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Toni Bernhard

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How to Be Sick (Second Edition): A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers Kindle Edition

by Toni Bernhard (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

4.5 549 ratings

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A brand-new edition of the best-selling classic with added and updated practices.

In 2001, Toni Bernhard got sick and, to her and her partner’s bewilderment, stayed that way. As they faced the confusion, frustration, and despair of a life with sudden limitations—a life that was vastly different from the one they’d thought they’d have together—Toni had to learn how to be sick. In spite of her many physical and energetic restrictions (and sometimes, because of them), Toni learned how to live a life of equanimity, compassion, and joy. This book reminds us that our own inner freedom is limitless, regardless of our external circumstances.

Updated with new insights and practices hard-won from Toni’s own ongoing life experience, this is a must-read for anyone who is—or who might one day be—sick or in pain.

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Beautiful, heartfelt, and immensely courageous. Truly worth reading." (Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness )

"Full of hopefulness and promise…this book is a perfect blend of inspiration and encouragement. Toni's engaging teaching style shares traditional Buddhist wisdom in a format that is accessible to all readers." (The Huffington Post )

“An invitation to gently set aside the fear and the fight in order to truly live.” (Psychology Today )

"An inspiring work." (Joseph Goldstein, author of A Heart Full of Peace )

“This is a book for all of us.” (Sylvia Boorstein, author of Happiness Is an Inside Job )

“An immensely wise book. Health psychology has been poisoned by the view that the best way to approach illness is through a muscular, militant resistance. Toni Bernhard reveals how letting go, surrendering, and putting the ego aside yield insights and fulfillment even in the presence of illness. A major contribution.” (Larry Dossey, MD, author of The Power of Premonitions and Healing Words )

“Everyone should read this book—anyone who is sick, anyone who loves someone who is sick, and anyone who has ever experienced things being other than they’d hoped they would be. Toni Bernhard open- heartedly shares the deep pain and equally deep joy of her experience in a way that allows us to validate the pain of our own circumstances, and still find joy and contentment within any context.

She offers simple, deeply wise practices that reduce the suffering associated with grasping for things to be other than they are by allowing us to accept and enjoy things exactly as they are, including our own desire for something else. Her willingness to step fully into her life after it’s been dramatically narrowed by illness, and to share this process with us, inspires us each to live our own lives more fully, accepting the challenges that arise, and finding the joys inherent in each moment. Toni’s writing feels like a good friend, helping us cultivate compassion for ourselves and those around us, as we make our way through whatever life presents to us. Her honesty in sharing her struggles and setbacks helps us be kinder to ourselves as we experience our own. I plan to buy a copy for everyone I love.” (Elizabeth Roemer, PHD, co- author of The Mindful Way through Anxiety )

“A profound, compassionate, and intimate guide for living wisely.” (Gil Fronsdal, author of The Dhammapada: A New Translation of a Buddhist Classic )

“When we lose our physical health, it can seem like we’ve lost our life. Toni Bernhard, with unflinching realness and deep insight, shows us how the fires of loss can clear the way for a new and profound capacity for appreciation, love, and understanding. This book can bring you more fully alive by healing your spirit.” (Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance )

“Told with relentless honesty and clarity.” (Stephen Batchelor, author of Confession of a Buddhist Atheist )

“An encouraging book that treats sickness as something to welcome because, when you are sick, that is the obstacle that has to be your gate. This book is full of compassion about how to sit sweetly with your difficulties—which means not making yourself wrong for having difficulties.” (John Tarrant, author of Bring Me the Rhinoceros and Other Zen Koans That Will Save Your Life )

“Toni Bernhard offers a lifeline to those whose lives have been devastated by illness, and shows us all how to transform suffering into peace and even joy.” (Lynn Royster, Director of the Chronic Illness Initiative at DePaul University )

“A roadmap to finding grace and balance amid affliction.” (Christina Feldman, author of Woman Awake )

“Practical, wise, and full of heart.” (James Baraz, author of Awakening Joy )

“This warm and engaging book can help with even the most difficult situation.” (Thomas Bien, PhD, author of Mindful Therapy )

“How to Be Sick is a good friend to keep close by so that illness doesn’t become the enemy.” (Ed & Deb Shapiro, authors of Be the Change )

“Don’t pass up this book—and don’t be misled by the title. This book isn’t about being sick as much as it as about living right now. This practical yet exceedingly graceful book is a love story—about life, the endurance of the human spirit, and the power of a sustaining relationship.” (Alida Brill, author of Dancing at the River’s Edge )

“Living a life of peace and contentment is not difficult when life is cooperating—but what happens when the reality of our lives is suddenly turned upside down and shaken by hardship or affliction? This book is an inspiring and instructive guide for coping with a chronic condition or life- threatening illness but it is much more than that. Each chapter is about unpacking the highest truth in the lowest places of our lives. The book is called How to Be Sick but it’s really about how to live.” (Jim Palmer, author of Divine Nobodies )

“An intimate, gripping, profound, and eminently useful book about being joyfully and wisely alive no matter what happens to you.” (Rick Hanson, PHD, author of Buddha’s Brain )

“Who would have thought that there is a ‘how to’ for being sick? But now there is! Deeply moving and impressive. I highly recommend her book as a must- read for anyone who is ill or caring for someone ill. Her gifts will transform you.” (Lewis Richmond, author of Healing Lazarus )

“A warm and compassionate guide for navigating illness on a personal and practical level, a level physicians rarely see or discuss with their patients. The greatest compliment I could give this book is that I will be recommending it to all of my chronically ill patients as a guide for remaining happy even in the absence of good health.” (Dr. Alex Lickerman, former director of primary care at the University of Chicago )

“A unique and creative adaptation of spiritual practice to the challenges of chronic illness. How to Be Sick is a wise, compassionate book that will help all of us live well.” (Dorothy Wall, author of Encounters with the Invisible )

“Each of us finds our way to live with the challenges and uncertainty of illness. Toni Bernhard found a path that led to balance, wisdom, and love. She caringly points us to the possibility of finding happiness even in the midst of difficult conditions. That is a true gift.” (Frank Ostaseski, Founder of the Metta Institute )

“An eloquent and compelling account. This book is a major achievement.” (Spirituality and Practice )

“Very compelling—great teaching interwoven into the heartful human drama of family, illness, and day-to-day life.” (Shaila Catherine, author of Focussed and Fearless )

“A must-read with a solid dose of hope.” (Lori Hartwell, author of Chronically Happy )

“Readers need not be Buddhist or meditators to benefit from Toni’s wisdom.” (Cheri Register, author of The Chronic Illness Experience )

“You don’t have to be sick to benefit from the advice in this book. This is a book on how to live fully.” (Joy Selak, author of You Don’t LOOK Sick! )

About the Author

Toni Bernhard fell ill on a trip to Paris in 2001 with what doctors initially diagnosed as an acute viral infection. She has not recovered.

In 1982, she’d received a J.D. from the School of Law at the University of California, Davis, and immediately joined the faculty where she stayed until chronic illness forced her to retire. During her twenty-two years on the faculty, she served for six years as dean of students.

In 1992, she began to study and practice Buddhism. Before becoming ill, she attended many meditation retreats and led a meditation group in Davis with her husband.

She lives in Davis with her husband, Tony, and their hound dog, Rusty.

Toni can be found online at www.tonibernhard.com.

Product details

ASIN ‏ : ‎ B07CL5Q4Z4
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Wisdom Publications; Revised, Updated edition (September 25, 2018)
Publication date ‏ : ‎ September 25, 2018
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 4646 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
Print length ‏ : ‎ 239 pages

Best Sellers Rank: #192,507 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #72 in Pain Management (Kindle Store)
- #75 in Meditation (Kindle Store)
- #255 in Pain Management (Books)

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4.5 549 ratings

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Toni Bernhard

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I'm the author of four books. Three are intended to help people find a measure of peace and joy despite the many challenges posed by chronic pain and illness; the third focuses on the Buddha's path to awakening in this very life, even in the most difficult of circumstances. I write in a conversational style, with the intention of helping everyone learn to live with compassion, joy, and purpose. To this end, all of my books include easy-to-learn exercises and practices that come alive through the use of personal stories. I've been a practicing Buddhist for over 25 years. I was also a law professor at the University of California—Davis for 22 years, serving as the dean of students for six years. I live in Davis, California with my husband and our endearing, if goofy, gray lab Scout. I hope you'll visit my website at www.tonibernhard.com.

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Had C. Walmer

Thanks Toni, From Gold Mind Meditation Project

Reviewed in the United States on February 2, 2011

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My very similar to Toni's approach for tbi, head injury:
Head-injury is an invisible disability, not easily seen from the outside like a wheelchair or crutches. However it's still a disability known profoundly from the inside. Gold Mind Meditation Project exists to offer you the possibility of transforming your disability into capability: being present and awake to an abiding wellness, in spite of your injury. I speak from my personal experience. You can cultivate your mind's inherent strengths. You can learn a self-generating long-term practice that will enhance your life, with satisfaction and way more smiles. Really!

Let me share my experience. Returning to college thirty years ago, I was involved in a serious car wreck. I had facial laceration and a skull fracture. I was in a coma, Jaws-of-Life were required to free me from the vehicle. When I came to I had amnesia, diplopia (double-vision), and TBI (traumatic brain injury). In short, I was not who I used to be. My life was forever changed. Since that time I have lived with the challenges of TBI. I know the devastation of this condition from the inside, and wish to share what I've found to be a powerful healing benefit for me, and possibly for you.

This malady has often been misdiagnosed and thus poorly treated. I struggled to complete my degree at the University and to get on with my life, very unsure of what I could be or do. Within a few years I experienced the frustrating failure of the loss of several jobs before learning that this was the result of my TBI. There is light at the end of this tunnel.

In top-of-the line and expensive rehabilitation programs I was taught 'compensatory coping strategies' for the 'cognitive deficits' of my brain injury. These strategies are well-intended rehab but fell short of addressing my inner well being. They didn't work for me; I had to learn the necessary inner transformation for myself. This is cleansing the mind and knowing it's gold.

I discovered Insight Meditation (Vipassana). This simple practice of sitting mindfully helps me be clear-eyed and capable of sustained attention, knowing that as obstacles arise I have the capacity to face them directly from a steady place of clear seeing. This practice is based on the intent to relieve suffering and dissatisfaction, cleansing the mind of illusions, and grounding us in a sense of dignified inner wellness, at peace beyond the physical damage.

With practice you can become aware of the present moment and learn exactly what is
most needed for you. Healing is a possibility. It's been well documented by neurologists, psychologists, and doctors: mindfulness practice leads to positive brain healing (neuroplasticity). I am choosing to live my life intentionally and more skillfully. You can too. This is the start of a new path!

GOLD MIND MEDITATION PROJECT [...]
Had C. Walmer hwalmer@gmail.com

9 people found this helpful

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Kelli Nash

Gentle education and guidance from someone who really understands chronic illness; A must-read!

Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2014

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I've been living with chronic illness my entire life: I was born with a genetic immune deficiency which has worsened with age. Along with the immune deficiency, I have several other auto-immune conditions as well as a chronic pain syndrome. To look at me, you'd never know how sick I am: I look perfectly fine on the outside. People like me are said to have "invisible illnesses." We are often misunderstood by family members, friends, even health professionals (for those of us with rare conditions, like me). Trying to live a full and happy life despite my health challenges is my greatest struggle. It's even more profound now that I'm a mother: I don't want my daughter to see me as a sick person. I want to be the best that I can be for her, and have the most positive outlook possible.

So it was with excitement that I read Toni Bernhard's How to Be Sick. I read an article written by Toni online and loved her writing style and message. I immediately bought her book and I simply devoured it. This book spoke to me and affected me deeply. I am a Christian and was a little leery of the fact that this book is Buddhist-inspired. I didn't know what that meant, really. All I knew about Buddhism is that practitioners meditate. That was it!

Toni gently educates the reader by applying Buddhism's principles to how to live peacefully with chronic illness. The main concept of this book is how to alleviate the mental suffering that accompanies chronic illness. Common examples of mental suffering are: asking why is this happening to me, being envious of healthy people, and being uncertain about the future (when will I relapse, will this treatment work, fear of testing and doctor visits, and fear of being unable to attend family events, etc). These issues are all things I struggle with in my every day life. So, to read a book that teaches me specific ways to address these fears was a true gift.

I loved that Toni gives so many practical examples throughout the book. The examples really drove the points home and made me feel like I could start applying what I learned right away. There is a great section at the end of the book with bullet points of what to do in certain situations. I loved that!

As soon as I finished How to Be Sick, I turned back to page one and got my highlighter ready. Now I'm reading the book a second time and really making a study of this insightful, life-changing guide. I can't say enough good things about this book. If you have anyone in your life who is chronically ill, or a caregiver, I would highly recommend How to Be Sick!

60 people found this helpful

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diksha

Relaxing coping methods

Reviewed in India on April 30, 2019

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This book felt like an actual person with no superpower has written and taught ways that every normal person could follow.

Mrs. McCall

Chronically Ill? Buy this book and read it!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 3, 2013

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Toni Bernhard has Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, as do I. Her book title may seem to those without a chronic illness to be encouraging idleness, but rest assured nothing could be further from the truth. Her book takes you on a journey using her own experiences with her illness and the world in general and gives you a new way of looking at your illness that is not only beneficial, but more importantly workable. Between homoeopathy and this book I can now do things during the day and night that I have not been able to for over 7 years. I do not feel guilty about being ill or saying no to people. It has made me strong through my illness and has allowed me to put forth what I always knew to be true, but that society kept saying was wrong.
Toni's sense of humour brings a breath of fresh air to those of us who are chronically ill, as all too often we feel we should not laugh or have fun because others make us feel that way. Her alternate view is also helpful to carers, spouses and children. My husband, parents and friends no longer try to 'encourage' me to do things after reading this book. Instead they congratulate me on having achieved something - whether that is to write this review or climbing a staircase - they now see how your view on not only illness is important, but also on life in general. Whether you are chronically ill or acutely ill, this book will be helpful.
I believe this is a book which everyone should have as it gives us the nod to treat each other, and ourselves, with respect and a lessening of false expectations brought about by society. It should NOT sit on your bookcase shelf - it should be found randomly on your chair, table, bed or worktop. Just a paragraph once a week makes a huge difference.
Thank you must go to Toni Bernhard for bringing us all this book when she is so ill herself.

10 people found this helpful

Kirste Roche

Beautiful, inspiring, life-altering

Reviewed in Canada on December 2, 2010

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I am currently working as a care aid and in the process of getting into nursing school. I often work on the Multiple Sclerosis unit of the facility I work at bought this book to read in order to expand my understanding of and empathy for chronic illness. I *LOVE* THIS BOOK. It is brilliantly written and beautifully inspiring. I do have some previous knowledge about Buddhism and found that the points in this book spoke so deeply to me and I can tell that even anyone with no knowledge or experience with Buddhism would quite possibly get even more out of it. The author is incredibly eloquent and her words penetrate. The wisdom she has gained through her illness as well as through her Buddhist practice is shared clearly with the reader...you do not have to be a Buddhist to grow immensely from this book, nor do you have to be chronically or acutely ill. What she touches down on in this book can be applied to everyday life, for the mentally- and physically-well just as much as chronic sufferers. Buy this book. I guarantee every person will gain something from it.

15 people found this helpful

Amazonカスタマー

病臥生活に活かすブッダの教え

Reviewed in Japan on December 31, 2015

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この本には、長く病床にある著者が、ブッダの教えを実践して、
心の平安を得る過程を、率直に書いてあります。
もちろん ups and downs の道のりですが。

僧侶が病者にブッダの教えを説くのではなく、著者自身が病者でありながら、
ブッダの教えを生活の中心に据えていることを知り、
ほんとうにすごい人がいるものだと、感じ入りました。

著者が闘病生活で遭遇する苦しみに対して、
どのように内省し仏教の教えを身をもって学んだか、
ということは、闘病者に限らず、介護する人をはじめ、
誰にでも参考になる内容だと思います。

なお、巻末に、読者への指針をまとめてあったり、著者が参考にした本や、
索引までつけられていて、読み返すときに役立ちます。

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Debaili

western medicine with buddhist nuances

Reviewed in Germany on December 26, 2023

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The author is fixated on western medicine approaches for something western medicine has no answers for, She seems not be be desperate enough to explore therapies that do help, because they might not be „scientifically“proven. In fact she lives two premises, western medicine tells her there is nothing wrong with her, meaning they can‘t find anything wrong, yet she insists to see x numbers of the so called specialists…why doesn‘t she then follow their advice and drinks coffee? (and I can’t get rid of the sense how special and unique that makes her feel, all those specialists that see her) and puts down any exploration of alternative medicine. I don‘t know how this goes along with Buddhism. I just think, when she is desperate enough and has no benefits from her illness, she would be willing to eat grass, if someone in a similar situation would suggest that‘s what helped them.

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