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Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself Kindle Edition
End the struggle, speak up for what you need, and experience the freedom of being truly yourself.
Healthy boundaries. We all know we should have them--in order to achieve work/life balance, cope with toxic people, and enjoy rewarding relationships with partners, friends, and family. But what do "healthy boundaries" really mean--and how can we successfully express our needs, say "no," and be assertive without offending others?
Licensed counselor, sought-after relationship expert, and one of the most influential therapists on Instagram Nedra Glover Tawwab demystifies this complex topic for today's world. In a relatable and inclusive tone, Set Boundaries, Find Peace presents simple-yet-powerful ways to establish healthy boundaries in all aspects of life. Rooted in the latest research and best practices used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), these techniques help us identify and express our needs clearly and without apology--and unravel a root problem behind codependency, power struggles, anxiety, depression, burnout, and more.
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherTarcherPerigee
- Publication dateMarch 16, 2021
- File size1797 KB
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From the Publisher
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Editorial Reviews
Review
--Melissa Urban, co-founder and CEO of Whole30
“This is the boundary bible. Nedra teaches us not only how to set healthy boundaries but to be clear about our feelings and intentions. Finding peace requires showing up—Nedra has written the blueprint on how to not only show up but also do the work.”
—Alexandra Elle, author of After the Rain
“If you want the most comprehensive, relevant, and relatable guide to setting boundaries, speaking your needs, and living a more peaceful life, Nedra Tawwab’s book on boundaries is for you.”
—Sheleana Aiyana, author and founder of Rising Woman
“The book on boundaries we've all been waiting for! Nedra Tawwab offers clarity and direction with grace and compassion on a topic often discussed but rarely integrated. If you're ready to live in alignment and shift your relationship with self and others, Set Boundaries, Find Peace is your next must read.”
—Vienna Pharaon, LMFT, founder of Mindful Marriage & Family Therapy
“Without healthy boundaries, we aren’t able to fully live the life we want to live. This empowering book provides a powerful road map for establishing expectations and personal limits so that you can live your life with the safety, respect, and self-actualization that you deserve.”
—Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD, host of The Psychology Podcast and author of Transcend
“Set Boundaries, Find Peace is a down-to-earth and practical guide on fully realizing your potential and giving yourself the freedom you deserve by clearly setting healthy boundaries in your personal and professional life, friendships, and relationships. Eye-opening and thoroughly engaging.”
—Myleik Teele, CURLBOX founder
"Tawwab debuts with a comprehensive guide on how to understand and establish interpersonal boundaries....She identifies six types of boundaries—physical, sexual, intellectual, emotional, material, and time—and dispenses tips on how to uphold personal limits....Readers who follow Tawwab on social media and those who find setting boundaries especially difficult will appreciate the advice."
–Publishers Weekly
About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
1
What the Heck Are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships.
"I feel overwhelmed," Kim said, burying her head in her hands. She had started seeing me two weeks after she had returned from her honeymoon. Newly married and excelling in her career, Kim prided herself on being the best at everything she did, but her worries about getting it all done had become all-consuming. She was depleted and dreaded getting out of bed in the morning. She not only was determined to be the best for herself, but she also always showed up as the "best" for others: the best friend, best daughter, best sister, best coworker. Now she wanted to be the best wife. And someday, the best mother. Being the best for Kim meant always saying yes. Saying no was mean. Saying no was selfish. She came to me hoping to figure out how to do more without feeling so exhausted.
On my couch, Kim went down the list of things she had agreed to do for other people in the coming week. She insisted that her friend needed her help to move. Her coworker would not be able to manage his project without her assistance. Kim was eager for solutions. She was trying to create more time to do all the things she'd signed up for.
As she rattled off everything she was trying to figure out, I asked her to pause. I gently pointed out that it was impossible to create more time. She looked a bit stunned at first. "Don't worry," I said. "I can help you lighten your load instead." From the look on her face, it seemed as though this approach had never occurred to her. I wasn't surprised. I meet so many people-especially women-who give and give so much, only to feel exhausted and even depressed as a result. This is why we live in a culture of burnout.
To start, I encouraged Kim to make a list of everything she needed to do at work and home that week. She already had her week completely mapped out (of course she did). She sketched a schedule for completing each task. She quickly saw that there was simply not enough time to do all the things she had planned.
I asked her, "What do you really have to do, and what can you delegate? Do you think your friend might be able to find someone else to help them move?" She mulled it over and said yes, but insisted that she wanted to help. At that moment, I could see that Kim had an issue with setting boundaries around how much and how often she's willing to help others and that this was contributing to her anxiety. She meant well, right? All she wanted to do was help people! But her level of willingness to help was impossible to sustain. She desperately needed to do less. When I mentioned delegating, Kim dismissed the idea immediately. She knew only one way to help others, and that was to say yes to doing it herself.
Kim's refusal to say no had led her to my office and was the root of her worry, stress, and crippling anxiety. According to studies, anxiety is rising. Complicated relationships are among the leading causes of increasing rates of anxiety, and anxiety and depression are the two most common reasons people pursue therapy. Just like Kim, people enter therapy when anxiety is starting to impact their daily life.
I worked with Kim to unpack her need to be present for everyone. I helped her see that saying no would give her the time she was seeking. Saying no would give her the freedom to settle into her role as a wife. Saying no would reduce her worry so that she could get out of bed and face the day without immediately feeling overwhelmed.
My Definition of "Boundaries"
Boundaries are expectations and needs that help you feel safe and comfortable in your relationships. Expectations in relationships help you stay mentally and emotionally well. Learning when to say no and when to say yes is also an essential part of feeling comfortable when interacting with others.
Signs That You Need Healthier Boundaries
Kim's ability to function was impacted by her constantly replaying her thoughts, planning, worrying about having enough time, and dreading getting started. In short, she was stressed out.
Mental health issues such as anxiety can be prompted by our neurological response to stress. When we are stressed, our brain has difficulty shutting down. Our sleep is affected. Dread sets in. As a therapist, I observe poor self-care, feelings of being overwhelmed, resentment, avoidance, and other mental health issues as common presentations of boundary issues.
Neglecting Self-Care
We've all heard the analogy from airplane-safety language: "Put on your oxygen mask first before helping others." Simple, right? Nope. Neglecting self-care is the first thing to happen when we get caught up in our desire to help others.
I can't tell you how many people show up in my office lamenting, "I don't have time to do anything for myself." After a quick evaluation, it becomes apparent that these people are not making any time for themselves. In fact, it often seems like they've forgotten how to take care of themselves. They can't manage to carve out time to eat a healthy meal or find five minutes to meditate, but they spend hours volunteering at their kids' school every week. This type of imbalance is an immediate sign of boundary issues.
Self-care is more than taking a spa day, and it isn't selfish. Saying no to helping is an act of self-care. Paying attention to your needs is self-care. And like putting on the oxygen mask, you'll have more energy for others if you apply it to yourself first. If you think about it, the root of self-care is setting boundaries: it's saying no to something in order to say yes to your own emotional, physical, and mental well-being.
The root of self-care
is setting boundaries.
Overwhelmed
Kim sought therapy because she was feeling chronically overwhelmed. This is one of the most common manifestations of boundary issues. Overwhelmed people have more to do than the time required for their tasks. They are drowning in thoughts about squeezing more into an already packed schedule. This type of busyness is endemic in our culture. Everyone is striving to do more and more. Time is an afterthought. But our well-being is the price. Understanding boundaries is a proactive way to gauge what is truly manageable, and it also allows you to give 100 percent to the task at hand without that nagging sense of feeling overwhelmed all the time.
Resentment
Feeling taken advantage of, frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and bitter is the result of the resentment we feel when we don't set limits. Being resentful impacts the way we deal with people. It doesn't allow us to be our best selves in our relationships. It breeds conflict. It makes us paranoid. It puts up a wall. Long-term resentment affects how we perceive the intentions of others. When we're resentful, we do things out of obligation to others instead of for the joy of helping. Resentment can be palpable.
If a client comes in and says, "I have to take care of my mother, and I feel angry about it," I can immediately pick up on the irritation and resentment. Exploring why they perceive pressure and obligation to provide this care allows me to challenge my client's belief. Yes, they want their mother to be taken care of, but they don't have to be the only person providing that care. Implementing boundaries-through asking for support from other family members and delegating-can help alleviate stress.
Remember the signs that you need boundaries:
You feel overwhelmed.
You feel resentful toward people for asking for your help.
You avoid phone calls and interactions with people who might ask for something.
You make comments about helping people and getting nothing in return.
You feel burned out.
You frequently daydream about dropping everything and disappearing.
You have no time for yourself.
Avoidance
Disappearing, ignoring, or cutting people off is avoidance. Not responding to a request, delaying setting the record straight, or failing to show up are ways that we avoid situations instead of dealing with them proactively. But prolonging issues by avoiding them means the same issues will reappear over and over again, following us from relationship to relationship.
Avoidance is a passive-aggressive way of expressing that you are tired of showing up. Hoping the problem will go away feels like the safest option, but avoidance is a fear-based response. Avoiding a discussion of our expectations doesn't prevent conflict. It prolongs the inevitable task of setting boundaries.
Thoughts of fleeing-"I wish I could drop everything and run away"-are a sign of extreme avoidance. Fantasies of spending your days alone, ignoring calls, or hiding means you are seeking avoidance as the ultimate answer. But creating boundaries is the only real-life solution.
Learning to be assertive about your limitations with others will help you eliminate these symptoms and manage bouts of depression and anxiety. A lack of understanding about boundaries breeds unhealthy habits. So let's break it down.
Understanding Boundaries
Creating healthy boundaries leads to feeling safe, loved, calm, and respected. They are an indication of how you allow people to show up for you and how you show up for others. But it doesn't stop there.
The Meaning of Boundaries
They are a safeguard to overextending yourself.
They are a self-care practice.
They define roles in relationships.
They communicate acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in relationships.
They are parameters for knowing what to expect in relationships.
They are a way that you ask people to show up by upholding your needs.
They are a way to communicate your needs to others.
They are a way to create healthy relationships.
They are a way to create clarity.
They are a way to feel safe.
A boundary is a cue to others about how to treat you. It can be explicit, such as saying "I'm about to share something that I'd like you to keep between just the two of us." Or implicit, such as having a basket for shoes and socks right by the front door for guests. As you set your own limits, it's important to remain aware of the boundaries people are trying to communicate to you as well.
Our family histories and personalities determine how we implement and accept boundaries. If your family operates on unspoken limits or regularly ignores limits, you will probably grow up lacking the communication skills necessary to be assertive about your needs. For instance, adult children of alcoholics can have a difficult time setting limits. Parents with addiction issues often send the message that a child's boundaries are not more significant than the parent's addiction. So these children grow up struggling to understand and define limits. If your family of origin communicates and respects healthy limits, you are likely more comfortable defining them in any scenario.
Personality determines our comfort level with respecting and rejecting boundaries. People with anxious tendencies are more prone to overreact when challenged. Emotional regulation is a common issue, as these people are unable to react appropriately given the situation. People who exhibit strong signs of being disagreeable, such as always having to be right, arguing over small details, or struggling to accept differences in others, are more likely to push back against boundaries. Openness (receptiveness to change) and consciousness (willingness to learn and grow) are personality traits of people who are more likely to respect limitations.
Boundaries are essential at all ages. They change in relationships, just as the people in relationships change. Transitions such as getting married, going away to college, or starting a family often require new ones.
There are actually three levels of boundaries. See if any of these sound familiar to you.
Porous
Porous boundaries are weak or poorly expressed and are unintentionally harmful. They lead to feeling depleted, overextending yourself, depression, anxiety, and unhealthy relationship dynamics. Kim from the opening story is an example of how porous boundaries can manifest and damage well-being.
Porous boundaries look like
Oversharing
Codependency
Enmeshment (lacking emotional separation between you and another person)
Inability to say no
People-pleasing
Dependency on feedback from others
Paralyzing fear of being rejected
Accepting mistreatment
Examples of porous boundary setting:
Saying yes to things you don't want to do
Loaning money to people because you feel obligated or when you don't have the funds to do so
Rigid
At the other extreme, rigid boundaries involve building walls to keep others out as a way to keep yourself safe. But staying safe by locking yourself in is unhealthy and leads to a whole other set of problems. Whereas porous boundaries lead to unhealthy closeness (enmeshment), rigid ones are a self-protective mechanism meant to build distance. This typically comes from a fear of vulnerability or a history of being taken advantage of. People with rigid boundaries do not allow exceptions to their stringent rules even when it would be healthy for them to do so. If a person with rigid boundaries says, "I never loan money to people," they never stray from that, even if a friend who isn't the type to borrow money is in a crisis.
Rigid boundaries look like
Never sharing
Building walls
Avoiding vulnerability
Cutting people out
Having high expectations of others
Enforcing strict rules
Examples of rigid boundary setting:
Saying no harshly as a way to discourage people from asking you in the future
Having a rule that you never watch your sister's kids
Healthy
Healthy boundaries are possible when your past doesn't show up in your present interactions. They require an awareness of your emotional, mental, and physical capacities, combined with clear communication.
Healthy boundaries look like
Being clear about your values
Listening to your own opinion
Sharing with others appropriately
Having a healthy vulnerability with people who've earned your trust
Being comfortable saying no
Being comfortable hearing no without taking it personally
Examples of healthy boundary setting:
Saying no without apologizing because it's the healthiest choice for you at that moment
Supporting people financially, when appropriate, and when you can do so without causing financial harm to yourself
Two Parts to Setting Boundaries
It's true that setting boundaries isn't easy. Paralyzing fear about how someone might respond can easily hold us back. You might play out awkward interactions in your mind and prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome. But trust me: short-term discomfort for a long-term healthy relationship is worth it every time!
Whenever you identify a boundary you'd like to set, remember that there are two steps to the process: communication and action.
Communication
Verbally communicating your needs is step one. People cannot accurately assume your boundaries based on your body language or unspoken expectations. When you explicitly state what you expect, there is little room for others to misinterpret what works for you. Assertive statements are the most effective way to do this.
Product details
- ASIN : B08LMSS439
- Publisher : TarcherPerigee (March 16, 2021)
- Publication date : March 16, 2021
- Language : English
- File size : 1797 KB
- Text-to-Speech : Enabled
- Screen Reader : Supported
- Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
- X-Ray : Enabled
- Word Wise : Enabled
- Print length : 303 pages
- Best Sellers Rank: #19,746 in Kindle Store (See Top 100 in Kindle Store)
- #2 in Codependency (Kindle Store)
- #20 in Dysfunctional Families (Books)
- #21 in Self-Esteem Self-Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Nedra Glover Tawwab, MSW, LCSW, is the author of bestsellers Drama Free and Set Boundaries, Find Peace, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. Nedra has appeared on Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, The Breakfast Club, and many other media outlets. She hosts the podcast You Need to Hear This, and shares practices and reflections for mental health on her popular Instagram account. Nedra currently resides in Charlotte, North Carolina with her family.
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book helpful and empowering, providing insight into setting healthy boundaries. They describe it as an easy read with simple language and straightforward strategies. The content is relatable and provides practical advice for setting effective boundaries. Readers appreciate the real-world examples and guiding questions that encourage reflection and self-reflection. Overall, the book helps readers understand and set healthy boundaries.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book helpful and empowering. They say it helps them reprogram their minds and be assertive. The advice is clear and relatable for everyone. Readers mention that the book teaches them about having boundaries in life and helped turn a toxic relationship into a life-giving one.
"...Hard back, good size font, 266 pages, an index, and notes. Has been helpful with helping me set boundaries. Written by a licensed therapist...." Read more
"...She also gives you the exact words to use when setting a certain boundary, and she doesn't leave anything to ambiguity...." Read more
"...This book totally helped me with a relationship that went from toxic to life-giving...." Read more
"Very good book, very helpful, easy to understand, well written" Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and understand. They say it's a great book for any season of life, simple to incorporate, and worth purchasing.
"...Written by a licensed therapist. Great read!" Read more
"What a fantastic book with excellent information on setting boundaries...." Read more
"Very good book, very helpful, easy to understand, well written" Read more
"Very nice. Apply what you read the best you can and be realistic." Read more
Customers find the book easy to read and understand. They appreciate the simple content, clear explanations, and straightforward language. The book is well-written and includes exercises at the end of each chapter. Readers mention the writing holds transformative information that can help repair old relationships.
"This book has a preface and introduction. Hard back, good size font, 266 pages, an index, and notes. Has been helpful with helping me set boundaries...." Read more
"...to me than all the other books I've read on boundaries, is that it is so clear and direct - which is exactly what Nedra explains you have to be when..." Read more
"Very good book, very helpful, easy to understand, well written" Read more
"...Easy to read, practical and easy to apply to life. Buy this if you spend your life mad at other people. Or blaming...." Read more
Customers find this book helpful for establishing healthy boundaries. It provides clear explanations of others' reactions to boundary setting and strategies to address them. They appreciate that it acknowledges that setting boundaries can come with guilt and advocating for yourself. The book offers specific actions to begin practicing healthy boundaries and real outcomes from individuals. It is described as the best boundaries book they have ever read, breaking down boundaries into smaller doses and helping reduce anxiety about setting them. Readers also mention that the book provides scenarios of boundaries being crossed and what to do when they are violated.
"...Has been helpful with helping me set boundaries. Written by a licensed therapist. Great read!" Read more
"What a fantastic book with excellent information on setting boundaries...." Read more
"...It clarified others reactions to boundary setting and provides strategies to address those reactions." Read more
"...A journey that everyone should dive in. Learn to Set boundaries!" Read more
Customers find the book provides relatable scenarios and helpful tips. They appreciate the practical approach and actionable exercises at the end of each chapter. The book offers real-world examples and ideas, rather than psychology-speak.
"...Not only does she include examples of real life scenarios where certain boundaries are necessary, she tells you precisely how to go about setting..." Read more
"Very nice. Apply what you read the best you can and be realistic." Read more
"...It serves as a conversation starter, a source of comfort, and a beacon of hope for those struggling to find their voice...." Read more
"...While incredibly empowering and there were examples peppered throughout, I do wish there were more communication scripts or templates for folks who..." Read more
Customers find the book helpful for self-reflection. They say it helps them understand themselves and others better through guiding questions and exercises. The book encourages reflection and healing, with exercises that challenge them to connect with themselves. It empowers individuals to cultivate more fulfilling relationships, reduce stress, and foster a grateful mindset.
"...organized is very clean and simple, and the exercises really challenge you to connect with yourself, and get to the heart of the matter you're..." Read more
"...It helps you look at yourself and boundaries in a new way." Read more
"...It's a journey through the pages that encourages reflection and healing...." Read more
"...There is also a great self assessment quiz at the end to help identify how well you are in setting boundaries for yourself." Read more
Customers find the book helpful for setting clear boundaries in various relationships. They say it provides practical tools for communicating and upholding boundaries. Readers mention the book helps them navigate better boundary setting with family, work, and spouses. The book covers a variety of relationships, including romantic ones.
"...It touches on boundaries within family, at work, in intimate relationships, etc." Read more
"...saying 'no' – it's about understanding your worth and communicating your needs effectively...." Read more
"...Boundaries keep you safe. Boundaries keep the energy vampires away. Personal boundaries keep those with ill-intent out where they belong...." Read more
"...Aptly titled, this book explores how setting boundaries in your various relationships can really increase your sense of peace...." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's value for money. They find it a great purchase and an investment in their well-being. The book provides valuable knowledge and offers insights.
"...It's definitely worth the money if this is something you struggle with...." Read more
"...It is worth every penny! Buy it! Don’t think on it! Find that PEACE you’ve been searching for!" Read more
"...I purchased 4 more after I reas this book as a gift for my friends. Great pricing especially for the hard cover copies." Read more
"...Its so rewarding and absolutely worth it...." Read more
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- Reviewed in the United States on January 11, 2025This book has a preface and introduction. Hard back, good size font, 266 pages, an index, and notes. Has been helpful with helping me set boundaries. Written by a licensed therapist. Great read!
This book has a preface and introduction. Hard back, good size font, 266 pages, an index, and notes. Has been helpful with helping me set boundaries. Written by a licensed therapist. Great read!
Images in this review - Reviewed in the United States on March 16, 2021Disclaimer: I received an advance copy of this book as part of the launch team, but I was not required to write a positive review. My thoughts are my own.
I wish I had the words to adequately express how much this book has helped me in my journey towards finding true peace and empowerment within myself.
I grew up in a very enmeshed family where boundaries were completely non-existent. My impulse to do whatever I could to please everyone, and to try to be everything to everyone, was ingrained in me since birth. I gave pieces of myself away every day, and as I got older, I realized that I was empty. I had nothing left to give; but somehow, I just kept on giving.
Around eighteen years old, I had an epiphany when I learned what 'codependency' and 'boundaries' were. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I needed boundaries in my life. This was terrifying to me, because even just the thought of saying 'no' to people would leave me with feelings of excruciating guilt and anxiety. I imagined it would be unbearable.
I started to collect every book I could find on the subject of codependency and boundaries; and although I learned many new and enlightening things about these subjects, I still kept reverting back to old patterns. I had an understanding of codependency, and I knew I needed to start setting boundaries, but I still couldn't figure out how to do it.
Last year, I discovered Nedra on Instagram. Every one of her posts were so on point. It was like, all this time, the lightbulb was dangling over my head, but her words finally switched it ON. I was ecstatic when I learned she was writing a book. I thought, "Well, if her book is anything like these posts, that is what I need!". I signed up to be a part of the book's launch team, and that was one of the best decisions I've made for myself in a very long time.
The reason 'Set Boundaries, Find Peace' has been so much more helpful to me than all the other books I've read on boundaries, is that it is so clear and direct - which is exactly what Nedra explains you have to be when setting boundaries. The way the chapters are organized is very clean and simple, and the exercises really challenge you to connect with yourself, and get to the heart of the matter you're trying to work through. She emphasizes pushing through the feelings of guilt, and explains so concisely how guilt can trick us into believing we're doing something wrong simply by saying 'no', or asking for help.
On page 252, she says, "Remember: there is no such thing as guilt-free boundary setting. If you want to minimize (not eliminate) guilt, change the way you think about the process. Stop thinking about boundaries as mean or wrong; start to believe they're a nonnegotiable part of healthy relationships, as well as a self-care and wellness practice."
She also gives you the exact words to use when setting a certain boundary, and she doesn't leave anything to ambiguity. Not only does she include examples of real life scenarios where certain boundaries are necessary, she tells you precisely how to go about setting these boundaries in your own life. This is what every other book I'd read before was lacking. This is where the other books fell short. Nedra doesn't just give you the tools; she tells you, clearly and directly, how to use them.
I am so grateful that I got to be a part of this book's launch team, and even though I wish this book existed years ago, I am so grateful that it exists in the world now.
Give yourself one of the greatest gifts you ever could, and read this book. While I was reading it, there were times I had to put it down for a couple of days and really face some hard truths, but this is how we grow; this is how we ultimately find peace. We push through the tough stuff, and come out on the other side feeling more empowered than we ever thought possible; and this book will guide you through it, every step of the way.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 10, 2024What a fantastic book with excellent information on setting boundaries. This book totally helped me with a relationship that went from toxic to life-giving. I used the companion workbook, did the hard and necessary work, and voila! Our desired outcomes aren’t always guaranteed (because people), but inner peace can be achieved by doing our own inner work. I think this should be mandatory reading for high schoolers as they venture into adulthood.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 12, 2024Very good book, very helpful, easy to understand, well written
- Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2024Very nice. Apply what you read the best you can and be realistic.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 14, 2025NEDRA YOU DID YOUR THING!! This is an amazing book. I was in a really dark place in 2023-2024 & this book saved my life. I am blessed to have discovered it when I did, there is no telling where I'd be if I have not. I swear by this book. I have learned so much about myself and my relationships with friends, family, partners, coworkers, etc. This is one of those books that you can read over and over again when you are going through something or experiencing someone in a way that troubles you. I recommend this book to all of my friends and family and my followers on all of my social media platforms. Thank you Nedra Glover.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 27, 2024This book helped me rediscover myself by understanding that my boundaries help define who I am. It clarified others reactions to boundary setting and provides strategies to address those reactions.
- Reviewed in the United States on January 20, 2025Great for anyone wanting to change their life due to boundary issues.
Easy to read, practical and easy to apply to life.
Buy this if you spend your life mad at other people. Or blaming.
Thank you so much for this book.it is life changing.
Top reviews from other countries
- Alice S.Reviewed in Brazil on March 17, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Deep reflections
The book is really sensible and gentle, while provoking deep reflections upon our own behavior and how to reach healthier responsives to situations and others.
- CarolineReviewed in Canada on March 6, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a game changer
As someone with 'porous boundaries' this book is excellent. Each chapter starts with a case study followed by clear, straightforward explanations and examples. Very easy to read but an awful lot of information to take in too. She suggests taking breaks to process and I would agree. It's a lot, especially if you are revealing and breaking unhelpful habits of a lifetime. The exercises at the end of each chapter are useful in honing your skills. I have, however, bought the workbook too as I need lots of practice! I wish I'd had this book years ago!
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MercedesReviewed in Mexico on October 3, 2023
5.0 out of 5 stars Bueno
Buena guia práctica… da buenos ejemplos y plantea ejercicios prácticos para que no sólo quede en teoria
- Yen LiuReviewed in the United Kingdom on November 25, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Changed my perspective
The author lays out the points in straightforward terms, and leaves very little wiggle room. There are concrete sentences and examples that are extremely, EXTREMELY helpful. It really should have been that simple all along. Reading this made me realise just how much more peace and freedom I could have had my whole life. It also gives practical guides for how to actually set the boundaries. I think we commonly take in words from other people's mouths just so readily, not realising that words not just only mean something, but DO things to our soul as well. But so very often people who struggle with boundaries treat utterances as "equal" and respond to them without verifying if we need to respond in the first place. It's not just about saying No or total rejection. It's about all the follow-ups and enacting the intention behind the "no" as well. In other words, this book is very nuanced, and not some simplistic BS about "rejecting toxic people" "just say no", etc. Tawwab goes through why it matters and how to really make it a principle. A transformative read that should be taught in high school!
- K ManishaReviewed in India on October 7, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Must ready book
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