, alcohol, and ultimately all his inner demons turned him into a horrible shell of himself. He is a good man and he loved Kennedy with all his heart but his addiction made it impossible for him to be the man that Kennedy deserves. He did a lot of f----d up things. Things that are not easy to forgive. He took all the sacrifice and love of the woman who has believed in him from the beginning for granted. His actions in the chapter "Broken Promises" in particular broke me. It's a testament to Ms. Darhower's prowess that despite everything that Jonathan did, she still made me love the character and in the end, I wanted him to get his redemption and his HEA with Kennedy and Maddie. I think what sold me is how he took accountability for all his screw ups. He made no excuses nor did he try to defend himself (even though he wanted to) because ultimately, he knows that he messed up big time and everything was his fault. He took all the anger and the jabs that Kennedy threw at him because he knows he deserves it. In the present scenes, you can feel his genuine remorse and how he's hurting from seeing all the damage that he has done. I never doubted that even when he was at his worst in the past, he's always loved Kennedy and now in the present, he really wanted to make things right not only with her but also with the daughter that he grew to love above all else.
“You don’t know this, but that woman? Even as she smiles, she’s utterly terrified. Your love is more than enough for her, but she feels pieces of it slipping away. Something inside of her is disintegrating. Her dream. She’s losing it.”
Kennedy is one strong resilient heroine. Good god, this woman. The things she went through. Your heart will break to a million pieces for her. Truthfully, she's too good for Jonathan but the heart wants what it wants, right? What I like most about her is just how real she is. She is not a black and white character. She's not all out strong yet cold but she's not all out weak and emotional either. She's a strong woman who feels things. A woman who, despite all the hurt she's feeling, knows that she loves this broken man and that will never change. She's someone who knows that despite her love for him, she loves their daughter more and she will always come first.
“I’ve loved you since before my eighteenth birthday when we sat on your father’s couch and watched me play dead on television”
Can we talk about Maddie? The precious scene stealing daughter of Kennedy and Jonathan? This kid! UGH I love her. This girl is a ball of sunshine and everything I want in a child character. She is so darn adorable. I want to jump inside the book and hug her. Even if you end up hating this book, you will surely love Maddie. With this and another book of her's (that I won't mention as it sort of counts as a spoiler), I'm now convinced that Ms. Darhower writes the cutest and most adorable child characters ever. I absolutely love their dialogues. The supporting characters are also great in this book. There's at least one that you will love to hate and another (Jack) that will surely make you laugh and maybe shake your head.
“Is that how I made you feel?”
“It is.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It taught me something important.”
“What’s that?”
“Never make someone else the main character in your own story.”
“I wasn’t accusing you of cheating. I just wanted to know how long it took you to move on.”
“Oh, well, that’s an easy one. It hasn’t happened."
I can't end this review without commenting on how great Darhower's writing is. It's like you're living these characters' lives and feeling all their thoughts and emotions - their hurt, their love, their happiness, their regrets. The way she weaves these words is beautiful and poetic. Almost every line can be something worth highlighting. I also thought the way she wrote the past was really clever. Since reading her past book, Menace, I've always wondered if she can replicate the cleverness of how she presented a certain POV there and she's successfully done that here! While reading this book, I feel like I'm reading different yet interconnected stories - the past, the present, and even Breezeo's story.
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Popular Highlights in this book
Your dream has become my nightmare, and I’m begging you to let me wake up.Highlighted by 1,987 Kindle readers- But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from it all, it’s that we have to be our own heroes. No guy in a costume is coming to save us. We have to save ourselves.Highlighted by 1,702 Kindle readers
- You don’t know this, but that woman? Even as she smiles, she’s utterly terrified. Your love is more than enough for her, but she feels pieces of it slipping away.Highlighted by 1,582 Kindle readers
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...she becomes his oasis--
So depressing when a good story comes to an end. You just don't wanna let the characters go. Anyway, I know we're all uniquely made and what floats my boat might sink yours...what sends you soaring might make me say "meh". But boy, this story was remarkable in the manner in which Ms. D writes it. Normally I don't gravitate to stories that go from past to present..back to the past in reflection before coming forward to the present again. They become tedious. But not this time. Not with this story. The past and present begin to converge. I loved how the past was always told in 3rd person from (female character) Kennedy's journal---mostly in Jonathan's voice. She writes about him; his actions, thoughts and life; his success and her devotion to him...while the present was in 1st person, dual POV. I especially loved the slow progression of the story placing both characters firmly in my heart and mind...the slow rebuilding of a fractured and broken relationship trying to mend. It put me in the middle of the story and made the characters come to life in living technicolor. This was a fabulous and warm story of a troubled young man in love, who messes up once too often and loses what is most precious to him---and his struggle to prove himself, to win it all back. But it's so much more.:::MIGHT BE SPOILERS:::Jonathan Cunningham comes from a privileged home. Growing up, he feels invisible, desperate for an audience. He's highly intelligent and misunderstood by his family, peers and teachers. He's the troubled and physically abused son of a politician....he becomes an actor who cuts off all contact with his family and never looks back. Kennedy Garfield is a single mother struggling to makes ends meet working in a grocery store. The story tells how Kennedy and Jonathan meet in HS, their coming together, their break-up years later, and Johathan's acting success while he eventually spirals down with drugs and alcohol before finding his way. It tell's of Kennedy's many loving sacrifices for Jonathan...her college future, her dreams and goals are forgotten. All to see Jonathan's dream come true. All for him. She's the sunshine to his dark. Ms. D conveys so perfectly, how Johathan's career overtook and slowly disintegrated his relationship with Kennedy. The more visible he becomes in Hollywood, the more invisible Kennedy becomes. Where it was the two of them against the world, once he begins to achieve a modicum of success, he loses sight of her and it becomes her...alone...against his newfound world. It becomes her, being lost in his wake until she's left so far behind that she's no longer visible. His dream becomes her nightmare.Ms. Darhower delivers a compelling and commanding story. She conveys the choices actors must sacrifice to attain their fame, and if it's all worth it. Mostly their privacy, but also the pressures...the pull of drugs and alcohol. There's some steamy moments here, but nothing overpowering the plot, or too detailed. The angst, drama and sorrow are perfectly timed. Ms. Darhower so lovingly and slowly goes through the paces of building up a powerful relationship- - then ever so slowly...brick by brick, relates the sad demise with subtle but very real cracks that begin to break down the foundation. A wonderful journey of sacrifice and the wake-up call to the reality of responsibility. Wonderful Ms. Darhower. Take your bows.
Top reviews from other countries
Gabriella Madeline Lee
Lets get one thing straight first, MADDIE WAS THE REAL MVP HERE!!!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 1, 2024